So not how I planned this

It was two days before Christmas and I was in Edward's kitchen listening to Irish punk music while Edward cooked Mexican food for his English Father and Texas-born mother.

I don't think I had ever been so confused.

Or amused.

Or nervous.

I had done all the chopping Edward would allow so I was sitting on the countertop, watching him cook chicken and make guacamole at the same time. He was far more talented than I was.

"So, is there anything I need to know about your parents?" I asked him the same question he asked me the week before.

"My mother is loud. But she's got a heart of gold. My father is quiet but very good natured. They're both blunt and to the point though. So, that may have been where I got that from," he chuckled sweetly, brushing some of his bright red hair out of his eyes. "They're really young at heart. They're fun. They'll love you."

"I hope so." I frowned slightly.

"They will," he assured me. He dunked a Dorito into the green goo and brought it to my lips. "Try this. My mom is allergic to peppers so I don't make it spicy. Is it good?"

"Mm," I said, chewing it down quickly. It was really good as a matter of fact. Edward was going all out making queso sauce and guacamole with nacho chips, which apparently was his mother's favorite. He was also making quesadillas with homemade refried beans and Spanish rice. For dessert, we were having vanilla ice cream topped with homemade dulce de leche.

He ate a chip himself, nodding his head before flipping the chicken. In another pan, he started cooking onions with garlic and then in another he cooked some mushrooms. My stomach was starting to rumble.

"Can I do anything?" I asked in a rather whiny voice. I didn't like feeling useless. I had already tidied up his apartment, not that there was a lot to do. He was pretty neat normally. I had already set the table as well.

"Make Pina Coladas. My mum loves them and they should be here in a few minutes. All the makings are in the fridge and freezer. My blender is in that cabinet," he said, pointing with his foot as he stirred with something. It was so cute.

I put the tasty green goo in the fridge while I was at it before beginning my work on the white creamy drinks. It was probably just what I needed to help me with my nerves.

I put the ice in the blender with the rum and coconut mix, holding the plate on the top before I turned it on. Apparently, Edward had accidentally warped the normal top on the stove one day. I would have to get him a new one.

The noise was so loud. I guess that's why we didn't hear the knock on the door.

"Edward?" Someone appeared in the doorway of the kitchen. I was so intent on my work that I was surprised and jumped, making a little squeaking noise. Also in my surprise, I let go of the plate and the cold mixture went everywhere.

Well, everywhere all over me.

Edward quickly turned it off, getting a towel. "I am so sorry!" The woman with bright red hair said, coming over to me quickly. "I didn't mean to surprise you, darlin," she said her accent thick. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," I said, taking the towel from Edward and wiping my face. It was all over my clothes.

"What the hell is going on here?" A very handsome blond man appeared in the doorway. "Esme, what did you do? I told you to wait! Impatient woman."

"I surprised her," she began to giggle. "Oh, dear! I am so sorry. You must be Bella."

"It's okay," I said, giving Edward's mother a weak smile. "Hi," I said, offering her my hand after I cleaned it off. "We made you pina coladas."

That made the entire kitchen laugh. Even me. Even if I was horrified at being a mess in front of his mother. I wanted so much to make a good impression.

"Bella, this is my mother Esme and my dad, Carlisle," Edward introduced us with a smile.

"Boy, go get this girl cleaned up! I'll man the kitchen," Esme said. "We'll be here once you get sorted out."

Without a word Edward took me into his bedroom before he began to laugh, "are you okay?"

"I am so embarrassed," I muttered, laying my head on his chest. He rubbed my back carefully.

"If it makes you feel any better, you smell great."

I laughed, swatting his chest playfully. He took my hand with a smile and kissed it lightly. "I need a shower, I think. It's in my hair."

"Go ahead and take one. Dinner will be done by the time you come out. Let me get you a shirt and some sleep pants."

"Just the impression I wanted to make on your parents."

"Love, it's okay," he chuckled, running his fingers over my cheek. "It could have been worse. It's okay. I think my mom already likes you. Now, go on. Take a shower. I'll leave you some clothes on the bed."

I showered quickly and for the life of me, I couldn't find a hairdryer. I decided just to do the best I could, throwing my hair up in a ponytail and put on the clothes that Edward provided with me. He put me in a very comfortable long-sleeved blue shirt and a pair of flannel pajama pants. When I came back into the tiny dining room Edward and his dad were putting things on the table, just chatting away.

