A/N: Wow this chapter turned out to be much bigger than I thought it would! It took so long cos it just kept on going! It's only part 1 because yes, there's even More of Saki's segment and you'll see why as it goes along.

Disclaimer: I don't own Zombieland Saga or any of its characters.

Chapter 4: Nikaido Saki (Part 1)

This is probably the first time I've actually had a 'family' Christmas tree. The closest I came to a Christmas celebration in my lifetime was going to karaoke with Reiko in '96. Normally you'd bring your boyfriend, but I was lesbian, she was single, and she was also straight, so you know, all in all not exactly your typical 'Christmas Magic' experience. That said, I did also single-handedly beat the shit out of an armed gang in Drive-in Tori that same December, so it's not all bad.

I actually knew the tree was coming. I helped Shades get the damn thing, though he swore me to secrecy. Now I'm sure it's no surprise to anyone that I don't take anything that idiot says too seriously, but I could tell he wasn't messing around. He practically begged me not to tell anyone, especially Sakura. He actually said that, 'especially not Sakura'. It's not like I do blackmail on the regular, but I did demand a favour in return. That favour was a meal at Drive-in Tori, and I intend to collect on that as soon as all this Christmas stuff is over with.

Okay, let's rewind for a sec. Picture it: I'm there, just chilling in the lounge with Shrimpy, though Shrimpy was asleep by that point, when in comes Shades, and I knew something was up cos he calls out to me,

"Saki-chaaaan!"

-like some fucking schoolgirl. Now I ain't hating on schoolgirls but prancing around like a lunatic is Kotaro's calling card when he wants you to do something for him.

"You can drop the -chan, Shades."

"I need to speak to you... alone..."

"You better not be trying anything funny."

"This isn't for Lily's ears."

"She's asleep."

"She could be pretending!"

"I swear to god, Shades, if you don't stop talking shit-"

"It's a secret! For your ears only! Honestly Saki you'd make a TERRIBLE spy."

"If it's so secret why are you YELLING!? You moron!"

He pouted, "You started it."

"Huh!? You wanna die!?"

"Please, Saki! Won't you help out a friend in need?"

"Friend in need? What the hell could you possibly need from me?"

"I told you: it's a secret."

I scratched my head, "Ugh, all right all right, god damn it, let's go talk somewhere else."

We went to his office. It was normally pretty neat, but that night it was full of all kinds of Christmas crap. His floor was carpeted in wrapping paper and printouts of Christmas scenes and Santa Clauses, and his desk was piled high with books about Christmas, not just fiction books, but science books and even books in foreign languages like English and German. He even had a full Santa suit hanging on the wall.

He motioned to nowhere in particular.

"Take a seat."

"Where's the chair?"

"So Saki, I think it's time Franchouchou celebrated Christmas."

"Okay, but-"

"We'll need a tree."

"I need a seat."

He tutted, then from under his desk he pulled out a snowman-themed bean bag.

"Wow, I haven't seen one of these in a while."

"I don't want anyone to know about the tree."

I sat down, "Except me, apparently."

"It's a two-man job. One of us has to drive."

"Uh, wait, aren't we taking your van?"

"We need speed, Saki, speed to get this tree here on time."

"Dude, Christmas is ages away."

"We have to leave tonight. I know a guy, a black-market tree dealer."

"You're kidding."

He opened a drawer on his desk and pulled out a reindeer-themed chocolate bar. He bit the head off and started crunching it between his teeth.

"Hghff mgmh ghl-"

"Don't even bother, man, I can't understand a word you're saying."

He swallowed the chocolate and gave me one of those grins that's meant to be cute but isn't, "Sorry, they're just so more-ish."

He put the decapitated reindeer down on top of an image of Santa lying half naked on a sunny beach, "Let me spell it out for you. We go, on your new bike-"

"New bike!?"

"New bike, then-"

"What kinda bike?"

"-we go to the dealer, get the tree. Take it back on the bike-"

"Woah woah hang on a second there, you can't fit a whole tree on a goddamn bike!"

"We take it back on the bike, hide it here, quietly, so no one notices, then-"

"Quietly? A tree?"

