Chapter 35
AN: Hi everyone, I got a bit stuck on this, and school/ATA, but then my wonderful friend gave a solution. So, here it is, enjoy!
ANBU Tournament, Second Event…
Sixteen teams lined up, each group of four holding breaths at the sight of their next target: a two mile long obstacle course in four stages, one for each member. From what they could see, the first part alone held swinging axes and a fabled Ombu, frothing at the mouth.
Huddled into a circle, Naruto's team planned their strategy to conquer the trial.
"Hn, these courses are the same every year: the first part is for the most nimble and experienced, which would be"
"Me of course. So glad you think so Itachi-chan" Shin boasted and puffed out his chest. Itachi and Sai sweat dropped before the Uchiha cleared his throat.
"Actually it's me. The next stage is a battle of wit, meaning that the best choice would be"
"Me! The great Shin is a master of wit."
"…Sai will be taking that challenge. No, you, Shin, are in charge of the third stage- fighting an enemy. We don't know who it will be- one year when Shisui and I were on the same squad he fought a celery stalk- but you can handle it." Before Shin could grumble any retorts, Naruto put his face inches from Itachi's, eyes huge through the mask.
"Ooh, me! Me! What am I going to do?!" Shaking in anticipation, the blonde didn't notice the flashes of light as various ANBU got black mail pictures of Itachi freaking Uchiha falling against the tiny ANBU's 'jutsu'.
"Um…." Itachi thought. The last phase had always just been a final dash to the finish line, a simple race. Naruto's part wasn't even essential to win, as long as he crossed to the finish line. However, telling him that would dampen his spirit, so Itachi racked his brain for a viable lie.
"Come on, sempai! What super amazing thing am I doing? Am I in a fight? Or even a scavenger hunt?"
"…No, you're not. You're in something much better, hn! You have to dash for the finish line… in order to retrieve the sacred ramen bowl" Itachi lied sagely. Naruto jumped ten feet in the air, squealing for joy as somehow, rainbows appeared in the background.
"Teams, on your marks." Dragon called and each member of 'Shin and his Lackeys: Will of Fire Edition, or SHLWoF for short', nodded to one another and dashed to the check points.
Hokage's tower…
"I must say I am surprised the little bastards made it this far." Danzo commented, taking another handful of popcorn from a fresh bowl.
"Hush, old friend, the real show is about to begin. Now stop hogging the pop corn, you're fat enough as it is."
"Did you just insult my figure, Hiruzen? I'll have you know I'm big boned, not fat. And at least my vice of food doesn't give me cancer; how many pipes have you had today? Five? Seven?" Danzo retorted and grabbed another handful.
"Hmph, if Naruto and his little friends haven't killed me, a little smoke won't either."
"Tsk, tsk; we could put it to the test if you like" Danzo said darkly, and Sarutobi scoffed.
"Please don't slip into another world domination phase; the last one didn't end until the Uchiha were gone. What changed your mind about your master plans, anyway?"
"...I realized any job that dealt with Guy was a job I most definitely didn't want to have."
Back to the tournament…
Itachi elegantly gave Sai the pass off high five, signifying the second phase to start; so far Itachi had kept their team far above the others in time, but that could all change if one of the members fell behind.
Sai narrowed his eyes as he ran ahead and through a thicket of leaves. Coming into a clearing with several signs, the pale boy walks to the one with his team's name on it, reading:
I talk, but I do not speak my mind
I hear words, but I do not listen to thoughts
When I wake, all see me
When I sleep, all hear me
Many heads are on my shoulders
Many hands are at my feet
The strongest steel cannot break my visage
But the softest whisper can destroy me
The quietest whimper can be heard.
"I talk, but do not speak my mind…well I would say a shinobi but the 'strongest steel cannot break my visage' reminds me of Shin's ego while the 'softest whisper can destroy me' sounds suspiciously like the village's budget."
Sai took out a paint brush, writing out the riddle. The various contestants began working on their own puzzles.
"Many heads…that's it!" Sai cried and dashed to the check point on the other side of the clearing. The Commander stood impatiently.
"Well? Did you get it?" He asked gruffly. Sai nodded.
"Yes, well, it is most obviously an actor, as what other profession allows one to be multiple people but also be destroyed by a simple negative comment?" Sai smiled up at the man.
"C-correct. Now the little bastard can go."
"I have a name you know!" Shin retorted from the checkpoint, before dashing off. Sai made a bird and rose up into the sky.
"I must be going too, Dragon-sama; brother wished me to take pictures of him defeating whatever enemy he faces." And without a glance back the Root agent took off, camera in tow that had appeared from nowhere, leaving a grumbling Dragon behind.
Shin's challenge…
"Okay, so I have to face some creature and win, should be a piece a cake for me" Shin assured himself, even as he felt his spine shiver one he entered an undergrowth that led to a rocky arena. The sides were at least twenty feet high with jagged edges. Taking a deep breath, Shin braced himself as his opponent rose up from a burrow in the ground.
And found himself snickering. For in a bedazzled pink collar was a snow white rabbit, eyes a pair of huge blue seas, just asking for a pet.
"Aww, is the little bunny lost? Can I give you a treat?" Shin cooed, and pulled out a treat. The bunny perked up and hopped over to him, taking the treat and nibbling on it. Shin petted it, and smiled. "So adorable, so sweet. Why don't you come home with me? We could rule the world through your adorableness!"
Suddenly the bunny smirked, and jumped up to eye level, head butting Shin between the eyes.
"Yowch!" Shin cried. Jumping away he growled at the formerly cute bundle of evil, who now stared at him with slitted red eyes…
Hokage tower…
"You seriously let them use THE project 'Kyubi-bunny'." Danzo asked, incredulously.
