A/N: I finally finished this! So sorry it took so damn long! Had a lot of mental health stuff happen and it was real tricky to make a good ending for this but I finally did it. It's ALMOST a 'Christmas In July' scenario but unfortunately I finished it just a bit too early ;P I hope this chapter makes up for the long wait! Thank you all for sticking with the fic despite it ending long after Christmas has come and gone. I'm gonna be writing mainly one-shots in future, which are easier for me to write and also I have lots of ideas.

Also! I take some inspiration for past-Kotaro from RatboyThin's excellent fic 'Bodies - The Ungodly Science Of Kotaro Tatsumi'. It's well worth a read.

Thanks again, and I hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own Zombieland Saga or any of its characters.

Chapter 6: Tatsumi Kotaro (Final Chapter)

I've always known it. Ever since the first time I heard Morning Musume playing through the coffee-stained half-dead speakers in my dad's old car, I could feel it, even if I couldn't put it into words. Then finally, when I bought my first Iron Frill CD as teenager, it came to me. The words to describe that fact which I'd always felt but never been able to describe: idols are made of dreams.

There's a sense of hope when you watch a group of young girls do their best together, as a team on stage, on TV; reading interviews in magazines, you learn just how hard they had to work to achieve what they did. When I was growing up, idols weren't distant stars; they felt real, within reach. You almost knew them personally. We're on the same wavelength, I thought, we share the same troubles, the same emotions. If they can achieve their dreams, then so can I. That's what I believed, and I believed it completely.

I'd always had an interest in zombie movies, but in a casual way, the way someone might like to scare themselves with a horror movie in the early evening and then sleep soundly in their bed at night as if they'd watched a romcom. That all changed after I learned of Sakura's death. I heard about it at school first. You can't mourn surrounded by so many people, so many people who don't understand you, people who didn't understand Sakura. There's no room to cry in that situation. I held everything in so much that even at home I couldn't cry. Instead I turned to my zombie movies for comfort. It stopped being a fun pastime for me. All I could think about, all day and night, was death. I was obsessed with death, afraid of it and inexorably drawn to it. I watched documentaries about ancient Egyptian burial rites, about crime forensics and tragic accidents. I played my zombie movie VHS tapes so much that the films got worn down and I had to replace half of them with expensive DVD copies. The local paper ran an obituary for Sakura. I learned then that she hadn't yet been cremated. My mind started to race, filled with images of her body turning to ash. I couldn't let that happen. I wondered if it was possible to steal her corpse. I even found out where she was being kept. But when the day came for me to swoop in and commit to my insane plan, over the radio came the news that her body had gone missing. Had someone got there before me? Impossible. Then I thought: what if she'd already risen from the dead all by herself?

How good would it be, I thought, if her parents could see her alive and well again? How happy would it make them? How happy would it make the school, or Karatsu City? Everyone would win. It would be just, and fair for her to have a second chance. The thoughts of a madman, you might say, and you'd be right. I was insane. And if I am still insane now it is only because, a few months after Sakura's death, I attended the Saga Rock concert where Ai Mizuno was fatefully electrocuted by a lightning bolt right in the middle of her performance. By that point I was already so far gone it almost didn't matter, though perhaps that's when the seed was planted in my mind, the 'what if' that led me down this path of necromancy.

I can't emphasise enough how much I loved Sakura, and still do. She understood, like I did, the power of idols. They didn't just give hope to her dreams, they were her dream, and I wanted that for her. I wanted to see her be an idol, as beautiful and magical as any other idol. In a way I put all my dreams onto her. She became my dream. It didn't help that I had none of my own. I wasn't good at school and though I often fantasised about working in Hollywood some day, it never seemed like something within my reach. I never imagined I'd really get to go to Hollywood, but life works in mysterious ways...

Suddenly my office door flies open. I expect Saki to come storming in, but instead I see Yugiri.

"Kotaro-han, we need to talk."

I lean my elbows on the desk, there's something in her eyes that unsettles me. I prepare myself for a potential Yugiri Slap, "If this is about the light-up squirrels, you can find replacement batteries in the vanity drawer in the bedroom" I say, putting up my usual front.

She closes the door and drags a seat out from under a deflated inflatable Santa Claus.

"I know that you have feelings for Sakura-han."

That wasn't what I expected her to say. Has Saki been talking? Even after I asked her not to...

"I have feelings for all of you. That's how it should be between a producer and his idol children."

"That's not what I mean."

"Christmas is not a time for riddles, Yugiri!"

Her expression becomes even sterner, "You need to be honest with her, and with yourself."

I pick up my guitar and start strumming the chords to 'We Wish You a Merry Christmas'.

"Kotaro-han..."

I strum it louder.

