Where's a hole when you need one?

Two weeks flew by, almost literally. Edward and I had been together for just over a month now and I wouldn't have had it any other way. I adored being with him. It gave me something to look forward to every day.

Though I had to admit our work schedules almost never lined up. He was usually off during the mornings of the week when I was working the most and he worked during the weekends when I tried to slow things done. I found myself trying to work around him which I was okay with.

Whenever I wasn't with him, I got a lot done. It gave me the inspiration to finish up for the day.

Websites were no longer my life and I loved that.

"Anything I should know about your mother?" Edward asked as we got ready in my apartment. He had stayed the night with me since he didn't have to work that day at all since it was a Thursday. They were generally one of his slower days.

I came up to him, adjusting his tie for him quietly. He wore wearing a lovely black suit with a pretty silk blue tie. It made him look extremely handsome and very professional. I also thought it was cute that he picked out his tie to match my dress.

It kind of made me feel like we were going to prom, not to a fancy restaurant to meet my mother and stepfather for a meal.

"Um, don't call her Mrs. or anything. Just Renee. She used to be a teacher and she's very happy that she's not anymore. Phil is going to pay the bill so don't even look at it. It ticks him off royally when someone else pays. He owns a baseball team down in Florida, but for the life of me, I can't remember their name right now. They're a minor league team. Don't worry, he'll tell you."

"Okay," he said slowly, straightening out my collar for me. He moved his hands down my sides, pulling me closer to him.

I had gone back to that vintage store with Alice to pick out a few dresses for the holidays. The one I was wearing was my favorite. It was a fifties style blue 'housewife' style dress with short bell sleeves and a belt around my waist. It flared at my hips and stopped at about mid-calf. It even had a petticoat underneath.

Edward loved it. And the pumps that I was wearing with them. He made a big show of putting them on for me earlier, kissing my ankles lightly as he knelt down in front of me.

It was a very hot image.

Sometimes he made me feel like Cinderella and I told him as much. Edward just smiled. He kissed my neck, careful not to smear my bright red lipstick.

It was a good man that knew not to mess with a woman's makeup without being told, especially when she took thirty minutes to do it.

"And flattery works wonders," I informed him, dusting off his shoulders. "My mother is shallow and loves it. Stroke her ego and you'll have her eating out the palm of your hand."

He chuckled, kissing my neck again. "Does flattery work on you?"

"Edward, you've already gotten into my panties. You don't have to work that hard," I teased him. He laughed, dipping me back and kissing my bare skin again. His lips were warm and soft, his hands strong against my waist.

"I just want to make sure you know how much I want you... at all times," he breathed against my neck.

"You do," I said, a slight shiver running down my spine. If he wasn't careful I was going to end up canceling so I could get into his pants.

"Come on or we'll be late."

"But, I want to be late!" I said, stomping behind me as he led me into the living room before I could ravage him. He laughed happily, squeezing my hand. "My mom is always late. She won't mind."

"Yes, but I want to make a good impression. This is the first time I've met any of your family and I want them to like me."

"They'll love you," I told him with a smile, straightening his hair a bit. "Hell, my mom will probably try to steal you away. She's a bigger cougar than me."

"You are not a cougar!" He snorted. "I am not that young and you're not that old."

"Not that old!?" I said, smacking him with my clutch like I was actually mad. He could tell right away that I was playing. "I'll show you old. I'm going to beat you with my walker."

"Do I need to get you a wheelchair, Grandma?" He asked charmingly as he walked out the door ahead of me.

I slapped his ass hard, making him do that Goofy yell that I loved so much. He rubbed his bottom the entire ride down the elevator. I held my chin up, pretending to be annoyed.

"Serves you right, sonny." I was so going to get it later and looked forward to it.

We arrived at the overpriced steakhouse about an hour later, the traffic hell. And even with that, we waited at the bar for Renee and Phil for fifteen minutes.

Phil was looking as handsome as ever in his pinstriped suit and slicked back black hair. His skin was a dark olive color from being in the sun so much and his eyes were a bright shining blue. He really was a good looking guy and my mom was lucky to get him. He was only in his mid-thirties but he had done very well for himself.

He greeted me first, placing a kiss on my cheek softly before shaking Edward's hand. But, my mom was nowhere in sight.

"Where's Mom?"

"Powder room." He rolled his eyes with a smile. "Upset stomach, she said. She'll meet us at the table. She asked us to order her a martini."

"Gotcha." I nodded, following a hostess to our table. Phil ordered a bottle of wine for the rest of us and a martini for his wife, dirty with extra olives.

