Chapter 8

Thoroughly exhausted from the tumultuous day, Luke and Leia decided to retire early that evening. Yet when she lay down to go to sleep, Leia found that she couldn't, her mind still whirling from the events of the day. She still felt angry at Luke for not telling her that he had been in communication with Vader. How could he forgive him so easily? Sure, she could understand feeling some gratitude towards him for having saved Luke's life on the Death Star, especially now that she had experienced the traumatic event through Luke's own eyes, but this still did not undo Vader's crimes.

Most of all, however, Leia felt guilty for having hurt Han. Part of her wanted to dismiss this guilt and tell herself that the nerf-herder deserved what he had got, but she knew this wasn't true. She knew that Han was just trying, in his own unrefined way, to diffuse the tense situation that was developing. She couldn't purge the image of Han pinned up against the wall from her mind. Nor could she forget the terrified look in his eyes when he looked at her. It was the face one made towards a monster.

Determining that she couldn't get any sleep until she eased her conscience, Leia slipped out of the bed and tip toed out of the room. Walking down the hall, she made her way towards Han's room. She had thought about doing something like this over the past few days, but never had she imagined that she'd be doing it under these circumstances. What if he can't forgive me? Leia though to herself nervously. Will he from now on see me as a monster?

Pausing in front of Han's door, Leia composed herself, willing away her fears as she had taught herself to do. Taking a deep breath, Leia rapped on the door tentatively. No response. Leia sighed, paradoxically both disappointed and relieved that Han had not answered her. She knew he was inside, however, she could sense it.

"Han, I know you don't want to talk to me right now," she told him through the door. "But I want to tell you I'm sorry for what I did to you." Leia paused, knowing that she had his attention even though he wasn't responding. "I just want you to know that I never meant to hurt you and… and that I love you." Deciding that this was good enough, Leia turned from the door and returned to her room.

Leia spent the night in a frustrating quasi-state in between sleep and wake. Eventually she gave up trying to fall asleep, and went downstairs. At least I didn't have any dreams Leia thought to herself glumly as she shivered in the early morning chill. Entering the kitchen, she was surprised to see that Luke had beat her to the kitchen that morning.

"Morning," he greeted her cheerfully, his mood seemingly unaffected by the earliness of the hour.

Leia merely grunted in response, too tired to exchange pleasantries.

"Didn't sleep well?" Luke asked, noticing Leia's frazzled hair and grumpy demeanor.

Leia snorted. "Not at all."

"I take it Han didn't receive your apology?" Luke asked innocently.

Leia gave him a suspicious look. "How did you know about that?"

Luke shrugged. "An educated guess."

Scowling at him, Leia sat down at the table, not having much of an appetite.

"He'll forgive you, Leia," Luke assured her. "You just need to give him time."

Leia remained silent, electing instead to run her hands through her tangled hair. Changing the subject, Leia asked "So what's the plan for today?"

"Well I was going to wait until Han was here to tell you this, but he might not be up for hours," Luke said.

"Tell me what?"

Luke gave her a half smile. "I was thinking that we should go to Naboo," he said, conveniently leaving out the part about Anakin being the one who had suggested the idea.

Leia brightened up considerably at the proposition. "Oh Luke, I'd love to do that!"

Encouraged by her enthusiasm, Luke broadened his smile. "I thought you might. We've spent far too long on this snowball."

Leia laughed, her excitement rousing her from her grogginess. Her smile faded however, as a realization dawned on her. "What about Han?" she asked

"What about him?"

"Well, we need him to get to Naboo… I don't imagine he'll want to spend much time around me after what happened," Leia said morosely.

Luke took pause at that. On the one hand, he was pleased that Leia was feeling bad about her brief dark side tryst. But most of all, he hated to see his normally confident and exuberant sister be so down on herself. He couldn't allow her to wallow in self-loathing and guilt like Anakin.

"Leia, listen to me," Luke began softly yet firmly. "You can't let this one thing dominate your life. You've acknowledged that it was a mistake and you've apologized to Han, there's nothing more you need to do. Han will forgive you eventually, I guarantee you that."

Leia frowned and looked away, not convinced by Luke's assurances. "You didn't see the way he looked at me, Luke," Leia said, recalling the look of pure terror on Han's face. "I… I can't bear to lose him," Leia admitted. "Besides you, he is all I have left."

"You're not going to lose him," Luke insisted

You don't know that, Leia thought to herself forlornly.

"Well instead of sulking around, how about we do something productive in the meantime," Luke suggested, eager to distract Leia from her despair.

Leia nodded half-heartedly.

"Come on, sparring is a great way to get your mind off things," Luke insisted.

Leia sighed, knowing that she wasn't going to get out of this. "Fine, I'll be right there. I just have to get changed."

"Great," Luke said, noting how unenthusiastic Leia even though sparring was by far her favorite aspect of Jedi training.

After about an hour of sparring, Luke could tell that Leia's heart wasn't in it so he decided to show mercy and let her go. Frustrated, Luke stayed behind and blew off steam by practicing against the remote. After a while, Luke grew bored of the remote and decided to call it a day.

Returning to the kitchen, Luke found Han sitting at the table alone, his blaster in his hand. Cautiously, Luke approached him.

"What you doing with that?" he asked.

Han looked up, startled by Luke's sudden appearance. "Huh? Oh this… I was just cleaning it," Han said, nodding at a bottle of polish on the table. "Figured I'd neglected it for long enough."

Luke nodded, unsure of what to do. "Well," he began after a moment's pause. "Leia and I were talking this morning and we decided we want to go to Naboo."

"Oh yeah?" Han replied. "Why is that?"

Luke hesitated, once again unsure about how much to disclose to Han without consulting Leia. "I think Leia should be the one to tell you," Luke said cautiously, watching closely for Han's reaction.

Han sighed and reattached his blaster to his holster. Leaning back in his chair, Han stared at the ceiling pensively, a curious expression on his face.

"You have to forgive her, Han," Luke insisted eventually, perturbed by Han's silence.

"Oh yeah? Why is that?" Han repeated.

"Because she loves you Han."

Han scoffed. "Yeah, she's sure good at showing that."

"That's not fair, you have no idea what she's going through" Luke retorted.

Han gave Luke a menacing glare, unnerving Luke immensely. "You know what, your right. I don't know anything about her anymore. You're the only one she talks to. Nobody tells me anything around here."

"What are you talking about?" Luke asked incredulously.

"Oh, don't give me that!" Han replied angrily. "Ever since I came here, you've been keeping secrets from me."

"We're not keeping secrets from you, Han. It's just…"

"Just what?" Han interrupted. "You think I won't understand? Huh? Because I'm not a Jedi?" he said, putting air quotes around the word 'Jedi.'

"Of course not."

"Then why?" Han asked accusatively.

Luke sighed, utterly exhausted at this point by the incessant feuding. "I'm sorry, Han," Luke said finally. "I've just been trying so hard to help Leia these past few days, I haven't treated you fairly."

"Yeah," Han said bitterly, unmoved by Luke's heartfelt apology. "Nobody ever thinks about me." With that, Han stormed out of the room petulantly, leaving an exasperated Luke alone in the center of the kitchen.