Author's Note: Warning for brief mention of suicidal thoughts in this chapter.

Chapter 29

Leia skulked out of Luke's room feeling worse than she ever had about herself. She had thought beforehand that she might feel better after she dropped the proverbial bomb on Luke, but this couldn't be further from the truth. Instead it was as if she had crushed what little spirit she had left in her; she had never seen Luke as heartbroken as he had been when she told him she was leaving him to go back to politics.

The rational side of her wanted to reject Luke's reaction. He had no control over what she did with her life and he didn't have the right to manipulate her feelings like he had, wittingly or not. But these rationalizations did little to sooth Leia's conscience.

She had been so sure just a few hours prior that she was doing the right thing. That what she was doing was for the greater good and that Luke would come to realize that in time. Now she couldn't help but think that she had made a colossal mistake, not only in rescuing Luke in the manner that she had but in deciding to become a Jedi in the first place. Why had she done it? Was it the mystique of it? The allure of Luke's awesome powers? Or had it been because she had felt lost in the world and decided to cling to Luke, the one person who she felt could truly understand her?

Slipping into Han's room, Leia shut the door behind her and closed the blinds. The room was mercifully empty. Han must be in the bacta tank by now. Turning off the fluorescent lights, Leia collapsed onto the bed.

It had been a mistake to become a Jedi, Leia was now convinced of this. All she had achieved was to hurt all those closest to her. With her newfound powers she had lost her humanity. Would the old Leia Organa have attacked her boyfriend? Would she have ever dismembered a young girl or betrayed her brother? She couldn't control these powers, no matter what Luke said. She was a menace to all those around her. She truly was her father's daughter.

The thought made her sick to her stomach. Rolling over in the bed, Leia punched the stiff pillow angrily. Perhaps she had always known that this was the case. Maybe that was why she had so vehemently denied that she was anything like Vader. Because she had feared the truth.

But she was wiser than Vader. She knew her weaknesses and how to control them. While she was undoubtedly a monster, she knew now how to prevent herself from fulfilling her natural form. Mothma's request was a blessing after all; it gave Leia the excuse she needed to abandon Jedism forever and to surrender her powers. She would forget about the Force, she decided. She wouldn't let it tempt her anymore.

But could she? Did she really have that type of self-control? The Force was not something she could turn off, it surrounded her every move, permeated her every step. The physical world begged her to command it, much like the soldiers. How could she resist that authority; was that not what she had craved for all of her childhood? To have power? To command respect and authority? Could she simply pretend that she wasn't a monster?

While she was thoroughly exhausted, she knew she couldn't sleep under these conditions. Whenever she closed her eyes she would see Soruna's trembling form at her feet; she would see Han's terrified expression as he dangled in the air; she would see Luke's crestfallen face after she had told him she was leaving him. So instead she left her eyes open, staring blankly at the hospital ceiling in the darkness, wishing that she could become the person she once had been. She remembered that young woman quite well: passionate, principled, loving. What had happened to her?

Eyes still transfixed on the ceiling, she noticed that a faint blue hue had permeated the darkness, the ethereal glow crawling languidly about the shadows. Leia exhaled deeply for she knew what this meant: Vader had returned. Wearily, she pushed herself into a sitting position to face the man whom she resembled so unfortunately. He was looking back at her with a somber expression, the typical glimmer of humor absent from his eyes. Leia said nothing, waiting for him to speak. Vader was silent as well for a few moments, and Leia wondered briefly if there had been a glitch in the Force, if such a thing was even possible.

"I was never truly a believer," Vader said suddenly. He paused, perhaps expecting Leia to ask for him to elaborate. Receiving no such prompt, he continued. "That the Force has an agenda and that it merely uses us as vessels to achieve its will.

"That is what the Jedi taught me when I was a boy. I never argued with Obi Wan about it but I always thought it was something that the Jedi told themselves to justify themselves. After all, if something goes wrong one can always say that this was the will of the Force and that we did nothing wrong.

"After Mustafar, I grew even more cynical. How could the Force have possibly wanted this to happen to me? How could the Force have wanted Padme and my child to die? No, the Force had no agenda I told myself. The Force was merely a tool for the strong to use to crush their foes. There was no greater meaning in the Galaxy, there was only power."

Vader stopped talking momentarily and gave Leia a look as if to tell her that it was her time to speak. But Leia remained silent and so he resumed his lecture. "When I met Luke, my doubts were enhanced even more. Here was my son, a brave and noble young man, who had been separated from me for his entire life. The Force was no longer an arbitrary entity to me now. Now I knew that it was my enemy. It sought to inflict as much pain on me as possible. How else could I explain the misery of my existence?"

"You were a fool, then," Leia said hoarsely. For the first time, Vader's face lighted up a bit, the hint of a smile present on the corner of his mouth. "You were just like the Jedi."

"Indeed, I was and I am glad that you can appreciate this."

"Then why are you here?" she asked irritably. "I have no need to consult with fools."

A genuine smile emerged now on Vader's ghostly face. "Oh, but I think you do," he said provocatively. "For you are acting very foolishly now. Perhaps you need to talk with a peer?"