"...you're being childish."

I drop the guitar, "You have no right to call me childish! You have no idea what's at stake here!"

"Everyone already knows that you're in love with her. You're only hurting yourself with this stubborn silence."

I feel the blood drain from my head, "...what? Did Saki really tell everyone?"

"I didn't need Saki-han to tell me anything. I saw the look in your eyes when we were putting up the Christmas tree. It was obvious."

"Only to you."

"And to her."

"That's not true."

She lights up a cigarette, "It is true."

"Isn't."

"You're not the only one who's been in love, Kotaro-han. I had a man I loved... I never told him my feelings before I passed away. Now I can never tell him, and if you don't start listening to your heart you'll suffer the same fate."

I don't know what to say to that. Should I apologise for bringing her back to life? No, that's ridiculous.

"Kotaro-han-"

"Look, it's not that I don't want to tell her. I do. I realise it's not healthy to bottle it up like this. Even if she doesn't feel the same way, I should-"

Then I feel it. The firm palm smacking into my cheek. Fingernails inflicting passing blows on my jaw. My head jolts to the side, almost flinging my sunglasses clean off my face.

"It's not healthy to bottle your feelings up, Kotaro-han!" she scolds, "Even if Sakura-han doesn't feel the same way, you can't leave her wondering like this! She has a right to know!"

"Ouch, jeez! I was about to say that!"

She stands up and turns to face the door, "Even when you both know that love is there... so long as neither of you can acknowledge it openly, you'll always be guessing, and wondering, and holding back. It makes you doubt yourself. I'm lucky, the only thing missing from my relationship were the words 'I love you'. I didn't need to put on an act and feign disinterest – quite the opposite. I can't imagine how difficult it would be if someone had to do that all day, every day. I wouldn't wish such a punishment on my worst enemy."

"Yugiri-"

But she's already out the door, down the hall, miles away from me and the deflated inflatable Santa that I'm probably never going to actually get around to blowing up.

"Man," comes a familiar voice, "she really gave you a fuckin' talking to, didn't she?"

"Saki?"

She strides into my office with her characteristic confidence. We both saw a vulnerable side to each other back in that Gusto in town, but even so I still find myself wondering: is there anything that really scares her?

"You look like shit, Shades."

"Thanks..."

She doesn't sit down.

"I talked to Sakura for ya."

"I told you not to! You promised!"

"Don't get ahead of yourself, she approached me first!"

"... she did?"

"You'll be pleased to know she's not a lesbian."

"Wait, so you mean-"

"I ain't saying nothing."

"Saki come on, this isn't a joke for me."

"It's not a joke for me either! I thought I had a chance with her!"

She sounds angry but she's grinning, "It's all right though. I've always been alone. That's just how it is. Even surrounded by all these fucking queers I'm flying solo. Just my luck, eh?"

"Actually, about that-"

"Save it for later, I promised I'd take Lily clothes shopping and I've already kept her waiting."

"What...? Shopping? With what money?"

"Who said anything about money?"

"You can't just steal! If you get caught the whole of Franchouchou will-"

She runs out the office, "I'll catch you later Kotaro!"

"SAKI! IF YOU GET IN TROUBLE I'M GONNA FEED YOU TO ROMERO! I MEAN IT!"

"GET FUCKED OLD MAN!" she yells down the hall.

"YOU'RE OLDER THAN ME!"

For a while everything is quiet. I relax in my chair. Is Christmas always this stressful? Where have the Christmases of ten years ago gone, the ones where you just go to KFC, chow down on a whole chicken and go into a food coma. I could do with a good coma right now. My head is spinning. Saki talked to Sakura, but what about? Everything? What did Sakura say? Now I'm stuck in the house with her but there's no way I'm leaving this office. I didn't even get to tell Saki about my conversation with Reiko.

A bandaged hand knocks on the open door. It's Ai.

"And I suppose you're the ghost of Christmas Future?" I say.

"I don't know what you're talking about but I don't appreciate your tone."

"Is this about Sakura?"

"...no?"

She doesn't know. Thank god.

She furrows her brows, "What happened with Sakura?"

Damn it... I shouldn't have opened my mouth.

"Nothing. Nothing at all."

She frowns, "You know, I could just ask her myself."

"Honestly it's nothing. I just have a surprise for her."

"No it's definitely something. Saki could barely contain herself."

"Saki?"

"Anyway it's fine, if you don't wanna talk about it I'm not gonna make you."

"No, do tell me about-"

She leans on the door frame, "I actually came to ask...well... do you think you could give me some money to buy Junko a Christmas present? It doesn't have to be a lot. I'd offer to take her on a date, but you know how she is and I don't wanna fluster her."

