Key:

Normal text is for the reactions of the Freelancers and their host

Bold is the footage they are watching

Bold, Italic, and Underline together denote song lyrics

[Text in Brackets denotes Maine using the tablet Ivan gave him]

-Line Break-

"Hey, rookie... did you just call my girlfriend a cow?"

-Leonard Church, RvB

-Line Break-

"Alright, I'm back." Connie said as she sat down with a newly refilled bowl of chips.

"Let the shitstorm commence." South said to Ivan, who smirked and hit the play button in response.

*Begin Episode 4*

Head Noob in Charge

The scene fades in with Church, Tucker, and Caboose standing next to the tank outside Blue Base.

"Yeah I'll let you in on a little secret," Church began, "I've uh... I've actually got a girl back home."

"Oh yeah? Girlfriend or wife?" asked Tucker.

"No, man, she's just my girlfriend, ya know? We were gonna get married, but I got shipped out... ah, you know how it works."

"Oh, well, you gonna marry her when you get back?"

"I'm not gonna get married. My dad always said, 'Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?'" Caboose interected.

"Hey, rookie…" Church asked with an irritated voice as he walked up to Caboose, "did you just call my girlfriend a cow?"

Tex frowned slightly at that, she knew Caboose was not the brightest guy. This was pretty much just a little kid repeating something he had heard without understanding what it meant, but she still didn't like being called a cow!

"No, I think he called her a slut!" said Tucker.

Tex's frown deepened; that was even worse!

"I'll tell you what, noob, I could sit out here and listen to you insult my girlfriend all day long, but as it turns out, I got a lot more important job for you to do."

"Great." said Caboose, clearly dreading what was probably in store for him.

"See, we've got this General." began Church.

"Right, the General guy." Tucker echoed.

"...who likes to come by and make random inspections of bases." Church continued, "So what I'm gonna have you do, is I'm gonna have you go in the base, and stand right next to the flag at attention, just in case he decides to come by."

"When is he coming by?" asked Caboose.

"We never know. Could be today, could be a week from now." Tucker explained.

"You want me to stand at attention for a week?"

"Aaaaannnd now Caboose is getting hazed." Ivan said rolling his eyes.

"He kinda deserves it you know," said York, "He did talk bad about Church's girlfriend."

"I kind of agree with you there." said Tex, surprising… pretty much everyone, "And before you ask, you're not allowed to ask why."

"Because spoilers?" asked York.

"Yep."

"You know, you don't sound very grateful. This is the most important job at the whole base. You're gonna be right there with the flag." said Church.

"What's so important about the flag?" Caboose asked, confused.

"Oh, come on, don't they teach you guys anything in training?" Church said in an exasperated voice.

"They didn't tell us anything about a flag. Why is it so important?" This question actually caught Church more off-guard than he would like to admit.

"Because it's the flag, man, you know, it's the f... it's the flag, it's... Tucker, you tell him why the flag is so important." He said, turning to the aqua soldier.

"Well... it's... it's complicated. Uh... It's blue, we're blue." was all Tucker could come up with.

Ivan blinked a few times.

"The most important thing in their base is a flag, but they don't even know why it's so important?" The teenage prince turned to the Freelancers, "Is there going to be some government conspiracy type stuff going on?" When his question was met with silence, he was about to ask again, or ask why no one answered him. At least, until he realized why nobody answered.

"Hopefully I won't have to wait to long to find out…" he muttered.

"It's just important, okay? Trust us. So when the General comes by, the first thing he's gonna want to do is inspect the flag." Church said.

"Right." Tucker agreed.

"So just go in there, you know, far away from us, and wait for him." Hearing this, Caboose turns and heads for the base, but stops half way and turns around.

"Uh, how will I know when I see him?" he asked.

"There's only three of us out here, rookie." responded Tucker, "He's gonna be the guy that doesn't look like one of us."

"Now get in there, and don't come out!" said Church before turning to Tucker "Man, that guy is dumber than you are."

"You mean he's dumber than you are." Tucker shot back.

"Well, you're all idiots. So none of you can really talk." muttered South.

"Wow, Tucker, that was a great come-back."

Caboose then emerges from the base.

"Uh, Mr. Church? Sir?" he asked.

"Oh my god, WHAT!?" Church snapped before turning to Tucker, "Tucker, I swear, I'm gonna kill him!"

