Ok guys...this one's a doozy (for a few reasons). It turned out to be way longer than I anticipated. Also, I really struggled with even publishing it, since it's such a sensitive topic...but once the idea got in my head I couldn't get it out. I thought it would be interesting to have Buffy and Angel have a "normal human" problem rather than a supernatural one. Also the show never really dealt with pregnancy issues (Angel touched on it a few times), so here we are. Please, please let me know what you guys think...let me know if I'm crazy and this was a horrible idea, or not!

TRIGGER WARNING: this chapter is about the loss of a pregnancy.

Buffy pushed her hair back from her slightly clammy face and grabbed a piece of toilet paper from the roll hanging to her left. She dabbed her mouth and tossed the used scrap of toilet paper in the porcelain bowl in front of her before flushing the remnants of last night's dinner away. The blonde Slayer took a deep breath before slowly standing up and looking at herself in the mirror. She pressed a hand to her sweaty forehead and tried to calm her breathing. More than one morning had ended up like this, with her head in toilet expelling whatever food may remain in her stomach.

Buffy wasn't an idiot. She knew what this meant. As she looked at her pale reflection in the mirror she tried to remember her last period.

It was impossible…but the symptoms were staring her in the face. She tried to attribute her missed periods to stress. The arrival of half a dozen potential Slayers at her Sunnydale apartment wasn't exactly a calming experience. With the Bringers attacking said girls, Buffy scrambled to find a safe haven for them and ended up housing them in a large mansion on Crawford Street that Angel had graciously purchased. Buffy was extremely grateful for his help, but also concerned at his rising caseload in LA. She was on edge, to say the least.

With her most recent battles at the forefront of her mind, Buffy pushed away any thoughts of missed periods and nausea. She heaved a heavy sigh and walked out of the bathroom, reminding herself that she needed to get to Angel's mansion to check on the Potentials.

Later that night, Buffy hummed in pleasure as Angel kissed and nuzzled his way down her neck, eventually focusing on her scar. Buffy smoothed her hands up and down his back and softly giggled as he continued to kiss her scar and rub his face into the spot where her neck and shoulder joined. She could feel him inhaling deeply as he continued to nuzzle her like a large, purring cat.

"Thanks for coming here early," Buffy whispered, not wanting to disturb the warm silence between them. Angel simply grunted in response as he continued to run his hands up and down Buffy's sides and press himself more firmly into the crook of her neck.

Buffy giggled again and continued to run her hands over the muscles in his back, loving the attention he was giving her neck. She vaguely wondered for the hundredth time why the Slayer in her wasn't screaming at her to fight as a vampire pressed his body against hers and covered every inch of her vulnerable neck with his mouth. Buffy figured that the part of her that was purely just a girl, all soul and no Slayer, recognized it's mate, no matter what form he took.

"God…you smell so…good," came Angel's husky voice, muffled against the skin of her shoulder, drawing Buffy out of her musings. Buffy sighed happily and wrapped her arms more tightly around Angel, as he drew his head up from her shoulder for a deep kiss.

Buffy was used to her boyfriend loving her scent. It was just one of the quirks of dating a vampire. But the way he was almost obsessively inhaling her with his dead lungs and rubbing against her like a predatory cat caused Buffy to wonder. A wave of nausea rolled through her stomach and she froze, remembering her trip to the bathroom that morning.

Angel pulled back and furrowed his brows at her. "What? You okay?"

Buffy took a shaky breath and looked up at him. "Yeah," she responded, not sounding very convincing.

Angel just raised an eyebrow and continued to stare at her. 'Damn him,' Buffy thought to herself. "Um…I'm late," she finally said, avoiding looking him in the eye.

Angel smirked and said, "Late for what? When I got here you said we weren't leaving the bedroom all weekend. 'Screw those Potentials' I believe were the exact words."

Buffy sighed, mildly annoyed that he didn't understand her. "No...I'm late, Angel," she said, with emphasis on the word 'late', hoping he would get it. Angel stared at her blankly for a moment before the realization washed over him.

"Oh," he muttered before rolling away from her and lying on his back. "Oh," he repeated with a bit more understanding, staring blankly at the ceiling above him.

