Key:
Normal text is for the reactions of the Freelancers and their host
Bold is the footage they are watching
Bold, Italic, and Underline together denote song lyrics
[Text in Brackets denotes Maine using the tablet Ivan gave him]
-Line Break-
"I think everyone in this canyon is absolutely insane."
-Franklin Delano Donut, RvB
-Line Break-
Ivan comes back with some candy in his arms and holding a bottle of soda in his mouth. After setting them down he picks up the remote and starts the episode.
"Alright, commencing Shitstorm Number 2."
*Begin Episode 6*
1.21 Giga-Whats?
(Recap)
Grif is shown looking through a sniper rifle.
"Oh crap. It... It's Donut. And he's got something…" Grif zooms in to get a better look, "It looks like…" Upon realizing what Donut was holding, Grif lowers the rifle, "...Simmons, get the Warthog."
"Heh, you mean the Puma?" jokes the maroon soldier.
(End Recap)
The camera fades in to Church running up to Donut.
"Freeze!" shouts Church.
"Hey, why the hell are you shooting at me?!" Donuts asks indignantly, "You coulda hit me, dick!"
"Pretty sure that was the point, dumbass." South says as she rolls her eyes.
"Can it." said Church as he aims an assault rifle at the Red recruit, "Don't try to play stupid with me, Sarge. I know who ya are. We've been spying on you for three weeks now."
"I just got here two hours ago. And I'm not a Sergeant, I'm a Private." Donut responds angrily.
"Wait a minute," Church said in realization, "you're not the Sergeant!"
"That's what he just said." pointed out Connie.
"They can't hear you." chorused York, Tex, and Wyoming.
[They can't hear you.] came Maine's tablet a few seconds later, causing the other four Freelancers to look at him.
[What? I couldn't type fast enough.]
"Yeah, that's what I just said."
"Well then how the hell did you manage to steal our flag?"
"Steal? I have no idea what the hell you're talking about!" Donut said, as Tucker burst from the teleporter. With his armor completely covered in the 'black stuff'.
"Three!" Shouts Tucker, scaring the crap out of both Church and Donut.
"JESUS!" cried Church.
"HOLY SHIT! Who is this guy?" asks Donut.
"What in the hell!?" Church says, ignoring Donut, "Tucker? Is that you?"
"How did you get up here ahead of me?" Tucker asks, confused.
"Because apparently, that teleporter of yours is in desperate need of a tune-up." said Ivan.
"And what's with that black shit on your armor?" Donut tries to ask, but is ignored again.
"Hey! Freeze, Sarge!" cried Tucker as he raises his magnum.
"Would you stop calling me a Sergeant, I'm still just a Private."
"The Sarge is still a Private?" repeated Tucker, "Oh. My. God. The teleporter sent me back in time."
"If that really was the case," commented Ivan, "Then that teleporter needs way more than just a tune-up."
"Would that really be possible though?" asked York.
"What?"
"Going back in time." Ivan scrunched his face a little in response.
"That's a complicated question, short answer is: not exactly."
The camera then cuts to Red Base as Grif climbs into the Warthog, which is playing Tejano music, with Lopez standing nearby.
"Sorry Lopez, we need the jeep." Grif explained.
"I'll take gunner." said Simmons as he climbed on the back, "Let's roll."
"How do you turn off the fucking radio in this car?" Grif asked aloud as he started driving.
"Don't worry Lopez," Simmons called back to the brown soldier as they drove off, "I'll bring her back in one piece." Lopez responded by wordlessly staring at them.
The camera then cuts back to Church, Tucker, and Donut.
"Look," started Tucker, "I know you don't know me, but you have to believe what I'm about to tell you. Some time in your future I get stationed here in Blood Gulch, and we meet. And this guy here, he gets promoted to Sergeant of the Red Army, and we spy on them. And they get this new jeep, and I'm all like, 'There is no way you can pick up chicks in a tank!'"
