Hello Again! Guess who? Yep! It's me Tap- bringing you another chapter of Beware-Of-Flying-Ice-cream; which I am now officially dubbing BOFI so I don't have to type that ridiculously long title again... unless I feel like it. So with the way life's going at the moment there should be an update to this story every 1-2 weeks- so keep an eye out ^^
As always, a big ol' hug to everyone who has favorited, reviewed or followed this story so far. ^^ Y'all make my day just that little bit better! Especially when I decide to write the next chapter instead of taking notes in class ;)
(I Don't Own Batman)
Beware Of Flying Ice-Cream
Chapter Four: Lucky Black Cat
(Alternate Chapter Title: Tiana really doesn't like cats.)
"Are you sure you're alright with me leaving you here?" Tiana can hear the apprehension in the question and she stifles yet another groan of annoyance. Geesh. What was he- her mother or something?
"I'll be fine. Not like I haven't lived here for the entirety of my childhood or anything." Tiana rolls her eyes, stopping herself from slamming the door at the last minute. Such a beautiful car deserved more respect than that.
"Green." Dick's voice is flat, and uncharacteristically serious. Damn it. Now she'd have to pay attention or she'd feel bad. Or not. Actually, she should just stop this conversation right here. 'Nip it in the bud and all that.
Her shoulders hunch up, and Tiana forces herself to relax again. Leveling the idiot with an equally flat and emotionless stare. "Richard." Her tone oozes sarcasm and Tiana sighs, shouldering her backpack with a lopsided smirk. "I have lived here before. I know Gotham. I know the streets- my streets, my people and all that Jazz." Tiana flicks her hair over her shoulder lazily, turning around and swinging her bag to the other shoulder. "I'll be f-" Her foot catches on the sidewalk and Instead of casual and reassuring indifference -like she'd been hoping for- she trips; Face planting hard. Slamming into the ground as Dick stares with almost morbid disbelief.
Tiana stands, hands instantaneously brushing off whatever dirt may have accumulated on her clothes from the disgusting state of path. "Don't. Say. A. Word." Her head stays high even as Dick, slowly turns the key in the ignition. Almost daring her to get back in the damn car. No. She refused.
Head held high Tiana turns. Sidestepping the crack with a wide berth and looking back at Dick with an over exaggerated eye roll. "Quit your lurking would ya? Starting to look like a creeper idiot." Her hand jerks in a bastardised version of a salute and Tiana sets off; hoisting her backpack higher subconsciously.
The purr of the porsche pulls away and she lets loose a little sigh of relief. She really couldn't deal with his nosiness right now. Things to do, places to see, people to murder. The usual. Well, maybe not that last one. Unfortunately murder was illegal, even in Gotham. But brutally maiming someone? A-okay as long as no one caught you. Which was absolutely perfect.
Tiana shrugs her jacket down to her elbows, taking a breath. Ah the familiar comforts of a city that had more chaos than the entirety of all the Disneyland parks combined. It was all too easy to let go of her anger here, but just as easy to let it swallow her whole. To be consumed by the ever lingering scent of crime, the stench of pollution, that no street sweeper could ever wash away. This was home.
A black cat runs across the path in front of her and Tiana takes a moment to huff in amusement, before casually sauntering across the invisible line. Take your best shot asshat. Pausing a moment for effect, Tiana looks around with a sarcastic snort. No mysterious objects falling out of the sky? No random rainfalls or stupid puddles? Yeah- Didn't think so.
Gotham; for all its faults and flaws, was actually a rather exciting city. Especially, in the upper quarter. The central business district was clean, uniform, and yet was still as chaotic as the rest of the city. It also came with the added bonus of the most expensive part of town, but Tiana wasn't staying long so it didn't matter much to her. Just one job; Pick up the parcel and then spend the rest of the day nursing a half full bottle of tequila at the back of some unknown bar. The almost perfect plan. She just had to make sure she'd be sober by the end of the day. Take it slow, and all that.
It had been a last minute decision, but she may as well kill two favors with one stone. Heh. Maybe I'll go visit my dear old mum after all.
A quick glance to her phone let Tiana know that she still had a few hours to kill before she was due outside the office- What was it called again? Gotham Gazette or something like that?