"Yeah, we had a bit of a row with this daft bastard who was about half way round the bend," the handsome blond man laughed, "I'll never forget the way your mum was yelling at him in bad Italian. He thought she was barking!"

"Dad, you're as bad as a couple of teenagers," Edward rolled his eyes. "Nothing happened did it?"

"Oh, no. I had to drag your mum away though, just hissing and spitting. Apparently, it's unwise to insult Americans when she's thrown back a few."

I stood there, just listening and smiling. Edward finally noticed my reappearance and walked over to me, pulling me into his arms. He spoke softly into my hair. "Feel better?"

"A little," I replied back. I cleared my throat, turning my attention to Edward's dad, "Dr. Cullen."

"I'm retired. Carlisle, please," he said, shaking my hand softly but briskly.

"Oh, there you are, Bella! Feel better now that you're clean?" Esme came out of the kitchen with two glasses in her hand. She handed me one. "The fruits of your labor. It's really good, darlin."

If it weren't so cold, I would have drunk it down all in one big gulp.

"Dinner is almost all ready. What would you like on your quesadilla?" Edward asked gently, his hand rubbing my back lightly.

"A little of everything."

"See, Carlisle! I'm not the only one that wants 'all that mess' on mine. It's good like that."

"I'm not saying it's not." He rolled his eyes. "I'm just saying that it's a bit too much."

It was kind of cute to listen to them bicker back and forth in their very different accents.

Once everything was on the table and everyone was sitting, Esme smiled at me warmly. "Emmett was right, Edward. She is just beautiful."

I flushed a bright red, taking a quick bite of my dinner. Edward placed a gentle hand on my knee, squeezing it gently. "I know. What else did dear Uncle Emmett say?"

"That Bridget just loves her!" Esme leaned in close to me. "That's a very good sign in my book, darlin."

I giggled, "I'm very glad. I like Bridget a lot too. So, how are you liking being back in England?"

"We're not there that often." Esme smiled wistfully. "In the past six months, we've been to France and Italy. Oh and we went to Normandy. Lovely countries. Good to be back in the states though. You can not get good Mexican food like this."

"Like it?" Edward smiled with a bright smile. I could tell that he wanted the approval of his parents. I knew the feeling.

"Oh, honey! You know I do. How many times have I told you that you should be a chef?" She asked him.

"And how many times have I told you that I don't want to be seven hundred pounds." Edward rolled his eyes, putting some of the beans on his plate. "I don't think I could get a woman like Bella if I were."

I put my hand on his, getting his attention. "Edward, I wouldn't care what you looked like. As long as you were happy and I was by your side."

And there, in front of his parents, he took my face in his hands and kissed me deeply. His mother squealed loudly while his father went 'hush it, Mae,' quietly. I pulled away first, flushing a bright red color. I cleared my throat, picking up a bowl. "Chips?"

After dinner, we settled around his living room. Edward sat in his old rocking chair while I rested at his feet, my head on his knees. He stroked my hair gently, just chatting away with his parents.

This was how a meeting of the parents supposed to go. Well, mostly.

"So, are there any places in London you'd like to see while you're there, Bella?" Carlisle asked, pulling me into the conversation.

"Tower of London," I said, nodding my head. "I realize it's very touristy, but I've always wanted to see the crown jewels."

"It's been ages since I've been there," Esme said, smiling. "Since before I met Carlisle. I think that'd be a fun trip for everyone."

"I want to take you to Hyde Park and the Kensington Gardens and show you the statue of Peter Pan," Edward said wistfully. "You remind me a bit of Wendy. Stubborn and feisty, but very gentle." He was being both cute, nerdy, and flirty.

"You two are so cute together!" Esme said, sighing loudly. "Any chance of grandbabies any time soon?"

Charlie hinted. This was not a hint. Well, Edward did say that they were blunt. I looked up at Edward and even he looked horrified and totally surprised.

"Mother, really!" He said, covering his eyes.

"What? I can ask, can't I? I'm not getting any younger. And you two would make such beautiful babies."

"Well, um," I said, looking anywhere but at a person, I began to stutter. "Well, I can assure you that I'm not pregnant at this exact moment. I'm very very sure of that."