Leia opened her mouth to retort but found that she was not full of indignation as she had expected. Instead, she felt nothing but apathy. "That's the difference between you and me," she said coolly. "I understand that I am a fool whereas you did not."

"Hmm," Vader said, scrutinizing Leia's face closely. She might have been perturbed by this behavior previously, but now that she had accepted the truth she knew that Vader was merely looking into a mirror when he stared at her so intently. "You are quite the contradiction, Leia Skywalker."

"Don't call me that," she said automatically. Vader smirked, apparently glad that she was fighting back against him as she normally did.

"You are both wise beyond your years and foolish beyond measure."

Much delayed indignation began to bubble up inside her at last. "Are you just here to taunt me?" she asked angrily.

"Why am I here?" Vader asked back to her. Confused by this tactic, Leia was rendered speechless. "I have asked myself this question many times. It may come as a surprise to you that I am not here on my own will. I did not decide to meet you here, I simply found myself transported here.

"You see I realize now that the Jedi were right, in a way. I am but a pawn in the grand scheme of things. I believe that the Force has chosen me to serve as a conduit of its will to you. It is in this way that I fulfill the prophecy and bring balance to the Force. Through my death, I destroyed the great perversion that was the Sith. But this is just a part of the equation. It is not me who will bring balance to the Force, but my children. You and Luke are the incarnations of the Dark and Light side of the Chosen One, and it is my task to see that you restore the Galaxy to its natural status of equilibrium."

Leia stared back at him dumbfounded, all traces of indignation gone and replaced with a burning curiosity. "What are you saying?" she asked.

"I am here to save you. No, I am here to help you save yourself."

"No, that's not it at all," she said slowly, looking back at him with suspicious eyes. "You're here to tempt me, aren't you? You don't want me to abandon the Force. Well I know better than you. I know what it does to me. I have to abandon it, otherwise I will truly become a reincarnation of Vader."

"If you follow that path, the Force will be forever out of balance."

"So what!" Leia retorted loudly. "I represent the Darkness! The Galaxy would be better off without me!"

"You are mistaken," Vader said. "The Force does not see in terms of Light and Dark. That is merely a simplification we mortals have devised for ourselves to help comprehend the workings of the Force."

"Oh, so the Dark Side is a good thing now?"

"No," Vader said impatiently. "It is merely a state of being. The Force does not recognize concepts like good and evil, light and dark. It operates in simultaneous yet distinct waves."

"How do you know this?" Leia asked suspiciously.

Vader shrugged. "I'm not really sure," he said honestly. "Perhaps being dead has something to do with it."

"Well I think you're wrong," Leia said resolutely. "The Dark Side sent you to tempt me, to convince me not to abandon the Force so that I can become the monster I'm destined to become!"

"There is no Dark Side!" Vader bellowed in frustration. "There is only the Force! You and Luke are the two manifestations of its power! If you abandon it, the Force will be rendered meaningless. Is that what you want? A galaxy without guidance? Do you want a galaxy that is arbitrary?

Unsure of what to say, Leia said nothing. Vader closed his eyes and took a deep breath, composing himself. "This is your destiny," he said quietly. "I understand why you might hate the word. I certainly did when I was alive. But you must fulfill it."

"But how?" she asked equally softly. "I'm being torn apart."

Vader gave her a sad look. "Perhaps now you can understand my pain, then." Leia looked away, the expression on Vader's face too much for her to bear. "You have been assigned a terrible burden, my child. Believe me, I too wish that this was not your fate. I wish that I could have been a normal man and lived an ordinary life. But I am not an ordinary man, and you are not an ordinary woman. Pretending that we are otherwise will only lead to suffering."

"So what do you want me to do? Abandon Han and Luke and pretend that I don't care about them? Isolate myself from the world so that I can carry this burden alone? I can't do that!"

Vader shook his head somberly. "I am sorry. I do not have the answers you seek."

"WHY!" she shrieked, leaping off the bed and throwing her pillow across the room, inadvertently propelling it so much so that it actually left a dent in the wall. "WHY CAN'T ANYONE HELP ME! I DON'T WANT THIS RESPONSIBILITY. I- I can't deal with this anymore… I'm going to go insane…" She froze when her hand brushed against the lightsaber on her belt. It could help her, she thought. It would be so easy. She wouldn't have to deal with this pain anymore… all she had to do was press a button…

Vader stood up abruptly, clearly alarmed by Leia's outburst. "Leia, listen to me," he said urgently. "I won't let you go through this alone. Luke won't either, for that matter. You will never be alone as long as you have people who love you."

Leia swiveled her head around to look at Vader's sincere face. "Y-you love me?" she asked.

"Of course I do," he said plainly.

Leia looked away quickly, fighting against now all-to-familiar tears. Why did this surprise her so much? Why should she care what he thought?

"You… you only s-say that because I'm so much like you," she said shakily, her words sounding incoherent even to herself. "Y-you're just so happy to meet someone as messed up as you are."

"No," Vader said firmly. "I love you because you are my daughter." Leia burst out in tears for the umpteenth time, cradling herself in her arms for there was no one there to embrace her.

"I will always be here for you," her father said.