Chapter 36

AN: Heyo peeps, Riku here! Time to finish up the 'Tournament Arc' and get ready for the sure to be disastrous 'Camp Danzo Arc'. I'm going to skip the 'scavenger hunt' challenge for now- maybe use it as an omake or something to look back on for the characters. However, this chapter is going to be the final challenge…

P.S I don't own Naruto; if I did Danzo would have had a battle over if he is fat like Hiruzen believes, or just 'big boned.'

Last day of tournament…

Dragon, dressed in his best and most regal battle uniform, was chanting to himself.

'Don't worry Dragon, you got this; you're a genius, making the last round a free for all team battle- not even Itachi can pull through fighting 2 full ANBU squads. Of course, after Kitsune's team unfortunately fails, I'll spend the next year beating into his head how to actually win at these events, maybe even take him out for barbeque like the old days…'

Flashback, Naruto's first full day at ANBU…

Dragon stared at the Jinchuuriki huddled in what was supposed to be Dragon's lair…er, office… looking intently at Dragon's prized possession, a hirashin kunai. It was a gift from Minato to celebrate the childhood friends reaching their dreams; Minato becoming Hokage, and Dragon his ANBU commander.

Good times, the commander reminisced on while staring at his new charge. The Hokage wanted the boy of his best friend to accomplish three things:

Never reveal that he, Naruto Uzumaki, is alive to the village.

Become an excellent ANBU member eventually.

Love the village while learning his own Will of Fire.

'None of that is hard except… how to train a kid who is so young and 'not quite there' after Inoichi made his memory of early trauma disappear? Well, let's see if he can at least follow directions.'

Making his presence known through a cough, Dragon watched in amusement as even in a full ANBU outfit- cloak included- Naruto gave the startled, bug eyed response Dragon had been looked for.

"Kitsune…" Dragon started awkwardly, a bit nervous now that the Hokage had left. To his credit, Naruto responded to the code word.
"…yes?"

"Take these files" Dragon motioned to a stack of random notes that meant nothing to him, "and put them in that trash can for me." Here he pointed to a trash can near the door. Naruto looked up a bit in confusion at the stupid order. Dragon thought fast. "Um, if you do this… I'll teach you how to hold a kunai!" Dragon offered. Naruto tilted his head, then nodded.

"So like one of those….mission thingies Hokage-jiji said I'd take?" He asked. Deciding to roll with it, Dragon nodded sagely.

"Yes. In fact, you will have lots of missions- all are super important quests of epic importance-, and be paid for them with training….just like real shinobi!" He finished brightly. Naruto was jumping up and down at this point.

"Yatta! I get to do missions!" The boy shouted.

Later, after the notes were trashed and Naruto had been shown the bare bones of holding a kunai correctly, Dragon noticed the two of them had matching growls coming from their stomachs.

"Ne, Kitsune, why don't we go get some barbeque?" Dragon asked awkwardly. Naruto cocked his head.

"Bar…ne.. zu?"

"….. close enough. Now hold on and remember the rules about your identity!"

And thus, a small tradition had bloomed, where Naruto would careful lift up the side of his mask to stuff food in, and Dragon seemed to just let food disappeared through the mask.

Flashback end…

'And then that damned Shin had to ruin it by giving him ramen! Now my sweet little apprentice only wants ramen, never being as happy with barbeque time as he used too.' Dragon thought darkly. After his apprentice lost, however, and Shin was humiliated, Dragon would re forge their tradition and train the boy into the ground in exchange for coffee runs.

Problem was, Shin was crafty, and the little bastard would no doubt try anything to win.

'Should I be worried? Nah, the nemesis can't really cheat his way out of this one, especially as his opponents…'

With Naruto's team…. Or rather, 'Shin's Team'…

"Are Ibiki's team and Kakashi's team. Both squads are formidable on their own, but no doubt they will attempt to gang up on us." Itachi monotoned a warning. The whole squad, after nearly dying in the scavenger hunt from hell, were now operating as a true team. Each person in their little huddle were checking gear while Itachi drew on the ground with a stick.

"Teams Kakashi and Ibiki will attempt to form an alliance to take us out. That is why we must be fast, taking single strikes before dashing away. Remember, our goal is to steal their tags."

"My shadow clones can help- and my summons!" Naruto offered.

"And I can attempt to hit from above." Sai added.

"My chickens won't help anymore until I repair the damage to the coop that scavenger hunt caused." Shin lamented for a moment. They all sat in silence. "But I'm so superior it doesn't matter!" The boy laughed, all traces of humility gone as quickly as it appeared. Sai and Itachi sweat dropped, and Naruto…

"You're so right, senpai! Your awesomeness will win for us, no doubt!"