She wasn't really in the mood to go for a walk, maybe she could duck into a cafe. It may be early, but this was one area of the city that never slept. Need an overpriced coffee at five in the freaking morning? Not a problem— Not here. Tiana knew for a fact that there were quite a lot of coffee shops that were open twenty four hours here. She used to work for a few of them after all. No, that wasn't the problem. Finding a coffee shop that was within budget. That was the problem.
Time passes and Tiana hunts; shoulders slouched, lip pulled down into a steadily growing snarl and a pounding headache from the lack of caffeine that Tiana finally, finally, gives up. Somehow managing to seat herself at the back of some little cafe just off fifth street. She signals to the waiter- Hair combed back, clothes fresher than she could ever hope to reach with her tiny crappy ironing board- Not that she uses it all that much…- and a smile that strains just a little when he realises that Tiana most definitely would not be wasting her money on both an expensive coffee and, two pieces of tasteless bread slammed together with just a few basic ingredients on a fancy plate. Yeah. Fat chance buster.
The coffee itself is surprisingly delicious- but that might just be her sleep deprived brain talking. It was always hard to tell. Rich, creamy, and doused in so much sugar it would give Dr Pepper a run for its money. To Tiana it wasn't just perfect. To Tiana, it was a godsend.
Except now it was finished, and it was almost time to find her guy. Almost, as in; there was pretty much just under five minutes until pickup time.
Scrabbling through her purse to get some money on the counter, Tiana gives a muttered swear, and exits, almost knocking over a few suits in the process.
Not even bothering with an apology, Tiana starts to hurry. Her pace quickening. Crap. She really couldn't be late for this. She'd told Meg, she'd grab the package from her cousin to save her the trip, and she meant it. Least she could do, her coworker was picking up her shift today, despite having come down with a cold.
Sliding round the corner, Tiana's eyes nervously flick back down to her watch. Maybe she should start running. And she winces a little. It was already a quarter to seven, she was cutting it a bit close. Meg's cousin wasn't a patient man apparently, and she knew he wouldn't wait much longer.
The hands tick away, and Tiana glances briefly up to look around- had she already passed the turn? Crap. This wasn't the way she came. She was in some rich school district. Double Crap. Good thing it was a Sunday- no hordes of bratty children on their way to school. Oh shit. This meant she was well and truly lost. Triple Crap.
Tiana takes a breath, and looks around for a familiar landmark. There! That office building a several blocks away- she'd seen that roof this morning; weird twisty metal loops- Architectural beauty some might say. Ugly waste of scrap metal- had thought Tiana. But right now there was nothing more beautiful in the world- well, except maybe a hot fudge sundae, with extra walnuts. But Tiana would take what she could get.
She's so distracted by the time, and the flashing green light of the crosswalk that Tiana nearly doesn't see the car hurtling towards her. Nearly.
Flinging herself the last few feet Tiana's already screaming obscenities at the lunatic, and waving her fist when the wave of disgusting puddle water splashes over her. Oh now she's pissed. Feeling the last threads of whatever coffee-induced pleasure that had remained in her ebb away Tiana scowls, pushing her wet curls out of her face. If she ever saw the driver in person she was going to let them have it.
Thankfully Tiana does actually manage to make it to the building, only half an hour late. What Tiana is not thankful for, is having to deal with Meg's fool of a cousin. And it takes what little patience she has left to just hold back from decking the idiot in the face, but that may be because she was storing it all, ready for whichever asshats she found tonight. Maybe she'd take it out on Dick. A little friendly sparring, to keep him on his toes. Heaven knows, he'd probably take the opportunity for a chance to lecture her on anger management again- she knew he had some martial arts training, may as well put it to the test.
Zipping her bag, Tiana stows the package safely away from her hands. Or else she might just hurl it at the next person to come past, and she'd already had a pretty crappy morning- there was no need to add a 'waste of time' to the list.
Sighing her hand scrubs at her face. Now what? Admittedly her original plan for the day kind of sucked. And now she was covered in drying puddle water, so there was no way she was getting in a cab. Not like this anyhow.
She needed a shower, but that meant she had to call Dick and interrupt the idiot's family time. Despite admittedly being a bit of an asshole herself Tiana really didn't want to do that. No. What Tiana wanted was a drink.
And she knew just the place to get it.
Now all she had to do was get there.