"Ah...I did have money but uh," I lost it all when I blew up a rental bike like an idiot, "it's kinda tied up at the moment."

She looks disappointed, "Really?"

I feel myself getting defensive, "Franchouchou is still small you know? You think I'm made of money!? Everything we made went up in smoke along with the wreckage at Arpino!"

She crosses her arms, "That's convenient."

"It's not an excuse!"

"...I should've guessed you were just being a tightwad."

"I'm not being tight! The money isn't there! I can't give you money I don't have, you stupid zombie!"

Why am I saying this? That isn't what I want to say.

"You know, I thought you might refuse, but I didn't think you'd be this much of a dick about it. I should've known better."

'Stop', I want to say. 'I don't mean any of that, I got frustrated at myself, it's not you', but no words leave my lips as Ai, like the others, storms out of my office. I sigh, and under my breath mutter to myself,

"Seems like I've messed everything up this Christmas."

I half expect someone to walk through that door and say 'No you haven't Kotaro!', but no such voice comes.

I need some fresh air.

At the back of the house the sea breeze is as strong as ever. Tae is already out here, lying on the floor next to Romero.

"Am I a failure, Tae?"

She pokes Romero on the nose.

"I thought the tree went pretty well considering. Everyone seemed to enjoy it. I enjoyed it."

Tae grunts.

"I'm crazy to have done this," I say, watching the waves crash onto the beach, "to have brought everyone back. I'm crazy."

Now she's staring at me.

"Do you think I'm crazy?"

"Ughahggh."

Maybe I am crazy. Maybe believing that dreams do come true is crazy. But I believe it. That's why I brought them back. That's why I wanted to do Christmas together. Christmas is when dreams come true – or when they're meant to. There's always some romantic special on the TV at this time of year, and I've always been a bit of a romantic. Unfortunately for me I've also always been incredibly socially awkward. Before I learnt how to act in Hollywood I was about as charming as driftwood. Yet somehow despite that I still clung to my dream of someday going out on Christmas Eve with a beautiful girl, being that charming guy that everyone wants to be but no one ever is. I let myself run wild, I imagined myself with Sakura. I'd almost forgotten about my zombie obsession at that point, but as the fantasy took hold I found myself returning to it, wondering 'what if'. The answer to that question took me places few had been before. In the end I achieved my goal, but somehow that awkwardness I had in my teenage years never went away... So here I am, having successfully defied fate, defied the laws of nature, and yet still I can't do something as simple as confess my feelings to my schoolboy crush.

I'm crazy. I'm insane. I've lost my mind. But I'm glad. My mind needed losing. I have Christmas to thank for it, too. When I woke up on December 1st and I heard the wind and saw the grey clouds blotting out the sun, something changed inside me. I could feel it. A question floated to the top of my mind, lucid and clear even though I was half asleep. That question was: what if you finally did what you always wanted to do?

It's not like I had an answer; in fact I definitely didn't have an answer. But I could feel that the answer was within me. I got the sudden urge to fill the house with Christmas in every form. I started thinking about presents, trees, decorations. I didn't understand it, and I still can't explain it, even now, but as I went about my business that memory, that fantasy of taking Sakura on a date resurfaced, shining bright like a diamond in my mind's eye. I knew then that something had to change; I couldn't hold my feelings in anymore. But changing old habits is easier said than done...

My cell phone buzzes in my pocket. It's a message from Reiko Kirishima. I almost forgot I gave her my number.

'Thanks again Tatsumi-san,'it reads, 'I'm on way now. Please let her know I'm coming.'

On her way now? I thought we agreed she'd be here in the evening. Did I imagine that part? I feel my stomach dissolving onto the floor. This is all too sudden. I shouldn't have gone to her house yesterday, I shouldn't have mentioned Saki, and I definitely shouldn't have invited her over. But what was I supposed to do when she said-

"Tatsumi-san."

I almost leap over the balcony and into the ocean, "REIKO!?"

I turn around, staring up at me is none other than the 80s legend herself.

"I've never had anyone pronounce my name that way before."

I sigh in relief, "Junko! It's just you, ha ha! Hahaha!"

She looks confused, "Are you all right, Tatsumi-san?"

"Never better! Just doing producer-ly things, thinking about our next steps as an idol group. Maybe we should enlist Santa in our promos, hm? What do you think?"

"Ah, uh, yes that might be nice. He seems like a very jolly fellow."

"Very jolly."

"I had a question, actually. About Christmas."

"Hit me with it."

"I couldn't help but overhear you talking to Mizuno-san earlier..."

She nervously eyes Tae, who's now sleeping, curled up in a little ball, "...I was wondering if you could... maybe if you could suggest to her... to invite me on a date...?"

"Can't you just invite her yourself?"

