Vendetta 4
L didn't even realize he'd fallen asleep until the scream startled him awake. His eyes flew open and he sat up, staring into the darkness of the room trying to understand what had just woke him up. He reached for the lamp as a second scream happened and Light was up as well and heading for the door in one motion.
"Aki!" he shouted and was out of the room, L following right behind him. He knew it was impossible that anyone could have gotten into the apartment, but at the same time he couldn't imagine what else was wrong.
Light threw the door open to Aki's room and turned on the light to find Aki sitting up and screaming in the bed, his small face a mask of pure terror. He ran to him and gathered the screaming, trembling child in his arms as L scoured the room to make sure no one was there.
"You're alright Aki, you're safe, it's okay," Light said softly as he held him tightly.
"Mama! Mama! He hurt Mama!" Aki cried clinging to Light, "Mama!" Light pulled him away from his chest to look at his face.
"I know Aki, but she's being taken care of, she's in the hospital." He soothed him as he held him, "It's okay." The boy nodded slowly and buried his face in Light's chest again. L could see how badly the boy was trembling and crying in Light's arms and made a decision.
"I think it would be best if we brought him back to bed with us," he suggested, "He shouldn't be left alone again." Light nodded.
"Good idea," he said rubbing the boy's back as he began to calm down, "Aki, we're going to bring you to our room, okay?" The boy nodded against his neck, as he tried to stop crying. "Alright, let's go into the bathroom and wash your face first." Light told him and moved to do that, "It will make you feel better." L watched Light as he walked past him holding Aki against his chest, the look on his face troubling. He expected to see concern, even upset but what he saw was pure fury.
"Light," he said gently touching Light's shoulder to make him stop for a moment, "You need to calm down yourself to be able to help the boy properly." He could tell Light was about to snap at him but caught himself and took a deep breath.
"I'm fine," he answered, "Could you get him something to drink to help him calm down?" L nodded.
"Of course, hot chocolate always calmed me when I was his age," he answered and Light gave him a small smile and headed into the bathroom with Aki. L went to the kitchen and prepared the hot chocolate, warming the milk in the microwave and adding chocolate syrup to his personal specifications. He sipped at it to make sure it wasn't too hot, then carried the mug into the bedroom where Light was sitting with Aki next to him in the bed.
"Ah you look better," L said as he sat down on the other side of him, "Here, take this and drink carefully, it is warm." Aki looked at him, then looked in the mug.
"Is it chocolate?" he asked and L nodded.
"It's hot chocolate, it should make you feel better and help you sleep." Light looked at the mug when Aki took it and looked at L.
"Not with all that chocolate it won't help him sleep, honestly L." he said and L grinned.
"The warmth will soothe him, the chocolate only ensures he drinks it all," he watched as Aki took the first sip, chocolate all around his upper lip when he pulled away from the mug.
"It's really good," he said quickly putting it back up to his lips. L looked smugly at Light and then slid out of bed.
"As a matter of fact, I think I'll have one myself," he said and headed for the kitchen. Light shook his head and wrapped one arm around Aki as he drank.
"Feeling better?" he asked and the boy nodded, not wanting to take his mouth from the mug, "When you finish you'll sleep in here with us okay?" Aki nodded again and worked on finishing his chocolate.
By the time L came back with his own, Aki had finished his and Light was wiping his mouth and hands. When he was cleaned up to Light's satisfaction, he slid under the blankets, his small body dwarfed in the large bed under all the blankets. Light stroked his hair and smiled at him.
"Now you can go back to sleep, you're safe here with us, okay?"
"Okay," he answered and yawned, "Good night," he looked at L, "Thank you for the chocolate." L nodded and smiled at him.
"Wait till you see what we're having for breakfast," he teased and Light rolled his eyes.
"Good night, Aki," he said pulling the blankets up to his neck and tucking him in tightly. He then got up and slid in next to L so that he had Aki on one side and L on the other. He watched as L finished his own chocolate then leaned over and licked the chocolate from his lips before kissing him softly.
"Well, I'm glad to see you've calmed down now," L whispered after kissing him back. Light sighed and ran a hand through his hair.
"I'm sorry but when I think about what he's going through and what he's probably going to have to go through…" L reached up and caressed his face as Light watched Aki fall asleep.
"I know, but you can't lose yourself in this. You have to control your anger or you're not going to be able to the boy any good." Light frowned.
"Why do you keep calling him "the boy"? He has a name." L sighed and eyed the now sleeping child.
"I am aware he has a name…"
"You're keeping him at arm's length by not using his name," Light accused him, "If you continue to call him "the boy" you stay impartial, he's simply another case."
"Perhaps that's partially true Light, but I'm trying to maintain a professional distance so that I can do what's best in his case without letting emotion sway the facts. It isn't that I don't care about what happens to the…to Aki, but I know this situation is going to get worse before we are able to settle it." Light stared at him for a moment and then reached up to turn out the light and lay back in the bed.