Edward was the first to get what I was hinting at. I had barely seen him, let alone talked to him in the past two days. His mouth made a little O and he nodded his head quickly. I hadn't brought it up to him and I really didn't know how to. Then Esme figured it out. Finally, Carlisle said, "why are you so very sure?"

Wasn't he a doctor?

"She's wearing her passion killers," Esme explained to him. Edward groaned loudly, covering his face with both of his hands. Carlisle got it right away but I was totally confused.

"What?"

"Passion killers are what some Brits call very ugly women's underwear," Edward explained. "One might wear them when they're..." he blanched slightly, "well, you know. If they were having that time of the month."

Well, paint me embarrassed and horrified.

"Can I get you anything, dear?" Esme asked gently. Like I was ill and I was going to die at any moment.

"Another drink. A big one. With lots of liquor."

"I am so embarrassed." Edward slammed his head against the door several times after his parents walked out. "I am so sorry."

"You saw my mom at her best... Trust me, this is nothing," I teased him. "Come here. It's okay."

He came into my outstretched arms, resting his face in between my breasts as he rested on his knees in front of me on the floor. I laughed loudly at his current position, rubbing the back of his head. "She brought up periods and grandchildren in the same breath. Honestly, only my mum would do that."

"By the way, is that whole passion killers phrase normal?" I asked. He shook his head, not removing himself from between my breasts.

"It's something between my mum and my dad. Apparently, it's a long story that I do not want to even think on. Ever. I am so sorry," he said, sitting up again. "Do you still want to go to London with me? I'd understand if you didn't."

"Edward," I giggled, "they were fine. Honey, I still want to go with you. Trust me. I embarrass myself more all the time. Besides, I need you to be my guide. I didn't understand half the things your dad said."

"I'm just your translator now?" He smiled up at me.

"A very sexy one." I wiggled my eyebrows at him. He wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me closer to him.

"Is that so?"

"Yup," I said, going around the back of his thigh and squeezed his ass gently. He chuckled and got an evil twinkle in his eyes.

"Well, I know I can't get a shag from ya, but maybe I can you get into the sack for a bit of a snog?" He said, smiling at me in his shit eating crooked grin.

"You know, I'm not that dense. I do know what that means." I rolled my eyes at him. "I have seen Harry Potter after all."

"Well, if you know how to snog, show me." He smiled at me cockily, trying not to laugh. We were both being stupid.

Just for that I shoved him onto the floor rather roughly and straddled his waist. Wrapping my fingers tightly around the back of his neck, I kissed him fiercely. He moaned into my mouth, quickly changing our positions so that he was on top of me. "How was that?" I asked him, panting.

"That'll do," he said before kissing me again. We made out on his floor for an hour.

I went over to my father's for Christmas Eve. He had to work on Christmas and Edward was spending time with his family. His entire family. Apparently, there was a big family party on Christmas Eve and Christmas day was reserved for visiting the other side of the family if they had them. Edward and I were going to have breakfast with his parents before they went to spend Christmas with his Grandparents.

I wasn't sure what Edward and I were going to do that evening, but I was positive we could find something to entertain ourselves.

I made dinner for Charlie in his tiny cabin. It was where I grew up and sometimes I missed it, how homey it was, but I was glad to have my own space.

I made us Italian for dinner, the best I could anyway. Charlie didn't mind either way. He just loved to eat.

"Have you spoke to your mama any?" He asked, cutting into his chicken. I raised an eyebrow at him and he smirked slightly. "No, then?"

"I asked her to leave me alone for a little while," I sighed, picking up my sweet tea and swishing around the ice. "That I wouldn't be able to play nice for a while."

"Birdie, baby, don't let this go on too long, okay? We... neither one of us have much family in this world left. Me and your mom, I wish there was more. But, we're all you've got left in this world."

"I know, Daddy," I sighed. "I'm tired of being the parent in that relationship though. I'm past that. I just want her to be normal for once."

"That woman hasn't been normal a day in her life, but she's a part of you. You haven't always done what's normal. It made you... you. I know she's crazy. I know she's completely bat shit, but she does love you."

"I love you," I said, squeezing his hand gently. "You've gotten wise in your years."

He chuckled, "am I that old now? My goodness. I thought I was still pretty spry. Anyway, how did meeting the parents go?"

I groaned loudly, "so embarrassing. I mean, not as bad as Renee..."

"Nothing is as bad as Renee," he laughed. "What happened?"