Immediately her face turns tomato red. She opens her mouth to speak but only garbled nonsense comes out. It's a miracle her and Ai ever managed to actually become a couple in the first place.

"All right," I assure her, "I'll see what I can do. In return, tell me... did Saki mention anything about Sakura to you?"

"About Minamoto-san?"

"Yes, anything."

She looks off into the distance,

"No..."

"Junko-"

Suddenly she's bowing in front of me, "Thank you for your help Tatsumi-san!"

"No problem Jun-"

But before I can finish my sentence she dashes back inside.

"...what is going on today?"

At least Tae is the same as always. I consider crouching down to pat her head, but then think better of it when she starts growling and pawing at thin air in her sleep. Maybe next time.

Trying my hardest to forget that I just promised to talk to Ai about taking Junko out on a date, I wander back into the house. I feel like I'm in car heading full speed off the edge of a cliff.

Oh for god's sake stop being so melodramatic! You're not meek little schoolboy 'Inui-kun' anymore. Did standing on the sidelines get him anywhere? It didn't save Sakura, did it?

Shut up, you don't understand anything. Can you even imagine what would happen to Sakura if the world knew what she was? It's not about being melodramatic. I let Saki get in my head. I shouldn't have told Reiko anything. Probably she can be trusted, but... I mean probably she can but now she has to keep the secret, and there's no guarantee-

Agh! Why am I so flustered?

Why are you so flustered? This isn't like you. This isn't like me at all. Where's that confidence gone?

"Ah, Kotaro-san!" comes Sakura's voice. Now I'm hearing things as well as talking to myself, great.

Except I'm not, as standing outside my office is Sakura Minamoto, my school crush, in the flesh.

"Ah, Sakura! Good timing, I need you to replace the batteries in these light-up squirrels."

Lies fly out of my mouth as smoothly as always. I see myself in the distance, like watching a TV show or a movie, I watch, powerless, as I go through my routine.

"I need to talk to you about something," she says, fidgeting slightly.

"Christmas waits for no one, Sakura!"

I can't talk to her right now. Especially not if Saki's already got to her. I don't wanna know how she feels. It can't go well. There's no way this ends well. I'm panicking. I know I'm panicking but it doesn't matter, the fear is too real, the images of angry mobs are too real, of Sakura dead-dead again.

"But the squirrels are already lit up," she replies.

"No, they're dimming! See them dimming?"

"They aren't though..."

"Look harder."

She's right, not a single one of them is dimmer than the other. I can't keep running away. This is an act that needs to end.

"O-okay, uh... " she squints at the squirrels, "no they don't look dim to-"

I run over to one of the squirrels, rip out its batteries and fling them down the hall.

"Do you see now!? It looks the same without batteries as it did with batteries! We can't have Christmas without the squirrels! I'll hand you the goods and you're gonna get go go going! Understood!?"

"...Understood."

I don't wanna see the disappointment on her face. I don't wanna see her head tilted down to the floor, or the slump in her shoulders. I don't wanna hear the silence between us as I hand her the batteries, and I don't wanna hear her forlorn footsteps as she shuffles down the hall replacing the perfectly good batteries with more perfectly good batteries. I didn't hear any of it. I refuse to have heard it. I'm not listening. I can't hear it. I can't-

I can't let this continue.

"Sakura... forget the squirrels."

She stops in her tracks. She looks back at me wide-eyed. Maybe she already knows what's coming.

"I think I know what you want to talk about," I continue, "I have something I need to tell you, too... Sakura, I-"

Then there's a knock at the door. The front door. The door to the Franchouchou house.

"Kotaro-san!? Why is there a knock at the door? No one ever knocks here!"

"Don't panic," I say as my heart tries its best to burst through my ribcage, "Get in the living room and hide till I tell you it's clear."

The knocking gets more insistent. Sakura runs off with the squirrel still in hand. I open the door.

"Ah, Tatsumi-san!" Reiko says, straining a smile, "So this is where you live? It's a beautiful old house isn't it."

She looks as nervous as I feel. I muster my best fake laugh, "Haha, yes, yes it's a real antique, but it suits me well enough. Please come in."

As we walk down the hall I can hear the girls frantically doing something or other in the living room. Please god, I think, don't let Reiko see them, not yet, not now.

"Is she in there?" She asks, pointing at the living room door.

"NO!"

She flinches in shock. Why did I just yell that?

"...no, no she's, she's out right now unfortunately. With Number 6."

"Oh..."

"They're going clothes shopping."

"Clothes shopping?"

"It was a spur of the moment thing."

"That's Saki for you..." she smiles but it doesn't reach her eyes.

"I would've told her to stay but I didn't realise you'd be here so early. For some reason," another fake laugh, "I thought you'd be here in the evening! Clearly I'm losing my mind."