"Yeah…" Buffy said, pulling the sheet tighter against her chest. At Angel's continued silence she turned towards him and rested on her side. "I mean, I know it's impossible. You…can't…do that…" she uttered. Angel turned his head to look at her. "Make little vampires," she clarified. Angel looked back up at the ceiling. "But here we are," she continued. "At first I thought it was all the stress with all the Potentials showing up and this mess with the First that was making me late, but it's been two months now, and the past few mornings I've felt really nauseous and I've made more than a few trips to the bathroom throughout the day…" Angel simply raised his eyebrow at her babbling. "And you know I haven't been with anyone else, right? I mean I would never, ever do that. I love you, Angel. I'm always gonna love you, no matter what this means."

"Have you taken a test?" Angel turned to face her, cutting off her nervous rambling.

"Huh?" Buffy said, raising a brow at him.

Angel smiled slightly. "A test. To make sure."

"A test!" Buffy said. How had that not occurred to her? "I gotta take a test," she mumbled as threw the covers off of her body and flitted around her bedroom, dressing quickly.

Angel watched her, his brow furrowed in concern. A million thoughts were running through his mind (Could she really be pregnant I can't be a father what do I have to offer has she been with someone else impossible I would be able to tell she can't be pregnant Slayers can't get pregnant can they vampires can't have babies can they what life could we offer a child oh God I want her children so bad beautiful babies always in danger impossibleimpossibleimpossible) but he had to stay calm for Buffy.

Angel reached out and grabbed Buffy's arm as she finished tugging a t-shirt over her head. "Hey," he said softly. Buffy froze. "I love you." He saw her tense body relax a fraction at his words. "I trust you," he continued. "And no matter what happens, I'm always gonna be with you."

Buffy quirked a smile and said, "Even if I'm covered in slime?"

Angel gave her a half smile back and squeezed her hand. "Even if you're covered in slime."

The only thing Angel could think, was that he was the only vampire in the history of the universe to not only have a soul, but also be sitting on his girlfriend's bed, who was a Slayer, waiting for her to come out of the bathroom with the results of a pregnancy test.

He snapped his head up at the sound of Buffy leaving the bathroom. She walked into her bedroom, closing the door behind her, all while staring at the little white stick she held in her hand.

After a few moments of silence while Buffy continued to stare at the test, Angel finally asked, "Well?"

"I don't know," Buffy answered.

"Huh?" Angel responded.

Buffy shot him a panicked look at sat beside him on the bed. "I mean I don't know! Look," she said, shoving the stick in his face. "Two lines mean yes, one line means no. What the hell is this supposed to mean?!"

Angel stared at the small piece of plastic in front of him. There was clearly one pink line visible…but next to it was…unclear. If he looked very closely, at the right angle, there was a very faint pink line. It seemed to flicker in and out of his sight; there one minute and gone the next.

Angel took a deep, unneeded breath and said, "I don't know." Buffy groaned and fell backwards on the bed, covering her face with her hands. Angel placed the test on the nightstand and turned to Buffy. He braced himself on one elbow and cradled her face with his other hand. When she didn't remove her hands from her face, he placed light kisses across her knuckles, gently urging them downwards with the hand that was brushing her cheek. She still kept her eyes closed, and Angel placed a soft kiss on each eyelid.

Buffy finally opened her eyes and stared up at Angel, instantly feeling calmer while looking into his eyes.

"What do I do?" she asked in a quiet voice. "I can't have a kid right now. I just can't do it."

"Shh," Angel soothed, ever the voice of reason. "We don't know if it's positive, and if it is…you have options." Buffy furrowed her brow, confused, and Angel continued. "I mean, you could make a decision. And no matter what you decide, I'll be okay with it." Angel swallowed deeply. Rationally he knew that a baby would complicate their lives immensely right now, not to mention be extremely dangerous…but when he pictured a little boy or girl, a perfect blend of his and Buffy's features…he couldn't help the jolt of excitement at the possibility. Angel shook those thoughts from his head and said, "It's your body, Buffy."

"But you're a part of this too!" Buffy said desperately. "I need you to be a part of this! No matter what!"

"And I will be," Angel replied. "But first we have to see if there's anything to be a part of…." Buffy looked at him in confusion. "Is there a doctor you can make an appointment with? To make sure?"

Buffy stared at him for a moment, dazed, before saying, "Oh. Yeah I have one." She then sat up and abruptly left the bed, looking for her phone.

