29/09/17
"Regina," no reply. "Oh my god, Regina," still no reply.
Zelena took a hand to whack at her friends' arm, receiving a wince and an evil scowl.
"What?" Regina finally replied, her voice commanding and stern in her demanding question.
"Nothing, you were just doing that thing again," Zelena shrugged, going back to focus on her phone – ignoring Regina's confused sigh and waving hand gestures that clearly meant she wanted nothing more than an explanation.
"What thing?" she asked, grudgingly giving into temptation. Zelena tilted her head in reply, but soon enough brought it back up to centre when she gauged that Regina really had no idea what she was on about.
"That staring at Emma thing," and the face Zelena pulled was halfway between smug and annoyed, and her voice was lilting with something knowing. But again, the ginger had pulled out of the conversation before Regina could even think about her reply.
"I wasn't staring at Emma," she mumbled the words so softly under her breath that Zelena hadn't heard, or more likely she had simply chosen to ignore the brunette's denial.
Regina's gaze was dangerous in its playing around the scene in front of her. A sigh freezing in the cold air when she saw the tight grip that Killian had on his fiancée.
The cast had been called for some sort of meeting that Regina hadn't actually payed attention to – if it was that important it would spring up again. But for now, she sat with a silent mouth and a loud mind.
It'd become a natural occurrence for her friend to be blathering on about something in her ear, and for her to drown the noise out so she could sort through the messy thoughts. It was the perfect opportunity.
Emma was across from her, stiff against Killian and plastic in her responses. She caught Regina staring, smiling a half smile. The brunette didn't pull away as she usually would have. Her eyes caving into the hook her fiancé had on her, his hands tugging possessively at the blonde – it made Regina feel as uneasy as Emma looked. She nodded her head once, eyebrows cocking in a kind of 'you okay?' way. Emma's eyes fluttered shut, a sigh visibly leaving her lips through a white cloud of air before she nodded back, mouthing a small yeah.
Regina looked away then.
06/10/17
Emma and Regina had argued on and off for the days leading up to the premiere about transportation. The blonde insisting on having her car sent round to pick them up so that they could all arrive together. Which only made sense seeing as Regina and Henry had been Emma's guests.
But obviously Regina thought otherwise and insisted she and Henry would get their own car to drive them – an argument only brought on because Regina was stubborn and reluctant to stop quarrelling with Emma, things had started to get a little too comfortable between the two and she wasn't about to let anything more than mutual coldness settle between them.
Emma won the argument. And Regina couldn't not let it put a strain on her mind.
The brunette was stood in her dressing gown, eyeing her wardrobe and finding herself lost in thought of what the hell she was going to wear. She'd bought four new dresses that week – her mind kept changing. She was indecisive apparently. Which was odd, because usually she wouldn't have an issue deciding something so simple. But for some reason this week she couldn't make up her stupid mind because nothing seemed good enough.
Henry shuffled in without announcing himself, fumbling around with a tie and obviously struggling. Regina smiled, taking her hands off her hips.
She knelt down in front of her still son, taking the fabric into her own hold to tie it properly around his neck. He hadn't stopped smiling since being told of tonight's events, and even though the grin was muted now, it was still blatantly obvious how excited he was.
"I told you Emma was cool," Henry muttered through his smile, peeking down to catch Regina's reaction. She hadn't pulled her focus from his tie, even though she'd finished tucking it in ages after he'd spoken.
"It was kind of her to offer," Regina replied, smiling up to him before pushing up off the floor to retrace her steps back to the wardrobe.
"You should wear that one," Henry pointed to one of the simpler white dresses Regina had picked out that week. She plucked it from her wardrobe, eyeing the garment and noticing now that the neckline was lower than she'd remembered. "She'll like that," Henry added quietly. Regina snapped her head in the direction of her son who was smiling another toothy grin – taking his quick exit and disappearing from Regina's beady glare.
She eyed the doorway for a moment longer. Peering back to the dress she still held out at arm's length.
Sighing, she decided to stick with it, telling herself repeatedly that this was all for Henry.
After looking at herself in the mirror once more she realised that this was perhaps a little too revealing for a children's film premiere. Her chest was on full show, and if she moved around even slightly the slit in the fabric revealed the whole of her tanned leg.
But then the doorbell rang.
She shut her eyes tight, looking to the time. It was too late to change now but there was a swimming pool of nerves filling her stomach and she had half a thought of just calling in sick.
But the sound of Henry's pattering feet running down the stairs and towards the door was what lulled her to exit her bedroom.
"Emma!" Henry exclaimed, Regina stood just outside of her door, taking in deep breaths before feeling her way down the stairs.