The girls must be able to hear all of this. What are they thinking? I didn't even ask them before telling Reiko. This is gonna take a lot of explaining...

"And the other members of Franchouchou..." Reiko begins, "they're like she is, right? Zombies?"

Kill me now. Don't revive me. Just put me six feet under.

"Hmm... uhm, well... uh... it's uh... how do I... so...it's like I said before really...I mean... in essence... yes."

A muffled gasp escapes from the living room.

"Can I see them? I still can't quite believe it."

"I'd have to ask them first, naturally, but-"

The living room door slams open. It's Ai, and I can already tell by the look on her face that she's not happy.

"If Saki were here she'd punch you in the face for telling our secret like that."

Reiko's jaw hits the floor.

"Ai," I say, "it's complicated, but we can trust her."

"It's complicated my ass. I don't know what you were thinking, but after all the times I asked to go to Tokyo and you refused, to pull this on us now, I don't even-"

"You... really are a zombie..."

We both turn to Reiko, who is now pointing at Ai with a trembling finger. She has that look in her eyes, the kind you see in zombie films just before someone goes hysterical and starts waving a baseball bat around.

I feel the blood drain from my head, "Now Reiko, I need you to remain calm. These girls may be zombies, but they're no danger to you, or anyone else."

She backs into the wall, "I... wasn't sure what to expect, but somehow it's even more terrifying."

Ai isn't looking too relaxed either. It's like the time she got shot at all over again. I notice her legs are shaking. I'm sorry Ai. Somehow I've done everything wrong. I don't know how to fix this. I should say something. I need to say something, anything.

Before I can speak, Ai bows, "I'm Mizuno Ai, also known as Number 3. Nice to meet you."

I watch on silently. I notice the others hiding behind the living room door. The only sound in the hall is Reiko's anxious panting. As I become aware of the tightness in my chest, I realise that I've been holding my breath this whole time. There are little drops on the floor from where my hands have been sweating so profusely.

Reiko takes a step forward. She waits for a moment, looking into the shadowy living room. I can't say for sure, but by the look in her eyes I think she must see the others in there. She takes a deep breath, then finally, bows in turn,

"I'm Kirishima Reiko. I used to know Saki when she was alive. Nice to meet you too."

It's all I can do to keep myself standing as relief washes over my entire body. I resist the urge to sigh. I don't want them to notice how worked up I am. I've gotta get a hold of myself.

Ai rests her hands on her hips, "You know, Saki talks about you all the time..."

Reiko blushes.

"...but don't tell her I said that."

"I'm sorry I reacted like I did," Reiko replies, "It's... strange, seeing a zombie in person."

"Not gonna lie, you scared me for a second there. But I understand. The zombie look takes some getting used to. We were all a bit shocked at first."

"Ladies!" I interject, my voice already beginning to waver, "no sense in us hanging around out here! The living room is waiting for us. Sakura, Junko, Yugiri, you don't mind, do you?"

"Uh, p-please come in!" replies Sakura from behind a tinsel-covered chair.

"Brilliant! In you go, both of you. I'll fetch us some tea."

Ai smirks, "You'll get the tea? That's a change."

"Ai please, you're making me sound like a terrible person in front of our guest."

She turns to Reiko, "You can't imagine the stories I could tell you..."

I smile, "Ignore them Reiko, they're all liars, especially Ai."

I can already feel the awkward atmosphere melting away as I slide the door shut and creep off towards the kitchen. Tea, yes, of course. I wish I hadn't suggested that, but...

My heart continues to try its best to break free of my body. Now my hands are actually shaking. I pull a handkerchief out of my waistcoat and cough into it a few times. I adjust my sunglasses, scratch my neck, unbutton and rebutton the top of my shirt, splash cold water on my face, and still I'm nervous. Why? What am I afraid of?

Enough dawdling, I need to make the tea. Laughter echoes down the hall and into the kitchen. Good, they're getting along. Everyone's secret should be safe. Maybe I didn't do such a bad job after all. If I can just sort out the situation with Ai and Junko, and Saki and Reiko, and with Sakura... okay, so there's a still a lot left to do. I shouldn't have thought about that.

I put all the tea on a tray and carry it to the living room. Everyone is sitting on the floor around a little table, smiling, chatting. They stop as I enter.

"Prepare yourselves for Tatsumi Kotaro's Special Blend tea!" I exclaim as I place the tray on the table.

Everyone but Ai seems impressed, or at least pretends to be impressed. My job here is done, now to just sit down and blend in till Saki returns. Finding a place to sit should be simple when the entire floor is your oyster, but as I looked at the space around the table, thinking that perhaps I should sit beside Yugiri, Sakura pulls up a snowman-themed red and white cushion and drops it next to her.