"Master Dick, if you could perhaps remove your feet from the table it would be highly appreciated." The smooth british tone breaks Dick out of his musings and he moves his feet with a sheepish apology. Instead standing up to wrap the older man in a gentle hug.
"It's good to see you again Alfred. It's been a while." He squeezes a little before letting go and taking a step back.
"Yes, I do believe I just missed your last visit." The butler raises his brow, tone simultaneously amused yet reprimanding. Dick feels a little guilty at that. It wasn't like he was avoiding Alfred- or his brothers for that matter. He was just avoiding Bruce.
"Sorry Alf-" His tone brightens and Dick plucks a strawberry from the bowl in the butler's hands, plopping it into his mouth with a happy moan. He hadn't realised how hungry he was. "-Did you make me fruit salad? Thanks a bunch."
Alfred hums, eyeing Dick with a hint of concern. "Have you been sleeping well master Dick?"
Dick snorts, shaking his head fondly. "Alfred I'm a grown man, I know enough about how to care of myself, and unlike some people, I do usually go to bed at a reasonable hour." Okay, so that was a slight lie, but it wasn't like his was as bad as Bruce. No one could be as bad as Bruce. "Has Damian been down yet? I was hoping to take him out today. Some good old brotherly bonding."
Alfred hums again, not quite believing Dick's statement but choosing rather to politely refrain from pointing out the obvious. "Master Damian, I believe, has been rather excited for your visit. He was up quite early this morning and has been training ever since."
Dick smiles. "It'll be good for the kid to take a break for the day then. Get him away from-" He gestures in the vague direction of the bat cave. "-all of this, for a while."
"I believe that whilst master Damian might not entirely accept the idea, that he will appreciate the sentiment, master Dick. Perhaps it would be better if both of you boys could take on a few of master Bruce's cases, maybe stake out a few locations for any criminal activity, in civilian attire of course." Alfred's eyes twinkle. "To avoid suspicion."
Dick grins in return; catching on. "Of course." He laughs, looking at Alfred thoughtfully and with a hint of amused wariness. "You didn't get Bruce to use that on me did you?" He picks up the empty bowl automatically, heading to the sink before the butler can take it from him.
Alfred just raises his brow again and Dick shakes his head, face contorting into a kicked-puppy look. "Alfred how could you?"
"It was quite simple master Dick, and you I believe, were quite credulous as a boy." Alfred returns dryly. Smoothly intercepting Dick's attempt to wash his own dishes. "I understand that master Damian should be practicing his sparring right now. It would do you both good if you were to perhaps join him." It isn't phrased as a question and Dick chuckles again.
"Alright, alright. I'm going, I'm sorry for invading your territory." He smiles and waves to Alfred, taking the all too familiar track to the cave's secret entrance.
He missed these moments. The little things.
Tiana's going to kill that stupid cat.
She didn't set out from her house this morning with the intention to commit murder but damn it she was well past being peaceful and easy going now.
Three puddles, four collisions on the walkway, one spilled coffee, a tin of paint and two freaking splodges of bird shit now smeared all over her jeans.
People are switching to the opposite side of the road, in order to get away from her for pete's sake.
Tiana is an angry, fuming mess, and she damn well knows it. But she's an angry, fuming mess, who's going to rid this city of one more evil if it's the last thing she achieves in her life. Ever.
Now… all she had to do was catch the thing .
"Hey Dami, I've got an idea... Why don't you come with me today? I've got a few places I need to stake out and I'd like it if I had some back up-" Dick pauses, rolling neatly backwards as his murderous little brother lunges. "Bruce is out and you're the next best thing." Dick beams at his murderous little brother, blocking the ensuing strike and reciprocating with a hit of his own.
Damian rolls backwards, dodging and straightening up when Dick holds up his hands to call their spar to a standstill. "Too weak to handle this on your own Grayson?" Damian sneers, his chin rising in pride. "Typical."
"Is that a yes little brother?" Dick stretches, tossing Damian a bottle of water. "Pleeease?" He draws out the sound, laughing as Damian scowls.
"Father would not be pleased if I left you to die like the pathetic creature you are."
"Aww I never knew you cared."
"Grayson."
"Yeah kiddo?"
"Shut up."
Dick snickers as Damian rolls his eyes in irritation, grabbing his robin costume. Dick stops him, gesturing for him to put it back in the case. "Undercover Dami. No suits."