"WOULD YOU LET ME FINISH, YOU STUPID ZOMBIE!?"

"Call me stupid again, idiot! See how many teeth you have left!"

"WE HIDE IT QUIETLY SO NO ONE NOTICES, THEN YOU CAN HELP ME FIND A PRESENT FOR SAKURA!"

"...uh, what?"

"We'll be taking the van for that part."

"We could take the van for the whole thing."

"I told you, we need speed, SPEED."

"We aren't gonna be getting any SPEED with a fucking tree on the bike, moron! Just take the van!"

"I have my reasons for not using the van. It has to be the bike. This is why I need you, specifically."

"You know what, I've had enough of this. I'm out. I'm all down for celebrating Christmas with the girls or whatever but I ain't driving a tree-"

"Fine! I guess I'll just throw the bike away then!"

"What!? Would you just slow down already! There's no reason to throw away a perfectly good bike!"

"If we're not using it, I don't need it."

"Fine, look, I'll consider helping you, just don't ditch the bike."

"That settles it! Let's-"

"But first I need you to tell me what kinda bike it is."

"...it's a good one."

He smirked at me from across the desk like a kid who knows a dirty secret.

"I need to know the specifics."

"It's a Honda."

"Okay, that's a start."

"An old Honda."

"There's a good and a bad kind of old. Can't you just-"

"The details don't matter! Come on, the night is young and it's time to GO GO GO!"

With that he leapt over the desk, barged past me, kicked his office door open and ran down the hall. At that moment, knowing what I did, which let's face it, was jack shit, I should've just gone back to the lounge and had a nap, or gone to the bedroom and gone to sleep with everyone else. Any reasonable person would've thought, 'No way in hell am I joining that madman on his insane escapade'. But no, for some reason my goddamn curiosity got the better of me. So despite knowing that the bike he got was probably gonna be total wreck, I decided to say fuck it, and go help him get his tree.

When I got outside he was already sitting on the bike. He had what looked like a stunt rider helmet on. For some reason he was still wearing his sunglasses.

"You can take those off, you know?"

"Would you take off your panties?"

"...excuse me?"

"These sunglasses are like panties for my face. I'd be naked without them."

I fought the urge to run up and smack him in the mouth. He was lucky that I was more interested in the bike than in him. I wasn't expecting what I saw, though. The closer I got to the bike, the more obvious it became. The idiot hadn't bought just any old Honda. Somehow, he'd bought my Honda, or something close to it.

"Is this... a CB750?"

"I have no idea."

"No, I recognise it..."

I more than recognised it. From the engine to the leather on the seat, in every way it looked exactly like my old bike. My old bike before I modded it up, that is. Sure, it needed a bit of polish, but everything was there, and in great condition, too.

"How did you get this, Kotaro?"

"Santa Claus."

I ignored his nonsense reply and sat down in front of him on the bike. The key was already in the ignition. I started it up and it kicked into life with a satisfying growl.

"Man this really takes me back."

"We need to head West, into the mountains."

"Just give me a minute."

I closed my eyes and listened to the engine. I was back in '96, tearing up the highways of Saga prefecture with my crew. Sometimes I used to ride so fast that even the big freight trucks were nothing but a blur as I zoomed past them. I could almost smell the petrol fumes.

"Saki, time is running out."

"No it isn't! Keep your panties on."

"I told you, I never take them oOOO-"

Without warning him I twisted the trottle right round and rocketed out of the parking lot and onto the road, soaring down the tarmac alongside the ocean, into the darkness, towards the forested mountains to meet his 'black-market tree dealer'. His arms were wrapped tight around my waist. He needed to hang on, cos I wasn't slowing down for nothing. I accelerated more and more and more, till the bike was roaring as I pushed it to its limit.

"Hell yeah baby! Now this is SPEED!"

"AAAAAA!"

And so we went into the night. I'd almost forgotten about actually having to fit the tree on the bike. But it's one of those things. You think about it, and you're like, 'How hard can it be?'

Boy did I have a lot to learn...