"So, how's the business going, Bella?" Phil asked with a charming smile.

"Good! Really good. I've actually had to put a limit on how many more customers I can take. I have my hands really full."

"Have you ever considered expanding? Getting some helpers and some office space?" He said in a business like a tone. We had talked about this before. "I could always help."

"That's very kind of you," I blushed. "I'm really enjoying this right now though. I may in the future, but this is perfect right now."

"That's good. It's good to know what you can handle," he said, nodding his head thoughtfully. "You're a bright young woman and I know whatever you decide to do will be the right thing."

"Thanks, Phil," I smiled. I really did like my stepfather. He was charming and kind hearted, always quick to be reassuring. But, he was just as tactful as my mother. Which wasn't saying much.

"So, what line of work are you in, Edward?" He asked, narrowing his eyes on my boyfriend.

"Ah, I'm a musician. I perform at weddings, parties, restaurants, and bars... That sort of thing." He shrugged, blushing as he looked down at his empty plate in front of him.

"Does that do well? Paywise, I mean?"

I wanted to hide underneath the table. Who asks that?

Edward chuckled much to my surprise, "very, actually. When I first started I was worried that I wouldn't be able to make it. But, honestly, from one large wedding, I usually get six or seven people booking me for other events in the future. Like Bella, I'm always busy."

"Do you work for a company?" Phil asked, taking another sip of wine.

"Nope. I am my own boss which makes it even better. It's a good life. It's not exactly what I wanted to do but I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world now," Edward said, taking my hand underneath the table and squeezing it tightly.

"There you are!" Phil said brightly as Renee came back to the table. She looked a little flustered as she planted a quick kiss on his cheek before sitting down. Then she finished her martini in one gulp, rudely snapping her fingers at the waiter for another one.

Renee had taken to the lifestyle of having money, it was easy to see. To her perfectly styled hair, to her perfectly polished leather shoes, she was 'classed up' as she used to say. She leaned over and gave me a big kiss on the cheek before looking at Edward.

Her jaw almost dropped to the table. Edward flushed at her gaze, offering his hand to my mom to shake. "Hello, Renee. It's so nice to meet you. I've heard so many nice things about you."

I loved that Edward could lie so smoothly to my mother. I smiled wickedly at that thought, taking a drink of my own wine. I had mainly bitched about how crazy she could be to him.

She took his hand, flushing a bright red color before shaking it slowly. "Hello. You must be Edward."

"Yes, ma'am," he said politely, looking down innocently again. He was so cute when he was being shy.

"You're British," she said bluntly. Once again, I wanted to crawl underneath the table. Honestly, who says that?

Edward laughed, "I am." He was used to it.

"Good job, Bella," my mom said, patting my arm.

I gulped down the rest of the wine. Edward very kindly refilled my glass for me. And his own.

We were just about to order when someone's cell phone began to ring. It wasn't mine or Edward's. Renee frowned deeply when Phil took out his phone, answering it briskly. "Yes? No. That's not what I ordered. No. NO," he said more firmly. "Honestly, why do I have you working for me? No. I'll fix this. Let me get to my computer and I'll deal with it in a minute."

"Phil!" Renee hissed. "We're about to have dinner."

"Honey, I know. I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you girls tomorrow. Right now I have to go put out some fires. Bella, Edward, this is all on me. Don't even think of paying. I'll see you both later," he said quickly. He tried to give Renee a kiss but she dodged it. He sighed before planting one on her cheek. "I know. I'm sorry. Don't be mad."

"Bastard," she mumbled under his breath, finishing another martini.

"Mom!"

"What?" She said quickly, holding her chin in the air as she popped an olive in her mouth.

"That is your husband."

"Well, he needs to learn that I am more important."

I rolled my eyes. She said the same thing about my dad. Thankfully the waiter came back by and we ordered our food, a welcome distraction.

Edward squeezed my hand underneath the table and leaned in close. "Do I need to give you two some alone time?"

"God, no!" I all but hissed. "Please?"

He nodded, kissing my cheek.

Dinner was uncomfortable. Especially since Renee had seven martinis. That was before she stumbled her way to the bar.

"You've heard of Margaritaville. Well, welcome to Martiniville." I frowned at Edward. A small smile tugged at his mouth as he wrapped his arm around me, walking with me to the bar. Renee was making me need a drink.

"Mom, I think we need to cut you off," I said as she ordered yet another.

"No! I can drink so I'm going to drink. I didn't think I'd be able to for a while and I want to celebrate," she said as she plopped down onto a stool heavily. Stealing a cherry from the condiments tray at the bar, she popped it into her mouth as she leaned her head on her palm.

