A/n: Sorry for the long delay, but I am back! For anyone who follows Lily's Thorn, August - January was very rough for me. Things have been slowly improving, but it was hard to get this chapter out because I had a huge block with this chapter. I have finished it, here it is, and sincerely hope it was worth the long wait! (Also, feel free to follow me on tumblr at giasesshoumaru.)

Also, special thanks to shackleddamsel for betaing this chapter for me.

Chapter 13

The rest of the week passed in a blur, and before he knew it, the weekend was upon him already. Harry was excited to spend the weekend with Severus, even if he knew that sex might be off the table. That was fine because while their one session had been great, their relationship was about more than that. He just wanted to spend some time with him before he had to go to work on Monday.

He had to work on Monday.

That was a foreign concept, as he hadn't had a job in over a year. He had no idea how he was supposed to be feeling right now, with his job fixing to start in a few days. It was something he wanted, there was no doubt about that, but if he failed at this, he wasn't sure what he was going to do. He wouldn't fail, though. He knew he could do this, but that nagging voice was there nonetheless, and as the first day come closer, that voice got louder and louder.

He Flooed directly in Severus's quarters to find the man was not there. He was not surprised, as it was still afternoon and he was likely still working. He would also know if someone Flooed in, so Harry knew he would be seeing him soon. He walked back into the bedroom and set his bag with his clothes down on the floor. He had brought a few, including his dress robes for Monday.

Almost as if on cue, Harry heard a familiar voice from behind him. "You are here," he said matter-of-factly. A moment later, Harry felt his arms slide around his waist. A smile crossed his lips, and he turned around in his lover's arms. Severus leaned down and kissed him. Harry melted into the kiss, but it was quickly broken. "I have some more work still to do, but I will not be long."

Harry just shook his head. "It's fine," he said. After that, Severus headed back downstairs, leaving Harry alone. This would have been fine, except his mind had already been full of thoughts of starting work. He hadn't worked in a while since he had been forced to resign because of his chest injury. And this was completely new to him. What if he fell flat on his face? What if he couldn't do this? What else was he going to do if this failed? He couldn't lay around forever.

He was curled up on the couch when Sev walked in. "Sorry for making you wait," he said. The older man paused for a second, looking at him with a careful gaze before responding again. "Is everything okay?"

Harry wasn't sure what to say. He didn't want to ruin this weekend with his insecurities. "I'm fine, really," he said. "I was just thinking about work." Sometimes, he hated that Severus was so observant, that he could read him so well, but it as also something that he loved about him. Less explanation was needed because the potions master always seemed to know how he felt.

Severus sat down on the couch beside him, and Harry moved to snuggle into him. "You will do fine," he said. "No one is expecting you to be perfect. That's why you are in training. You will learn, and you wouldn't have scored so well on your entrance tests if you hadn't earned it." His tone was matter-of-fact, leaving no room for argument.

Harry let the nerves wash away. Severus was right. "It's just… new, and it's been a while," he said, shrugging his shoulders.

"Sometimes new isn't bad."

He couldn't help it, but a smile crossed his face. "Yes, just because it's new, doesn't mean it's bad, does it?" Severus just gave him a smirk before leaning down and kissing him. Yes, new was definitely not bad.

After dinner, Harry and Severus curled up on the couch. Harry asked Severus about his day and listened to the older man go on about the unfailing stupidity of some people who didn't realize that certain things simply couldn't be done overnight. Apparently, someone had walked in and requested a potion that Severus only made by request due to the time and expense involved. This person, of course, didn't accept that response from his Front Desk Agent at first, but eventually, they had convinced her that he could do it and that but not after Severus had gotten quite angry and frustrated.

It helped to listen to him go on about it because it gave Harry something else to think about besides work. They talked about other things, and Severus seemed to sense that Harry needed a distraction. As the night went on, they had eventually retired into the bedroom. Severus still had to work tomorrow - though he promised to take time off to spend with Harry, seeing as how Harry was spending the weekend with him. Of course, he had no problem with him working at all, but he would take whatever time he had with him.