"I saw how distant you were when you were holding him and rubbing his back," he remarked, "And it was your idea to bring him in here." L sighed before placing his empty cup on the night table and lying down next to him.
"I never said I don't feel for him," he explained, "But I feel I have to keep some distance," he rolled over and placed his head on Light's chest. "We have no idea where this case is going to go, we need to keep our heads level on all sides."
"I know where this case is going to go, I'm going to find those responsible and kill them," Light said and L sat up and stared at him in the darkened room.
"We're going to find them and bring them to justice Light," he told him, "You are not Kira, and killing is not the only option." He continued to stare at him until Light finally nodded and sighed, reaching up and pulling L down for a kiss.
"You're right, I'm sorry," he said when he released him, "I'm reacting to my anger and the rush I felt earlier. That's not really the way I think any more." L smiled and lay back down on Light's chest, his fingers running circles along it.
"No, it isn't and I will be right here to remind you of that fact," he said nuzzling against his neck. "I love you, Light." Light put both of his arms around him and kissed the top of his head.
"I love you too," he said, "And I'm sorry, I don't mean to lose myself, it's just that it's so wrong…" L kissed his chest.
"I understand, it is wrong. We will find them Light, and we will bring them down…the right way." Light nodded and closed his eyes, he was suddenly extremely exhausted and all he wanted to do was sleep. L stayed awake, listening to Light's breathing until he could tell he'd finally fallen asleep. He slid out of bed carefully and made his way to the bedroom door. As he walked around the bed he stopped and looked down at the sleeping child. He had turned to his side and was facing Light, his tiny hands clutched into fists. He reached down and gently relaxed the boy's hands, his fingers gently massaging the muscles until the fists relaxed into opening. None of what was happening was Aki's fault, and yet L felt a tinge of resentment for the chaos his situation had brought into his life and the effect it was having on Light. He sighed as he remembered being Aki's age and having his life as he knew it destroyed. The difference being he had been alone when it happened, no family, no friendly stranger would appear for him until after he'd suffered for three years. He ran his fingers softly through the boy's hair before turning and leaving the room, quietly opening and closing the door behind him. He walked into his office and sat down at his desk. He would find the boy's father.
"Light! Light! Wake up Light I have to go to the bathroom!" Light groaned as he felt his eyes being pried open against his wishes.
"What…what's the matter?" he managed as he rubbed his eyes.
"I have to go!" Aki repeated, "I can't open the door!" Light's eyes finally opened and he was peering into Aki's wide eyes as they stared into his.
"Okay, okay I'm up," he said sitting up and stretching. Aki climbed off of the bed and ran for the door, standing on his toes and barely reaching the doorknob. Light chuckled and shook his head.
"There's a bathroom in here," he said taking the boys hand and pulling him around, "It's right over there." Aki stared open mouthed at where Light was leading him.
"You have TWO bathrooms?" he said and Light nodded as he opened the door.
"Yes we do," he said, "Go ahead, I'll wait for you since you can do it yourself," he told him remembering what he had been told the night before. Aki nodded and ran in, Light closing the door behind him. As Light waited he realized L wasn't in bed. He went to the bedroom door and was pleasantly surprised by the aroma of coffee and breakfast. L was standing over the stove, a spatula in one hand as he flipped a pancake. Light walked over to him and kissed his cheek.
"Now this is a rare sight," he said peering into the griddle, "You cooking." L turned and smiled at him.
"I called Watari and told him that I had made a promise about breakfast and he didn't have to bother this morning," he said, "Nothing's better than chocolate chip pancakes."
"Good morning Ryuzaki!" Aki greeted running across the room and running into L. "That smells really good!" he added hugging L's leg. L looked down and smiled at him. "Well, I made a promise to you." He said and Aki nodded against him.
"Come on you, let's make sure your cleaned up for breakfast," Light said picking him up. "Cover your eyes," he said before leaning forward and kissing L softly.
"Ewww, yucky!" Aki laughed and covered his eyes with his hands.
"I warned you," Light said, "Watch out I'm doing it again!" he said leaning forward and L pulled back.
"Light I'm trying to cook, I'll burn my pancakes!" Aki laughed behind his hands.
"You're funny!" he said and L agreed.
"Now go wash up so I can finish this properly!" he scolded and Light pouted.
"Fine, but you owe me one." He said and carried Aki into the bathroom.
By the time they'd finished, L had food on the table and was pouring coffee for Light, having already poured milk for Aki.
"I have to say I'm quite impressed," Light said setting Aki in the chair before sitting down himself, "I can count the number of times you've cooked by yourself on my left hand." L nodded as he sat down himself.