"Undercover? Surely you're joking." Dick can hear the confusion and tries to keep his snickers inside.
"Nope. Not joking kiddo." He tosses a pile of clothes towards the brat and points to the stairs. "Meet me outside in ten. We've got work to do."
Damian eyes the chosen garments with no small amount of disgust but nevertheless concedes to Dick's demands. Just what was Grayson up to?
"Come here you stupid cat. C'mon, aunty Tiana has a little present for you."
Tiana wasn't sure what kind of expression was on her face at the moment. But it lay somewhere a little passed thunderous, and possibly closer to the range of 'demonic.' She wasn't really going to kill the cat... Probably. If she's honest, Tiana was really just itching for something to do, and taking her anger out on a wild goose chase seemed like a good start.
Her hands flip over a few more cardboard boxes- the alleys here were full of them. Go figure. -When something catches her attention.
"Meow."
No. Surely not. It couldn't be that simple. There's no way.
Tiana turns slowly, gaze locking onto a shape at the end of the alley, by a fire escape. A small, furry, shape. A small, black, furry shape with gold eyes and a scruffy coat.
"Meow."
The cat mews again, gazing with its beady little monster eyes as Tiana stares it down flatly, one foot slowly moving in front of the other.
"Meow." The thing licks its paws, un-bothered as Tiana approaches, face twitching in anger.
The cat looks up. It blinks at Tiana.
"Meow."
It runs.
Tiana follows.
"Grayson!"
Damian snarls, furious as Dick tilts his head quizzically from his perch on the monkey bars.
"Get down from there this instant! We have work to do, and we can't waste any more time with your foolishness."
Dick laughs, swinging himself into a handstand.
"Sorry Dami, no can do. I can't disappoint the crowd." Indeed there is a group of kids watching them in amazement, and in Damian's case- fear.
"Grayson." Damian growls, his hand absentmindedly picking up a stick. "Get down from there before I make you."
Dick jumps down with a perfect roll and a bow to their audience, picking up his own stick with a smile. "En guard, little brother."
Damian's lips twitch up of their own accord as he races toward his older brother, only one thing on his mind- victory.
Tiana takes it back. She's not going to kill the cat, because she's going to probably die chasing it halfway across the damned city.
"Slow-" Huff. "-Down-" Huff "-You-" Huff "-Mangy-" Huff "-Beast!"
Screeching at the cat achieves absolutely nothing. But it does make her feel a little bit better.
"Meow."
The cat jumps clean over a park fence and Tiana decides then and there that this is no longer about revenge. It's about pride.
Dick passes the stick of cotton candy to Damian with a small smirk on his face. His brother is smiling (Not that Damian actually realised he was smiling) in a totally non creepy 'I'm-going-to-paint-the-walls-with-your-blood kind of way' but in a 'I'm-actually-super-pleased-but-I'm-not-going-to-let-you-see-it' kind of way, and it's absolutely adorable.
He flips idly through the recent photos on his phone with a grin. He was so going to send these to Alfred. Actually, maybe he'd just send them to everybody, even Bruce.
Taking another selfie, Dick spares a thought to what Tiana's up to, but shrugs it off. It was getting later in the day but she'd said she was going to visit her mother, and she'd call if she needed a ride. Right now he was focusing all his attention on his baby brother.
His baby brother who was currently trying to eat his enormous stick of cotton candy without it obscuring his line of vision. Anything for the sake of undercover work. Dick thinks with a grin.
Oh yeah. This is definitely the Best. Day. Ever.
Tiana hauls herself up the fire escape without a second of hesitation. Oh no you don't punk.
Perhaps, if she'd had a moment to catch her bloody breath, she'd have realized that this probably wasn't the safest thing to do. Scaling an old broken fire-escape, onto a random rooftop whilst chasing the cat from hell.
Perhaps, but in that moment Tiana was far too worked up to give a crap.
Damian knows what his fool of a brother is up to.
It's pathetic really, all these excuses. Clearly his brother has forgotten what their mission was and is just stalling for time. No matter. Damian will find the mark by himself. He'll show his brother and his father that he is clearly worthy of being robin.
Tiana seethes, holding the squirming bundle of fur securely in her arms and as far away from her face as she can manage.