After a a few wrong turns and a near-miss with a road sign we finally arrived at the hideout of Kotaro's tree dealer. It was on the outskirts of Minatomachi, north of Karatsu city, near Meitokuji shrine and a little farm called Gahaha House. After I conquered Karatsu back in the day I used to drive through the mountains around there from time to time. The other thing we used to do was drive all along the coast. Even now, you can practically go from one end of Saga to the other without ever losing sight of the ocean. It gets real windy when you ride by the sea though. You had to fight just to stay on your bike some days. That was the life.

But this isn't the 90s, and right then we were nowhere near the sea. The 'hideout' looked like nothing more than a little shack on the roadside. Kotaro removed his helmet, got off the bike and strode over to the glorified shed like he was some sort of important diplomat. I stayed back and watched. He knocked on the door three times. Then we waited. We waited for a good five minutes at least. It felt like an hour. Shades just stood there staring at the door. It made me miss my Tamagotchi. With a Tamagotchi you never get bored. Best fucking toy ever made, hands down, and you can fight me on that if you think otherwise.

Finally the door opened to reveal the dealer. It was a little old woman.

"Oi Shades," I yelled, "I thought you said this dealer was a dude?"

He bowed to her, "Please forgive the ignorance of my idiot companion. I'm here for the tree."

"Huh!? Who're you calling idiot!?"

She turned and retreated into her hut. Kotaro followed, closing the door behind him.

"OI, KOTARO, DON'T LEAVE ME OUT HERE YOU PRICK!"

I crossed the road and banged on the door, "Kotaro!"

A snowflake fell on my nose. Then another. Green light seeped out from under the front door, broken only by the occasional shadow moving around on the other side.

"I know you can hear me, asshole! Let me in!"

I gave the gnarled wood a good hard kick, "It's starting to snow out here you know! You won't have anyone to drive you back if I freeze!"

From inside, I heard laughter. I couldn't tell if they were laughing at me, or at something else, but either way I was pissed.

I took a step back. Then another. I walked back till I was across the road and more than a few feet into the forest. I rolled my shoulder blades a couple times, stretched my arms, took a deep breath, then I ran full speed at the hut's entrance.

I must've been a couple of inches from the hideout when the door swung wide open. There was no time to react. It was my shoulder versus the little old man standing in the doorway, and my shoulder won. He went flying. I hit the deck and rolled into what felt like a table leg. There was a gasp, then from atop the table there arose such a clatter as jingling bells cascaded down onto the wooden floorboards.

"Fuck, that hurt!"

"Saki!" came Kotaro's voice, "You nearly killed Mr. Kaifu!"

I climbed to my feet. Sure enough, the old man was lying half-buried under a huge Christmas tree. I turned to Shades,

"You shoulda answered the damn door!"

The old lady, who was sitting opposite Kotaro around a little kotatsu, held up a hand.

"Please," she began, "there's no need to fight. I'll go make some more tea for our new guest."

Now that might sound like a totally ordinary thing for an old biddy to say, but I wanna remind you that this shack had only one room, and that room couldn't have been any more than half the size of our bedroom back in Karatsu City. The only things in the room were the kotatsu, the tree, the table I rolled into, and the four of us. There wasn't even a pantry. But sure enough, on the kotatsu were two steaming cups of green tea.

Mrs. Kaifu shuffled past me, seemingly ignoring her husband, and went outside. The snow was really coming down now. The bike's seat was starting to look like one of those frosted cakes they sell at those girly pastry cafes you see in town.

"Shades, let's just get the tree and go, we don't wanna be driving back in a blizzard."

Kotaro took a sip of his tea, "You can't rush these things, Saki. There's a process that has to be followed. You couldn't possibly understand."

Mr. Kaifu groaned from under the tree. I clenched my fists.

"I'm the one driving, idiot, and I can't drive a tree back on a bike if the roads are covered in all that wintery shit. Explain to the old lady that we've gotta go. You've got the money, they've got the tree, let's just do this already."

"Well I'm not actually paying with money..."

At that moment Mrs. Kaifu returned with the tea. She placed it gently on the table then sat down on the floor. Kotaro gave her a warm smile, the way he normally does when he's trying to charm someone.

