Chapter 28

While Soruna had not committed to granting Luke a Jedi temple, Leia was fairly sure that she had convinced her to accept the pardon should she be able to get her one. Knowing that the young woman was warming up to Leia whom she had just a few minutes prior been utterly terrified of, Leia was confident that she would get her to agree soon. Slipping out of the room when Soruna's handmaidens returned, Leia ran into Sergeant Fischer in the hallway who told her that they had retrieved Luke without any difficulties and that he was in the room next to Han's.

Thanking him profusely, Leia ran off down the hallway towards Luke's room, a curious mix of elation and guilt brewing within her. Not bothering to knock, Leia pushed open the door to Luke's room and entered. In the bed sat Luke, looking a little pallid but otherwise no different than usual. He was arguing with an exasperated nurse who was trying to insert an IV.

"Commander Skywalker, please," she said.

"I'm fine, really!" Luke insisted.

"Commander Skywalker, you're dehydrated."

"Then get me a glass of water," Luke said petulantly, crossing his arms so that the nurse couldn't insert the IV.

"Don't listen to him," Leia said while leaning against the doorframe with a smile on her face. A posture she had no doubt picked up from Han.

Luke looked up quickly to see Leia in the doorframe. "Leia!" he said with a broad boyish grin. "Ouch!" he exclaimed loudly. The nurse had successfully inserted the IV while Luke had been distracted.

"Make sure he doesn't tear that out," the nurse muttered to Leia as she quickly fixed the saline bag to the newly inserted IV and turned to leave.

Leia gave the disgruntled nurse a knowing smile as the latter left the room shaking her head. Walking over to Luke's bed, her smile evaporated as she scrutinized his face more carefully. "Are you okay?" she asked seriously.

"I'm fine, really," Luke said with a smile. "Although I am feeling a lot of déjà vu."

Leia frowned. "How do you mean?" she asked.

"Well we seem to be in this situation a lot, don't we?" he said. "Remember Hoth?"

Blushing slightly, Leia looked away in embarrassment as she remembered kissing Luke after he had nearly died on the frozen planet. Fortunately, Luke didn't seem to notice her discomfort and continued talking.

"And then after Bespin when I lost my hand." This caused Leia to wince as the sight of Soruna clutching her mangled arm flashed before her eyes, yet still Luke remained oblivious. "And now here we are again."

Leia tried to smile at him but only managed a weak grimace. "Hopefully this will be the last time," she said softly.

"Oh, I don't know about that," Luke said gaily. "Jedi have a proclivity to situations such as these, you know." Leia said nothing, the elation of seeing Luke again and seemingly healthy was wearing off quickly, replaced by an overwhelming sense of guilt and discomfort.

"What's wrong?" Luke asked. Receiving no reply, Luke reached out through the Force but was repelled forcefully. Abruptly conscious that something was awry, Luke sat up straight in his bed. "Leia, what happened?" he asked, the boyish enthusiasm gone from his voice.

"You don't want to be in here," she said, pointing to her head. Laughing humorlessly, Leia looked down at Luke's mechanical hand with a perverse curiosity. "How is your hand?" she asked suddenly.

"My hand? Leia, what is wrong?"

Leia looked back up from Luke's hand to his blue eyes which were full of concern. Leia looked away quickly, however, when she felt a sudden urge to cry. Jaw clenched, Leia took a deep breath and recomposed herself.

"I failed you, Luke," she said finally, still determinedly looking at the IV bag rather than at Luke.

"Failed me? What are you talking about? You rescued me."

Leia shook her head and sighed. "I didn't listen to you. You tried to save me, to prevent me from becoming a monster. But I made all the mistakes anyway." Luke said nothing, waiting for her to elaborate. "I was so angry. I was going to kill her, Luke. I was this close from doing it."

Luke's eyes widened as he realized what Leia was talking about. "Who?" he asked cautiously.

Leia's eyes darted back to meet Luke's briefly but she found she couldn't hold his gaze. It was as if she felt she didn't deserve to receive his concern or pity. "The Queen," she said hoarsely. "Instead I sliced off her hand just like Vader did to you. I always denied that I was like him, but that's not true at all, is it? I am just as bad as he is. I'm a menace."

"No, Leia that's not true –"

"No, it is. I am the same as him."

"No, you're not –"

"Don't you try and justify it!" she yelled suddenly. "She's just a girl and I wanted to kill her! I was seconds away from doing it! I don't deserve this… this gift. I can't control myself like you can, I'm a threat –"

"STOP!" Luke bellowed abruptly, grabbing her arm with a vice-like grip, the metal of his mechanical hand digging painfully into her skin. "Stop this at once." Shocked by Luke's passion, Leia looked back at him with wide eyes. Realizing that he was hurting her, Luke released her arm. "Nobody is predisposed to be evil, Leia," he said. "You are no worse than me and you are not just like Vader."