"Hey kid."
Henry came back into view, tugging Emma along by her arm. Regina stopped in her tracks upon seeing the blonde wrapped up neatly in a black and white suit. Her hand tightened around the banister and her eyes were fixing into the chosen apparel. She was trying hard not to gasp and focusing even more so on keeping her breathing steady.
Emma's hair had been braided and tied back in a tight ponytail and her lips were painted in a deep kind of red that she hadn't seen on the woman before. It was nice, more than nice, but Regina had no capabilities of thinking up a more creative word as of that moment.
Emma was laughing at Henry who had been talking and jumping and pulling at her sleeve. But soon her eyes were trailing to meet the place Regina had stopped, her lips parting as she very openly took in every inch of the brunette.
Regina watched Emma's eyes hungrily lapping at the olive skin she had been so careless in showing.
Feeling her mind spring back into action, she took the remaining steps down to the two who were gawping up to her. Momentarily distracting the glare splashing from the sea green eyes below.
Regina approached her son, smiling down to him in a desperate attempt not to meet Emma's burning stare.
"Regina, you look-" but Emma hadn't continued, and that willed Regina to look up once more. Noticing now that the abrupt end of her sentence hadn't been stopped by choice. Emma's chest was tightening in the white shirt with every second she spent mapping out Regina's body.
"Should I take that as a compliment?" Regina teased, slowly beginning to feel like herself once again and instantly snapping Emma out of the trance she had so easily fallen into.
"You look really good," Emma gulped out in a laugh, her hands screwing further into her trouser pockets as she took a step out of the way to let the two out of the door.
Regina smiled, wanting to reply with something. But her mouth and mind weren't in agreement. Her tongue swirled round to skim at the dried out inner-cheeks as she felt herself fall into Emma's eyes even further than she already had done.
Mother and son walked out hand in hand, Emma trailing lazily behind them.
But then Regina turned instantly on her heel, being met with an Emma who was now only centimetres away. The blonde gasped again, automatically bringing her hands up to meet the thing that she had very nearly toppled into – which of course happened to be Regina.
Emma's pale hands buried themselves into Regina's hips, her fingers embedding and forcing dents into the skin that lay burning beneath her grip.
The brunette hadn't removed herself from the touch. Gasping in unison with Emma but doing nothing to lessen the awkwardness of the situation.
"I need to lock my door," Regina squeezed through tight lips.
Emma took in a sharp breath, snatching her hands from where they had unconsciously been planted, so she could slide from being in the way. She retracted her steps to go stand next to a bored looking Henry.
"We're going to be late!" Henry begged when Regina had taken her time in locking the door so to regain her breath a little. She beamed a smile at him.
"I'm done, let's go."
This time Emma paced in front, keeping her head down until they got to the car.
The premiere was nothing Regina hadn't seen before, but for some reason that sickening pool of nerves still hadn't been drained from her body. And instead she thought maybe it had got worse.
The three of them climbed out, Regina clinging onto Henry for dear life and Emma awkwardly standing beside them.
But before they had even been given the chance to take a single step onto the red-carpet Regina finally found the source for her anxiety.
She pulled at Emma's wrist, to which the blonde had instantly looked down – but instead of yanking her arm away she took a step closer to see what Regina wanted.
"Isn't Killian going to have something to say about this?" she spat out in a whisper that was loud enough for Emma to hear but not loud enough to be heard over the camera's and crowds of people shouting their name.
Emma rolled her eyes, a reassuring smile teasing her lips.
"Fuck Killian," she whispered softly into Regina's ear. And the brunette couldn't help the redness from flooding her cheeks as if the heat from Emma's breath was painting the side of her neck. She didn't know if she should laugh or cry, so she just let an awkward kind of smile form. "Come on," Emma smiled to the two of them, forcing her hand's back into her trouser pockets as she led the three of them down the walk way.
The two had been tentative in touching, as neither one was really sure what was deemed as too much right now. And Regina hadn't been sure when, but at some point, Emma had slipped a hand to wrap around the small of her back. And when the feeling of Emma's fingers dancing against the fabric of her dress became noticeable, the smile slipped from her lips. But she didn't pull away.
Henry was standing just in front of the two, tall and proud and smiling from ear to ear.
Emma turned to look at Regina, her smile sweet and her staring just as soft. Regina hadn't looked back, but she felt the nearing presence of the blonde pulling closer.
"I think you're actually fooling them into thinking you like me," Emma laughed into Regina's hair, pulling away slower than she should have. And Regina felt her heart pump faster in her chest at the contact.