"Mrs. Kaifu-"

"Always so formal Kotaro-kun! I told you, call me Shizue."

"Shizue-san, you really do make the best tea in all of Saga."

"Oh hush!"

"No, I mean it."

Kotaro's schmooze routine was truly vomit inducing. Thank god I normally don't have to witness it first hand. I looked back at Mr. Kaifu; he was still firmly underneath the tree.

"Hey, uh, is your husband okay under there?" I asked.

"Oh yes he'll be fine," she replied with a smile.

Maybe Mrs. Kaifu could ignore her husband's zombie-like groaning, but I couldn't. But as annoying as it was, his groaning was still ten times more interesting than whatever crap the other two were talking about. I sat there and endured the nonsense for who knows how long, but there comes a point where your mind just can't take any more. That point came for me when Shizue said,

"I'll just go make us some more tea."

"NO!" I screamed, "No! We have to go, old lady. I've got a good bike waiting outside and I'll be lucky if it's not already completely fucked by the snow."

"Oh," she said, somehow completely unfazed by my yelling, "well in that case I'll get the tree for you right now."

She stepped over her Christmas-addled husband and opened the front door. Just as I thought, the bike was completely covered in snow. I shot Kotaro my best angry glare, but honestly even without seeing his eyes I could tell he was just as relieved as I was to be finally getting on with the tree-buying.

"If you'll just follow me, I'll show you where it is," Mrs. Kaifu said, beckoning us as she stepped into the blizzard.

We walked round the back of the shed. There was a shovel leaning against the wall. She picked it up and started scraping snow off of the ground. Shovelling snow was probably the least strange thing she'd done all evening, so I didn't question it, but after a few seconds it became obvious what she was looking for. There in the earth, now free of snow, was a wooden hatch, presumably leading to a basement. The hatch had a thick metal ring attached to it. She clasped it with both hands and slowly dragged the door till it was just about standing vertically on its hinges, then it she let it fall to the floor with a thud, leaving the basement entrance wide open. I peered inside; it was pitch black. I couldn't tell if it went down five feet or fifty feet.

"There, now we can get your tree. But..." she said, eyeing up Kotaro, "I might need some help getting it up the stairs."

He clapped me on the back, "Good luck, Saki."

"Huh!? You aren't getting out of this one, wiseguy. If I'm going down, you're going with me."

Mrs. Kaifu agreed, "Exactly Kotaro-kun, you can't make the young lady do your work for you! Be a gentleman!"

"Yeah Shades, be a gentleman!"

To be honest I didn't like being treated like some sort of porcelain doll but in this case I was willing to throw my morals out the window and throw Kotaro down the basement into the Hell Zone.

Shades cleared his throat, "Perhaps we should get Mr. Kaifu to-"

"Nonsense! Come on Kotaro-kun, take my hand and I'll lead you down."

The old lady grabbed one of his hands, I grabbed the other, and together we ventured into the abyss. I'll say this: his palms were hella sweaty. I guess he must be afraid of the dark, which is weird for a guy that resurrected a zombie idol group. The situation wasn't helped by how goddamn narrow the passageway was. My elbows knocked against the stone walls more than once.

"Shizue-san," Kotaro asked, "how long is this stairway?"

"Oh I think we're almost there," she replied, and she was right, within seconds we'd arrived in what I can only describe as an underground forest.

"Holy shit..."

A soft grey light seeped through the branches of the trees, which rose up high into the shadowy ceiling. The forest seemed to stretch on forever, and there was even grass on the floor.

"I like to call this my little garden," Mrs. Kaifu explained, "I've been growing it for almost thirty years now. They're all spruces, from Europe."

Kotaro nodded along like it all made perfect sense, "I see, I see."

"I've already cut down yours, it's in the back."

"Wait," I interrupted, "you cut it down yourself?"

"With a little help from a nice gentleman down the road, yes. Anyway, wait here just a moment and I'll fetch the tree for you."

She shuffled off towards the light, leaving me and Shades standing in darkness.

"Oi, Kotaro," I said, "how big is this tree you bought?"

"I wanted something Christmassy."

