Come Hold Me-
"I did it. I don't like it. But, I did it," Alice said as a way of greeting about a week later.
"Hello to you too," I said, trying to keep my pace up on the treadmill. "What did you do?"
"Set you up on a blind date," she frowned, getting onto the machine next to me. "Next Friday. It's even at a little French place. You can kill two birds with one stone," Alice said, "unless you want me to cancel."
"No. That's fine." I shrugged.
My relationship with Edward was strained. We spoke but it wasn't every day and it was short and to the point most of the time. I hoped that he would be okay soon. I didn't like this situation I had created for us.
I missed him.
"Fine," Alice huffed, clearly displeased. "I put it under my name. All you have to do is show up and say my name. They'll take you to the table. I'll give you the card with the name of the place after we work out."
"Sounds good." I smiled. "You'll have to help me shop. I have nothing to wear on a date. It's been ages since I went on one and all my clothes are getting too big for me."
"I'm not surprised," Alice said quietly. I raised an eyebrow in her direction and she sighed heavily. "I would just like to say, for the record, that I think you going on a blind date is a horrible idea."
"Noted and ignored."
"I figured as much. So, what do you want to wear?" She asked, changing the subject thankfully. I was so happy about that.
"I don't know. I need some shapewear I think. I want to wear a nice dress. Oh! And I should get some heels. I mean like killer stilettos or something."
"I like that idea," Alice giggled. "You should practice with them a little bit beforehand so you don't kill yourself."
"Good idea."
"Why don't we go shoe shopping after this? We'll find the perfect shoe and then find the picture-perfect dress," she suggested. I nodded my head in agreement. I hadn't shopped in a long time. It could be fun.
I was so wrong.
"THAT IS THE PERFECT PAIR!" Alice squealed in the middle of Dillard's at the top of her lungs. 'THOSE ARE SO HOT."
They were four-inch peep-toed red leather heels. I could barely walk in them. They were gaudy. And those weren't the biggest problem.
"Alice, I have never spent over fifty dollars for a pair of shoes. These are..." I gagged as I looked at the price on the box. "I'm not paying that much for two weapons of mass destruction."
"If you don't buy them, I will."
"Good! They'll look great on you."
"No, I mean for you. You must wear those heels. Sexy, stylish. They scream look at my legs."
"Because I totally want my shoes to talk to me," I answered sarcastically, looking down at my legs. I twisted one of my feet to the side, looking at the shoe. "Really, Alice? These?"
"Those are it. You should wear a black dress with them, too. Oh, that would be hot. And bright red lipstick. Hair up. He won't know what hit him," Alice said excitedly, clapping her hands.
I could tell there was no way I was going to walk out of the place without these shoes. Buying them and wearing them were two different things. As if she knew what I was thinking, Alice smirked. "It's your list, baby."
"Kiss my ass," I said, frowning. "Don't remind me."
"Come on! It's not that bad!" Alice said, throwing her arm over my shoulder playfully. "You'll look hot as hell."
For the next week, my blind date was all that was on my mind. And not really in a good way. I was nervous and not really looking forward to it. And I knew in my head that I would be comparing him the entire time to Edward.
Edward. Gah, his name made me feel a little sad. I missed him. We talked, awkwardly. And not every day or over the phone. And I never answered his question. I didn't know how to answer it. I could practically feel him hurting with each email. I hated myself which was all the more reason he needed to move on.
Work and workout. It was all I did. I hated that. I wanted more in my life. I barely even saw Alice. She was in New York at a gallery. We didn't get to go shopping until after the Thursday she came back. By then I was feeling a little antsy.
Or a lot. Whatever.
"So, we're going to the Galleria," Alice said when I climbed into her Porsche. "Don't object."
"Alice, I'm not going to spend two thousand on a dress," I complained. "I was thinking around two hundred."
"I don't care how much you spend. I'm buying this dress for you."
"No way. I don't want you to do that."
"Do you know what I was doing in New York?" Alice asked as she glanced over at me.
"Gallery?"
"No. I was meeting with buyers. I sold five paintings for just over fifty thousand a piece," she stopped at a red light, looking over at me. "Do you know what the painting series was called that I sold?"
"No," I answered even though I knew I wasn't supposed to.
"The recreation of the Swan. Paintings I made because of you. Now, let me buy you a dress to make myself feel less guilty for abusing your presence, okay?" She tumbled out, her voice getting a little high pitched at the end.
"Okay," I nodded, touching her hand. "But I'm buying lunch."
