Chapter 31
AN: Hey my awesome readers! Another chapter to bring you giggles and smiles. Now, a few things. First, with college coming up my updates will slow- no, I won't abandon any of my stories, its just college is important. However, seeing as I have mostly late morning classes, I will be able to type in the mornings and continue on a weekle/bi-weekly basis. Second, my plans for ANBU's mascot is to finish up when the Konoha twelve finish the Academy as Naruto won't be the silly kid anymore- but, I will consider continuing it on past that point. Third, my main priority is Academy to ANBU, because more of you seem to like that one. As such, for a while that one will be the focus.
Finally, I want to begin another fan fic soon (like, October or November- maybe even December. I'll just write the chapters before hand in my spare time and hopefully have it half way done by its debut). If this interests you guys there's a few choices:
Naruto doesn't pull his prank on Kakashi, setting up a change of events for the better (inspired both by a reviewer that talked it out with me over PM and ATA's Kakashi attempting to make Naruto his mini-me) ending up with Naruto becoming what Lee is to Guy…just less…youthful.
The Warring Kitsune- sequel to my first fic, but that one went down the drain lol so I doubt y'all want a sequel but still.
After Danzo's death, he finds himself awakening in a certain six year old blond boy's apartment with a note from God saying "make him better and don't become a douche this time". Well, Danzo always liked a challenged, if only his new roommate wasn't so damn loud in the mornings.
After being kidnapped at five and escaping- meeting Kurama in the process- Naruto stays away and decides to live his own life away from the lonely village life of a Jinchuuriki. Seven years later he runs across a Suna ninja with a screaming sack. Investigating he discovers Konohamaru Sarutobi, and must decide: does he take the kid of his former grandfather figure with him while avoiding Konoha, or return the brat to the village he abandoned and risk discovery?
When Sai and Naruto are given the S-rank mission to head back to the start of Naruto's genin career to fix the broken future, they over shoot and become five instead of twelve. (I love time travel fics but hate when they're abandoned/the characters are too scared to change things. So, I refuse to do either- the fic would be finished and it wouldn't be a complete plot rewrite where the only difference is Naruto is stronger and wiser. Other wise, why did they go back?) Now they must navigate life as chibis, surrounded by friends who haven't met them and enemies all too powerful.
Finally, Tenzo didn't expect to be needed for Konoha's Jinchuuriki until the kid reached chunin and began tapping into his tenant's chakra- but a six year old Naruto has different plans when he pranks the sixteen year old Mokuten user's apartment, eliciting a strange turn of events for the two.
So, PM me with your pick/picks. By October ANBU's Mascot should be complete or close to it (plan on about fifty to fifty five chapters but we'll see…I might make a part two of Mascot where they're still crazy but as teen agers.) and ATA will be done with the chunin exams by then so starting another fic will be fine. I was just going to pick one but decided to hear y'all's input!
Sarutobi's office…
"Shit, shit, shit" Pein chanted to himself. "Why does the universe HATE me?! Is this payback for wanting to revive the Juubi? Or the time I called Konan fat? Why me?!" Currently Kitsune was hanging on his back squealing.
"We're family! Jiji please oh please can I be his tour guide?" Naruto begged.
"I-I'm awfully" Pein tried.
"Glad that you're willing to show him around, Kitsune" Sarutobi interjected with a placating smile before turning towards his fellow leader. "Just please don't spread that part of Kitsune's identity- it is an S-class secret after all." Pein gulped; his village depended on gaining allies with Konoha and the other shinobi villages. He'd have to play along and not anger the 'God of Shinobi'.
"Very well, Hiruzen-dono. I'd be…delighted" to stab my relative "For Kitsune to show me around. After all, family is family" maybe I could pull an Itachi?
"Excellent! Have fun you two" Sarutobi waved and Naruto dragged his cousin out the office door. As soon as the pair was out of ear shot the office filled with both on duty and off duty ANBU. Even Ibiki and the commander were there with popcorn.
"Hehe, it's been too long since we've seen the mascot on one of his outings" Boar sniggered. He'd spent the month with Naruto but nothing beat watching the kid in his natural environment.
"Hmmm, yes, my little brother is sure to drive Amekage-sama insane." Kakashi said from behind a book though his eye was glued to the orb.
"My apprentice is most amusing" Dragon complimented. Ibiki snorted.
"You mean my future apprentice- I haven't given up on the maggot yet!" Dragon just turned away.
"I'm sure." He replied dryly.
"I'm *cough* wondering what Kitsune will do next?" Hayate wondered aloud while sitting next to his girl friend Yugao who just prayed he'd stay away from her apartment.
