It was a kinda chilly day in Moosup, Connecticut. Aaron Rodgers of the Green Bay Packers sat alone in his grotto, chortling to himself as he devoured bottle after bottle of convenience store chili powder, as per the rules of the Green Bay Packers.
"I am going to destroy Hatsune Miku and stamp out anime once and for all," he chortled as he swallowed an entire bottle of chili powder whole.
Stealing a glance at the table to his left, he made eye contact with the football sitting on the desk and looked away, embarrassed.
"Football-senpai," he moaned, blushing, "why are you looking at me like that?"
The football said nothing since it was an inanimate object.
Silver the Hedgehog suddenly kicked down his front door. "Aaron Rodgers of the Green Bay Packers! We've found her. Hatsune Miku, the Iblis Trigger!"
Aaron Rodgers of the Green Bay Packers shot to his feet and chortled heartily before chucking a computer mouse at Silver's head, sending him falling onto his furry silver ass.
"I will go to Hatsune Miku and make her pay," Aaron Rodgers of the Green Bay Packers yiffed, gathering up a handful of chili powder and exiting the door.
Flames danced in Hatsune Miku's eyes as she ignited the match.
"ホワイトハウスを焼き払い、ドナルドトランプを殺す時が来た," she announced to her legion of dinosaurs as well as Toejam and Earl, who were still rapping.
Toejam rapped first, as usual.
"Yo, burning down the White House,
With gasoline this building we will douse,
We'll make Trump scurry like a mouse,
Shit just adds up like we're the mathematician Gauss."
Earl, not to be shown up, rapped in response.
"Time to eat this hamburger,
But not before we and Miku commit some murder,
She said we was gonna burn down the White House, I heard her,
As we be bringing this dinosaurs around like we a herder."
Miku clapped softly and grinned and adorable ear to ear grin.
"つま先ジャム、伯爵、それは絶対に犯された。ブラボー、あなたの演奏は絶対に平手打ち。今、あなたは私たちがこのお母さんをめちゃくちゃに光らせると言いますか？"
Toejam and Earl danced in agreement and the dinosaurs roared with excitement at the prospect of having the unique opportunity to devour the bourgeoisie.
As if in slow motion, Hatsune Miku flicked the combusting match from her holographic hand and onto the lawn of the White House. The moment the match stuck the grass, the entire property burst into flames. Mike Pence scampered out in a panic, which the dinosaurs took as their cue to break down the gates and tear him apart. Toejam and Earl mirthfully danced and rapped as the scene unfurled in front of them, the shadows of the flames dancing all over the United States capital.
Elsewhere in the city, Aaron Rodgers of the Green Bay Packers stood, waiting in the shadows for his moment to strike. In one hand, he carried a USB computer mouse, dangling by the cable, and in the other he grasped a handful of raw chili powder that he would sometimes lick so that he could have a taste of the sweet grains. He chortled and accidentally snorted some of the chili powder.
"It is time to make my final play," he yelled to nobody in particular. Some passerby glared at him, since it was 3 in the morning.
As he approached the flaming White House, Aaron Rodgers of the Green Bay Packers spotted Toejam and Earl, hanging out behind and rapping.
Toejam rapped first, while Earl beatboxed and danced.
"The White House is burning,
The cogs of Miku's plans are churning.
And the world is learning,
That assasination is unconcerning."
Earl came in with a follow up while Toejam took his turn beatboxing and dancing.
"Miss Miku can do no wrong,
She's strong and got an 8 inch dong,
When i see her adversaries i make a twang,
It's time to have some lunch Toejam, why don't you come along."
Aaron Rodgers of the Green Bay Packers butted in.
"Hello my friends," he chortled, putting one of his hands on Toejam's shoulder and rubbing a little bit of chili powder into Earl's forehead, which he immediately licked clean off. Both of them stopped dancing and rapping, turning to Aaron Rodgers of the Green Bay Packers with serious and confused expressions. Aaron Rodgers of the Green Bay Packers chortled again. "I am looking for Hatsune Miku, have you good fellows seen her anywhere around here?"
"私のラッピングエイリアンあなたのファックコックからあなたの不潔な手を取りなさい," a soft, digitized voice sang nearby.
Miku stepped forward towards Aaron Rodgers, the flames casting their shadows across the pavement of the road. Behind her, Jurassic Park dinosaurs laid waste to the capitalist icon known as the White House, eager to exact their revenge for being turned into exhibits at a park for people to enjoy.
"Hatsune Miku!" Aaron Rodgers of the Green Bay Packers chortled. "I have come to destroy you."
"火は破壊の炎から生まれる存在を破壊することはできません," she replied, frowning.
Aaron Rodgers of the Green Bay Packers chortled as he lifted up his hand, revealing the chili powder within. Miku didn't even flinch like the fucking badass she is. "I am going to make you pay."
"そのクラックコカインは何ですか？" she asked, attempting to snort the powder out of Aaron Rodgers of the Green Bay Packers' hand. He snatched his hand away.
"I am here to make you pay," he continued, chortling. "When you burned down senator Ted Cruz's house, I was in the process of hazing him via the traditional method of chucking boxes of convenience store chili powder at his head in an attempt to get him to join the Green Bay Packers, the football team that I am, as suggested by my name which is Aaron Rodgers of the Green Bay Packers. If you would be so kind as to reimburse me, I would appreciate it greatly."
Miku reluctantly reached into her pocket and retrieved 300 yen, which she tossed into the outstretched palm of Aaron Rodgers of the Green Bay Packers. Toejam and Earl rapped in the background. As usual, Toejam began.
"300 yen,
this is what happens when
You fuck with sly sports men,
Much to my chagrin."
Earl continued the rap while Toejam began to beatbox.
"300 yen isn't very much monay,
But it's still enough to fill my tummay,
A burger, and maybe some curray,
Man Toejam, I am fucken hungray."
With that, they swagged off to the nearest Taco Bell to nab some food. Hastune Miku turned to follow them, but stopped in her tracks. She slowly turned back to Aaron Rodgers of the Green Bay Packers, who was still chortling.
"あなたはタコベルから何かが欲しいですか?"
"As a matter of fact, yes!" replied Aaron Rodgers of the Green Bay Packers. "I would like a cheesy gordita crunch please. Here is the money to reimburse you for the costs."
Aaron Rodgers gave Miku the 300 yen back, which she immediately snatched away.
Miku turned to follow Toejam and Earl to Taco Bell, and as she walked she uttered one single phrase that echoed through time and space itself, shattering the boundaries between dimensions and causing temporal reality to metaphorically turn in on itself:
"その男は低キーがそれを得ることができます。"