"Okay," she sniffled, holding her chin up higher.
"I can't wear anything in here," I complained as Alice dragged me into a shop that specialized in vintage clothing. I had never seen it in here before, but I didn't shop all that often.
"Oh, yeah you can!" Alice rolled her eyes. "You were wearing a twelve at Halloween. That was two weeks ago. How much have you lost since then?" I just shrugged and Alice scoffed. "This store matches your shoes."
"I didn't know that shoes could match stores," I answered sarcastically. I walked up to one of the racks and saw that the dresses only cost like eighty dollars. I could handle that. I hoped the rest of the store was like that.
"I'm in love," Alice sighed, looking through the racks. "So in love."
"Do I need to give you a minute alone with the store?" I asked in my best serious voice. Alice giggled, smiling as she started pulling out dresses.
"No. Because then I'd just buy everything in the place. That would be bad. But it's all so cute."
"Not everything," I replied, lifting the sleeve of an ugly peach colored dress. Alice wrinkled her nose slightly.
"Okay, so not everything. But I love a lot of these. You can not beat the classics." She flipped through a rack and a half before gasping loudly. She ruffled it around, looking at the tag of a dress I couldn't exactly see. "Okay, so forget I said black. Gray is so much better."
She pulled out the dress and it was gorgeous. Too small, but gorgeous. "I can't wear that."
"Humor me. Go into the fitting room and try it on. Do not look at the price or the size. And if you do, I'll beat you. And I'll know, so don't make me kick your ass," she said, shoving the dress into my arms before almost literally kicking my ass into the dressing room.
"This is pointless. I won't be able to wear it."
"Shut it and get naked," she shouted.
I pulled the dress up and it surprisingly fit over my hips. I couldn't zip up the back. "Alice, zipper assistance."
She came in quickly, zipping it up before squealing loudly. "Come on. Let's see it in the three-way mirror."
She dragged me out in front of the mirror and I looked at myself from all sides. It was beautiful. The dress was a slate deep gray, corseted top with a belt right below my massive breast and it went to just below my knees. My bra straps looked a little awkward, but I could get a strapless bra pretty easily. It was taffeta and beautiful. And I wanted it.
"Bella Swan, welcome to a size ten."
"What?" I turned to her. "This is a ten?"
"That, my dear, is a ten. And you are wearing it beautifully."
"Can I help you with anything?" The sale's girl asked. Alice said no, waving her off as I looked at my image in the mirror.
I was a size ten and I liked myself no more than when I was a size sixteen.
Edward was right.
"What do you think?" She said, smiling at me.
"I love it. Yeah, this is the one."
"Awesome!" Alice clapped. "And on the first try too. Go us! Now, let's shop for underthings. My treat too. Honestly, I never thought you'd find a twenty dollar dress so pretty. Yay for clearance," she rambled on as I stumbled back into the dressing room, not really listening to her.
I had a lot on my mind.
The place I drove to was a lot fancier than I expected for some reason. I don't know why. I shouldn't have been surprised. I had to drive with my heels off. It was just too hard to otherwise. I slipped them on before stepping outside of my car, fluffing up my dress.
Alice had helped me with my hair. I was shit at doing my own. She had curled it and styled it, talking a million miles an hour as she did. She seemed almost nervous for me. I did my makeup, making my lips bright red and my eyes dark. It was pretty.
I had totally forgotten about a purse. Thankfully Alice thought of everything. She was so handy sometimes.
"Whitlock," I said to the hostess, chewing on my lip nervously. I heard someone speak behind me.
"Wow!" A rather handsome blond man said, his bright blue eyes wide as he looked at me. "You're Bella?"
"Yes?" I said, looking at him curiously.
"I'm Mike. Alice set us up," he said, shaking my hand a little wildly. "Wow. When she said you were a work of art, she wasn't kidding. And I know art. I'm a buyer after all," he chuckled at his own joke. He was trying so hard. He was cute and seemed nice.
"Right this way," the hostess said, thankfully.
As we walked through the dining room I heard a piano playing in the background. Which was a little hard to do since Mike was constantly nervously talking. The sound automatically made me think about the club and Edward. And it made me so sad. I turned my head towards the noise, finding out exactly where the music was coming from.
When I did I almost tripped over my own shoes.
That bitch!
She wasn't nervous for me. She was nervous for herself when I found out. She set this whole thing up. I was going to kill her.