"Okay..." I drew out slowly. "Why didn't you think you'd be able to drink?"

"I thought I was pregnant," she said, chewing on the stem. I snatched it away from her mouth, throwing it down on the bar.

"Are you?"

"No!" She almost shouted. "I'm not that stupid. I took a pregnancy test in the bathroom. It was negative."

Only my mother would take a pregnancy test at an upscale steak restaurant and then binge on liquor.

"Is that why you're mad at Phil?"

"No," she pouted. I knew at this point I wouldn't get any more information out of her that would be useful.

"Come on, Mom. Let's get you back to your hotel. I think you've had more than enough for tonight."

"No," she said, pushing me away when I tried to get her to stand. Edward tried to get on the other side but she swatted him hard in the chest and told him to leave her alone. He looked at me for guidance and I just shook my head.

"Renee, don't make me call Charlie!" I warned her.

"Who's Charlie?" Edward asked in a whisper.

"My dad," I said, narrowing my eyes at my mother. She would avoid him at all costs. "How about it, Renee? Want me to call the Police Chief? I'm sure he'd love to see you."

Usually, she avoided him. Usually.

"Charlie!? Hell yes! Call the old bastard up! I haven't seen him in ages." Then she slapped the bar.

Well, that plan blew up in my face.

I chewed on my lip as I looked at Edward. He shrugged, looking with at Renee with a frown. "I think it might be a good idea to get someone who knows how to wrangle her in."

"I guess so."

"You two are talking like I'm not even here. You guys suck," Renee pouted. "You're supposed to be young and fun. Where is your spirit?"

"Watch her," I directed Edward. "I'm going to call Charlie."

"Don't worry, baby! I ain't leaving the bar. Especially since I've got Mr. British here to keep me company!" My mother shouted.

I think I wanted to die.

I owed Edward so much for this.

I called Charlie quickly, explaining what was going on to him. He said he would be right over and less than fifteen minutes later he was there. Thank God.

"Charles Swan, it has been far too long!" Renee said, sliding her hand down his chest with that stupid southern simper accent. I wanted to smack her. And so did Charlie, apparently.

"Woman, what are you doing?" Charlie asked her, turning slightly red. "You are embarrassing yourself and you're are embarrassing the kids. Honestly, where is your head?"

"In Martiniville," Edward mumbled, taking a sip of a bourbon he ordered. He offered me his tumbler and I took a big gulp. If I didn't have to be responsible, I would have been drunk by then too.

"Sounds about right." Charlie smiled at Edward's comment before looking down at Renee. "Alright, girl. Get your ass up so we can get you back to your hotel."

"Oh, Charlie, you always knew how to talk to a lady," she giggled, holding onto her stool tightly. "I don't want to go. I want to stay."

"Well, the fine owners of their establishment don't want you to make a scene and I'm going to make sure that doesn't happen. Now, get your ass up before I carry you out of here."

"Nope," she popped the p before throwing an olive into her mouth defiantly.

Within a few seconds, Charlie picked up Renee, bridal style, and was walking her out to his cruiser. "Oh, Charlie! Take me to bed!" She giggled as he awkwardly tried to open the back door. Edward helped him as I followed behind.

He threw her into the back, looking down at her with that don't fuck with me I'm a police officer look. "Renee, there ain't enough tequila in Mexico to make me want to get into your panties."

And then he slammed the door on her surprised face.

The only time I had wanted a camera the entire night. Her face was PRICELESS.

"If she wasn't your mother I'd throw her in the drunk tank," Charlie said, sighing as he put an arm around me before pressing a kiss into my hair. "I'm sorry, girl. Come on, let's get her back to her hotel and get her into bed. Before she throws up back there."

"Alright, you know where she's staying?" I asked. Edward took over, pulling me into his arms and hugging me tightly from behind.

"Yeah, we talked before they came into town. How we were going to work tomorrow," he said. The following day we were going to exchange gifts as a family.

"We'll meet you there," Edward said softly, rubbing my back.

As soon as we got into the car he leaned over and kissed me on the lips softly. "Are you okay?"

"I am so sorry you have to deal with my crazy ass family. I never thought Renee would act like this and I didn't want you to meet Charlie this way. I am so sorry."

"We all have crazy family members. It's okay, love. Let's get Renee back to the hotel and into bed. Okay?" He asked gently.

"Okay," I answered softly, feeling a little numb.