"Sorry about calling your girl a slut…"

"ROOKIE! SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP, YOU'RE DRIVING ME CRAZY, GET IN THERE!"

Florida sighed.

"Church, come on. At least he had the decency to apologize for insulting your girlfriend."

"Uh-huh huh huh huh!" Tucker laughed, turning around.

"Tucker, are you laughing at me?" Church growled, turning around and, as a result, not seeing Donut walk up behind him.

[This ought to be good.] said Maine, or typed, said Maine's tablet… you know what I mean.

"Excuse me, sir, can I ask you a question?" asked the bright red rookie.

"Dear God in Heaven, rookie, if I turn around, and you are not inside, I.. I can't be held responsible for what I'm gonna do to you!"

"What did I do?" Donut asked, confused.

"One…

"Aw, gimme a break."

"TWO!"

"Fine!" Donut said. He then turns ,runs in the base, and walks up to Caboose.

"Wow, you got here fast!" commented Caboose.

South facepalmed.

"I know this Caboose guy isn't that smart, but does he really think that a guy in bright red armor is the Blue Army general?"

"Well, Donut is the one that walked up to Blue Base thinking it's a store." pointed out Connie.

"To be fair," said Ivan, "When he first showed up, Donut said he was 'Ready to fight some aliens'. No one told him 'Oh, yeah, we're not actually going to be fighting aliens. Instead we're going to be fighting a bunch of blue guys'."

"Still doesn't excuse Caboose's dumb ass." grumbled South.

"Why is everyone so freakin' rude in this canyon?" asked Donut in an irritated voice.

"I'm not, sir. What can I do for you?"

"Finally, someone with a little respect around here."

"Yes, sir! I assume you're here because of this…" said Caboose, turning to the blue flag.

"Wait, is this all you have?" asked Donut.

"Uh, yes, sir." Caboose replied, "That's it!"

"Aw man, this figures. Shit. What about elbow grease?"

"What was that about not falling for the elbow grease trick?" York said to Ivan with a smirk. Ivan simply held his face in his hands.

"Donut, why?"

"Uhmm…"

"Headlight fluid?" pressed Donut.

"No. All we have is this flag."

"Well, I can't go back empty handed." said the red soldier, "I guess I'll take that."

"Sure, that makes sense. I guess." Caboose replied.

"Man, they're gonna give me so much shit for coming back with just this stupid flag." muttered Donut as he left. The camera then cuts back to Church and Tucker.

"Well, enough gabbing out of us, let's take this bad boy out for a spin." said Church, "Go ahead and hop in, Tucker."

"Me? I can't drive that thing." said the aqua trooper.

"You're telling me you're not Armor Certified?" asked Church.

"I ca- I don't even know how to use the fucking sniper rifle." countered Tucker, "Don't you know how to drive that?"

"No! ..Holy Crap! Who is running this army!?"

"Hey!" called Caboose, emerging from the base, "Just wanted to let you know the General stopped by and picked up the flag!"

"Yeah! Okay! Whatever, moron!" Church called back before turning to Tucker, "Why would they give us a tank, if nobody here knows how to drive the damn thing? ...Wait a second... What did he just say?"

*End Episode 4*

"Okay," said Ivan as he lifted the remote, "Let's hurry up and get this next episode started."

"What's the rush?" asked Florida. Causing the prince to turn to the Freelancer.

"Because I have questions that probably won't even be answered this season. We're only four episodes in and I can already tell there is some shifty ass shit going on. Why is there a war between red and blue guys over flags? Most of these guys clearly aren't fit for the military: Caboose and Donut are complete dumbasses, Tucker and Sarge aren't much better, not to mention that the blue guys just recieved a tank that none of them know how to drive. Given the collective intelligence of these guys, that's like giving a monkey a flamethrower. The flamethrower is cool and all, but you wouldn't trust a monkey with it. I need to know what the hell is going on." Ivan finished his rant to see the entire room staring at him.

"You done?" asked Tex.

"Yes."

"Then start the next episode so you can get closer to getting answers."

*Begin Episode 5*

The Package is in the Open

The camera fades in to Church, Tucker, and Caboose standing on top of Blue Base.

"Let me get this straight.." started Church, "You gave this guy our flag?"

"Is that bad?" asked the blue rookie.

"Bad? Oh no, that's not bad. Next time he comes over, why don't you just help him blow up the whole goddamn base?" Church answered sarcastically.

"There, there he is." said Tucker.