Edward. Edward was playing the piano. I began to feel my chest rise and fall dramatically, my cheeks hot. And as if he could sense that I was there, he turned his head in my direction. His eyes became instantly sad and he looked away, frowning.
"Are you okay?" Mike asked. I hadn't even noticed that we were standing at the table. He was already sitting down, his expression worried and curious.
"I'm so sorry. I can't do this. I'm sure you're a great guy and all, but I can't," I said, running towards the ladies room before I threw up. Which I was pretty sure I was going to do.
Edward, beautiful and wonderful Edward. God. What was I thinking? What was I doing? And he was right. Totally right.
It felt like there was a hole in my chest when I thought about him. I missed him.
Ready or not, my mind screamed at me. Ready or not you need a man like him.
But had I fucked it up too much already? I was almost positive I had. But, I had to try. I sat down in one of the stalls and began to pull things out of my purse, trying to think of what to do. Inside was a small pad and a pen.
Before I could doubt myself, I scribbled a note on the paper and held my head high as I walked out into the dining area. Mike was already gone, not that I was surprised. He was probably calling Alice and demanding to know what kind of crazy he set her up with.
I walked slowly and purposefully toward the piano. Just like in the gay club there was a tip cup on top.
"I'm sorry," I breathed to him as I put the note in the cup. He said nothing, his eyes remaining closed. His lips twitched but that was about it.
When I got to the parking lot it was hard not to miss his much beloved and slightly beat up Camaro. I resided myself to standing by this car all night long until he came out so I could talk to him. I didn't have to wait long. He was running, literally running, in his beautiful blue suit. His hair was wild and out of place.
"Bella," he breathed as he came to a stop about ten feet away from me.
"I'm sorry," I shook my head. "I didn't mean to interrupt your work. I'll wait. I don't mind. I'll stay out here all night."
"I told them I had a personal emergency," he shook his head, taking about two steps. I turned away from him, afraid if I looked at him I would lose the courage.
"You were right."
"About what?" He asked, still sounded a little breathless.
"Everything. Everything, Edward. I'm what I thought I wanted to be and I don't love myself anymore now than I did before. I've been doing these things... Trying to do these things..." I shook my head again, getting off course. "And, I don't know if I ever will love myself completely or if I'll ever feel worth it but I know that I need help. I need the people around me. I need you."
"Turn around and look at me, Bella," he said. Edward was closer now. An arm's length away. I turned, looking at him with wide and pleading eyes. "What are you saying?"
"I'm saying if you want me-"
He cut me off, not even letting me bother to finish. It didn't matter though. I wrapped my arms around his neck and brought his word smothering kiss closer to me. My fingers went into his hair, pulling and tugging as his arms went around my waist. They were tight, lifting me in the air slightly.
"I want you," he said as he pulled away. "I want you in my life. Please tell me that's what you mean. Please tell me this is what you want."
"Yes," I nodded, breathing heavily.
"Please say it for me. Please, I need to hear it from your lips," he begged.
"I want you in my life. I want you with me."
Edward laughed happily, twirling me around before kissing me again. "What... What changed?"
"I was supposed to go on a blind date tonight. And, he seemed okay. I mean, he seemed nice enough, but I realized that he would never compare to you. In anyway. That no man would. Not by a long shot. And I realized what a fucking idiot I am for dragging this out. I am so sorry. I'm sorry I was paralyzed by my own fear and-"
He kept shutting me up with kisses. Edward could do that whenever he wanted to. I loved it. I adored it. I kissed him back, just as eager to taste him as I was that first kiss.
"Mm, Bella," he whimpered against my neck in that deep sexy English accent, making me tingle.
"We need to take this slow though," I said in a strained voice. "Like actually go on a date before we end up back in bed."
He laughed, nodding his head. "I can agree to that. God, a date. That sounds amazing. When can we do that?"
"When do you want to?"
"Right now."
"I'm free," I laughed. "And obviously I haven't eaten. What would you like to do?"
"Eat you up," he said in a growl against my neck, making me laugh even harder. "Ugh, you look so good. Honestly, what are you doing to me? This is worst than at the club."
"I'm sorry." I pouted, pushing him back slightly.
"You're apologizing for turning me on. Think about that." He rolled his eyes, taking both of my hands into his own. I giggled and blushed slightly at his words.
"What would you like to do, really? Maybe we could go back to my place and we can order a pizza?"
"Is that what you want to do?" He asked the top of my hand. I nodded my head, smiling at him. "Then that's what we'll do. Did you drive or did your date?"