As it got later, eventually, the two of them went to bed. Harry snuggled in next to Severus in bed; it didn't seem as if the older man was going to try anything tonight. He wanted him to. Maybe he needed to take things into his own hands, so to speak. Harry moved on top of Severus, straddling his hips, smiling down at him.

Severus just laid there, and for a moment, didn't speak. "What do you think you are doing?" he asked, his voice deadpanned.

"What does it look like I'm doing?" Harry said, running his hands up his lover's chest. He had no idea how one was supposed to seduce someone, especially someone he was dating, in love with and had already slept with once. However, he figured this was probably a decent place to start.

"So impatient." Severus grabbed both of his hands. "Harry…" he began, and before he said anything else, Harry knew the answer was no. At least not tonight. "We shouldn't."

Harry gave a heavy sigh, laying down on top of him as Severus wrapped his arms around him. "But you want to."

"Obviously," Severus said, rolling his eyes, "but I would feel better about doing it again if your Healer declares that you were healthy enough for sexual activity." Harry understood that Severus was only doing this because he cared about him. He slid off, knowing that arguing with the Potions Master was like arguing with a brick wall. "You're not arguing with me."

He sounded surprised, almost as if he was expecting Harry to argue with him. Not that he blamed him, seeing as how he usually did things like that. It was amusing, and he would have laughed in any other circumstance. "There's no point," Harry said, snuggling into him. "You're a very stubborn man. I think I can let it slide just this once. I still think I'd be okay, but I can't blame you for thinking about my well being first."

Severus gave a deep chuckle. "Is that so? Well, I promise you that when you do get your clean bill of health, I will give you exactly what you deserve," he said.

"Oh, I look forward to that then," Harry said, earning him a deep chuckle from Severus before the older man called him incorrigible. At least he had something to look forward to after his first day of work, even if that didn't go well.

~*o*x*o*x*o*x*o*x~

Early Sunday morning, Severus woke in a cold sweat. Images swam through his head - memories from his past that he'd rather forget. Harry slept soundly next to him, and at least for the moment. Gently, so as not to wake his sleeping lover, he slid out of bed, grabbing his dressing gown. Slipping it on, he slid out of bed, leaving the room. He walked across the hall to the bathroom and splashed some water on his face.

Gripping the edge of the counter hard, he closed his eyes and saw the memories from his dream flash before his eyes. Snapping his eyes open, he turned, heading away from the bedroom and into the kitchen. He poured himself a bit of brandy, not a full glass but enough to take the edge off. He hated the memories, the nightmares. Even after all this time, he would still get them. They served as a reminder of what he'd done, so while he detested them, it was the very least that he deserved.

In all actuality, he should have died. He had never thought he would live to see the end of the war, no matter how much preparation he made to the contrary. Yet here he was… with the Hero of the War sleeping his bed. He never thought that would happen either, even when he became aware of their mutual attraction. Part of him still thought that Harry would see the error of his ways, and leave, but the young man said he was in love with him, seemed intent on staying.

After downing his drink, Severus headed back to bed. He slipped his robe off, sliding back into bed so as to wake Harry. It was then that he realized that Harry was already starting to jerk in his sleep. He reached over to hold him, gently shaking him awake. He woke in shock, green eyes staring up at him in sleepy confusion. "Harry, it's me," he said. "You were having a nightmare."

Recognition soon dawned in Harry's eyes, and he snuggled into him, wrapping his arms around him. Severus just wrapped his arms around him, allowing the young man to calm down from the nightmares. His body was trembling, and Harry buried his face his chest.

It was a few minutes before Harry finally spoke again. "I'm sorry I woke you again," he said, his voice sounding a bit hoarse.

"You didn't," Severus said. "I was already awake."