"Right, but if it's as big as these bad boys," I motioned to the towering spruces that surrounded us, "then there's no way in hell it's fitting in our house."

He remained silent.

"You may play the idiot, Shades, but I know you're smarter than that. Or at least, I hope you are. So spit it out: how big is this tree?"

"I never specified a size."

"You never specified a size...?"

From the grey void came a deep, metallic groan.

"What the hell..."

The groan became a creaking, squeaking, scraping cacophany, getting louder and louder, closer and closer. I looked for the source but my eyes found nothing. Then suddenly out of the nothingness came a huge metal platform on wheels, on top of which rested our tree. It trundled slowly over the indoor grass and past the spruces till it was just a few feet away. Pushing it from behind was Mrs. Kaifu herself.

"No way old lady, how are you moving that thing by yourself?" I asked, unable to believe that someone so small and wrinkly could push something the size a small tank unaided.

"The machine does all the work for me, really. The only trouble is, it doesn't go up stairs."

"Ah yes," Kotaro agreed, "the age-old problem!"

I didn't see how something as batshit crazy as growing spruce trees underground could have any 'age-old' problems but I kept my mouth shut, as I could tell Kotaro was just doing his spiel and I wanted to be out of there as fast as possible.

"Now," the old lady began, "about the payment."

"Yes..." Kotaro replied.

"For a tree this size, you'll owe me..." she started counting on her fingers, "three massages. Your signature ones, the good kind."

"That won't be a problem at all, Mrs. Ka- uh, Shizue-san."

"I don't think anything can beat the last one you gave me, but you'll have to try your best!" she said, giggling.

Shades laughed along with her, "Like I always say, if you're gonna do something, you might as well give it your all, isn't that right Saki?"

"Uh, yeah. Yeah he always says that."

Kotaro clapped his hands together dramatically, "Well then, I think we'd better take our tree back home... so, I take it there's an elevator or something nearby?"

"Oh Kotaro-kun, you silly boy," Mrs. Kaifu chuckled, "you should know by now that there's nothing like that here. It's the stairs or nothing I'm afraid. I'll have to take the tree off the carrier first, of course."

"Ah, the stairs, of course, how silly of me..."

I crossed my arms, "The age-old problem, huh?"

The old lady unfastened the straps holding the tree to the platform. She pulled a wooden lever and the machine start to tilt. Slowly the tree rolled down the machine, rustling and crackling as it slid along, till finally it fell to the floor.

"And there we are!" she exclaimed, "That's it, all yours! Have a merry Christmas you two!"

For a moment I thought she gave me a wink, but in the darkness it was hard to tell. We thanked her for tree and dragged it towards the stairs, but that's where the problems began.

"Okay Shades," I said, "You take the top, I'll take the bottom."

"But that means I'll be walking backwards up the stairs."

"What? Why would you be walking backwards? We can just carry it on our shoulders and both face the right direction."

"The branches will scrape on the ceiling. I can't have this tree damaged in any way."

"We just dragged it across the floor."

"You take the top, and I'll direct from the bottom. We'll hold it properly with both hands, and carry it carefully up the stairs to avoid any abrasion problems. Easy."

"Easy my ass. How are you gonna see anything with those sunglasses on? You might as well be the one to go backwards."

He lifted up the trunk of the tree, "Okay Saki, now you take other side."

"Oi, don't ignore me, asshole!"

"What are you, Scrooge? Do you wanna be Scrooge, Saki? If you don't take this, you'll kill Christmas."

"I'm gonna kill you if you don't shut up!"

"HO, HO, HO! MEEEERRRY CHRISTMAS! HO HO HO! WHAT'S THAT LITTLE GIRL? YOU HATE CHRISTMAS AND WANT IT TO DIE?"

"When we get back I'm gonna kick you right in the nuts I swear to god."

With gritted teeth I lifted the top end of the tree and started climbing the stairs backwards. To say it was a tight squeeze would be the understatement of the milennium. The tree completely filled the whole stairway. I couldn't see Kotaro and there's no way he could see me. I just kept taking it steady, one step at a time in the pitch black nothingness. It was going well, considering.