"Kotaro-san, you can sit here if you want."

"Oh!" I say, suddenly feeling light-headed again, "thanks Sakura. Resourceful as ever I see."

She gives me a strange look. Perhaps I'm trying too hard to look normal. Usually the persona is so easy to keep up. I've done it for so long, it's like second nature. I couldn't imagine being anyone other than the loud and proud Kotaro Tatsumi, Mysterious Producer.

Reiko takes a sip of her tea, "We were just talking about school crushes."

"S-school crushes eh?"

"I never really had any crushes at school," she giggles, "all the boys seemed too boring to me."

"Hahahaha! Yes, I was the same really, no crushes."

From across the table comes Ai's voice, "Really Kotaro, not even one crush?"

"Well, I mean-"

"I don't believe you Kotaro-han," Yugiri adds, "a man as handsome as you must have been popular with the girls in his youth."

"Hey, I'm still young, Yugiri. And yes, my looks weren't bad, but-"

Ai smirks, "So you were popular?"

"I mostly kept to myself."

"You're kidding!"

"I was a very quiet young man."

I don't remember Ai being this vindictive. Maybe she's still annoyed about earlier. I need to change the topic of conversation or else this is gonna get complicated.

"Anyway," I said, "enough about this. Let's talk about Christmas instead. I'm sure you all have good memories of Christmas, right?"

Silence.

"Junko, you must have a few stories to tell!"

She stares into her teacup, "Uh, well actually I was always busy around Christmas... I never really got to celebrate it properly..."

"Oh, I see. How about you, Ai?"

Wait, not Ai, I shouldn't have asked Ai, oh god...

She refuses to make eye contact with me, "I used to spend it with my family back in Tokyo, but-"

"No don't worry, I shouldn't have asked. I uh, uhm-" gotta think fast, "How about you Kirishima-san?"

"Me? My family didn't do Christmas. I always hung out with Saki, when she was alive."

I feel like I've walked into a minefield from which there is no escape.

"Kotaro-san?"

Sakura's hand is on my shoulder. Heat rushes to my cheeks.

"Yes, Sakura?"

"You look pale."

"I always look pale."

"You look paler than usual."

How do I respond to that? Outright denial? Everyone around the table is looking in any direction but mine. This isn't how things usually go. I should say something at least. I open my mouth to respond, but then I hear a strange buzzing sound, like a fly caught behind a curtain, or a distant beehive. The buzzing gets louder and louder, then I start to hear another sound, something more human, something that sounds an awful lot like-

"SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT!"

A hideous screech fills the air, then suddenly crashing through the window comes Saki. In an explosion of glass and splintered wood she flies across the room and slams into the floor, knocking all the tea off of the table. Mine goes flying straight into my crotch, making even me scream,

"SHIT! SAKI, WHAT THE HELL!?"

Bruised, bloody and out of breath, she climbs to her feet, "Shades, you're gonna have to hide that bike."

"What bike?" I ask, trying to ignore the burning in my groin.

"The one I stole. It's out front but if we don't hide that shit we're all fucked."

"You stole a bike? I thought you were stealing clothes?"

"We stole those too, but-"

"Wait... where's Lily?"

She freezes, "Shit, where is Lily?"

At that point the front door creaks open. Little feet pitter patter through the hallway, till finally the living room door slides across to reveal Lily, seemingly completely unscathed from Saki's biking accident.

"I'm never ever going shopping with you again, Saki-chan!"

"Shrimpy come on, it wasn't that bad! I got you the dress you wanted didn't I?"

As Lily stands there pouting, Reiko gets to her feet.

"Saki..."

"Yeah? Whaddya... wait..."

Saki's eyes widen as she realises who's in front of her.

"Reiko? How do you know my name now? I didn't even, what are you doing here?"

"Tatsumi-san invited me."

"Why didn't you tell me, Shades?"

I hold my hands up, "I was going to, but then you rushed off."

"What did you tell her!?"

"Nothing, I didn't tell her anything!"

"And another thing..." Saki says, looking around, "is it me, or does no one here have any makeup on?"

Reiko rests her hands on Saki's shoulders, "Saki, don't worry, I know everything."

"Everything!? So he did tell you?"

"Yes, and it's okay, I-"

"KOTARO YOU SON OF A BITCH!"

She tears herself free from Reiko's arms and marches towards me, looking more pissed than she did when she first woke up from eternal death.