Harry looked up at him. "Couldn't sleep?" Severus didn't respond, and Harry just nodded. "Nightmares." He said it in a matter-of-fact tone.

Severus paused for a second, debating if he should say anything at all. He and Harry had an understanding about these things - neither liked to talk about what they saw when they went to sleep. They could both guess at it, though. "Memories," Severus said. Harry looked up at him. "Mostly, when I do have… bad dreams… they are of memories. Things I regret. Things I should have done or could have done, but did not."

Harry didn't say anything for a moment, just laying his head back against Severus's chest. It was a few moments before he spoke again. "That makes sense," he said. He doubted that Harry understood - there was no way he could, as he had never been in his position. "Do you think about it a lot? Things that you had to do? Does it bother you?" He seemed to realize what he said - they didn't usually talk about any of their demons - and tried to take it back. "I'm sorry, you don't have to answer."

"Do not be sorry," Severus told him. "I do not regret it. I did what needed to be done. I sometimes do wonder if I should have made another choice, but there is no point in dwelling on such things. I made the choice that I did, and I have lived with the consequences of my actions. However, I did many things of my own accord under the Dark Lord. Not all of it was at his direction. I was a different man, so some things do… come back to haunt me."

Harry just listened, his head still against Severus's chest. "Mine are about Voldemort, even now…" He shook his head, giving a light chuckle. "I know he's gone - I know, I feel it, I was there - but it doesn't matter. Even though years have passed… I know that. He's still there, taunting me with everything I fucked up on, everyone we lost…"

"Harry, you were a child who should never have had to deal with any of this," Severus said, "and more people lived than died." Harry nodded but didn't speak. Severus didn't press the issue because he knew that Harry already knew that, and there was no reason to push the issue at this late hour. He waited until the younger man had fallen back asleep again, before slowly drifting off again himself.

~*o*x*o*x*o*x*o*x~

The rest of the weekend passed mainly without issue, and Harry woke up Monday morning feeling more anxious than he ever had in his life. When he made it to St. Mungo's, he made his way to the office he had been told. He had received instructions to go there to meet with Healer Brown. He was wearing his white Healer's robes that he had just recently gotten. His heart was beating rapidly inside his chest. The bustle went on around him as he made his way to the lift, to the Spell Damage Ward. He had been told where Healer Brown's office was located, and headed down the hallway, turned a corner until he came to the door. Healer Maurice Brown was labeled on the door, and he knocked the door.

"Enter," said a voice from within, a voice he recognized. Healer Brown had been his Healer when he had been hit by the spell from Colin.

Harry opened the door, shutting it behind him. He was met with a plain, nondescript office. The desk was a plain brown, with his nameplate, an inkwell and a picture frame that was facing away from Harry, so he could not see who it was of. The man sitting behind the desk looked the same as he had the last time he had seen him - a tall, broad man with short, dark brown hair, and brown eyes. He looked up when the door shut, putting down the quill he had been holding. "Mr. Potter, a pleasure to see you," he said, sitting back in his chair.

"You, too, sir," he said, moving further inside the room.

"Before we get started, there's one thing I need you to do for me first," he said, grabbing his wand and giving it a wave. A small black cauldron appeared on the side of the desk before them. "I am fairly certain that you know why I need to do this. You were addicted to Potions. I mentioned before that you would need to do a test to prove that is no longer the case." He gestured to the cauldron. "This is it. Spit into the cauldron. If it turns red, you are still addicted, and your employment will be terminated. If it turns blue, then you are clear, and we will continue with the rest of the day. Do you understand?"

Harry nodded. "Yes, I understand," he said. Brown gestured towards the cauldron. Harry stood up, and walked over it, leaning over. Taking a deep breath, he spit into it as instructed. For a moment, nothing happened to the potion inside, and he was sure that he had messed it up somehow - not that anyone could mess up spitting into a potion. He hadn't had any potions unless they had been Severus's when he had still been on bedrest and needed it.