"Er… Kitsune, you and Shin will be partners then. Your job is to defeat Mouse and Flamingo, the easiest of each team." The insane duo that was Naruto and Shin nodded seriously, giving each other a high five. "Sai, take these explosive notes and throw them with your ink animals. You're to hinder the team from afar."

"And you, senpai?" Sai asked, accepting the tags graciously.

"My job is to show them exactly why I'm S- class." Itachi finished, letting his Sharingan flair to life. The boys suppressed shudders but understood Itachi's motives. Sasuke, along with the rest of ANBU, were watching in bleachers created by Tenzo. The younger Uchiha had been granted special permission by the Hokage to watch, and Sasuke was convinced he would be witnessing his brother wipe the floor with all the other shinobi.

Suddenly a buzzer went off and Dragon- sama's voice rang out through the dusty arena that had somehow never been discovered by non- ANBU despite the fact it was less than half a mile from the village.

"The last round of the tournament will begin! A free for all team battle, only the best squad may win. The goal is to knock out and or steal the other members ID tags. If your tag is taken or destroyed for ANY REASON…you are out. Team with the last one standing or the most tags is the winner. One three."

"One" Naruto his kunai tightly.

"Two" he prepared a cross shaped seal and chanted the familiar phrase.

"THREE! GO!" Fifty Naruto clones popped up in a semi circle around the pint sized ANBU's team, providing cover for Itachi and Shin to transform, becoming just another Naruto. Sai soared into the sky and the battle commenced.

Kakashi effortlessly batted away his little kohai's clones, though stopped a comment of how easy it was when one almost ripped an ear off using a kunai.

'Woah, who taught him that move? It's one of my signature kunai tricks! I haven't taught anyone that since… shoot! Don't look in the eyes!" Kakashi instantly kept his gaze down towards Itachi's transformed feet. Catching a shuriken that was aimed at a rather painful spot, Kakashi chuckled nervously.

"Itachi, you know this is supposed to be a friendly competition right? As in… DON'T SHOOT TO KILL?!" Kakashi shouted as a fierce duel fire dragon converged onto him, only to have a rotation from Ibiki's team mate, Flamingo, stop the charge.

"Hn. Sasuke is in the stands. As such, I must win." Itachi stated seriously. With cold malice the prodigy undid the transformation and started attacking once more. Flamingo and Kakashi were doing well against the Uchiha, matching punch for punch until…

Up in the air…

Sai was rather displeased at Ibiki's summons. For it to be able to attack him from the sky was most impressive, if not annoying.

Keeping an eye on the battle as his brother had ignored orders and was attempting to tackle an amused duo of Yugao and Hayate…using only a kunai… the pale boy tossed a kunai with an exploding tag down towards Kakashi, hoping Itachi's careful planning worked.

Back with Itachi…

Keeping his face neutral despite his desire to smirk, Itachi caught both his old senpai and the Hyuga in his Tsukuyomi as they were glancing upwards to see Sai's explosion in the air. Now, he had them trapped inside their minds.

"This is my ultimate genjutsu. For the next seventy- two hours, you are at my mercy. Prepare to.."

At what Itachi informed them they'd have to endure, Kakashi prepared for hell and Flamingo curled into a ball, not caring if it was only a genjutsu.

Outside…

Naruto was engaged in a fierce battle with his fellow midget, Mouse. Neither would give up their edge, and mouse found themselves very impressed with the young ANBU.

"Grrr. I won't let you win! Mouse-senpai" Naruto roared.

"And I can't afford to lose! Kitsuneeee" Mouse roared back. Both imagined epic battle music accompanying their struggle.

In the stands…

Sasuke facepalmed at what his stalker was doing.

"He does realize it's just a thumb war, right?" Sasuke grumbled. Tenzo, the assigned 'Sasuke babysitter' for the event, bonked the boy on the head before giving the 'ghoul face'.

"Our kohai is fighting with great courage. You may not know this, but agent Mouse used to be the Konoha thumb war champion in their youth; not even Hokage- same could defeat them. It's said that Mouse used to take out whole battalions of enemies with just the thumb."

Sasuke gave an incredulous stare.

"You've got to be kidding me," he asked, shocked. Tenzo slowly shook his head.

"No, in fact, here." Being handed a worn bingo book, Sasuke looked over ANBU agent Mouse's entry, not surprised by the lack of physical details.

