Monday

Cloud only made it to school in the morning to avoid Tifa visiting him. That is something that he didn't want to endure but he wasn't quite sure for how long he could avoid her. It wasn't easy, fitting into his classroom after his attendance dropped below 32%, but he was willing to make it work, as long as he didn't have to see Tifa. He was aware that his selfishness would only make matters worse in the end, but learning from mistakes simply wasn't something he could do.

"Strife, Cloud. Absent" his teacher mumbled under her breath as she progressed through the register; automatically ticking Cloud off as absent.

"I'm here," Cloud jolted his arm into the air.

The woman looked up from the register, bewildered, fixing her glasses and inspecting the masculine voice that she hasn't heard in a rather long while. "My mistake."

His teacher wasn't the only person bewildered by Cloud's presence. Most of the class started whispering between each other and the commotion hasn't gone unnoticed by Cloud, who began feeling slightly uncomfortable. Fortunately for him, class didn't drag on as much as he'd expected and to his own amazement, he thoroughly enjoyed the lesson on enzyme inhibition. I might actually start showing up more.

The school day ended up being better than Cloud expected and certainly not as dull as he remembered it being in the past. He spent his breakfast and lunch breaks reading over missed topics from biology and chemistry; taking a keener interest in the sciences than he remembered. Nevertheless, by the end of the school day he was mentally exhausted and decided that he needed to unwind; without Tifa around. I could go back to Barret's Café. He thought. Would Zack be on shift right now? He pondered, before quickly realising where his mind was wandering and he stopped himself from any further thinking.

OOO OOO OOO

Before he could overthink his choices any further, he stumbled into Barret's Café and, as empty as the early morning, he took the window seat and breathed out a sigh of relief; no Zack around. Why did I remember his name?

"I had a feeling you'd be back," shit, he thought to himself, anxiety building up in his body and his breathing becoming slightly erratic. Get yourself out.

"Yeah," was all he could utter, without giving away the tension building up in his body.

"Black without sugar if I remember correctly, from last night?" Zack grinned, looking directly at Cloud as the boy put all of his effort into maintaining his cool.

"That's right."

Cloud began fiddling his fingers and clenching his toes, doing everything he could to control his emotions. Why am I feeling this way?

Before Cloud got the chance to cool himself down, he heard the familiar whoosh and upon opening his eyes, he was faced by the same barista from last night, déjà vu. He couldn't help but give the man a minor smile and mumbled a "thank you" under his breath.

Zack's gaze focused on Cloud's school bag prompted him to question the boy further, "are you studying at Midgar Uni?" averting his gaze back at Cloud and giving him a reassuring smile.

"You could say that," he replied, with a slight tinge to his tone, his eyes fixated on the cup of coffee in front of him.

"That's awesome! I applied when I graduated from school but never got in. You must be really smart," the man beamed, grinning at Cloud. "What's your major?"

Think, Cloud, Think! "Uh, Science, leaning more towards Biology, though." Why am I like this? Why can't I just tell him the truth. Cloud was a compulsive liar and he didn't quite know how to tone it down a notch.

"So, Mr Science, do you want to grab a drink later tonight?" Zack asked, not a hint of hesitation in his voice. The man's confidence amazed Cloud greatly.

"You don't even know me," was all Cloud could articulate, he wanted this as much as he didn't. He didn't want to make it realer than it actually is.

"That's why I'm asking, I want to get to know you better," the man's smile widened further, Cloud didn't even think it was possible. He's really cute. Cloud kicked himself really hard under the table. "Are you alright?" Zack proceeded to ask with concern wiping his smile off his face.

"Yeah, sorry, just an accident," the boy fabricated. It was now or never. "Yeah, I'd like that."

"Great, I get off shift at four today, the day and night shifts being so close together can be a bit daunting but the days off in-between are worth the struggle," Zack beamed once again. "Is the 7th Heaven alright?".

Shit. "That'd be great," he replied, hoping with all of his might that Tifa wouldn't be there, waiting for him at the bar tonight. Please be in your room, sleeping off your hangover.

OOO OOO OOO

"Tifa swung by this morning, where were you?" his dad interrogated him as soon as he stepped foot through the door. He wasn't supposed to be home; he wasn't supposed to care about what Cloud did. "Don't tell me you actually went to school today," his father continued, inspecting Cloud's appearance and noticing his schoolbag hanging off his left shoulder.

"I actually did, yeah," Cloud snapped.

"I'd watch my attitude if I were you, boy," he definitely did not need a lecture, things were messy enough. "I'm heading out, I've put some money out on the countertop for you to get yourself something to eat" and he was out before Cloud could articulate a response.

"Thanks," he chuckled, picking up the gil and heading to get dressed in his room.