"That has to be the worst way to try and explain to someone that you're from the future." said Texas.
"Of all time." agreed North.
"And we're back to the whole 'trying to pick up chicks' thing." muttered Connie.
"Tucker? What the fuck are you babbling about?" Church asks bluntly.
"I know all this sounds crazy, but he eventually becomes a Sergeant, and then one day we get a tank, and he comes and steals our flag while we're distracted."
"Is this guy a retard?" asks Donut as he turns towards Church.
"Yes." snarked South.
"Red? Shut up. Tucker? Listen to me. Ya haven't gone back in time, okay?" Church says, not noticing the sound of Tejano music getting closer, "This IS the guy who stole the flag, he's just not the Sergeant. Turns out he's just some dumb rookie who happens to have the same color armor as him. He got in somehow, just... for God's sake! WHAT IS THAT MUSIC!?" Church's question was then answered by the sight of the Warthog jumping off a hill.
"Woohoo!" hoots Grif
"Holy shit!" shouts Tucker.
"Son of a bitch!" Church cries, "Run! Jesus! Run!"
"The jeep followed me back in time!"
"Oh, Tucker," Flowers says in a disappointed voice, "We just established you haven't gone back in time."
Grif gets out of the Warthog and goes up to Donut as Church and Tucker run away. Meanwhile, Simmons fires a stream of bullets from the Warthog's turret as the two Blue Soldiers flee.
"Ow! Git! Ow! Git! Ow, ow!" says Church as bullets just barely miss him.
"That's right! That's right, I got your ass!" Simmons shouts, "Get off your ass and run, you cock bites!" the maroon soldier continues shouting as Grif talks to Donut.
"What the hell is going on here?" asked the orange soldier.
"You know what? I honestly have no idea what's going on." Donut admitted, "I think everyone in this canyon is absolutely insane."
"Actually, most of you are just really dumb." Wyoming pointed out.
"Except for Sarge." said Tex, "I'm pretty sure he is insane."
"How did you get the flag?"
"I don't know, I just asked for it."
"Wait, that worked?" Grif said, surprised.
"I guess. Is it not supposed to?" asked Donut.
"I don't know," admitted Grif, "we.. never even thought to try that. Just take the flag to the base, I'll explain there."
"Not until someone tells me what the fuck is go-" Donut tried to demand, only to be cut off by Grif.
"There's no time to explain, rookie! Just take the flag, and go to base! I'll explain everything there."
"Fine!" growls the Red Recruit as he picks up the flag and starts to run off.
"Back to our base, dumbass!" huffs Grif.
"Uh, I know. I just got turned around, that's all."
"Oh, come on." South gripes, "You can't pull that shit twice. Just admit you're lost."
The camera cuts to Caboose observing Church and Tucker through a sniper rifle as they duck behind some rocks.
"Oh man, that's not good." Caboose says in a worried voice, "Oh my god, that jeep has a really big gun." Caboose lowers the rifle as he contemplates his options.
"Stay here... Tank… Stay here... Tank... ..Ah, screw it." he says as he runs towards the tank.
Ivan groans.
"That is not going to end well."
The camera cuts back to Church and Tucker crouching behind a rock. Simmons can still be heard shouting in the background.
"Well," Church turns to Tucker, "we'll just wait here. That thing's gotta run outta bullets some time." he says as the screen fades to black.
*End Episode 6*
[Toss me another beer real quick.] Maine asked York. York responded by tossing the large man another beer.
"Commence Shitstorm Number 3." South said as she rolled her eyes.
"On it." said Ivan as he starts the next episode.
*Begin Episode 7*
Check out the Treads on That Tank
The camera fades in as Church and Tucker are still hiding behind the rock.
"My god, doesn't that thing ever run out of bullets?" asked Church.
"You know, in hindsight, we should have brought the tank." pointed out Tucker.
"You mean the tank none of you know how to drive?" asks South.