Leia shook her head vigorously, not wanting to hear this particular speech. "You don't understand."

"I do understand," he said softly. "Leia, please look at me." Reluctantly, Leia looked up from the ground to meet her brother's gaze. "You are not a bad person."

Leia felt herself begin to tremble and the tears she had been fighting for the past few hours began to emerge in her eyes. Instinctively, Luke tried to stand up to embrace her but was stopped by the dreaded IV in his arm. Cursing something in Huttese, Luke reached over and tore the IV out.

"Luke, y-you shouldn't…" she tried to say, but Luke ignored her.

Standing up, he hugged her tightly as the tears began to flow freely. Stroking her hair gently, Luke let her cry for a few moments. "You're not a bad person," he whispered to her after a while. "The very fact that you feel so terrible proves that."

Taking a shaky breath, Leia stopped crying but remained in Luke's comforting embrace, rocking back and forth gently. After a minute like this, Luke pulled away and placed his hands on Leia's arms. "Are you okay?" he asked her.

"I'm okay," she said, sniffling and rubbing her eyes. Much to Luke's surprise, she began to smile faintly. "I am feeling a bit of déjà vu, though" she said lightly. Momentarily confused, Luke began to grin as well when he caught her meaning.

"We do seem to be in this situation a lot, don't we?" he said.

Suddenly feeling exhausted, Leia collapsed into the chair next to Luke's bed. "I'm a mess," she said with a groan, her face in her hands.

"Aren't we all," Luke said casually, lying back down on his bed and rubbing the spot on his arm where he had torn out the IV. "But it can only get better from here," he assured her. "After all, you're only just learning how to hone your abilities."

Leia froze, a sense of dread flooding her. Sensing Leia's tension, Luke looked up. "Leia?" he asked.

Leia's shoulders drooped as she hung her head between her knees. "I'm so sorry, Luke," she said in a voice so faint that Luke barely heard her.

"Leia, we've been over this. You don't have to be sorry for –"

"No, it's not about that," she said, sitting upright with what looked like a considerable effort. Slouching back in her chair, she gave Luke a dejected look. "In order to gain Mothma's support to rescue you I had to agree to a condition."

"What type of condition?" Luke asked.

"I–" Leia faltered, knowing that what she was about to say was going to break Luke's heart. "I agreed to go back into politics."

Luke stared back at her silently for a few moments, an unpleasant mixture of confusion and indignation upon his face. "Why?" he asked finally, sounding so crestfallen that Leia couldn't help but grimace.

"She wants me as an ally in the Senate," she said weakly, knowing that this explanation was far from sufficient. "She wouldn't have sent help if I hadn't agreed."

"But you can't leave now!" Luke said desperately. "You still have so much to learn."

"I don't have a choice, Luke."

"Of course you do!" he retorted forcefully, ripping off his bedsheets once again and jumping out of the bed. "You can tell her that you changed your mind, or that you just need some more time," he said as he began to pace in front of her. Getting no response from Leia, he continued rambling. "Why does it have to be you anyway? Maybe you could recommend someone else, maybe you could –"

"Luke," Leia interjected. "I have to do it."

Luke stopped pacing and stared back at her. "You know this is a bad idea, don't you?" he said. "You need to continue training, to master the darkness and the light. Going back now could be a disaster!"

"I'll be fine," she mumbled but Luke seemed not to have heard her.

"She has no right to demand that of you! The Republic shouldn't have the right to interfere in Jedi matters."

"I'm not a Jedi, Luke," Leia said in a stronger voice.

"Of course you are," Luke said dismissively.

"No, I'm not. I don't know what I am, but I'm definitely not a Jedi."

"But that doesn't mean you won't become one!"

Leia said nothing, staring intently at her hands which were clasped in front of her lap so as to avoid Luke's eyes.

"Y-you can't leave," Luke said in a shaky voice. "I don't know what I would do without you." Leia looked up quickly, surprised by this profound admittance. She saw Luke's lower lip tremble and it looked as if he was about to cry. Feeling tremendously guilty, she shut her eyes tightly and rocked back and forth on her chair.

"This had to happen eventually," she said in a whisper. "Surely you know that."

"Why!?" Luke asked angrily. "Why can't things stay like they are?" Leia merely shook her head as she heard Luke collapse back into his bed, utterly dejected. "You're like a part of me," he said morosely. "I'll be incomplete without you."

We'll never truly be separated then she told him silently, in a far stronger voice than she ever could have produced audibly. We'll always be together.