"Simply because I don't do it doesn't mean I can't. Why should I when either Watari or you do it, except for the times we cook dinner together," he answered and sipped his coffee, "Aki what would you like on your pancakes? We have powdered sugar, butter, syrup and whipped cream."
"Everything!" the boy answered and Light laughed then shook his head.
"He sounds like you," he said to L and shook his head, "How about we just try a little powdered sugar and a little whipped cream? Too much of this stuff and you'll be running around the room in circles." L snorted at him.
"Do I run around the room in circles?" he asked.
"Don't be ridiculous you're not five years old," Light told him as he fixed Aki's pancakes, "Don't get him started on your bad habits." Aki clasped his hands together and bowed towards the table.
"Thank you for the food!" he said then peered over at Light and L until they did the same. When they did he laughed happily and began to eat. Light reached across the table and took L's hand.
"Thank you for this," he said, "I know what your feelings are and I appreciate you going out of your way to do this for him." L sighed and squeezed his hand.
"I'm not heartless Light, I'm just trying to be careful," he said, "And when you have a moment I'd like to talk to you about what I discovered while I was working earlier. I've found another missing member."
Light stared in surprise as L nodded and mouthed "father".
"I see," he said glancing at Aki, "Yes, we'll discuss this later." He reached for his coffee and it didn't escape L that he hadn't put anything on his plate to eat.
"Light…you need to eat something," he said but before Light could answer the intercom buzzed. Light started to move and L shook his head.
"Eat something, I'll get it," he said and got up quickly to answer the buzz.
"Detective Matsuda is in the elevator on his way up," Watari's voice informed him. Light and L looked at each other. This couldn't be good news to make Matsuda come by this time of the morning.
"Thank you Watari, I'll let him in," he looked at Aki who was busily stuffing his face. "And if you could come in to sit with Aki while Light and I speak with Matsuda."
"I will be there shortly," Watari answered and L moved to the door as just as there was a knock.
"Matsuda, good morning," he said as he opened the door, "What a surprise to see you this early. There are chocolate chip pancakes and coffee if you'd like."
"Thanks Ryuzaki, but I'm here because the hospital called for Light this morning," he said and looked sadly towards the boy, "The news isn't good." L knew immediately what had happened by the look on Matsuda's face and he sighed heavily. Not that he wasn't expecting it, but expecting it and dealing with it was a totally different thing. He walked over to the table where Light was playing with Aki, feeding him a large bite of pancake and making him laugh.
"Light, Matsuda's here and he needs to talk to you," he said gently. "Use my office, and I'll join you in a few minutes." Light gave the fork to Aki and looked at L, not liking what he saw.
"Alright," he said and stood up, "Be right back Aki, I have to talk to a friend." He said and the boy nodded, stuffing more pancake into his mouth.
"What's happening Matsuda," he asked as they moved into L's office. He closed the door behind them and he turned to face him, "I'm assuming this isn't good news." Matsuda shook his head.
"The hospital called for you a few minutes after I got in," he said slowly, "I took the call since I knew you weren't coming in."
"His mother taking a turn for the worse?" Light ventured, "That's not unusual with that kind of injury, but she'll probably…"
"She's dead Light," Matsuda interrupted softly, "She died very early this morning; I'm so sorry." The door opened and L walked in closing it quickly behind him. He looked from Matsuda to Light and he knew what he had feared was true.
Light stared at him blankly as he let the information wash over him. The shooting played out in his mind again, watching as she was shot in the back and propelled into his arms by the force of the bullet; the blood, his shooting the other attacker. He heard the sound of Aki laughing in the other room and his anger erupted, some of the items on L's desk getting the worst of it as they flew across the room.
"Light…" L started to move towards him and Light shook his head, falling into the chair.
"Did she ever wake up?" he asked and Matsuda shook his head.
"No, she simply slipped away." He answered and Light nodded.
"Thank you for coming to tell me Matsuda, and not just calling." L said as he moved behind Light.
"I couldn't do that, I knew how you were feeling about this case, I'm really sorry Light." Light nodded again but didn't move from the chair. Matsuda looked at L and watched as L reached down and placed his hands on Light's shoulders. He took that as his cue to leave and turned and left the office, closing the door behind him.
"I know you had hoped for the best Light, but after knowing her injuries, it would have been a miracle for her to have made it. I am sorry." He said.
"A miracle," Light said softly, "To need a miracle for an innocent victim to be able to live and raise her son. How fucked up is it that a miracle is needed for something like that?" his voice had become progressively louder as he spoke. He pushed L's hands away from him and he jumped up from the chair and turned to face him. L was alarmed at the fury he saw in Light's face, the pure hate in his eyes.
"Her husband steals and Aki pays for it by having to watch his mother shot down and he didn't deserve one miracle?" L sighed and moved closer to him, reaching out to touch him.