And then I slipped.

I landed so hard that one of my legs fell right off. All the weight I'd been carrying suddenly fell onto Kotaro's shoulders. He didn't stand a chance. The tree shuddered down the tunnel, bumping on every step. I could heard Shades grunting and yelling as it took him down with the ship. Out of the void I heard the old woman's voice echo, "Are you okay Kotaro-kun? Do you and your girlfriend need some help?"

I'll admit it took me a moment. Somehow my ears didn't fully process that she just called me Kotaro's girlfriend. Maybe I was too busy jamming my leg back on. But as they started shoving the tree back up the dark and dingy chimney I was sitting in, it clicked.

"I AM NOT HIS GIRLFRIEND! I'M AS FAR FROM STRAIGHT AS YOU CAN PHYSICALLY GET! YOU KNOW HOW MANY GIRLS I'VE KISSED!? I'M A GODDAMN GOLD STAR LESBIAN, BABY, YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT!"

They stopped moving the tree. The only sound was the wind howling outside. I expected a snarky comment from Shades. Instead he said, "She's right, she's extremely gay. In fact most of my idols are gay. It's like how the Romans used to have entire gay armies, except with idols, and they're not all gay."

"Oh really?" Mrs. Kaifu replied, "I'm so behind the times on these things. So does that mean she won't have children?"

I let out a sigh so deep I could feel it reverberate through my butt cheeks. I got up, stomped down the stairs, grabbed the tree, and started dragging it up by myself. It was heavy as all hell, but no way was I gonna wait around to hear where that conversation was going. I slipped many times, but thankfully kept a hold of the tree just enough to finally, finally escape back to the surface.

With the tree safely outside, I fell to my knees in the snow out of sheer exhaustion.

"Never again. I'm never driving Shades anywhere again."

"What was that, Saki-chan?"

I looked up and there he was, staring down at me with that smug expression he likes to wear. I didn't waste any time; I punched him in the nuts, no hesitation. He let out a gargled cry of pain and fell to the floor.

"Now we're even, old man."

"You're almost twice my age," he wheezed.

I stood up offered him a hand, "Do you want me to help you up, or do you wanna keep pissing me off?"

Pouting, he grabbed hold of my arm and I pulled him back to his feet. I almost couldn't find the bike cos it was covered in so much snow, but we managed to clear everything off and stand the tree next to it. The trouble was, the tree was easily twice the bike's size, in every way imaginable.

"Shades, I know I'm good at riding, but this is ridiculous. There's no way we can get this tree back on my bike. Just go get your van."

He scratched his head, "I can't do that. It's impossible."

"What're you talking about? The van was sitting right outside the house when we left."

"It's full at the moment."

"Then take the stuff out!"

"It's just not possible, Saki."

"Agh, you really are a pain in the ass, you know that?"

I kicked the snow in frustration. It wasn't nearly as satisfying as kicking a rock, or a person's head. The snow was falling from the sky so thick and fast that I could barely see Mrs. Kaifu's shack across the road. But it didn't matter how shit things looked; there was no way I was gonna back down. I motioned to the tree,

"So how're we getting this monster on the bike then, Shades?"

"I can hold it."

"What, horizontally?"

"Vertically."

"That'll really mess up the balance of the bike."

"If we tie it to the bike with ropes then one side of the bike will be heavier than the other anyway."

I stared at the Honda CB750. It was a tough cookie, but it wasn't Hercules. Honestly I had no idea how the hell I was gonna pull Kotaro's crazy plan off, but I knew I had to give it my best. I looked up at the sky and let the cold snow cover my face.

"Fuck it. Let's just do this."

I hopped on the bike. Kotaro somehow lifted the tree all by himself. As he sat down the whole Honda tilted into an almost-wheelie. I had to practically lean over the handlebars to keep it grounded. I turned off the kill switch and started it up. The bike sputtered into life.

"Here we go Shades. Get ready."

I yanked the throttle back and off we went into the blizzard.

"Which way next, man?"

"I can't see anything. The snow is covering my glasses, and I can't move my head cos the tree is balancing against it!"