"Actually," said Tex, "That's not as big an issue as you think."
"Indeed." agreed Wyoming, immediately catching on to what Texas was implying.
"Hey, Tucker, what good is a tank gonna do us if nobody here knows how to drive it?"
"Yeah, I can see how hiding behind a rock is a much better strategy." Tucker responded sarcastically.
"Well, yeah, but... oh man, I guess I gotta give that one to ya." Church admits as he fail to come up with a comeback.
"Hey!" pointed out York, "Tucker actually came up with a decent comeback."
The camera cuts to Caboose hopping in the tank. The canopy closes and the tank turns on.
"Hello," says the digitized voice of a woman, "and thank you for activating the M808V Main Battle Tank. You may call me Sheila."
All the Freelancers, except for Tex, have a shocked look on their face.
"F- F.I.L.L.S.?" Connie says dumbly.
"Someone you people know?" ask Ivan.
"Kind of." says North as he scratches his head.
"No clue why she's calling herself 'Sheila' though…" muttered South.
"Hello. Sheila. Big tank lady." Caboose answers.
"Would you like me to run the tutorial program?" asks 'Sheila'.
"Oh, that'd be very nice. Thank you."
"Tutorial program activated. This program is intended to instruct non-certified personnel in the use of this Scorpion class tank. Let's begin with some driving."
"A logical place to start." says Flowers.
"Okay."
The camera cuts to Simmons, who is still firing the Warthog's turret, with Grif standing behind him.
"Simmons. SIMMONS!" shouts the orange soldier, causing Simmons to stop firing and step down, "Grif: Man, that thing is loud." Unnoticed by either soldier, Sheila drives by in the background.
"...WHAT?" shouts Simmons.
"Come on, let's sneak around the back of the rock and get 'em out."
"OKAY." Simmons shouts again, making it abundantly clear what kind of toll firing the turret for so long took.
"Keep it down! Jesus. Let's go, before they figure out what's going on."
[Like they aren't going to immediately notice the fact that you stopped firing?] commented Maine.
The camera cuts to Caboose, who has managed to get Sheila stranded on a tall rock.
"Now that you've mastered driving the M808V, let's move on to some of the safety features." Sheila says cheerfully.
"No, no, wait, go back!" Caboose replies in a panicky voice, "Why are there six pedals if there are only four directions?"
"What the fuck?" mutters Ivan.
The camera cuts back to Church and Tucker. Tucker is still crouching behind the rock, but Church is peeking over.
"Psst," whispered Church, "hey, they stopped firing."
[Called it.]
"Why are you whispering?" asks Tucker in a normal voice.
"That's a good point, actually." said Flowers.
"Uhm... I don't know." admitted Church, who was still whispering for some reason.
The camera then cuts to Grif and Simmons at the foot of the cliff.
"Aw, crap, I don't think we're gonna be able to get around this way." said Grif.
"Tell me again, uh, why did we get out of the jeep?" asked the maroon soldier, neither of them noticing Sheila roll up behind them
"Well, I guess it was this or sit there and watch you shoot rocks all day long." Grif says as Sheila's turret looks between the two.
"Well, at least that was fun." complains Simmons. The two then turn simultaneously and come face to face, er… turret, with Sheila.
"Holy CRAP. What in God's name is that thing?" asks Grif.
Connie quirks an eyebrow.
"That's a pretty underwhelmed response considering you just turned and found yourself staring down the turret of a fucking tank."
"It's not that big a deal." Ivan says simply, not noticing the looks he earned from the Freelancers.
The camera cuts to Church and Tucker as they look at the abandoned Warthog.
"Tucker, don't be stupid. They're just trying to draw us out." said Church.
"No they're not, look - they left the jeep. They're gone." argued Tucker.
"Well, I don't know about this. It seems pretty fishy, but... alright screw it, let's go get it." Church said, finally caving.