"I hate you."
The cat purrs happily in response. Like it hadn't just scratched the ever living hell out of Tiana's arms. She had battle wounds now for heaven's sake. She was bleeding! She had gaping tears in her skin.
Tiana holds it out, studying the mangy beast, as it proceeds to stare at her imploringly. No signs of ownership- intelligence and street smarts. Clearly, the thing was a stray.
"Hell no."
It purrs again, and Tiana shakes her head.
"I have no money or food or anything, I can't take care of a cat. Get lost." She sets it down, hoping the thing will turn around and run. But it doesn't. Of course, it doesn't. No. Instead, it rubs its disgusting matted fur up against her leg, acting cute and innocent.
Tiana retreats, edging towards the fire escape, before turning around and bolting.
"Meow?"
Tiana freezes. Don't look. Don't do it Tiana. Don't you dare-
She looks. Shit. Had the hell beast always looked so... small?
"Fine."
Shuddering Tiana picks it back up, and looks it dead in the eye, the scratches on her arms beginning to sting.
"But I'm calling you Demon."
"Yo Dami." Dick waves his brother over and Damian tenses. Had Dick remembered the mission? Had he spotted the mark? "Time to go, today was a bit of a bust. Sorry for wasting your time."
Damian scoffs. "As you should be. We wasted the whole day, with your antics. Father will be so disappointed in you Grayson. Can't even manage to track down one man." He almost licks his fingers as he finishes the last of his confectionery, tossing the stick into the trash with perfect grace.
He misses Dick's smile as they walk to the car. "Oh Dami- I took your advice and invited a friend to the gala. She's coming over in about an hour or so, try not to kill her."
Damian tsks. "Worried I'll scare the harlot off?"
Dick snickers. "Hardly. She can take whatever you throw at her- figuratively. Please don't throw actual things at her, like knives, or punches." He pauses. "Also don't call people harlots. It's rude, and she's just a friend- so behave."
Damian huffs. "Unlike Todd I actually do have a bit of decorum Grayson. Just keep the bimbo out of my way and we'll be fine."
The taxi pulls up outside the Wayne residence and all Tiana can do is stare, swiveling her head to growl in annoyance at the Taxi driver.
"What the hell? I think you got the wrong address buddy, and I sure as hell ain't paying you anymore for your mistakes." She'd already been charged extra as is- but that was more for the angry demon cat, and the fact that she was probably getting dirt all over the backseat.
The taxi driver shrugs. "This is the address you gave me lady. Wayne residence- Either you get out, or you pay more."
Tiana scowls, stepping out of the car. Maybe she could ask the owner of the estate to call her another cab- she was in the middle of freaking nowhere, but like hell would she give that swindler anything else. She sighs, hand coming up to press the buzzer on the gate and explain the misunderstanding when it opens by itself.
"Tiana?"
She blinks, staring in total confusion. This... this was Dick's house? But no. That couldn't be right. This was the Wayne Residence. Dick was just a cop from Blüdhaven wasn't he?
"Tiana? Are you alright?"
That was definitely Dick. But this didn't make sense. Why would... Wait. Didn't Bruce Wayne have a ward named Grayson?
The penny drops.
"Tiana, hey- snap out of it!" There's fingers snapping in front of her face and Tiana blinks, breaking herself out of her stupor. She holds her arms out robotically to Dick, depositing the hell-spawn in his hands. It's too much, and Tiana says the only thing she can think of in the face of this revelation that made way too much sense.
"I have a cat."
Rightyo, and that concludes the end of chapter four! What did you think? Got any questions? Let me know in a review- or come find me on tumblr. My (Because I actually have one of those now, and I don't post much but I do check it daily) tumblr username is: thetapdancingdragon Also I don't remember if I've mentioned this before but this story was inspired by the awesome Marshmallow with their story Nascent. Which, you've probably all read, but if you haven't you definitely should!
A special shout-out to the reviewers! Shejams, Dork A saurus, BlackDove WhiteDove, Princess Magic and RubyCatCard!
In response to Guest Reviews:
RubyCatCard: Thankyou! The plot will unfold eventually. Slowly... but eventually.
Dork A saurus: ;) ;) ;)
Thanks again for reading! And I'll see you next chapter!
~Tap
P.s
Still looking for a beta if anyone's up for it?