"But which way is the way back!? It all looks different in the snow!"

"You're the driver, work it out!"

So many times I wanted to punch him, but I kept my cool and decided to follow the road signs to the sea front. If you follow the coast you can't go wrong in Saga. But then I remembered the nightmarish gusts.

"Shades, you're really gonna have to hold on for this bit!"

"What!?"

"I said hold on!"

"WHAT!?"

"I SAID HOLD ON YOU IDIOT!"

Suddenly I could see the ocean and the beach and the dark clouds brooding overhead.

And the oncoming traffic.

"WE'RE ON THE WRONG SIDE!" I yelled, narrowly dodging a minivan. I tried to cross over to the correct side of the road but there was a barrier separating the two directions. I had no choice but to go into oncoming traffic the whole way. Most people would crap their pants in that kinda situation, but me? If anything that took all my fear away. Cos when life says to me, 'You don't stand a chance', my reply is always, 'Get fucked, I'm unstoppable'.

I accelerated till we were going as fast as we could. The bike started to tilt back. I leaned forward more and more, practically standing on the bike as I leaned right over it. The tree was smacking into my butt as we swerved past car after car. The storm winds slapped me in the face and tried to topple me but there was no way I was going down.

Looking back, I honestly can't be sure what it was that got caught in the wheels. Maybe it was a pebble, a stray branch. Maybe there was a pothole in the road that I missed. Hell, it could even be that I was just riding wrong, but whatever it was that we hit, boy oh boy did it do a number on the bike.

The first thing that happened was the bike did a one-eighty. Forwards, flinging me straight over the handlebars. Kotaro followed, then the tree. As I hit the ground, the bike flew over me. We were still in the middle of the road at this point. I heard Shades hit the tarmac but I didn't see it. I did have an amazing view though as the bike, in midair, just straight up exploded, right there in the sky.

"Wow..."

The tree zoomed by underneath the explosion and crashed into the road, shattering into pieces. All the cars rushing in our direction began to screech to a halt, but not fast enough. The sound of contorted metal and cracked glass filled the air as cars tore into one another. I pushed myself up off the ground and looked for Kotaro. He was right behind me.

"Hey, you okay Shades?"

He was face-down in the road. His limbs all looked like they were in the right places. He gave me a shaky thumbs up.

"Good," I replied, sighing in relief, "can't go losing one of my crew in a bike accident, eh?"

I put his arm over my shoulder and helped him up. People were starting to look around and see who caused the accident. People were starting to look around and see us.

"Saki..." he whispered to me, "I think it's time..."

"...yeah?"

"...to GO GO GO! GO GO GO GO GO GO GO!"

We ran. We jumped over the barrier, ran through the road and kept running. We ran until we couldn't see the sea, till we were far from the forest and road and instead surrounded by little old-fashioned houses and family-run stores with big wooden shutters and hand-painted signs with cat pictures on. We sat down in front of a post office.

"All right," I began, "okay, so we lost the tree. And we lost the bike..."

Kotaro said nothing.

"How much did the tree cost you again?"

"One massage, plus three."

"Well that's not so bad. And the bike? I mean it was pretty old, I assume it used to be yours?"

"It was a rental."

"A rental? You rented a bike before you even knew I'd help you?"

"I figured I'd need a bike to get you to agree, and well... I... I suppose I didn't wanna do this on my own. You know, it being Christmas and all, and... uh..."

I put a hand on his shoulder, "Dude, I understand. You know, I know everything went to shit, but it's been fun, mostly. And we'll get the money back for the bike. I mean it's a bitch that we lost such a nice bike, that's the third bike I've wrecked now I think, but it was good while it lasted."

He held his head in his hands, "Where do we get a tree from now?"

I thought about it for a moment, and then I remembered something from back in my Dorami days.

"Believe it or not, I have an idea. But it might involve a lot of walking..."

"To get a tree?"

"To get a tree. Not a real tree, but a real Christmas tree," I held my fist out to him, "Whaddya say, you in?"

He bumped my fist with a smile, "I'm in."

"All right, let's fucking do this!"

It was time for some Christmas magic. Santa Claus, eat your heart out!