"Hush, it wanted some time out in the real world." Sarutobi defended.
"It's an abomination that should never have been created!"
"Just because it sometimes goes on a rampage due to being infused with the kyubi chakra since birth doesn't mean it shouldn't have been created."
"That's an opinion only you have, old friend."
"And other opinions matter? I wasn't aware of this fact" Sarutobi chided and took a puff on his pipe, turning his attention back to the orb."
Shin, five minutes from start…
Shin screamed like a girl, running away from the psycho bunny charging at him with three red chakra tails swishing around it.
Shuriken didn't work- it ate it for breakfast.
Jutsu didn't work- Shin wasn't a chakra monster like Naruto, meaning the kyubi-fied creature just batted them away.
Shin only knew the exploding tag, and he had donated them to Sai for the last challenge.
"Just my lucky day; to be eaten by what probably inspired my mask name. I'd need an army to…that's it! Summoning jutsu: Fury of the chickens!" Five hundred of the chicken summons swarmed the air in a flurry of feathers.
"My brethren, this heathen must fall to the coop." Shin shouted over the clucking. The head chicken turned to its summoner.
"And what is their crime?"
"Er…" Shin trailed off, thinking; he needed a good excuse or the chickens would just leave. "Um…oh, this vile mass of evil cuteness insulted chickens, saying you are worse than owls or ostriches." Immediately the chickens gave war cries; no one insulted them by claiming their rival clans were in any way better than them.
With Shin, five minutes later…
Shin whistled a tune as he gave Naruto a high five, and sat back. Sai landed nearby with a long suffering sigh.
"Did you really have to traumatize the poor thing? The other teams just had to raise their hand before that rabbit surrendered."
"Meh, it doesn't matter, as Priest-kohai is no doubt making a mad dash for the finish line. Victory is ours."
"About that…"
With Naruto…
Naruto clutched his hair. In front of him, inches from the finish line, sat his worst enemy: a Rubik cube, blocking his path with a note:
"Solve me or your team is disqualified," in cutesy handwriting. Sweating, the young ANBU fumbled with the multi colored box, wishing he had taken Shin's challenge.
Meanwhile…
Meanwhile, across the finish line, Itachi was sweating, as were the newly arrived Shin and Sai.
"This isn't going to work; no amount of motivation can help the mascot solve a logic puzzle, something he's horrible at" one ANBU commented. Others nodded along, as the blonde futilely offered an instant ramen cup to the cube in exchange for it to solve itself.
"Heh, who would have thought the 'One Yen' store would have a special of twenty Rubik cubes for a single yen." Dragon boasted.
"Um, Commander, you do realize the one yen store is notorious for their low quality products?" Tenzo asked, as his teammate was studiously working on the cube.
"Pssh, like they need to last more than a few minutes. Besides, how much 'quality' is really in a freaking Rubik cube?"
Back with Naruto…
Naruto watched as several other ANBU landed near their cubes, each working at the difficult conundrum.
That's when he saw it; Kakashi, who was sitting next to him, cursed as he had to push a yellow sticker down.
"Hehehehe." Naruto snickered, and got to work, carefully pulling off every colored sticker square with the help of clones.
With Dragon…
Tenzo removed his mask and gave a smug look.
"What was that I heard about Rubix cubes, commander?" He mocked. Dragon face palmed and dropped to the ground.
"Shut it, or I'll make you babysit Konohamaru the next time Ebisu gets sick of him."
"…Dully noted, Dragon-sama."
And finally…
Naruto jumped up and down in victory, holding up a completed Rubix cube. Skipping, he crossed the finish line, ahead of four other teams, who would no doubt be cut for their overall low score.
"And that, ladies and gentleman, is why the world is a horrible place" Boar sighs, pointing at a Shin(who was giving the victory sign and having Naruto give the puppy dog eyes on Itachi for a group photo) and shaking his head, "when people like THAT come out on top despite the valiant efforts of the village's elite."
"Here, here." Was the unanimous reply.
At the tower…
"Well at least Naruto is happy." Sarutobi remarked while eating the last bite of popcorn. Danzo glared from a hog tie on the floor.
"I hate you sometimes."
"Now, now, that's treason, Danzo-chan. Also, all's fair in love and war." Danzo gaped at the Hokage.
"This isn't war, Hiruzen!" Suddenly the room darkened. Hiruzen Sarutobi sent a ghastly look down at his oldest friend/rival, and said in a deadly serious tone.
"The fight over the last bite of a delicious snack is always war, Danzo."
End!
Big thanks to my beta/ AMAZING FRIEND/ fellow gamer, silverwolf310. She helped me with so much in this chapter, including the rubik cube part. So, a few things:
The quality part of the rubik cube came from a dollar store experience. I bought a dollar store Christmas card for silverwolf310, intending to send it. The cover art legit stained my table while I was writing on the inside, proving that quality always matters.
Go check out the One piece story 'The Hidden Fox of The Sea'. I beta for it a tad bit and the story is super intriguing. It just finished its prologue stage so the action and adventure stage should be starting soon.
Again, super sorry for the long wait. I probably won't be able to update until after finals, but we'll see.
Finally, I play on my Nintendo switch a TON, and I have a few multiplayer games. Unfortunately, no one I know owns a switch and barely anyone worth talking too wants to play a Nintendo game. Soooo…do any of you, dear readers, want to play some Switch online? If so, just PM me. It would be nice to play some Mario Kart or cooperative games with people I can enjoy playing with (and not a random computer or people I have no idea what they're like).