Age: older than a young fool, but younger than dirt.

Known names: The Thumb Killer.

Greatest Accomplishment: Killing 30 Iwa shinobi during the third shinobi war with just their right thumb. When leaving the scene- and one lone genin to tell the tale- it is said that they requested that whoever asked about the event would be told that 'I killed them all…with this thumb' before dashing off into the night. Since then, no one has been able to identify the true name, let alone gender, of this mysterious thumb killer.

If it hadn't been staring Sasuke in the face, the poor boy wouldn't have believed it. Deciding that he would never let himself be as insane as just about every ANBU he's ever met, Sasuke turns back to the fight in time to see his stalker shaking hands with the other shorty.

With Naruto…

"Thank you senpai; without your teachings I would have never come this far," Naruto said with a hand shake, tears in his eyes as Mouse handed him his own tag. Mouse looked at their young protégé proudly, and said,

"No, it is I who should be thanking you. For years I had lost my will to fight like a true thumb killer. But, after my defeat today, it has become clear that I must train harder, smarter, so that we may meet again in battle. I shall forefeit now."

"I look forward to our rematch, and" Naruto was cut out by Anko, who broke up the pair using her snake summons.

"Listen here, gaki! Just because you took out Mouse- chan here, doesn't mean you can just sit on your hands. Because now you have me as an opponent!" Anko boasted, pointing to herself with a cocky grin. Naruto gulped.

'How am I supposed to beat Anko- nee?' He thought in panic as he summoned his Ostrich.

"Brat! I told you to stop summoning me- wait, is that a giant snake?"

"Uh, less talking, more running!" Naruto ordered.

With Shin…

Shin didn't show it in his smile, but he was extremely nervous. Itachi, after effortlessly defeating Kakashi and Flamingo- being sure to take their tags-, had done the same to Ibiki, who was currently laughing while twitching on the ground, not noticing the Uchiha had disintegrated his tag. Shin didn't even want to know what Itachi showed the psychopath interrogator. Even though Itachi had collapsed himself after such a strain on his eyes, that wasn't the problem plaguing the most unconventional ROOT member. No, the problem was his big mouth had gotten him into one verses two fight with Hayate and the crazy purple haired woman. Sure, Shin reasoned, she did have plenty of reasons to hate him after the whole 'Iruka incident' in her apartment.

And, perhaps he shouldn't have mentioned she looked a bit bustier than last time he saw her, but the cuts she was aiming for were way too aggressive for Shin's tastes.

"Neh, we're not here to kill each other, right?" Shin asked while pushing a sword swing meant to decapitate him using a kunai. All his priest- kohai clones were dissipated and their supplier was busy being chased around by the snake charmer's summons. Hayate seemed to give a sympathetic shrug as his girl friend started taking the competition a tad too seriously. Of course, he wouldn't have felt that way if he had heard Shin's comment on his girl friend's looks.

"Tell that to my apartment, you little punk!" Yugao screamed, hair circling around her head. Oh, how she's waited for this day, especially after he had the audacity to greet her with 'hey cutie, you're a little bustier than last time. And did you gain a bit of weight, it looks rather'. He wasn't given the opportunity to finish before the sword mistress started attacking.

'Think Shin, Think! Hayate has decided to go assist that senbon guy…uh, Genma! Yeah, he's going to assist Genma with taking down Sai. Naruto is being toyed with and Itachi is bleading out of his eyes.'

Whistling, Shin summoned Sai, who swept down, Shin vaulting up to it like they'd practiced since childhood. Using his small arsenal of paint tags, explosions, and wires, Shin glared down at their three pursuers. Genma and Hayate were preparing a combination jutsu, yet were stopped when Shin dropped a mass of exploding wires and paint. The ANBU dodged it yet Genma was taken out of the running when he was blasted seconds later by a secondary explosion that destroyed his ID tag. In a huff, Genma walked out, grumbling about how stupid it was to have tags that were flammable and attached with yarn.

Another minute of dodging through the air and only injuring Hayate and Shin realized they'd have to unleash the ultimate weapon.

"PRIEST-KOHAIIII! EAT IT, EAT IT NOW!" He bellowed after the ink beast they were ridding on was destroyed by Hayate's own explosive note, causing them to be caught in a net the swordsman had set up using the few boulders and trees as posts. Hayate ripped Shin's off with a sheepish apology, only to jerk away at Yugao's scream.

For while Shin had been caught, merely an ink clone of Sai had been snared, as the real one had guided dozens of ink rats to attack Yugao….or rather, let them distract her just enough (she was already gloating to Shin so to divide her attention three ways proved effective. Though it was just for a fraction of a second, Sai used his ink extraordinarily well, enough to swipe her card even as his was taken in return.