"Where?" asked Church, looking through a sniper rifle, "Oh, yeah, oh, I got him. He's sneaking around back behind the cliffs."

"He must be one smart son of a bitch." Tucker commented. The camera then cut to Donut looking around the canyon.

"Oh, man, I am so freakin' lost. Where the hell is the base?" the red soldier asked aloud. The camera then cut back to Blue Base.

"Oh, shit... Hey Tucker, look at his armor. It's red." said Church.

"Oh man, that means it's their Sergeant." said Tucker.

"Well, that makes sense. At least now we know how he got by our defenses."

"What defenses?" asked Wyoming.

[Yeah, you guys were just standing there and talking.] agreed Maine.

"They can't hear you." said Tex and York.

"Uh, you know.. he came in the back door where you guys were standing." Caboose chimed in.

"Yeah, okay, well let's take him out then." said Tucker, ignoring the blue recruit.

"Roger that. Okay, say goodnight, Sarge." Church replied.

"Hey, Church is finally going to use the sniper rifle instead of using it as a glorified telescope." North said with a smile.

"Wait for it." replied Tex and Wyoming.

The camera cuts to Donut as four shots whiz by him.

"Son of a bitch!" he cried, crouching.

The camera cuts back to Church as he lowers the rifle.

"Aw crap." muttered Church, before feeling Tucker's gaze and turning to the aqua soldier, "...What?"

"You're REALLY not very good with that thing, are you?" asked Tucker

Now North, Wyoming, and Ivan were all frowning.

"Are you serious?" asked North.

"Yeah, really." agreed Ivan.

"Why do you care?" Wyoming asked the prince.

"I've had experience with many different kinds of firearms, a personal favorite of mine happen to be the snipers."

The camera then cuts back to Donut.

"Hey! It's me! Don't shoot! I'm the guy that bought the flag, remember!?" he shouted while waving the flag.

The camera then cuts back to Tucker.

"Oh great, now he's taunting us." Tucker groaned, "That's just embarrassing."

"Well, it's not hard." South smirked, "YOu guys already do a fine job of embarrassing yourselves."

"Alright, that's it, I've had it. Rookie, you stay here. Me and Tucker, we'll head through the teleporter, we'll cut him off at the pass." declared Church.

"Right!" replied Caboose.

"Tucker, you ready? Let's go."

"There is no way I'm going through that thing." Tucker stated bluntly.

"Tucker, we don't have time for this. Why would they give us a teleporter if it doesn't work?"

"Well, 'they' seemed perfectly fine with giving you a tank that none of you know how to drive." said Ivan.

"I don't know, why would they give us a tank that no one can drive?"

"We already tested the teleporter, remember?" said Church.

"We threw rocks through it!" countered Tucker.

"Yeah, and, so what?" Church asked, "The rocks came out the other side, didn't they?"

"Yeah, but they were all hot and covered with black stuff." Tucker replied.

"You mean soot?" asked Connie with a raised eyebrow.

"Maybe the do, maybe they don't." said Ivan.

"What's that supposed to mean?" asked York.

"You ever watch X-Men?"

"Yeah."

"When Nightcrawler teleports, he actually enters a different dimension for a split second. Admittedly, I doubt that's what's happening here. So it probably is just soot."

"Oh, so I guess that's what this is all about then. You're afraid of a little black stuff."

"Yes. I am. I am afraid of black stuff."

"Tucker, I almost hate to do this to you." Church said, as he pointed an assault rifle at Tucker.

"You wouldn't…" said Tucker.

"You know, I look at it this way: Either A, we go through there and get the flag back, or B, we stay here and I get to kill you. Either way, I win." replied Church.

[Church just pulled a Sarge.] said Maine

"You ain't seen nothing, yet." said Tex.

[Why do you say cryptic stuff like that? You know we're going to ask what you mean by it, only for you to not tell us because of spoilers.]

"That's the point, I'm just trying to mess with you guys."

"For the record, I want you to know, rocks aren't people." said Tucker.

"Duly noted." Church said back, "Now get in there."

"Crap... Alright. One, two…" Tucker then runs through the teleporter. Church turns to look at the other end, only for Tucker to not come out.

"...Huh, he didn't come out the other side…" observed Caboose.

"Yeeaahhh, I've uh- I've decided I'm not gonna use the teleporter." Church said nervously before running off to chase Donut on foot.