Buffy couldn't make an appointment for another week to see an OB/GYN, and Angel had to return to LA, so the week following the unclear pregnancy test was stressful to say the least. Buffy immersed herself in work at the brand new Sunnydale High School as a guidance counselor, training the Potential Slayers, and her routine patrols. In LA, Angel took on each new case aggressively, distracting himself from the doctor's appointment he would be attending with Buffy later in the week,

It wasn't that either of them didn't want a family together…but the timing was all off. Buffy was barely 21 years old, and Angel…well since being with Buffy, Angel put more and more faith in the Shanshu prophecy and was hoping to be human again before starting a family with Buffy. It was a dream they had spoken about together, and everyday it seemed closer and closer within their grasp.

But right now…right now was not the time. Their lives were simply too chaotic. They weren't even living in the same city! Angel thought about all this and more as he climbed the stairs to the ground floor of the parking garage that was attached to Buffy's doctor's office. She had made the appointment late in the day so Angel could enter the garage via sewer access, and by the time the appointment was over, it would be dark out.

Angel opened the stairwell door that lead to the parking garage and saw Buffy pacing by her parked car. She looked up at him immediately, and a grateful smile graced her face. Angel strode over to her quickly and gave her a brief but welcoming kiss.

"Hey," he said, taking her hands in his own as he looked her over.

Buffy fidgeted slightly as she also looked over Angel's body and responded, "Hey."

Satisfied with each other's well being after a week apart, Angel squeezed Buffy's hands gently and asked, "You ready?" Buffy nodded bravely and walked with him into the medical office building.

Given her fear of hospitals, Buffy was surprisingly patient as the nurse took her blood pressure, temperature, and other vitals. Angel stood in the corner, hovering anxiously at everything the nurse had Buffy do, from changing into a gown, to holding her arm out so the nurse could take her blood pressure.

Finally a technician arrived with the ultrasound machine and began setting up. Buffy reached for Angel's hand, and he immediately grasped hers, squeezing reassuringly. She looked up at him, trying to convey through just her eyes how grateful she was that he was not only here, but in her life, and how much she loved him. Angel gave her his half smile, the one she thought was devastatingly adorable, indicating that he understood.

The ultrasound technician, a young girl with dirty blonde hair in a plain ponytail, not much older than Buffy, asked, "So, what brings you here today?"

Buffy and Angel stared at her for a moment, as if it should be obvious, before Buffy said, "Um, I took a pregnancy test, and it was…unclear."

The technician nodded and began to ask Buffy questions…When did you take the test…When was your last period…Is he the father…What method of birth control do you use…

They were beginning to get into questions that Buffy didn't feel comfortable answering, and she could practically feel Angel squirming next to her, so she finally said, "Look, can you just tell me if I'm pregnant or not?"

The technician blinked and said, "Sure, let's get started." She instructed Buffy to lie back on the examination table and place her feet in the stirrups at the end of the table. She covered Buffy's lower half with a paper cloth, and gently pushed up the gown, exposing Buffy's abdomen. Buffy's grip on Angel's hand continued throughout the process.

The technician was explaining everything that she was doing, as she squirted some cool gel on Buffy's stomach, and began to program the ultrasound machine. Her voice was background noise to Buffy, who was staring at the gel on her stomach, and squeezing Angel's hand so tightly she could feel his bones.

"Okay, let's see what's going on in there," the technician said as she started to move the probe across Buffy's belly. A blurry black and white image appeared on the display screen, and Buffy stared at it intently, trying to decipher some sort of image, or pattern.

The ultrasound technician moved the probe around, searching for something, before stopping and saying, "Okay, there we are!" Both Buffy and Angel stared at the screen, seeing nothing more than black, white, and gray blurred together. As the technician moved the probe around slightly, Buffy began to see a slight spot in the middle of all the blur…so subtle that it could easily could be missed. A rush of emotion came over her as she viewed what she immediately mentally called "their smudge", and she squeezed Angel's hand even harder. She looked up at him as fat tears welled in her eyes. He didn't look at her, but continued to look at the screen in awe.

The technician finally stilled the probe on the image of the smudge, and with a smile on her face said, "Well, it looks like your test was positive! I can get a nice picture for you…" The girl trailed off and the smile fell from her face. She stared at the ultrasound screen for another minute, moving the probe around Buffy's stomach. "I'll be right back with the doctor." And with that she was out the door.

Buffy tore her eyes from the screen and looked up at Angel, "What…what was that?" she asked him, dread and nausea bubbling up in her stomach.