A black shirt or… another black shirt? Did he want to impress, or depress? He'd never admit to the former, it'd just make it real. He'd just wear something simple and not too shabby, after all, he was just going out to have drinks with a friend; absolutely nothing besides that. I shouldn't have agreed to this.

OOO OOO OOO

At the 7th Heaven and two drinks later, Cloud was early, against his better judgement. He has been trying to calm himself down and drown his anxiety in cocktails; he shouldn't have been feeling the way he did and he didn't know what to do to himself to make it go away. It wasn't natural, it wasn't normal.

His mind racing from Zack's face to self-hatred to Zack's body and then to Tifa the previous night. He has lost control and he didn't know how to cope. Did I finally reach the breaking point? Am I finally losing the plot?

"I really didn't expect you to show up this early, considering I showed up early," Zack laughed from behind Cloud. His heart felt like it was beating out of his chest and he didn't know why. In fact, he did, but he'd never dare think about it. He has never allowed himself to be this close to anyone, apart from Tifa. This was new to him; this was the only explanation he deemed fit for this situation. "I see you've already got yourself a drink, I think I'll have the same."

Cloud gave him a soft reassuring smile and started sipping his cocktail slowly. Zack looked fantastic and Cloud found himself completely mesmerised by the way in which the lights made Zack's face look so youthful and so bright. He purely couldn't avert his gaze away from Zack and by the time he realised that he was looking for a moment too long, he was caught.

"Wouldn't have guessed that you're such a lightweight," Zack snickered. "I am flattered that you can't keep your eyes off of me but, I still don't know your name."

"Cloud," he slurred, flustered and embarrassed. "My name is Cloud."

"So, Cloud, care for some more drinks?" and with that, Cloud knew that he was in too deep to back out now. His mind, intoxicated and far away, opened up to Zack almost as if Zack had the key all along and before Cloud even had the chance to notice, two hours have gone by. Two hours of talking to Zack about his interests and his hobbies, those hours melted away in his intoxicated brain, too drunk to notice that he was letting him in way more than he'd ever be comfortable with sober.

They had a lot in common and Zack did more of the talking than Cloud was capable of. By the end of the night, he felt like he knew the man almost as if they'd known each other for years. Zack enlisted with Shinra after he was rejected for university and got as far as being a SOLDIER 2nd class, it explained his muscular physique and weathered face. He decided that there was more to life than working for Shinra and decided to quit and lead a relatively normal life. Cloud was enamoured with the words that were pouring through Zack's lips and he listened patiently, organising each detail in different drawers of his mind.

"I realised that there's more to life a bit too late if you ask me, I'm twenty-seven and I no longer have my whole life ahead of me. I don't even have the same kind of energy or enthusiasm which I used to," Zack lamented. "Anyway, do you, uh, want to head back to mine? I think you said you liked collecting Materia too, I have lots!"

Cloud was too drunk to object, and his mind was too blurry to care. He wanted nothing more than to spend the night with Zack and he didn't care about how much he'd hate himself for it the next morning. After all, he lived for the fun, not for the consequences.

OOO OOO OOO

Zack lived in central Midgar, in an old tenement that reeked of cigarette smoke and condensation but Cloud couldn't care less. Climbing to the second floor proved to be a bigger challenge than he had expected and he tripped numerous times, prompting Zack to burst out laughing and picking Cloud up effortlessly. Cloud wasn't sure if he was tripping over because he wanted to feel Zack's touch or if he was too drunk to coordinate his legs but he found it funny nevertheless.

Upon entering the man's apartment, Cloud immediately noticed the collection of Materia that Zack had accumulated, lining the shelves in his living room. "Woah, that's amazing, Zack."

"You think so? I've got more in my room but I'll understand if you don't want to go there."

Of course, I want to go there. "I'd like to see."

Zack's room was inexplicably small, the double bed took most of the space in the room with a small wardrobe hugging the wall next to the window yet, as promised, there were shelves on the wall dedicated to Materia which Zack had collected over the years. He had some seriously rare gems in his collection and Cloud's eyes glimmered at the sight of them.

"You like them? I've been collecting for years."

Before Cloud could think of a reply, he started feeling queasy and that is when he noticed that the back of Zack's hand was brushing against his own. This wasn't meant to make Cloud feel the way he did, this was not meant to have the reaction it did on him.

Zack quickly realised that Cloud was unresponsive and pulled his hand away, flustered, he uttered "sorry, this room is really small, I didn't mean that. We can go back through if you would like that."

Before he could stop himself from saying something he would so definitely regret later, he stuttered, "I - I liked that."

Zack's face rapidly turned from a flustered grin to an intensely lustful expression that Cloud was secretly yearning for. Cloud's body was overcome with desire and he felt his body shiver as Zack purposefully brushed the back of his hand, once again, against his own.