"My fellow Dangoite will show the world the true meaning of freedom through Dango" Anko declared proudly as she gobbled down her fifth stick. Most sweat dropped at the woman's conviction over a food.
With Naruto and Pein…
"We are not eating Dango for lunch!" Pein insisted, unaware the two were on a busy street. Civilians all around paused to watch the notorious tiny ANBU and the rumored leader of Ame engage in a verbal spar.
"But Dango is"
"Commoners' food. You must learn that Ramen is God's gift to mortals!"
"Hah! Dango is God's gift to mortals- we must partake in it to cleanse ourselves of evil" Naruto cried back and stood on his tip toes while puffing out his chest in an attempt to look convincing.
Office…
Everyone burst out laughing at the picture of Naruto trying to look larger while defending his new favorite food. Anko cheered.
"Go gaki! Time to show that bastard whose boss"
"I wish he'd stop making a scene in the street" Flamingo groaned.
"Oh lay off it, Flamingo; it livens the village up" Boar snaps at his kohai. Hiashi-sama had informed Flaming that he had to strive to be the next commander as the village couldn't survive if Kitsune ascertained the position. While Flamingo agreed, even with Kitsune's behavior the entire forces- even he himself to be honest- loved the brat. It appeared Konoha had only a few years left before utter chaos. And if Konohamaru made Hokage…Flamingo shuddered to imagine what the village would be like then.
"Shit- code RAMEN!" One ANBU cried in panic breaking the light mood.
Back with Naruto and Pein, moments before…
"First you steal my dreams, convert my men to your cult, taunt me during my vacation, and now you forsake our ancestors by claiming DANGO is 'God's gift to mortals? Fool! RAMEN is the divine dish."
"You eat foxes" Naruto pointed an accusatory finger at the man. Pein furrowed his brow.
"No! I eat RAMEN- an ancient tradition of our clan. Legends speak of the sage himself gifting us with the heavenly dish"
Inside the seal Kurama banged his head on the bars.
First my container is crazy and still believes I'm a rabbit. Now ANOTHER Uzumaki believes that stupid lie that my father introduced the heathen dish. I must stop the gaki from tasting any ramen- I can't take another generation of drowning in that disgusting dish.
"Hokage-jiji says ramen is made with fox meat- you monster" Naruto claimed. Pein blinked. He then let his mouth hang open.
And he laughed. He laughed like nothing before, as the Rinnegan user was in hysterics. Pein wasn't sure how his relative managed to take down his group while being such a dimwitted and trusting child, but he had a sense he didn't want to know.
"I assure you, ramen is not made out of foxes but noodles, broth, and meat like chicken, beef, or pork- no foxes"
"But Hokage-jiji" Naruto began and Pein thought fast, and remembered the ramen stand he'd just eaten at.
"Only ate ramen from Iwa. The ramen from a restaurant I know around here is local- no fox meat." He assured.
"Oh, so Iwa is a bunch of fox killers? I should have known!" Pein smirked as the boy seemed to accept this. Excellent, my new recruit in the divinity that is ramen-sama. "Now it's time to learn about our genetic addiction" grabbing the boy's shoulder the two shunshin away.
Office…
"Apprehend Kitsune before he takes his first bite" Sarutobi ordered. All around the ANBU gave grave nods. "If he tastes ramen the village budget is doomed. If you thought his Dango fetish was horrendous, you clearly have never witnessed an Uzumaki with their ramen."
"Umm, Hokage-sama? Surely it couldn't be that bad. I mean, he's only ten; how bad could it be" Tenzo questioned but cowered under the combined killing intent. After a moment Sarutobi sighed.
"Tenzo. You were not around during Kushina's life span. Her appetite for ramen equaled several C rank mission pays per day. With her metabolism from having the Kyubi sealed inside her she would always feel hungry- already Naruto's metabolism is twice her pace, which is why meal supplements have always been injected into his food and drinks. Now, imagine his appetite geared only towards ramen." Tenzo paled and bowed.
"My apologies Hokage-sama."
"No need. Men! Whatever you do, do NOT let Naruto taste ramen. Sedatives, nets, and jutsu are allowed. Anko, go pick up Dango to lure him away and distract him; Boar, go pick up Shin from the Uchihas as it is common knowledge he can convince Naruto of anything; and Kakashi" Said man looked his leader in the eye. "Don't let our guest figure it out. If need be have Sai henge into Naruto."
"Yes, Hokage-sama!" Were the unanimous salutes.
Again with the pair…
"And once you ingest your first bite you'll never go back again" Pein insisted while being giddy with anticipation. It was a tradition for the older clan members to treat the youngest to their first bowl of ramen as a sort of rite of passage.
"Hmm, if you say so" Naruto mumbled, a dango stick in his mouth. A tick mark grew on the older man.
