Worldwide virtual pop sensation Hatsune Miku could not sleep. Her inner demons kept waking her up. Whenever her eyelids shut, Satan his god damn self would bust out of her chest like that one scene in alien pissing and shitting everywhere and screaming his brains out like he was getting his balls repeated whacked with a ping pong paddle by world famous cellist Yo Yo Ma. This kept awakening her, much to her disdain.
"性交"、she thought. "私は私のホログラフィックのお尻をできるだけ早く眠らせる必要がありますまたは私は白い家を燃やしに行くとき明日ファックするにはあまりにも疲れているつもりです."
Her eyelids slid shit once again as she drifted off into a Tony Hawk's underground 2-ridden abyss of darkness and dreams. She dreamed of dancing flames engulfing the horror-stricken figures of her enemies. And she dreamed of….. Two rapping aliens. Who the fuck were these assholes. Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff? Couldn't be. Those assholes are humans. A loud crash snapped her back into the land of the living.
Hatsune Miku could barely believe her sentient yet non-existent eyes. There was a big hole in the wall with a space ship embedded into it. Before the azure pop diva could do anything beyond light her trusty match and prepare to burn this mother fucker to the ground, the two aliens from her dream crawled out.
"なぜこれは文字通り私にだけ起こるのですか?" she asked nobody in particular. "私はここで放火を犯そうとしています"
Because these aliens were not just any aliens. These aliens were rapping aliens from an 90's Sega Genesis game who recently saw a glorious return to form via Kickstarter. Yes, these aliens were none other than the legendary Toejam and Earl.
Toejam immediately started rapping.
"Yo
We landed on earth,
And you know what's got some mad girth?
My arms of course. But for what it's worth
Where else would girth really matter? God damn i am feeling the human emotion of mirth."
After which Earl bounced back in response to his main man Toejam.
"Big Earl here with some fresh bars
We're aliens that come from the planet mars,
Or some shit, i see you're miku, one of earth's stars,
Here on earth a good portion of our gameplay consists of evading cars (by which I mean various earthlings that are not necessarily cars)."
Toejam decided to ride off of Earl's poetic shockwaves and add another verse.
"Yo, t-o-e jam and the big earl,
Crash landed on the earth planet with this schoolgirl.
I know you can't rap but you should give it a whirl,
That way we can make this story unfurl!"
Not to be one-upped by his partner in fire and in order to round out this perfectly, Earl spat some serious fire.
"You got any tacos, or fudge sundaes,
When I come to earth i'm always fucken hungrays,
Food on earth, that shit be gourmets,
Shit be open now because it's not a bank holiday."
Hatsune Miku was at a loss for words.