Before Cloud could stop himself from making any additional regretful decisions that night, Zack caressed his face and held his waist, pulling him in. Cloud felt himself melting away and trying to control his growing erection before Zack could take notice. It was too late though, because as Zack pulled him in closer, his erection rubbed against the man's thigh. Fuck.

"Do you want to do this?"

"Yeah."

Zack's lips met Cloud's and what started off as a gentle kiss swiftly escalated into lustful, sloppy making out as Zack pushed him onto the bed, climbing on top of him without separating their lips, not missing a beat.

Cloud's hands quickly wandered over the older man's body until he found his way under his shirt, running his hands over the man's abdomen and finally resting them on his waist. Zack, in return, started rubbing Cloud's erection, prompting the boy to moan in pleasure.

"Tell me to stop and I'll stop," Zack whispered into his ear, sending shivers down his spine and intensifying his boner. Cloud felt like he wouldn't last much longer and he really didn't want to embarrass himself nor did he want to give away that this was his first time and he felt so dirty about this.

Zack began unbuttoning the teen's jeans and removed the boxers with them, exposing Cloud's penis, this drove Cloud's face crimson – no one has ever seen that part of him before. Zack noticed this and stopped to ask, "is everything alright?"

Cloud nodded and continued to keep his breathing under control. He needed Zack, he needed him right there and then, he was waiting for this for too long.

"Is this your first time?" Zack asked with a tinge of worry in his voice.

"No" he lied.

That was all Zack needed to hear before removing Cloud's shirt followed by his own garments. Cloud was startled by the size of Zack's penis, it was much bigger than his own and the man's throbbing erection made it look even larger, and denser.

"Not used to this big?" Zack smirked, rather proud of his manhood.

Cloud did not respond, instead, he locked lips with the man once again, intensifying both their erections. Feeling the man's flesh rubbing against his own made him feel like he was going to instantly cum. He didn't want that; he couldn't have that happen so fast.

Zack noticed the younger man flinching beneath him, attempting to readjust himself as to not have their penises rub against each other. He knew that Cloud was close. The man proceeded to get up from the bed and reached under the bed, lifting up a tub of what Cloud could only presume to be lubricant. Cloud grew more agitated by the second. This is really going to hurt; I shouldn't have lied.

"Are you sure you want this?" Zack asked, waiting for Cloud to give him the green light.

Cloud nodded reassuringly and spread his legs apart, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

OOO OOO OOO

The morning that followed was rough, Cloud couldn't name a single part of his body that wasn't aching and he did not want to delve into last night's remnant memories just yet. He desperately needed his hangover cure. He opened his eyes hesitantly, allowing the light in as his eyes gradually adjusted to it. The first thing that he noticed was that he wasn't in his bedroom, and he wasn't in bed alone.

What have you done, Cloud? He saw a mop of black hair and tan skin laying beside him, a man, anxiety pulsed through his body and into his stomach. No. His breathing became erratic and his head began pounding even harder. Please no. Cloud felt disgusted with himself, he needed a drink, or two.

Where is my phone? Where are my clothes? Upon standing up, his worst fears were confirmed as he gawked at the bottom half of his body – naked. He wanted to cry, he wanted to be with Tifa, he wanted to throw up. He had made mistakes last night, the worst mistakes he's made thus far.

I need to get out. He began examining the floor for his clothes when they caught his eye, on the other side of the room, beside the sleeping man. Fuck, why is this happening to me?

He tiptoed gently around the bed and bent over to pick up his clothes when a sharp, throbbing pain pulsed through his anal cavity – forcing him to lose his balance and land on the floor with a loud thud.

With clenched fists and tears in his eyes, he wanted nothing more than to have someone tell him that everything was going to be alright; that he had just made a mistake and that this did not define him.

"Cloud? Is everything okay?" a voice groaned, sleepily from the bed beside which Cloud was knelt. I don't even remember his name. Fuck.

"Yeah, I have to go," was all that he could articulate before he pushed himself through his throbbing pain and out of the room, into an unfamiliar flat. What am I supposed to do?

OOO OOO OOO

The walk of shame he had to undertake through Midgar in order to get home was particularly unpleasant for many reasons. Firstly, he felt disgusting, he felt filthy and he could feel the repulsion in every set of eyes that focused on him, even briefly. Secondly, his aching body was giving him a particularly difficult time as he made his way through each sector. He couldn't afford the train, and even if he could, he'd rather not take that risk as his stomach regurgitated last night's drinks every few minutes. Thirdly, and lastly, he was trying to erase the fact that he had just lost his virginity to a man. He could not bear admitting to himself that the events of last night ever took place. He felt humiliated and he was disgusted with himself.

This never happened.