The camera then cuts to Sheila's HUD, which shows its crosshairs slowly aligning with Grif's head.
"Dude, hold still. I don't think it sees us."
"This isn't Jurassic Park, dude." said York. "And that's not a T. Rex."
The only thing that can be heard is a tone that indicates Sheila's targeting systems have locked on.
*End Episode 7*
"Shitstorm Number 4 incoming." South said as she stood up to stretch.
"Hey guys," began Tex, "Want to know a secret?"
"[Sure.]" came an interested response from, well, everyone.
"In the next couple episodes…" She said slowly, causing everyone to lean in, "You're going to find out why I ended up in Blood Gulch." Everyone stared at her in silence, before slowly turning towards Ivan.
"Guys-" Ivan tried to start, only to be cut off by an onslaught of Freelancers telling him to hurry up and start the next fucking episode already!
Author's Note: *crying* I'M SO SORRY! I've kept you all waiting almost two months for a new chapter and I'm sorry! I've just been busy with school and my family's internet was down all of last week! I can't really think of anything else to say, so on to replies!
TheFishKing
Yup, that's going to be fun. I hope you continue to enjoy my work!
colesate
I'm glad you like it. In terms of Ivan, he won't know. Yet. He'll receive a tip from the person who recommended the series for him.
The Richmaster
I hope you enjoy what I come up with. Also, I'm pretty sure Tex already kind of knows that Tucker looks like her when that black shit is on his armor.
DisneyFreak-Lover
Ohhohohohohoho my dear, the fun is only just beginning!
BraveSeeker3
Yeah, but just wait until they find out why she's calling herself 'Sheila'.
ultima-owner
Indeed.
djmegamouth
For… what? If you don't mind me asking.
Washingtub
I'm trying to upload when I can, but I have school to worry about. Plus I'm lazy. I'm starting with Season 1 because that's what makes the most sense to me. Also, I don't really plan on having the Freelancer react to the flashback bits of Seasons 9 and 10. I figure that that was a moment in their lives where everything really just went to shit, and that they wouldn't want to relive that. I do plan to give them a quick rundown of what happened in those flashback bits, just for the sake of exposition for those who may not have been present in certain scenes. Overall, I'm really glad you enjoy my writing do much.
Shiranai Atsune
Thank you for your understanding, and yes, that is exactly what I plan on doing. Shit's gonna get pretty personal for Tex though…
Guest
Yeah, North is gonna be seeing red. South will probably be pretty miffed about what Wash does to her body, but she'll be aware that he's just following protocol.
rocketmce
Thank you for the support. Although, I haven't really thought that far ahead. Red vs Blue has not yet had a series finale, so they might just watch something else between seasons. Or if/when RvB does end, they'll probably just switch to another show. Perhaps RWBY? Maybe. Possible foreshadowing? Maybe. Hotel? Trivago.
Guest
Probably, I don't know. We're still only in Season 1.
RWBYSTRQ
I hadn't thought of that… But! Fear not, for I shall rectify this!
Guest
I have school, but I'm trying to when I get the chance.
Tristin
I'm glad you feel that way!
key
*crying again* I'm trying!
UknownHero
Thank you, I'll try to live up to your expectations.
Guest
I can't wait to see how they're feelings for the guys change over time too!
igkhdi
I'M TRYING!
Mike0the0mic
Thank you, I hope to do the series justice.
Ender the multiverse Detective
I!
Tristin
AM!
TheCrystalWolf
FUCKING!
TheCrystalWolf (again)
TRYING GODDAMMIT! FUCKING BLAME SCHOOL! I'M A SENIOR IN HIGH SCHOOL WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?!
With that out of the way. I hope you all of enjoyed this chapter of Freelancers React to Red vs Blue! If you like my content, be sure to follow the story if you haven't already. Also, be sure to follow me and be on the lookout for future stories! If you have any constructive criticism, be sure to leave a review. Until next time!
-Finch Daemon