"Okay, rookie, you stay here! I'll be back with the flag!" The camera then cuts to Simmons and Grif standing on top of Red Base. Grif is looking through a sniper rifle.

"And we're back to using the sniper rifle as a telescope." said North.

"I still have no idea what you're talking about. I didn't hear any shots." said Simmons.

"I'm telling you, it was four shots. Like bam, bam, bam." replied Grif.

"That's only three bams." said York.

"Wait a second, that's only three bams." Simmons pointed out.

"Bam." said Grif, before seeing Church through the sniper, "Wait a second, we've got a Blue guy on the move out there."

"Where's he headed?" asked the maroon soldier as Grif looks to the left.

"Oh crap. It... It's Donut. And he's got something…" he zooms in to get a better look.

"It looks like…" Grif lowers the rifle as he realizes what the red rookie has in his hands, "...Simmons, get the Warthog."

"You mean the Puma?" asked Florida.

"Heh, you mean the Puma?" asked Simmons.

"Yeah, keep making jokes. That'll win the war." replied the orange soldier as the screen faded to black.

*End Episode 5*

"Can't wait to see how that plays out." said York.

"Just let me get a snack of my own, then we'll start the next episode." said Ivan

Author's Note: OKAY, sorry for taking so long with this chapter. As I've said before, I can get pretty lazy. Plus there was some family stuff that was keeping me from getting a good opportunity to do some writing. I would like to point out that school starts tomorrow, so chapters are going to take even longer to get out, and again, I'm really sorry. Another thing that may interrupt is that I have ideas for other stories that I'm going to want to write. So keep an eye out for those. With that out of the way, replies!

The Richmaster

I'm really glad to hear it! I don't really talk about it, but one of the things that makes these chapters take so long is me trying to come up with in-character reactions. I really hope you continue to enjoy my work!

djmegamouth

Gotcha, for future reference, I don't mind constructive criticism. So if you've got a way that might improve my writing, let me know!

RWBYSTRQ

As far as I know, even before Maine got his throat shot to shit he wasn't much of a talker. If it helps, York's left eye is still fucked up from the grenade. It just made sense to me that those kinds of injuries remained.

DisneyFreak-Lover

Glad to hear it. It's pretty much going to be an inside joke for them until we reach Season 6 (god that seems so far away) and until then, Ivan's just going to not be part of it. Poor guy!

Mandalore the Freedom

I am happy to hear someone with a thought process similar to my own! I hope you continue to enjoy my work. Anyways, yeah, the changes Wash goes through will probably shock them. As for 'leaving North for dead', keep in mind that I had North tell her to leave him behind. Wash shooting South… yeah, North's gonna be pissed. York is probably going to be upset about the changes in Carolina, but I can't wait to see how he reacts to the 'take off your armor' scene of Season 15 (I'm not being coy here or anything, I legit don't know because I haven't thought that far ahead). Anyway, like I said, I hope you continue to enjoy my work, I have no idea what that last part means.

Shiranai Atsune

Maine remembers his death pretty clearly. I would like to point out that Griff does say the Warthog 'looks like a big cat' before even mentioning the word 'Puma'. Also, I am going to be skipping the parts of Seasons 9 and 10 that are just flashbacks to Project Freelancer, that was a pretty shitty time in the lives of the Freelancers and I'm sure they wouldn't want to relive that. Ivan doesn't know any of the running gags of RvB or about 'Sims', he's said before that he's never watched the series. Anyway, in terms of episodes, I'm really sorry that these are going to take longer, but school starts soon.

ultima-owner

But just how well can you pick up chicks in a tank?

zowiaki

Yeah, poor ol' Flowers is probably going to have a heart attack or something.

ZED147

I'm happy you enjoy my work, but school is going to interfere with my writing. I'm really sorry.

Nemon0416

I'm inconsistent and school starts soon, so it varies.

pensuka

They might catch on pretty quick, who knows. I know that a certain Freelancer is going to be salty about the surprise stab though.

death7559

Thank you! I hope you continue to enjoy my writing!

yorkalina trash

I'm really glad you think so. You have no idea how happy I am that that scene had the intended effect.

Beta117

And I hope you continue to enjoy it!

That's all for now folks! As always, be sure to follow my story if you want more, and be sure to follow me to keep an eye out for other stories. I am always open to constructive criticism, so leave a review and let me know what you think! I hope you all have enjoyed, and will continue to enjoy this Fanfic. See you all next time!