"Saki, wait, when she said everything, she didn't literally mean-"

But it's no use, before I can say another word Saki's fist is already halfway through my jaw. I spin around on the spot. All the blood drains from my head and the room becomes kaleidoscope of spilled tea and Christmas festivity. I start to topple, and fall, and-

I can't remember hitting the floor, but when I wake up my whole head aches from front to back. Something damp and heavy presses down on my forehead. Warm liquid dribbles down onto my eyelids. They feel strangely cool, breezy even, and my nose... feels so light. My hands are at my sides. I reach up to adjust my glasses but...

"My glasses are gone...? My glasses are gone!? Where-"

I open my eyes. Sakura is gazing down at me.

"I took them off," she says, "I wanted to make sure you didn't have any injuries, and..."

She looks away, blushing.

"And what?" My heart begins to race, making my headache even worse.

"...and to see if you still looked the same, if your eyes still looked the same as they did back then."

Shock freezes me in place. I don't know what to say, so I say nothing. I stare up at the ceiling. Whatever room we're in, it's just the two of us in it.

"A lot of memories came back to me at Arpino," she continues, "I'd been wondering for a while if you really were Inui-kun."

"I am."

I know she's watching me, but I can't bring myself to look in her eyes as I say it. Not without my sunglasses. To admit who I am is almost the same as admitting that I-

"Inui-kun, I was talking to Saki-chan and-" oh god, here it comes, "-she told me about what happened at Gusto..."

My throat is bone dry, "I can explain."

"You don't need to."

Maybe she's right, the less I say, the easier it will be to get out of this. But do I really want to get out of this? Do I really want to keep on hiding how I feel forever?

"No," I've been running away long enough, "I want to. In fact I've been wanting to tell you this for a long time now."

I can't tell if she's blushing or if I'm just imagining it, but I tell myself that yes, she's blushing, yes you should tell her, right now, no more waiting.

"Sakura, I... I..."

You're so close! Come one! Say it!

"I love you! I've always loved you, since you were alive, even after you died, I loved you. I still love you. I'm sorry it took me so long to say it. I've been a coward..."

I don't know what I expected her to do after hearing that, how I expected this to go, but I didn't expect her to just stare at me silently. Did I read the situation wrong? I push myself up so I'm sitting, rather than lying prone. She's definitely blushing. A blushing, green face. Even covered in scars she's beautiful.

She strokes my cheek with her fingertips, so lightly that it makes me shiver.

"Inui-kun..."

"It's okay Sakura, you don't have to say anything. Even if you don't feel the same way, I'll always-"

But my words are cut off as she leans in and kisses me softly on the lips. It only lasts a moment. I feel myself becoming dizzy as her ice cold lips leave mine, as if my consciousness were still attached to her. She looks at me with eyes that I've never seen before, a love that mirrors my own, an expression I never thought I'd get to see in reality but here it is, here she is, staring me in face, into my eyes completely unguarded. I'm so lightheaded I'm on the verge of fainting, but when she leans her head on my shoulder and embraces me my consciousness returns to my body once again. I feel tears spilling down my cheeks. Every feeling I ever kept locked away is spilling over. All my defenses are melting. I'm not sure I'm ready, but I don't want it to stop. I don't want this feeling to stop. As I cry I feel the pain dissolving into the floor, till all that's left is that soft feeling, that warm feeling of safety, of trusting someone so completely. I think to myself, has there ever been a time in my life where I ever felt so at peace? No, never. Until this moment I have never felt so complete, so at ease, so-

"OI! ARE YOU GUYS FUCKIN' OR WHAT?" yells Saki as she kicks the door down.

I leap to my feet, "Damn you Saki, this is not the time!"

"Woah, Shades... your shades... you're not wearing them!?"

"What? I... oh no."

I'm not wearing my sunglasses.

Reiko appears behind Saki, "Tatsumi-san! I can't believe how handsome you look without your sunglasses!"

I'm not sure whether to be offended or to laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation.

"Saki," I begin, but she cuts me off before I can even get started.

"Save it, Shades! I'm not annoyed about you talking to Reiko. It really worked out, if you know what I mean," she gives me a dirty wink.

"That's not what was I going to say."

I hear the echoey voices of Ai and Junko outside the door.

"Inui-kun, catch!"

I look back, flying through the air are my sunglasses. With all the speed and finesse of an pirouetting hippopotamus, I spin around and snatch the glasses out of the air.

"Inui-kun!? Seriously, is that your fucking name?"

I have no time for Saki's nonsense. I ram my glasses onto my face so hard that I (probably) bruise my nose, just in time to protect myself before Ai, Junko, and also Lily and Yugiri all arrive to witness the spectacle.

"What's going on?" Lily asks, looking confused.

I stretch my arm out towards her and strike a dramatic pose. Everyone's looking at me, or I assume they are, as for no apparent reason I've closed my eyes. I take a deep breath. There's only one thing that'll defuse this situation. In one smooth motion I snatch my cape off of the floor, fling it up to the ceiling and scream,

"MERRY CHRISTMAS! HO HO HO! HO HO HO!"