"Light you're over reacting to this situation. You and I have both seen situations far more heinous than this. You have waded in blood and body parts to get clues on a case, we have seen the results of murder sprees with no explanation, and we've seen entire families murdered! Neither one of us is new to this type of tragedy." He was finally close enough to caress Light's arm. "This situation is very tragic I agree, I feel for the boy, but the problem here is you have quickly become emotionally involved from the beginning. You immediately felt responsible for the boy, you had to kill to save him and the fact that you felt exhilaration at killing the criminal has added to your involvement. Light you have to pull away before you completely lose yourself!"
Light moved away from him and walked to the window that looked out at downtown Tokyo. He sighed heavily and ran a hand through his hair.
"I can't help how I feel L," he said quietly, "And I don't understand why I feel so deeply for Aki's situation, but I do. I see his face and it represents everyone I've tried to help, everyone that's suffered at the hands of criminals that never seem to stop coming." He stopped for a moment then took a deep breath before he began again. "There was one time when they had all but stopped, when they were afraid to do anything." L knew immediately what he was thinking and moved quickly to him.
"Stop thinking that way Light, Kira was born because you were a bored, immature teenager and you found a way to ease that boredom that just happened to work with your dissatisfaction with the world!" he told him sternly as he grabbed Light and turned him around to face him, wincing inside at the look in his eyes.
"You cannot go back to that way of handling things and you couldn't anyway because you no longer have a notebook. I understand your anger, I understand your frustration, but you need to get back to yourself. The boy…Aki needs you to be yourself to help him get through this, please stop and think."
"You have my notebook L," Light reminded him and tried to move away.
"And I will never give it to you," L told him. He reached out and held Light's arms to keep him from moving. "I love you Light, and no one understands you more than I do. You don't really want to go back to what you were; you just feel frustrated and lost by what's happened and you don't know how to deal with this so you 're reaching back to when you felt invincible, when you knew exactly what to do next, when you thought you had all the answers," he let go of one arm and caressed Light's face, gratified when Light closed his eyes and leaned against his hand. After a moment Light shook his head.
"You don't understand," he said taking L's hand from his face, "It isn't just that I feel—angry, it's the way I felt when I killed him. It felt right, it felt good, it felt as if I'd never stopped killing and it was exhilarating. Everything that's happening is making me feel as if I'm being pulled back into Kira for a reason, and it feels right."
"No, Light it isn't right, it isn't the answer. You have no idea who these people are and you will not get your hands on that notebook again so it's futile to think this way. You've dealt with worse and Kira has never entered your mind; and what I don't understand is why it's there now. But whatever the reason, right now Aki
needs to know the truth, no matter how painful it is; and he needs to know that we are here to help him. A killer notebook is not going to help him right now, he needs someone who cares about him." Light nodded then looked up at him.
"You're right, we have to tell him," he turned and went to the door of the office, "You said you found his father, I want to know where he is, and I need to talk to him." L nodded as he moved to follow him.
"Of course, but Light…" Light stopped and looked at him, "Aki needs you, not Kira." Light gave him a quick nod and walked out, L right behind him.
Aki looked up as they walked out, holding up his empty plate proudly.
"Look I ate it all," he said with a wide grin, "And Mr. Wammy said I could have more if it was okay with you." Light smiled at him and reached for his hand.
"Maybe a little later, but right now we have to talk." He said. Aki reached up and took his hand.
"Did I do something wrong?" he asked as he walked with Light to the living room and sat next to him on the couch.
"Of course not," Light answered and L sat next to Aki on his other side. Watari got up from the table and walked past them.
"Let me know if I can be of any assistance," he said quietly as he walked out, L nodding his thanks.
"Does this mean I can't go see Mama today?" Aki asked trying to decide why Light looked so serious, "She didn't wake up yet? When do you think she will?" Light took a deep breath and squeezed the little boy's hand.
"Your mama isn't…going to wake up Aki," he said slowly, "She was hurt very badly and she couldn't heal." The boy blinked in confusion, looking from Light to L.
"She couldn't heal?" he asked quietly, "She can't wake up?"
"I'm so sorry Aki, but your mom is gone, she died this morning. She won't be coming home." L's mind suddenly flashed to himself getting the same news at approximately the same age. Even though at five one doesn't really grasp the idea of death, one understands the meaning of gone, and never coming home. The sound of Aki's wail brought him back, it was a sound like no other that went straight to his heart.
The wail turned into angry crying as he begged Light to take him to his mother, his tiny fists beating against Light, blaming him for keeping him away from his mother. Light kept saying he was sorry over and over as he reached out and gathered the boy into his arms and rocked him. L reached out and held them both as tears slid down Light's face, one hand rubbing the boy's back, the other arm around Light's shoulders.
"I'm so sorry Aki," he said then looked up at Light and for a moment it was Kira looking back at him, it was only for a moment, but it was enough to scare him.