'Seems my extra practices with Fu- sama payed off' The pale boy thought.

Hokage Tower…

"Hah! That's my boy- did you see that, Hiruzen? My Sai has opened a can whoop- ass on your prized little ANBU!" Danzo boasted while giving the victory sign. Sarutobi sweat dropped, as just before Sai was one of his 'mortal enemies sent to plague him'. However, instead of pointing this out, he had a better idea as his surrogate grandson followed Shin's order and was eating the experimental 'candy' the research department had developed. In it contained over eleven hundred milligrams of caffeine.

'Wait! THAT FOOL, THAT'S MEANT FOR EMERGENCIES ONLY' Sarutobi realized, and prayed the ANBU would survive.

Not that he would go check. No, risking the life a kage on such a dangerous crises was absurd.

Back with Naruto…

Naruto dutifully popped in the candy Shin- senpai ordered him to eat. He hoped that it worked- his ostrich was getting annoyed running from Anko- nee's snakes.

'This should be interesting.' Kurama thought with a snort as he felt the effects of over 10 cups of coffee shooting through his host's system take affect.

However, Naruto would never recall what would happen after he swallowed the round candy that smelled like what he always drank before play time. For the next hour passed in a blur.

Later…

Dragon felt his eye brow twitch dangerously as he had to crown a smug looking- if blindfolded to rest the eyes- Uchiha, a bored looking Sai, a cheering 'Shin the Great' and a passed out mascot as the winners of the tournament. The land had more craters than the moon and his best ANBU were shaking. To have let his apprentice eat that candy was ludicrous.

"I now pronounce you hellions the winners of this year's 'ANBU shinobi tournament…not that you deserve it." Dragon griped. Sai and Itachi fist bumped.

'Well at least he won't remember it' Dragon thought placidly, recalling how he had to erect a barrier to prevent any of Naruto's exploding shadow clones from bumping into the bleachers. How he was able to form seals and mold chakra in that state, Dragon didn't want to know.

Inside the seal…

Kurama was rolling on the ground in his cage, laughing so hard his sides hurt.

OH THAT WAS RICH! Who knew being caffeinated allowed me to influence the brat. The screams as his exploding clones appeared were PRICELESS!

Back outside, with Sasuke…

Sasuke was still pale as he was led to his brother's side, who was going to be taken to the hospital for an eye checkup. To say Sasuke was motivated to graduate and take long term missions AWAY from kids smaller than him who could cause that much damage before sleeping was an understatement.

'Hn. After my big brother is healed up I'll ask him to teach me more jutsu. Oh, and I need his signature for this 'Camp Danzo'. I've never heard about it but if it gets me stronger, I will do it. To achieve my dream of ridding myself of HIM.'

Finally, Hokage Tower…

"Do I even want to know how much this is going to cost?" Hiruzen Sarutobi asked while rubbing his temples. Danzo thought a moment.

"Probably not, old monkey. Popcorn?" The Darkness of Shinobi held out a fresh bowl. With a grunt, Hiruzen snatched the whole thing away. "HEY!"

"Hm? Did you say something?" Sarutobi said innocently while munching.

"Y- you. Oh never mind; I have children to brain wash."

"For the good of Konoha, right?"

"Of course; plus, brainwashed children are easier to manage than…that" Danzo gestured to the crystal ball with a now awake Naruto and Shine doing the disco dance in celebration.

End! Not exactly what I was going for, but it worked out. I had to dig out a couple of notes, bug a friend for help, and reread a bunch of chapters to remember where this story was at. A couple of things…

I know a real battle wouldn't go this way. Cut me some slack though, this is basically a crack fic at this point.

The serious bit at the beginning was for those who were asking for a bit of Naruto's backstory in this AU. It's not much but whoo.

For the coffee… well according to google 95 mg is 1 cup. Sooo… 1000 mg is like 10 cups. Considering all that Naruto does, is it too hard to believe he would survive and thrive with ten measly cups? Thought so.

Wondering if Sasuke goes to Camp Danzo? Or what each of Itachi's victims…er, opponents… saw? Well….you'll find out in the next installment!

Ps. Check out these stories for an awesome read through:

Seals are easy people are hard

The Hidden Fox of the Sea (this is a one piece fan fic, but he turns into a nine tailed fox)

The Log (only 10 chapters but you will CRY with laughter…please tell me if you try this one out, I love it soo much.)