Then, the potion started to turn purple. Since this was in between blue and red, it made him nervous. He stood there as the color swirled around, switching between red, blue and purple. The colors slowed until purple sat there in the cauldron before the color slowly changed to blue. Harry let out a breath that he didn't even know he'd been holding. Healer Brown didn't seem phased at all. "Good, you're clean, then," he said. "Take a seat." He gestured to the seat across from before vanishing the cauldron. Harry did as he was told. "So, this is how the training is going to work for the most part."

"Over the course of the training, you will work in various sections with different Healers," he said. "You will start your training off with me, and then move around from there. This is to give you a basis and a good foundation. You will work various shifts throughout your training, as well. When you find what you want to focus on, then your training will be geared towards. You will have work to do at home and have evaluations with me every three months. You choose how fast or slow you wish to go. The more time you put in, the more studying at home, the faster you will move up and finish. I will determine where you are in your training, and when your training is complete, but you are allowed to ask for further emphasis if you think you might be interested in a particular spot. Do you have any questions?"'

Harry sat there for a moment to absorb the information before nodding. "I think so," he said. "I'll probably have questions later, though." Brown had spoken so efficiently - he must do this all the time - that it had been bit overwhelming to keep up with when he was trying to remember everything. It seemed pretty straight-forward, though.

"Of course," Healer Brown said. "I will answer any questions you have. Now, let's do a tour." After that, Brown showed him around, moving them around the hustle and bustle of the other Healers. He was introduced to some of them that he might be working with, but for the most part, Harry just followed Brown around. When they were done with the tour, Brown notified Harry that he would be watching today, and observing.

Harry did as he was told, taking mental notes. Healer Brown explained things as much as possible, always out of hearing of patients. He was notified that he should stay out of the way for the time being in case of an emergency. He observed as much as possible and listened to everything Brown had to say, but it was overwhelming. He knew today was just an introduction day, though, and at least he wasn't doing anything. He couldn't fail yet.

When it came time for lunch, Healer Brown told him that he was done for the day, and to report back at eight tomorrow morning. He gave him a list of things to work on over the next few weeks. Harry had almost forgotten to talk to him as a patient that he almost turned and left right then. "Wait, Healer Brown! I need to ask you something - as a patient, not an employee," he said.

Brown nodded, taking him into an empty room nearby. "Yes, Mr. Potter, what can I do for you? Are you still not healing well? If that's the case - "

Harry shook his head, waving off the question. "No, I'm feeling fine, it's just… My lover is… concerned about…" He took a deep breath because if he was going to do this for a living, he was going to have to get used to talking about this. "He's concerned about sex. He doesn't want to hurt me. He's worried I'm not healthy enough for sexual activity, because I had a minor attack after the last time. However, I believe that's because I was upset beforehand - we'd had a big fight. That happens to me sometimes, attacks when I get upset I mean. However, he just wants me to make sure that I am healthy enough before we continue. I have been doing plenty of exercise with no ill side effects, but I told him I would verify with you anyway. I haven't had any issues other than that."

Healer Brown seemed to think about that for a moment. "Well, if you say that you've been exercising - and I'm assuming at a normal rate - and based on what you've said about your injury, I think you're fine," he said. "Your injury is unique, and you know your body better than anyone. I would say if you feel fine, and you're not in any pain in any way, I don't think you and your lover should have a problem. If you do, then stop immediately, of course. If you have further issues, then come and see me, but as far as I can tell, you should be just fine."

Harry nodded, trying to keep the smile off his face. "Yes, thank you, sir," he said. With that, he left, thinking that his first day hadn't been all that bad. And now, he could tell Severus that he was healthy enough for sex. The last barrier between them would be gone, and Harry couldn't wait. After all, they had only been together once. He wanted to have a real relationship, and while there were still obstacles to overcome, at least sex would not be one of them if he had anything to say about it.