Flashback

She heard the lock clicking. She knew there was no way she could escape this. He approached her casually, in a way a prey animal would look at its catch. A shudder went down her spine and she pressed herself against the chair she was sat in. He sat down in front of her, coming awfully close. This man was making her extremely uncomfortable and she didn't even wanna think about what would come next. He put his large hand on her thigh, too high to be appropriate. He squeezed it, hard. It made her jump back, her chair almost fell over."No, no why are you so scared my dear? I'm not the one you should be afraid of. You should worry about yourself and how you're a disappointment in the eyes of God and oh, your poor father" his voice was quiet and he was touching her face with his fingers. "your father was very concerned about you when he came to me for help. Scared his daughter was going to become a dyke, unless he would push her into the right direction. You know that in the eyes of god having homosexual thoughts is a sin, innit? It is unhuman and NOT NORMAL. BEING GAY IS A SIN AND I'M TELLING YOU; AS WELL AS YOUR FATHER; THAT IT'S A SIN AND YOU'RE GOING TO GO TO HELL FOR THINKING THESE SHAMEFUL THOUGHTS!"Whilst he was screaming at her he forcefully grabbed her by her shoulders, anger taking over him. He was shaking her violently and finally pushed her to the ground. All of a sudden his demeanour changed, his features softened again, but only slightly. He was looking at her with pity now."I don't know how this could happen, you were always such a sweet little girl. But I'm sure you will be on the right path again once you leave here right? I don't think it was your intention to have these thoughts, right?"Stef could only nod. She was still in shock from how rough the minister had been and all she wanted to do was leave."Being a dyke is a choice Stefanie and you can still be saved from this choice. We can still fix you. People that participate in homosexual acts are sick and the church can help them. "She got up, turned her back to the pastor and pressed down the handle of the door.Nothing happened. She was locked in."c-can I leave now…., please?" Stef's voice came only out in a whisper, she felt completely exposed and humiliated."I'm not sure you're ready to leave yet.""I-I am, sir. I know being gay is a sin and I won't ever think like that again, I promise. I-I don't want to disappoint dad""I'm sure you don't , I know that you having these thoughts again would be the worst that could happen to your father. It's his biggest fear right now, he wants you to succeed, not waist your life. Because that's what it is. "She wanted to go home, to her room and just lay on her bed and cry. She was so ashamed. Why did her father send her to his minister, how could he do that to her ?"I won't disappoint him" her voice was quivering. The pastor started to look creepy again."I'm sure you won't. And to make extra sure of that I'll show you what happens to filthy little dykes." He grabbed her again, this time pushing her onto the sofa. He took a wooden stick out of his trousers.Roughly pulling her shirt up until her breasts were exposed. He was holding Stef down with his knee.Stef already felt the excruciating pain on her breasts, before she heard the sound of wood making contact with her sensitive skin. Then on her bum, her back, her bum again. Why wasn't she strong enough to escape him.Flashback end

Stef jerked awake. She had dreamt about what happened with the pastor again. She could feel where he hit her, her breasts were aching. She knew it was just phantom pain, she couldn't really feel her breasts anymore.

Her and Lena had talked about what happened when she was 16 last night. How her father's rejection of her sexuality caused this overwhelming shame and fear in her.

Stef had to admit herself that it felt good to confide in someone. She was so scared to be vulnerable in front of Lena. So scared she would reject her for not being good enough.

But of course she didn't. She had held her tight, comforting her. It really had helped, Stef realised. She felt a little bit lighter, less like she would suffocate any minute. She realised now that it was high time she talked about these past issues she successfully repressed and never dealt with. Recognising that there was a problem with keeping all this to herself was a huge step for Stef , as she liked to pretend that everything was just fine.

It wasn't.

But she trusted Lena when she said that therapy is going to help her as well as talking to Lena. This affected her as well. Her kids were affected by this. So many people depended on her. It would be wrong to preach to them about fully expressing themselves and talking to them about their problems if Stef herself didn't do that.

Old habits die hard , she knew she had to work on herself and her coping mechanisms but she was willing to do this. She was surrounded by so much love , she knew she could do this.

Stef pulled away from Lena to look onto her beautiful brown eyes. They reflected so much love . Her eyes moved to Lena's lips and she moved down to lightly cover them with her own. The touch was soft, feather like. She needed more, pressing her lips now firmly against her wife's. Their mouths opened slowly , a rhythm already found. Tongues playfully explored the others mouth. Their kisses slowly but surely being passionate. They kissed just for the sake of kissing , something that hasn't happened in a while.

Stef conveyed the appreciation and love she felt for Lena, who showed Stef her love and acceptance in a physical way. They needed this. Stef's hands moved underneath lena's top she wore for bed, feeling the soft skin if her wife. Making Lena when she started to massage he breasts. She wanted her wife, she wanted her now.