"I drove myself," I said, wishing I hadn't. This would mean a twenty-minute trip back to my apartment away from Edward. I didn't like that. Certain things couldn't be helped though.
"Okay. Well, how about this? I go pick up a bottle of wine and pizza and you can head back to the apartment to-"
This time I cut him off with a kiss. "That's too long without you. No, come straight away. I have wine and we can have a pizza delivered."
Edward's smile was breathtaking and he was smiling because of me. That made it even better. "Okay," he said, running his fingers over my cheek. "I'll see you there."
I had never been more eager to get back to my apartment, ever. And apparently, Edward was just as eager because he was waiting in front of the door for me. I instantly went into his open arms, kissing him again. My lips had already been away from his for too long. When we pulled away, Edward took my hand and walked with me inside.
"So, what do you like on your pizza?" I asked.
"I'm easy, love," he said, shrugging his shoulders. I started laughing, smiling over at him.
"That's an easy statement to take the wrong way. Come on now. Tell me what you like on your pizza."
"When I order pizza I get one with mushrooms, onions, sun dried tomatoes, and basil."
"That sounds good," I agreed. "Why don't you order that and I'll get us some wine? What would you like? Red or white?"
"I like white, please," he said, smiling before kissing my cheek. I went into the kitchen and listened as he ordered a medium pizza for both of us. Popping the cork on the bottle of white wine I had in the fridge, I poured us both a glass.
"I have some salad as well if you'd like. I've been eating a salad before almost every meal because it helps me feel more full," I explained, biting my bottom lip as I handed him the glass.
"I do the same," he admitted. "I figured you wouldn't mind sharing a smaller pizza. We kind of seem to be on the same boat."
I nodded, taking a sip of my wine before going back into the kitchen. I rubbed the back of my ankle with the toe of my other foot, looking in the refrigerator to find the salad makings. I heard Edward groan loudly. "Take off your shoes."
"What? Why?" I asked, laughing. It's not like he had to tell me twice to do that. I was barely able to walk in them. I was just so unfocused right then that I didn't even think of them.
"I'm having trouble concentrating while you're wearing them. Those are..." he trailed off, humming before smiling at me crookedly. "Well, let's just say when you're ready to go fast, you'll be wearing those for me."
Well, fuck me sideways.
I kicked off my shoes, shrinking four inches. My feet ached a little bit and I cracked my toes to make them a little bit more comfortable. Without saying anything else I got my bowl of lettuce out, along with the tomatoes and cucumbers.
"I've got a couple of different kinds of dressing. I have French and Italian. Light ranch, too."
"Italian, please," he said, taking the things from my arms. Without having being told he pulled out the knife from the block and washed off the cucumber, then started slicing it on the cutting board that I always kept out.
"Why don't you get more comfortable?" I asked, tugging on the arm of his jacket. He smiled, shrugging out of it and handing it to me to hang up. When I came back in he had loosened his tie, moving on to cut the tomato while I got bowls and plates out.
When the doorbell rang I started to go get it, but Edward stopped me. "No, ma'am. I think not. You've provided the salad and the wine. I will provide the pizza."
"Okay," I agreed, taking everything to the table.
It was the most romantic dinner I had ever had.
After we ate, we plopped down on my couch. Edward's arm draped around me as I leaned into him, my head on his shoulder. "I am so tired," I whined, yawning softly. Sleep hadn't been my best friend in a while. Not since Halloween.
"Then why don't you go to bed?"
"Because I don't want you to go yet," I answered, turning to look at him. He brought his other hand up to my cheek, touching my chin lightly.
"I won't leave you."
"We should go slow," I said, my resolve really not that strong.
"I'll be a perfect gentleman. I just want to hold you," he said, bringing up my chin to kiss him on the lips.
I got up, taking his hand and leading him into my bedroom. It was so different from the first time. Fully dressed, fully sober- even with the two glasses of wine, and completely happy.
"I'm going to run to the restroom," he said, kissing my cheek again. "Why don't you get comfy?"
I nibbled my bottom lip as I watched him go to the bathroom. I had other things on my mind besides getting changed. Going into the living room quickly I grabbed my purse and went back to sit on the bed. I pulled the list from my purse, taking out my pen.
I had to do something and I had to do it right away.
Scratching out 'go out on a blind date,' I smiled to myself the entire time.
"What are you up to?" Edward asked, his thin black tie hanging loosely around his neck. I folded up the list quickly and tossed it onto my bedside table.
"Nothing important. Come here," I said, offering my hand to him. "Come hold me."
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