"Don't get cocky, Miss Swan," Regina replied through clenched teeth, her smile never for one second wavering. Emma's eyes lingered on Regina's lips for a moment longer than the brunette had spent talking before pulling away to face the cameras again.
The crowd had slowly started filling the theatre, and Regina secretly hoped Henry would have acted as a barrier between the two women in the seats, but he was overly eager and had already taken place deep into the row. Meaning Emma was sat in the middle of them both. Regina eyed the two before releasing a sigh, taking her chair whilst subtly trying to get as much distance between them both as she could.
Emma was leaning more so towards Henry, joking and playing with him. And this time Regina's urge to pull the two apart was significantly smaller than it had ever been.
But then there was that unreadable sadness picking at the corners of her upturned lips. Tugging wistfully at the smile in a lazy attempt to withdraw the content feeling she felt sifting into her mind. Instead of pondering any longer Regina turned to face the front of the room.
Moments later Emma shifted herself in the chair so that she was relaxed into the cushion. Regina eyed her cautiously, to find the blonde sat so casually. She was slouched far into the crease of the seat, her left leg crossed over her right and the hand closest to Regina being used as a hold for her head – the blondes elbow using the same rest as the brunette's had been. Their two arms were dangerously close. But neither one made an attempt to close the gap, yet they hadn't felt the need to pull away to safety either.
The slight buzz of conversation was dispersing into silence as the room slowly drowned into darkness ready for the film to begin.
Emma adjusted her position again, her arm nudging at Regina's slightly, purely by accident. But it sent a shockwave of electricity to shoot through her clothed skin and a flush of heat to pour into her tanned cheeks once more.
Regina had vowed right at the start of the night that her and Henry wouldn't be staying longer than needs be at the after party. So, when she turned to see that the two chairs beside her were draped with her sleeping son, her frown faded into a smile with a sigh of relief.
Emma had been schmoozing with co-stars and people Regina had recognised but didn't quite know for the past half an hour. She hadn't minded the absence of the blonde towards the end of her evening, but she hadn't been able to pry her stare from moving with Emma's constant flowing through the room. Only for single moments pulling away to check on the boy she held softly under the weight of her hand, his back rising and falling so slowly with each breath. How he could sleep so contently in a crowd as loud and rambunctious as this was completley beyond her.
"He looks how I feel."
Emma caught Regina in one of the small moments her focus had been on Henry, her laugh gently marrying her words in a hushed kind of sigh.
"We should be heading back," Regina replied, her eyes lingering on her son as her hand danced circles in his back. When she returned Emma's gaze, she saw the blonde's smile was melting into more of a frown. But one of those frowns she tried to mask in a feeble smile. Regina saw Emma swallow before a grin had been forced back onto her cheeks.
"Yeah," she sighed pensively. Her hands lacing around her waist.
Regina swallowed hard, her legs swinging round from where they'd been crossed over, taking her grip from the warmth of her son's back so that her hands could knit together. Emma's attention being drawn to the movement, her eyes catching the slit Regina had been so wary in holding together. She felt a heat rise in her cheeks but held her head down to look at Henry, so the flush couldn't be seen by Emma's nosy eyes.
The brunette stood, almost a little too quickly – her head fizzing with dizziness and her vision going blurry for only a second.
She looked back up to Emma, hand's still tangling into knots and mind still flooding with a dizzy kind of headache – but looking up to meet Emma's eyes, she wasn't sure if that was from moving too quickly or something else entirely.
"He was really grateful," Regina started with a laugh, turning her head back to gesture at the sleeping boy. Emma joined in nervously, her hands slipping from her waist to fit into her trouser pockets. "Thank you for this," She continued once she'd faced forwards again. Emma waited a moment before talking, only getting louder when she saw Regina flinch to move away from the conversation.
"Thank you for coming," she smiled, a hand reaching out to tap at Regina's wrist before she had chance to escape.
"I don't think he would have let me forget it if I said no," the brunette added flippantly. Emma forced out a laugh.
"I did enjoy it though," Emma beamed. "It was nice not to argue for once. Perhaps you aren't as evil as I once thought," she laughed, and really Regina knew she meant it as a joke, but she couldn't help let confusion spill in the form of aggravation. She crossed her arms around her chest, stepping back a little.
"Evil?" she asked, her words leaving a bitter taste on her tongue – but she hadn't seemed to care for upset was flooding as quickly through her body as blood pumps through her veins, taking over her limbs with an aggressive pull.
"I didn't mean anything by it, Regina," she was pleading a little now, and her voice was wobbling – trembling almost
"We should be leaving," Regina turned sharply on her heel, busying herself with waking her son. There was a sigh directly behind her, but she hadn't given into the temptation of turning.