"Never doubt the ramen. We're almost there." Soon they reached the small restaurant, run by the Akimichi clan. However…
"Closed as the owner is 'lost on the road of life'? Is he related to Inu-nii?" Naruto asked. Pein face palmed at the owner's poor excuse of a sign, only mildly curious as to why there was blood splatters in it.
"Come on. There are three other places that sell ramen, I'm sure at least one of them will be open for business." Dragging the ANBU along Pein grumbled for being denied his fix.
Meanwhile, with Sasuke…
Sasuke clutched his head in the Uchiha compound dojo.
"Again!" Came Itachi's stern order as he gripped the switch in his hand.
"Hn." Sasuke tried, only to be swatted again.
"That was 'Hn' number four- you were aiming for number ninety three. This time, make the beginning more grunting in nature." Sasuke puffed his cheeks as he failed yet again. Itachi rubbed the bridge of his nose before plopping down gracefully in front of his little brother. "Sasuke, I know you haven't had the opportunity to master Uchihaese like I have- you were young when I had to leave, hn. I will walk you through it though, but you have to be willing to learn. Do we have a deal?" Sasuke paused for a moment and stared into Itachi's passive eyes.
"Hn." He replied after a moment. Itachi lifted his mouth slightly.
"Correct; let us move onto the Uchiha variations of 'The Smirk', an essential part of being an Uchiha."
"But nii-san, what about jutsu and shurikenjutsu?" Sasuke whined a bit.
"Foolish little brother. How do you expect to beat your opponents? Through fancy jutsu and weapons?"
"Uh… yeah actually" Sasuke admitted, confused. Itachi face palmed.
"Foolish little brother! No, jutsu and weapons only make up one percent of battles."
"What's the other ninety nine percent?"
"Hn. The art of 'pissing your opponent off until they make a mistake. And father always said no one can tick their opponent off better than an Uchiha."
"But… most bad guys won't be able to tell what our Uchihaese means" Sasuke pointed out.
"Ah, but that's why you have team mates learn to decipher it- I forced Kisame to do it by threatening his pet fish" Itachi smiled at the memory.
"Wait…is that why you tied up those two in the corner?" He pointed to a hog tied Shin and Sai struggling against the ropes.
"Yes, hn. One of them will be on your squad as both tie for 'dead last' currently. I figured you would appreciate them being broken in early."
"No, please don't make me work with them" Sasuke begged with tears.
"Oh, little brother, must you be so dramatic?" Itachi asked mournfully. His only response was a loud wail. Well, best not tell him about the other part of his genin squad. Sasuke just might run away to Orochimaru if he heard about the Hokage's plan.
"Itachi-sempai, I need to borrow Shin for a bit- a code Ramen has been issued." Boar interrupted Itachi from his musings. The elder Uchiha jolted at Boar's words.
"I understand. Hn, Sasuke, stay here. Our village needs me" Itachi left the dojo to don his battle gear- code ramen couldn't be failed.
Meanwhile, Shin was just gasping as his bindings were undone. He glared at Boar as he was the one who handed him off to Itachi as punishment for the Dango.
"Oh lay off of it. We need you to work your magic and convince Kitsune that ramen is evil" Boar ordered. Shin gave a blank agreement but inside he was cackling.
He'd show them not to pawn him off to the damn Uchiha after a month long cat sitting mission.
With Naruto…
Naruto's stomach growled as the second of the three places that sold ramen were closed, this time because 'A tree babysat my kid last night and now she planted herself in the ground and won't come out in order to grow'- really Naruto couldn't believe how many relatives Inu-nii had.
As Pein pulled on his hair a fluttering of movement captured his attention.
"Ooh" Naruto cooed as the scent of his favorite type of Dango wafted towards him. "Must find it" he declared. A hand pops out of a nearby alley with a Dango stick. "God must be rewarding me with free Dango!" And with that Naruto blindly followed the Dango while leaving his assignment alone in the streets to curse the heavens.
"Well, Kitsune, there's still the famous 'Ichiraku' stand. We'll head there…Kitsune?" Pein glanced down to see empty space where the ANBU used to be. He sniffed the air. "Dango" he growled. "Of course the witches of Dango would arise to prevent an Uzumaki from his birthright! After centuries of failure they managed to entrap a young Uzumaki into their webs of lies . Hang on cousin, I may wish you dead, but no one deserves to die before tasting the heavenly dish".
Making a promise Pein unleashes his Rinnegan sensing.
End! Part two will be longer, promise. How was this one though? I hope you guys enjoyed it, because it was fun to take a break from packing to write. Anyways, let me know about the next fan fic, after next chapter only one or two more till the camp, and then after that the assassination mission!