We got to the hotel and I had to search Renee's purse for the key. I opened the door and Charlie stumbled in, the very drunk Renee passed out in his arms. It was a nice suite so it had a living room and a bedroom. Phil was on the phone, pacing around as he yelled at someone about orders. As soon as he saw us he said, "you fucking deal with it. I've got to go." And he hung up.

"What the hell happened?" He asked, quickly taking Renee out of Charlie's arms. Renee woke up giggling, wrapping her arms around Phil's neck. "Are you drunk?"

"Very," Charlie and I said at the same time.

"She was mad after you left and said something about a pregnancy test and now we're here," I said looking at him. "Are you guys okay?"

"I've been busy with work. My partner retired so I've had to pick up the slack. She gets so angry. I'm so sorry. Let me get her to bed. I'm so sorry," he said again.

As soon as he left there was an awkward silence between us all. All I wanted to do was go to sleep.

"So, you're Edward?" Charlie finally asked.

My nervous boyfriend nodded slowly, bringing his hand up to shake my father's. "It's a pleasure to finally meet you, Chief Swan. You've raised an amazing daughter."

"Don't I know it?" Charlie smiled at me, patting my back gently before something wicked glinted in his eyes. "But, I have a very important question for you, boy and you better think about your answer very carefully."

"Dad?" I raised an eyebrow at him but he ignored me.

"Yes, sir?" Edward swallowed heavily.

"Are you sleeping with my daughter?" He said, his face deathly serious.

I thought Edward was going to throw up.

"Dad!" I shouted at him, smacking his shoulder hard.

"I'm just screwing with you," my father laughed loudly, patting Edward's back hard as he threw his head back. "Honestly, relax. Jeez, I don't have a gun on me right now or anything."

"I'm so horrified," I muttered. Edward rubbed my back and began to laugh softly. I think the stress was starting to break him.

"What? We needed to break the ice! It worked, didn't it?" Charlie asked me innocently. I threw him an evil look and he shrank back some. The only thing that saved him from my wrath was the return of Phil.

"I've got her bed. Once again, I am so sorry about this. Renee hasn't handled me working very well and I didn't even know about the pregnancy scare. I promise we'll call you guys tomorrow and we'll work something out... if you still want to see us."

"Yeah." I shrugged, sighing. I knew I would never hear the end of it if I told Renee to go fuck herself like I wanted to.

"Why don't we get you home so you can get some rest?" Edward asked gently. I nodded, ready to get out of there.

"I'll see you tomorrow," Charlie said, giving me a tight hug. "I'm going to stay a minute and talk to Phillip here."

I knew what those words meant. It meant that Charlie was going to give him a piece of his mind. "Go easy on him, Charlie. He didn't do anything wrong, I think." This had Renee written all over it.

The ride back to my apartment was as silent as the grave. Edward took me into my room, helping me to slowly undress. I was just sort of numb from being so tired and embarrassed. He was a gentleman the entire time, whispering soft words of encouragement.

"Do you want me to go?" Edward asked softly, brushing a hand over my cheek once he got me down to my bra and panties. "I can tuck you in, if you want me to, and leave."

"Please don't go," I whispered, hugging him tightly. He was still fully dressed and I hated it. I undressed him quietly, kissing his lips lightly between each garment that fell to the ground. Finally, he was wearing only his boxers.

"Want me to get you a nightgown?" He asked, nodding his head towards the third drawer. I shook my head and picked up his shirt, throwing it onto the bed. He smiled slightly, understanding my intentions. Gently and with soft hands, he removed my bra and rubbed my back, kissing the back of my neck lightly.

I put on his shirt, just glad to be wrapped in his scent. He turned me around once I had it on and placed both of his hands on the sides of my face. "You are a beautiful and wonderful woman."

"You're sweet," I said quietly.

"It's the truth. Don't let your mother break you down in any way. No parent is perfect and I know it's hard sometimes. But I am here for you in any way that you need me."

"Hold me," I said as I began to choke up. The wear of the day finally became too much and tears began to fall down my face heavily.

"Oh, Bella," he whispered, sounding as if he could cry as well. He kissed the top of my head, holding me tightly by the waist so that I was pressed against his body. It was so comforting. "Bella, love, I will hold you all night. I will sing to you all night if it keeps the bad feelings away. Please, just don't cry, my darling."

"Thank you for being with me," I whispered quietly into his chest.

"Thank you for being normal," he whispered in return, chuckling softly. I laughed as well, sniffling as I looked up into his beautiful dark green eyes.

"Well, I certainly wouldn't go that far..."

What a rough way to meet the parents. This is my favorite Charlie though.

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