CHAPTER TEN

Angela's words rang clearly in Jane's mind for days. She just couldn't help but marvel at her old classmate's boldness - to just up and leave everything you knew for a life more your own. It seemed a thrilling concept, and one she had dabbled with in the past secretively, but not one she could pursue now - especially not with a baby on her hip at all times. She didn't even know if she would have the courage to do it if she had been without a child. She touted herself a brave woman - but truly, how brave was she?

She wondered what it would be like to be free again - to go to university, continue her studies, travel, and meet all sorts of fascinating people with all different stories to tell. Perhaps she would know this great pleasure again one day - and maybe one day she would have a fascinating story of her own to tell - but for now, she could dream. Dreams would need to satiate that hunger for now - and for a long time to come, she speculated, if not forever.

Jane sighed, drawing the curtains on her bedroom window closed, blocking out the mid-morning glow of sunlight. She carefully walked down the wooden stairs, to be greeted by Nina, who was in the kitchen. Jane looked around at her kitchen, which was absolutely spotless. "My, you've been busy," she chuckled. The window overlooking the front garden had been opened, letting a pleasant breeze and the aroma of the flowers in the front garden to waft inside.

"Yes," Nina laughed, blushing a bit, "I wanted to get done as soon as I could today. I hope you don't mind."

Jane shook her head. "No, no - I don't mind at all. Why, may I ask?"

"My father - he's coming home today."

Jane couldn't recall Nina talking much about her father, truthfully - perhaps a passing comment, but not very much. "What does he do?"

"He's a merchant. He sails for most of the year. Always somewhere very far away," she sighed.

"Oh," Jane said, "That must be lovely. I'd love to travel like that. But, you know...that's not, mm, not my fate, I suppose." Nina nodded, knowing what Jane meant. They both yearned for more than they had - a career, an education, freedom - not mere domestic duties. Nina tucked a curl of golden blonde hair behind her ear and turned back to the dishes in the sink behind her. Jane bounced the baby on her lap gently, allowing her mind to wander into reverie. "Does your father ever take passengers along?" Jane blurred out without thinking.

Nina looked at her and cocked her head in confusion, "I don't think so, why?"

Feeling flustered, Jane replied, "Oh, no reason, just...interested, I suppose."

"Not thinking of running away now are you?" Nina joked, pointing a finger at Jane.

She shook her head vigorously, "No, no, no, no, no," she insisted, trying to convince herself as well as her housekeeper. "Even if I were, how far do you think I'd get with a baby?"

"You can't sneak off in the night with a baby. You can't really sneak anywhere."

"Don't I know it, Nina," Jane chuckled. She was right. Even if she could go anywhere - just pick up and leave - how far would she get with a baby? Not far at all. There was no point in fantasizing. She had said it once and she would say it again - she had no time for dreams and fantasies.

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It was the late afternoon now, and Jane had taken the short walk to her father's house. She had missed it dearly - more than she cared to admit. She sat in the spare chair of her father's study as he read, Anna sleeping in a small crib in Jane's childhood bedroom. Her father slid his glasses down his nose a bit as he read the document in front of him. "Janey," he said, "Can I...ask you something?"

"Of course," she said, nodding for him to continue.

"Are you happy?"

Jane's eyes widened with surprise and her posture stiffened slightly. "Why, yes, of course - why wouldn't I be happy?"

He looked back at her with a somewhat somber gaze. He could see that his daughter was perhaps not being entirely honest, but he knew he couldn't force the issue or else he wouldn't get any kind of answer out of her. "I just can't shake the feeling that you aren't completely satisfied."

She shook her head insistently, "No, no - Daddy, really…I'm alright. Perfectly alright."