"I got covered in liquor and coconut when Esme surprised me. I then had to shower and wear some of Edward's clothing because I got it all over me and then she brought up things I'd rather not talk about."

"Like what?" He asked out of curiosity.

"Things I'd rather not talk about," I said firmly, but he just smirked. I would lose this argument. "Grandchildren. Not on the sly either, like you did. All blunt and in the public."

"When did I mention grandchildren?" He said, eying me.

"Don't look at me like that, old man. You know when you did. You might think you're sneaky but you're not. At all. Young blood, ah huh," I said, pointing at him with a fork. He blushed slightly, giving me an innocent smile.

"What? I ain't getting any younger. And grandkids would be nice. I mean, whenever you're ready, of course."

"You sound like an old woman." I rolled my eyes at him. "I can't promise you anything. Maybe one day."

"I hope so," he said softly. "Having a child is by far the best thing in life. It's the best thing I've done in my life."

I reached over and hugged him gently. He smiled, lightly kissing my cheek before patting my back. "Come on, our food is getting cold."

And like that, our warm moment passed but it wasn't forgotten.

After my early evening with Charlie, I decided to go by Alice's and Jasper's to give them their gift. I wouldn't get a chance on Christmas since they would be with their families and then I would be out of town for a week. It would probably be my only chance to.

"Hey!" Jasper said brightly as he opened the door, giving me a big hug. "Long time no see."

"Because you work too much," I complained. He nodded his head thoughtfully and smiled.

"But, after Christmas things will slow down and get back to normal. The bakery is done and the hardest of the work is over. By the way, how did you like the cake Alice brought you?"

"It was amazing. A bit big though. I couldn't eat it all. I don't want to get chunky again," I told him and he rolled his eyes playfully as he led me into the living room where Alice sat.

"Girl, you look great. Being thin is all well and good but if you don't enjoy life, what's the point?"

"Trust me, I'm enjoying life," I informed him. "Now, who wants to go first?" I asked, pulling a present from either side of my leather jacket.

"Oh! Me, me, me!" Alice hopped up. "Jasper, go get Bella's present from underneath the tree."

"You didn't have to get me anything."

"And you didn't have to get us anything either. It's because we love you," Alice said, giving me a hug before pointing at the tiny boxes. "Which is mine?"

I held up the smaller of the boxes as she gave a little squeal that she loved to do so much. She opened it quickly to find a friendship bracelet inside. It was on a little sterling silver chain link bracelet with a little heart. On hers was etched 'best'. I lifted up mine and showed it to her. It said 'friends'.

"Is this Tiffany's?" She asked quickly as she put it on.

"It is. I picked them up today. I was almost worried that I wouldn't get them in time." I smiled. "I had a moment of inspiration and I decided to get this. Do you like it?"

"Oh!" She said, throwing herself at me. "I love it! Thank you."

"I hope Jasper likes his just as much," I said, handing him the box. "Merry Christmas, Jazz."

He opened it up and smiled brightly. "Nice."

He slipped on the silver watch with the bright red-orange face. "It's jasper, like the stone," I told him, pointing to the face. "I saw it in a specialty shop while shopping with Alice and Rose. Do you like it?"

"Girl, you are so thoughtful," he said, hugging me tightly. He kissed the top of my head before handing me a decent sized box.

When I opened my gift, I was totally confused. "What is this?"

It looked like a memo holder that a teacher would use by far more high tech. It was black and pretty solid.

"It's a digital notepad with memory and everything. You can handwrite your notes when you go out with clients and then when you get home you can just hook this baby up and boom, they're right there waiting for you. How fun is that?" Alice said, giggling. I smiled, hugging her tightly.

"This is awesome."

"We got Edward one too," Jasper smiled slightly. "He hasn't gotten it yet though, so don't tell him."

"I won't. This is so cool. This will be pretty helpful."

Jasper clapped his hands together. "Good! Now that we've got that out of the way, who's ready for fruitcake?"

Alice and I looked at each other, a similar smirk spreading across both of our lips.

"Is it better than the prune cake?"

"Am I NEVER going to live that down? HONESTLY!" He said, throwing his hands up in the air as he stomped towards the kitchen. Alice took my arm, chuckling as we followed behind.

It was probably the best fruitcake that I had ever had.

This is a very charming Jasper. He's fun.

If you're still enjoying this story please let me know! And let me know who's reading for the first time.

Thanks for reading!