"Regina I really didn't mean anything. I just like to think I'm funny," she attempted to laugh again – but it was weak and desperate. It was Regina's turn to fill the conversation with a sigh, but she didn't respond. She'd barely made any effort to wake Henry, and at this point was only using him as an excuse so not to face Emma. "I meant it when I said I wanted to be friends," the blonde mumbled dumbly.
Regina's eyes shut tight before she turned.
"And I meant it when I asked you why," she demanded, hands crossing defensively over her chest again. Emma rolled her eyes automatically and received another much more irritated sigh from Regina – with which she sunk back into her shoulders. Visibly scolding herself mentally.
"What's the big deal Regina?" Emma sighed, regaining an ounce of confidence in her words. "I'm hardly asking for much, I just thought maybe I wasn't the only one tired of these hateful little games we play," Emma mocked, rolling her eyes.
Regina cleared her throat awkwardly, trying to rid herself of the lump that was forming too quickly in her throat for her to comprehend.
"And that's your only reason?" Regina hadn't been sure why she'd asked, but the question was slipping from her tongue before her mind had a chance to catch up. Emma's eyebrows knitted into one another, a flash of something Regina hadn't been sure of was running like lakes through the forest green of her eyes.
"Yes," the word was wobbly as it fell from her lips. "Why else?" she asked, and Regina had been sure Emma was daring her to say something she hadn't found the words to describe yet. She just bobbed her head in a single nod instead.
"I'm so-," Regina started in a quiet voice, her eyes dancing around Emma's frame as if her search of the frail figure would make the words magically appear. "I should get Henry back," that hadn't been what she'd wanted to say. Nothing like what she had wanted to say, she'd wanted to apologise. Apologise for being so quick to jump down her throat, so quick to attack her when really Emma hadn't meant any harm. But it was the only thing willing to slip from her lips.
The brunette turned once more but was stopped in her moving further towards Henry by Emma's calling out.
"Wait, don't wake him."
Regina sighed, looking to Emma quizzically.
"Well I'm not about to leave him here for the evening."
Emma rolled her eyes playfully, the rosy colour tinting her cheeks once more as a genuine smile laced into her lips. The blonde took gentle steps past Regina, kneeling down to the boy who still lay so quiet.
Regina couldn't get a good look at what she was doing, but seeing the blonde turn once more, found Emma had scooped her son tightly into her arms. His head resting on her chest and his sleep seemingly undisturbed. She smiled a little unconsciously, but wiped her cheeks clean from the smirk quickly before Emma had a chance to see.
"And how do I get him into bed without you? Really Miss Swan, this is kind of unnecessary," Regina argued taking a step forwards to place a hand on Henry's sweaty forehead. Emma looked down to her with a smile.
"You came in my car, Regina," Emma laughed, and Regina went an embarrassing shade of red. She didn't care for the blonde's teasing but didn't argue with it either.
"I forgot," Regina mumbled, daring to meet Emma's eyes. The both of them falling into a silent kind of staring. The brunette bit at her lip, suddenly annoyed at herself for forgetting and annoyed now for being the reason Emma would have to leave so early. The blonde looked deeper into Regina's expression, noticing how her mood had changed so dramatically.
"Besides, the party was getting a little tedious," she reassured the brunette, looking around at the crowds of people with distaste in her stare. Regina forced a plastic smile to replace the frown, taking the lead and charging the three out of the room.
The air was cold, and only now that she stood outside did she finally feel the heat that was rising through her body – the winds slapping it viciously from her.
She opened the door for Emma to slip Henry into the back seat. The woman doing so easily and taking a small step back to click the door shut quietly. And now they stood centimetres apart. Neither one saying anything, but a million thoughts raced in the air between them.
Regina pulled away first, slipping into the other side of the car.
The three of them stood on the mansion's porch. Henry wrapped neatly into Emma's embrace and Regina turning the key in her door. Swinging the wood open and allowing entrance for her guest and son.
"His bedroom's upstairs. Second door on the right," Regina mumbled, only turning back for a second to see Emma smiling a wide smile to the boy who slept so sweetly in her cradling arms. She nodded, padding up the stairs to follow Regina's orders.
Regina let a breath slip out in a deep kind of sigh, her hand reaching out to rub at her temples to try and prevent an inevitable migraine from forming.
Almost out of habit she dragged her heels towards the bar, reaching out to the apple cider. Only after having done so did she realise she'd poured two drinks instead of the usual one. And then she heard Emma running back down the stairs, the blonde standing awkwardly in the archway – a dumb smile playing at her upturned lips.