Angel couldn't tear his eyes away from their smudge on the screen. "I…I don't know."

A middle-aged man with salt and pepper hair entered the room and shook Buffy and Angel's hands briskly. "Hello, I'm Dr. Clarke, it's nice to meet you both." Buffy and Angel remained silent as he put on a pair of gloves and sat down in front of the ultrasound machine. He picked up the probe and began moving it around Buffy's stomach. He stilled again on the little smudge and furrowed his brow. Buffy felt like she couldn't breathe. Dr. Clarke finally put the probe down after a few minutes and looked at Buffy and Angel.

"You took an at home pregnancy test that was positive, correct?" he asked them gently.

"It-it was…unclear," Buffy stuttered out.

"I believe it was positive," Dr. Clarke said gently.

Angel tensed and squeezed Buffy's hand tighter. "So I'm…I'm pregnant?" Buffy squeaked out.

Dr. Clarke sighed and said, "I believe you were at the time of the test. But after seeing your ultrasound…I can see that there was a fertilized embryo, but it is no longer viable."

Buffy could hear her heart pounding in her ears, could feel Angel's bone tight grip on her hand. "So I'm not…" she finally asked.

Dr. Clarke shook his head. "You were for a short period of time. But unfortunately you will miscarry."

Buffy went limp, releasing her tight grip on Angel's hand. Dr. Clarke began to speak about what would happen next, rattling off a list of instructions and prescriptions that Buffy has to take over the next few weeks. He directed his words at Angel, filling his hands with packets of information and slips of paper from a prescription pad, since Buffy had not spoken or taken her eyes off the ultrasound screen since the doctor started speaking.

The doctor eventually left the room after once again offering his condolences, and Angel helped Buffy change out of the gown and into her own clothes, all in silence. They left the office and walked through the parking garage, all in silence. By an unspoken agreement, Angel got in the driver's side of Buffy's Jeep, and he began to drive them to the nearest pharmacy.

Buffy was quiet the entire drive. She was trying to sort through her feelings, but found she couldn't. She mourned for something that she never really had to begin with, and wasn't even sure she wanted. She felt relief that she wouldn't have to make the incredibly hard decision to keep a baby or not, or worry about being pregnant during such a stressful and dangerous time in her life, and then immediately felt guilty for thinking that. She felt worry about Angel. Was he relieved also? Sad? Angry at her for being unable to sustain the life they created?

Angel parked the Jeep in the pharmacy parking lot and turned off the engine. After a moment of silence, Angel turned to Buffy and took her limp hand in his. He rubbed his thumb over the claddagh ring she wore on her ring finger, and looked over her face, illuminated only by the streetlights. Finally unable to take the silence anymore, Angel said, "Talk to me Buffy."

She turned to him and without meeting his eyes said, "You must hate me."

Angel was genuinely shocked. "What?" he asked her.

"It's all my fault. I put you through all this…stress, and for what? Nothing. My stupid body can't even keep alive something we made." She looked up at him, panicked. "I don't work right, Angel. I was brought back from the dead for God's sake! I'm all wrong!"

Angel gently shushed her and took her face in his hands. "Buffy. Don't ever think you are wrong. You're here, and alive, and we're together. What could be wrong about that?"

Buffy gave him a half smile for a split second and then placed her hands on his and brought them down from her face. She laced her fingers through his and stared at them for a few moments. Angel was about to turn and open the door to head into the pharmacy, when Buffy spoke, so quietly it would have been easy to miss.

"We made a baby," she whispered. Angel was silent again, waiting to see if she would continue. "I mean, I don't know if it really counts since…" she trailed off quietly. "But we did what I always thought was impossible."

Angel squeezed her hands in his own. "We did," he whispered.

Buffy looked at him and smiled. "It wasn't the right time," she said. "But maybe someday it will be."

Angel smiled back at her. Their entire relationship…hell, their entire lives, were based on impossibilities. A vampire with a soul, in a relationship with a Vampire Slayer, who had been brought back from the dead twice….all impossible. And yet…

Angel had never believed in the Shanshu prophecy more than he did in that very moment. Maybe this whole ordeal was a sign that their dream of picket fences and Sunday picnics and trips to the beach and diaper changes and play dates and parent-teacher conferences and sleepless nights because teenagers tended to break curfew, wasn't so impossible after all.