Rolling them over so that Lena was underneath her , she carried on kissing her wife whilst one hand travelled down to Lena's already wet centre the other hand stayed on her wife's boob. She pinched her nipple, making Lena squeal and Stef even more turned on by the noises her lover was making. "what do you want Stef ?" Lena was breathing loudly , already aroused by her wife's actions.

" I wanna make love to you all morning and I want you to fuck me !" Stef coarsely whispered into Lena 's ear.

They had the day off and as the kids were at school they spent most of their day in bed . They made love a few times but they also cuddled and talked a lot. They talked like they used to do, about everything and anything. But for once neither the kids nor money was mentioned. They really connected again , Lena made Stef feel special and protected.

They spent the weekend as a family , going to the beach , having a picnic in their garden. Stef felt relaxed for the first time in a while being surrounded by her family and the love they had for her and each other. She was so fricking proud of them. They were amazing and she felt so honoured to call them her kids. Brandon and Callie would soon leave for college and she tried to take in those last few months where everyone was still living at home and in the same city for that matter. Soon everything would change and Stef wasn't s're if she was ready to let go of her babies yet.

With the weekend ending , everyday life set in again. Meaning they had to leave their happy bubble and go back to work. Stef couldn't remember that there was ever a period where she dreaded going back to work, she loved her work. But being a detective in human trafficking surely took a toll on her. There were kids younger or the same age as hers and it was heart breaking to see then suffer and ensure so much.

She was truly starting to hate going back to work where she had to deal with some of the most disgusting and sick and cruel people she believed existed on this planet. It took a lot out of her to firstly not break down crying after each case but to also not bring it back home to her family.

It was stressing her out too much and she realised now that this stress added to the other issues she dealt with at the moment . Stef was seriously considering to ask for her to be moved to a different department.

She unwillingly left her wife's tight embrace to go take a shower. After she got dressed in her uniform and went downstairs where Lena had already prepared breakfast for their family. Stef had to leave before Lena and her babies. She gave everyone a big hug, before kissing her wife goodbye. Usually it was just a quick peck but this morning Stef gave her wife a passionate kiss, leaving Lena longing for more. Not even Jesus complained about their pda, he was glad thing his mums still loved each other after everything.

"I'll see you this afternoon, have a great day at school my babies!"

With that Stef left and drove to the San Diego Police Department. She was mostly doing Paperwork until she was called in by another detective to first question the victim and then interrogate the perpetrator.

Questioning the victim was hard, she was badly abused, both sexually and mentally. Though she was not saying a lot and Stef tried to make this as comfortable as possible for her, she knew they came across a malicious man. Someone who understood the game of mind play. Those were really hard to interrogate, but luckily , not that there was any luck in this case, they had hand proof evidence. She was shaken emotionally but for now she could hide it well.

Stef entered the interrogation room with force, not seeming affected by the crimes this man had committed.

"What did you think when you took her ?" Her voice sounded strong but internally she wasn't as calm as her demeanour might say she was.

The guy leaned back and grinned deviously " Ah, I see, you guys gave the fucking butch dyke. I thought you could do better than give me one of those feminist who can't do their job properly. This lesbo won't do you no good"

Stef gritted her teeth " You. Better. Start. Talking." Her voice was dangerously low, anyone would be scared or at least respect her by now, but not this guy. He could somehow sense Stef's insecurity which surfaced after her those words. Nobody else noticed though.

"Don't wanna talk about your little dyke nest where you pervert is trying to satisfy a woman. Ain't gonna happen cause lemme tell you somethin', you gon' need a real man to do so, if you let me go y'know I can show ya dykes a good time. Is your lover a butch dyke too? I know you want that , don't ya?" He came dangerously close to her and winked at her.

Suddenly Stef drew a blank, she didn't know what to say or what to respond. All she could hear where his words over and over again, then his voice was mixed up with her dads voice, his ministers voice and the voice of a former colleague. She couldn't think straight. It all became to much, she didn't even realise how they got her out of that interrogation room. Her breathing became rapid.

"Oh god not now" Stef mumbled to herself. The last thing she needed was to have a panic attack in front of her colleagues at work.

Her breath hitched as she went past her co-workers who looked at her rather strangely after what happened with the perpetrator. She grabbed the phone off her desk and almost ran out of the department.

By the time she was outside she was gasping for air. Just when she thought things were going back to normal for a bit. She had to get this anxiety under control. However she couldn't on that right now. She needed to focus on her breathing and she needed to call Lena.

Pulling the phone to her ear she noticed that she'd been crying. Lena immediately picked up.

"L-Len, ah ah c-can you ple- can you please get-get me. I-I-I don't think that – that I can drive." Her breath hitched again "I can't- I can't do this anymore ! Plea-Please come pick me up"