Regina opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out and so instead she thrusted – rather abruptly - one of the glasses in Emma's direction. To which the blonde just raised an eyebrow, hesitating before taking the drink.
"Thanks," she murmured. Regina nodded, brushing past Emma to enter another room. She was joined shortly by the blonde who had taken the hint almost instantly.
They perched on either ends of the sofa, sipping quietly at their drinks. Regina wishing she hadn't so urgently and willingly given the drink – because then she wouldn't have had the chance to say what she said in the next few moments.
"When you said earlier, about me being nice sometimes. What did you mean?" Regina had no idea where the hell that had been pulled from. She couldn't even look at Emma, and instead her eyes were swirling in the burnt orange liquid sat in her lap. "I know I'm not the kindest, and I can be harsh. But I hardly think that makes me evil," she sipped at her drink. Thinking back to a time Henry hadn't taken to kindly to her parenting, screaming out how badly he hates her and how evil she thinks she is. And now that word triggered thoughts of a darker time when she'd got scared of turning into her mother.
"I really didn't mean anything-"
"Emma please," Regina held out a hand, her palm flat and indicating for Emma to stop with the excuses. "Whether you were joking or not, you still said it. Which means it has to come from some sort of truth." Emma sighed.
"You aren't evil Regina," Emma slipped through tight lips. Regina finally looked up, her eyes hopeful and expecting and sad all at once and it stopped Emma from continuing for just a single moment. "It's just whenever I try to talk to you or have any kind of normal conversation, you shut me down." She sighed, pressing her lips together. "And the whole thing with me spending time with Henry," she sighed again looking to the stairs she had just traipsed up and down. Regina didn't have it in her to contribute in the conversation in any other way than just staring pleadingly.
"You make me nervous, and it makes me stupid."
"I-I make you…nervous?" Regina asked, a mixture of self-satisfaction and regret pouring into the words. Emma's head fell low in embarrassment.
There was a beat of silence that felt almost an eternity too long.
"It's getting late Regina," Emma replied, the drink she had been choking in her grip was placed neatly on the edge of the coffee table. The blonde got up, straightening out her suit jacket before meeting Regina's staring.
The brunette clicked almost a little too late, her mind lost in thought. She moved rigidly across to Emma.
"I'll walk you out," she gestured towards the door and Emma nodded.
The two walked out in military fashion, in a silence so thick it was strong enough to grip at Regina's throat.
"Thank you, for the drink I mean," Emma smiled lazily, brushing her upper arms with the palms of her hands in defence against the cold winds. Regina didn't reply, she couldn't. She had metaphorical fingers choking her, her words were forcibly gulping down into the nothingness of her stomach.
Emma took a cautious step forwards, her lips brushing against Regina's cheeks as she pecked so delicately at the skin. Staying in the embrace for a moment too long and holding the closeness like it was her lifeline. Regina sucked in a breath, she was sure Emma heard but the woman hadn't seemed to mind. Her tanned hands stuck in the place they'd swung at her sides, fists clenching into tight balls and not giving any indication of release.
And then the blonde was backing away to get a safe distance between them.
"Emma-"
"I'll see you soon."
Regina was left standing alone in her doorway, with nothing but the cold to keep her company.
Regina spent her evening the same as she would any other. Ending the night with a shower and a glass of cold water. She slipped into the sheets of her bed, shivering in the sudden coolness of the blankets.
Her phone vibrated once, accompanied with the usual flash of light that seemed to illuminate the entirety of the dark room.
Regina threw her arm to the bedside table with a groan, retrieving the metal to see what could possibly be so important she needed to be told right that second.
E: If you really don't want to be friends, I won't take offence.
Emma's voice replaying like a broken record in her mind, you make me nervous was all she could hear over and over again. There was a small amount of guilt gnawing at her mind. She couldn't forget how fragile Emma sounded when she'd admitted it.
R: Why do I make you nervous?
There was only a second without a reply.
E: You're never gonna let that go, huh?
Regina could hear Emma laughing that nervous giggle she did whenever she was embarrassed, and a smile spread across her face at the thought.
R: I don't think so, Miss Swan. I'll take it as a compliment.
E: To clarify, it came out completely wrong. Nervous probably wasn't the right choice of word.
Regina let out a chuckle, Emma's defence was weak and so, so fake.
R: I'm sure it did, Emma.
Regina still hadn't told Emma if she wanted to be friends or not. Because the truth was, she wasn't sure. She wasn't sure about a lot of things now, and it scared every inch of her enough that she just wanted to leave things as they were for now. Whatever the hell that was. And when she thought about it, that was probably only feeding more into her anxious state of mind.