Chapter 18

They watched Leia cry for a few minutes before Luke had asked the Naberries politely if they could go back to bed and give Leia some privacy. While they were very concerned for Leia's wellbeing, they knew they couldn't do anything to help her so they agreed. Han had gently scooched Leia over so that he could sit next to her on the large armchair, his arm still around her trembling shoulders. It had taken some convincing, but Han had finally got Luke to go back to bed as well.

"I've got this, really," he assured a concerned and dejected Luke. "Go back to bed, Luke." While Luke was antsy about leaving Han alone with Leia when she was in such a fragile and possibly volatile state, he was thoroughly exhausted and finally acquiesced. Leia continued to cry softly for a few more minutes, her legs tucked up beside her while she rested her head on Han's chest. After a while, she seemed to have fallen asleep, trapping Han with her on the chair.

Han watched her sleep peacefully for a few moments as he marveled about the whirlwind of a week he was having. Leia was a beautiful package of contradictions, Han thought. On the one hand she was brave, competent, and determined. But on the other she could be incredibly fragile and volatile. Moreover, in one instance she could tell Han that she loved him and then in the next she could dismiss him with the wave of a hand, throwing him across the room like he was nothing to her. He wanted desperately to forgive her, to love her freely again, but he couldn't forget that moment of pure terror that she had inflicted on him so casually. And yet here he was, gently caressing her back as she slept cradled under his arm.

As he gently brushed away some of the stray tears from her pearly cheek, Han realized with a start that he had never felt this way about a person before in his life. He had thought he had loved Qi'ra at the time, but he realized now that it couldn't have been any more than an infatuation. When she had abandoned him for power in the Crimson Dawn, Han had of course been disappointed but he had gotten over it, convincing himself that women only brought trouble and that he was better off alone and unconnected. Leia had changed all that. Now, even after all that had happened, Han couldn't imagine losing her. He knew deep down that losing Leia would utterly destroy him. Perhaps this is what love is he thought to himself. To bind oneself inextricably to another. With that thought, Han felt himself begin to drift off to sleep.

Han woke the next morning with a sharp pain in his neck. Tilting his neck, there was a series of pops and cracks. Rubbing his eyes, Han arched his back and stretched as he acclimated to his surroundings.

"Morning."

With a start, Han looked up quickly, causing him to wince his pain as his neck protested at the sudden movement. Rubbing his neck, he saw Leia standing in front of him with a cup of tea in her hands. Her hair was tangled and messy, and she was still wearing the dress from last night, now torn and crumpled, but to Han he had never seen a more beautiful sight.

"Uh… hi," he responded dumbly. They looked at each other awkwardly for a few moments.

"I made you some tea," Leia said finally, remembering the cup in her hands.

"Oh… thanks," Han said, accepting the cup even though he had never liked tea. Leia tapped her foot nervously as she watched Han sip the tea gingerly.

"Look, Han…" she began, pausing briefly when Han looked up at her from his cup. "I… I've done a lot of thinking this morning." Han lowered his cup onto his lap and said nothing, waiting for Leia to continue. "You were right about me," she admitted, causing Han to raise his eyebrows in surprise. Leia was not one to admit faults casually. "I have been terrible to you recently. I've been wrapped up in my own… drama that I forgot how important you are to me."

Han put his cup down on the ground and stood up, covering the distance between them in two short strides. Reaching out, he took each of Leia's hands in his own. "I've done some thinking too," he told her in a soft tone, his eyes fixated on their intertwined hands. "I have been a fool. After everything you've been through and all you have done for me, it was incredibly selfish of me to push you away like I did."

"Han, no it wasn't…" Leia tried to say.

"Let me finish," he insisted. "What I mean to say is that I was afraid. Not of you, but of myself. I was afraid to love you because I have never known what love was." Leia stared up at him with wide eyes, enraptured by his declaration. "But I know what love is now," he told her, lifting his left hand and placing it on her cheek. "I love you, Leia Organa, and I was a fool to think otherwise."

Leia gave Han a watery smile as tears flowed freely down her cheeks. "I love you too, Han Solo," she whispered before reaching up on her toes to kiss him softly. Han returned the kiss fervently, his arms wrapped tightly around her waist pushing her close into his body as if to tell himself that from now on he would never let go.

Luke had done his best not to show it, but he had been shaken immensely by his fight with Leia. Sprawled out on the ground, Luke had felt very much like he had when Vader had pushed him over during their duel on Cloud City; desperately afraid and certain he was only moments away from death. Leia had insisted she wasn't about to kill him, but the look in her eyes had terrified Luke to no end. It was if she had forgotten who he was.

And at the same time, Luke didn't despise her for what she had done. When she had broken down crying, Luke had felt no reservation about reaching out to her. They had a bond like no other, so much so that Luke felt pain whenever his sister was in pain, felt joy whenever she was happy. That night, Leia had been in a pain like no other and Luke had been unable to sleep because of it. He had decided to meditate instead, knowing that sleep was impossible.

Just as he was about to doze off, Luke felt a sudden burst of joy from deep within him. Opening his eyes, Luke grinned bemusedly, unsure as to why he was feeling this way. It must be Leia he reasoned. Intrigued to find out what had caused such a dramatic mood shift, Luke stood up and went downstairs where he instinctively knew Leia was. Just as he was about to enter the living room he saw them. Han and Leia were embracing one another in the middle of the room, their foreheads rested together. They each had a faint smile on their faces as they gazed into each other's eyes lovingly. Not wanting to interrupt such a tender moment, Luke retreated quietly back to his room, a relieved expression on his face.