I barge past the girls and run out of the room. I run down the hall. I run out to where Tae is still sleeping and climb onto the snow-crusted railing that stands between the house and the ocean.

"HO HO HO!" I cry, waking up both Tae and Romero.

"Awoo!" they howl.

"On Dasher, on Blitzen!" I prepare to dive into the ocean and swim away. I intended to go through all the reindeer before jumping I can't remember any other reindeer names and I already missed out Rudolph. I stretch my arms out, place my hands firmly together palm-to-palm, and-

"Where do you think you're going?" Ai's voice pierces through me.

"I uh, I just thought I'd have a swim."

"You'll freeze to death in this weather!"

"You underestimate me!" I say, staring off into the sunset. The deep orange of the sky is dimmed by my thick sunglasses, turning it almost brown.

"Kotaro-san!"

"Sakura..."

"What are you doing?"

What am I doing? Running away again? Playing the fool as always? I look at the brown sunset. I can't remember the last time I saw the colours of the sunset as they were meant to be seen; bright, burning, vivid.

I take off my sunglasses. These sunglasses have protected me for so long, but now they've become a crutch. I put them in my breast pocket, then I look back at the horizon. At first I have to squint, but soon I can see the colours in all their glory. Yes, this is how it should be. This is how life should be.

I climb down from the railing and face Franchouchou and Reiko. Everyone is there. Some of them gasp upon seeing my naked face. Even Romero looks shocked. Normally I know exactly what to say, but today hasn't been like other days. I start to wonder if I'll ever find words to say. Where do I start? Then I remember my conversation with Ai earlier.

I take a step forwards and reach into my jacket's inside pocket. Sure enough, my wallet is there. Repairing the damage Saki did to the house is going to cost a bomb, but it's Christmas, and it's time to make a brand new start. I pull out a couple thousand yen and offer the notes to Ai. She doesn't make any move to take them, so I open her hand myself and slap the yen down.

"Now you can take Junko on that date," I say, smirking. Immediately her face goes red as a tomato. I imagine Junko is the same, but I don't look back to check. As I enter the house I hear Saki laughing, "Get in there, Ai! Make sure you fill me in on the dirty details after!"

I hear footsteps behind me.

"Kotaro-san!"

I turn around. It's Sakura.

"You don't need to call me that, Sakura."

"But earlier when I called you Inui-kun in front of Saki you seemed-"

"That doesn't matter," I move closer to her and take her hands in mine, "To everyone else, I am Tatsumi Kotaro. But with you... with you and you alone, I want to be Inui-kun. Just like I always was."

Even in the shadowy hallway her red eyes shine, brighter even than the setting sun outside. I lean towards her and we kiss once more, her cool lips against the warmth of my own. I know that everyone can see us, but it doesn't matter. I don't want to hide anymore. I know who I am now. I know who I want to be. I've always known it, ever since I first laid eyes on her, but until now I've never had the words to describe it. I'm Tatsumi-san, I'm Inui-kun, but most of all I am hers, and her dreams are mine, and as long as there is breath in my body, and in fact even when all my breath is gone and I'm brought back as a rotting zombie, I will support her.

Sakura taps my shoulder, "Does something smell strange to you?"

I sniff, "Now you mention it, it does smell like something is burning."

I look down the hall; smoke is emanating from the living room. Suddenly I remember the bike, "Saki..." I call out, "what happened to that bike you stole?"

"Hm? Oh we moved it indoors. We were gonna take it out back but we got distracted listening in to your lovey-dovey conversation earlier."

"What!? You idiot! You can't just leave a-"

Then it exploded, launching us into the others, launching us all over the railing and into the sea along with a torrent of wooden shrapnel. For a moment I can't even tell which way is up and which way is down, but then someone grabs my hand and drags me to the surface. It's Reiko.

"Tatsumi-san, are you okay?"

"Yes, are the others-"

But everyone is already above the waterline, floating out into the open ocean along with me. Flames engulf every inch of the house till suddenly, with a booming CRACK the entire thing collapses in on itself, taking all our clothes, equipment and Christmas decorations with it.

"Shit," says Saki.

"That's unfortunate," comments Yugiri.

Perhaps in the past losing my entire house, all my money and belongings and indeed my sunglasses would've fazed me. Floating, freezing in the bay outside what used to be our house, it would be understandable to be in a bit of a panic. But the time for panic has long since gone. Instead, I decide to take a more pragmatic approach.

"Ai," I begin, doggy paddling towards her, "You wouldn't happen to still have those thousand yen notes I gave you, would you?"