Chapter Two

I See It In Your Eyes

Ella

My converse slapped the wet concrete as I ran. I can make it. I pushed forward, harder. I ran with everything that I had. I didn't know what was wrong, but I knew wherever I was going I had to get there. The rain was cold on my face. Just a little bit more. My heart pounded and with every beat I felt further and further away. My shoe caught a hole in the ground sending me flying forward. I caught myself on my hands, but not before scraping the skin on my palms. My forehead smacked the ground and I groaned, trying to shuffle back up to my feet. Trying but I couldn't... I just couldn't.

I sat up straight in bed my heart pounding. It felt so real. I could still feel the water on my face, the burning on my palms. Claire was sleeping peacefully at my side, curled up, hugging her pillow.

I slowly threw my legs over the side of the bed, my feet on the cold floor of my bedroom. I crept out, shutting the door behind me. I pulled out my phone and dialed Rowena. "Auntie Ro." I murmured.

"It's the Wee Winchester. It's late, what can I help you with sweetie?"

"I need your help." I whispered into my phone, trying to hold back my emotion, my fear.

"What's wrong, Wee One?"

"I... can you come here? I can't really talk about it on the phone."

"I'll be there tomorrow."

"Pick me up from school?"

"I'll be there." Rowena said. "Don't worry, Wee One... whatever you're afraid of, we will figure it out."

"I know... and Auntie Ro... please don't tell Dad."

"Don't worry, your secrets are safe with me."

—-

I met her at the local coffee shop. I needed somewhere that she couldn't flip out, if it were necessary. I had no idea what was going on with me, but whatever it was, it was getting worse. It was growing.

"What seems to be going on Eleanor?" Rowena asked, leaning forward. She gripped her cup full of hot tea.

"I've been having... dreams. Visions, I think." I bit my lip.

"And you don't want your Dads to know?"

"I don't want to be just another thing that they hunt."

"Oh, darlin you must know that they wouldn't ever hurt you." She said reaching for my hand. She squeezed my fingers supportively.

"I hope." I shook my head. "I don't know though. What if whatever inside me is dark... what if it's evil?"

She tilted her head to the side knowingly. "How long has this been happening?"

"Since before we lost Jack." I admitted. "I thought they were just dreams at first... it wasn't until I saw Jackie die..." I swallowed hard, over examining her red polished nails.

"You saw him die?"

"It was so vivid. Then it happened just like I saw it."

"Why didn't you tell anyone?"

"It was too late to save him." I said desperately. "I should've said something after my dream. I should've... but I didn't. I was too scared. Scared of what I saw. Scared of what I was becoming."

"You didn't know, Wee One. How could you have?"

"Then the other night... I think I saw my mom die. Dad... he was dreaming and I think I was seeing his memory. I don't know." I put my face in my hands. This is too much.

"Is there anything else?"

"Last night I had a dream that I was running. I was trying to get somewhere but I fell..."

"Going where?"

"I don't know." I admitted. "But it felt so real. It was terrifying. What's happening to me?"

Rowena reached forward and wiped a tear from my cheek. "Don't worry. We will get to the bottom of this."

"Do you think it's a spell? A curse?"

"I'm not sure." She admitted. "It could be something that's always been in you. Most psychics are born, not made, but..."

"But what?"

"They can be made."

"How?"

"Sweetie, I really think you should talk to your dads."

"Why? I told you... they won't understand... I want to make sure I know what's happening before I bring it to them."

"Did you know that the Giant used to have abilities just like this?"

"Sam?"

"When he was twenty three he had quite the abilities... or so I've heard." Rowena said, running her fingers along the lip of her mug.

I looked down at my glass of water intensely. I could see my distorted reflection within the glass. "They never told me that."

"It's been a long time for them. The boys don't like to dwell."

"Guess not." I said, squeezing my glass in my hands. How could they hide something that's so relevant to my current situation. But then again, what did they not lie about? That'd probably be a shorter list.

Dean

The Night Lucifer Rose

"Dean, Dean listen we've gotta go!"

Ava laid in my arms, limp. She was gone, but I couldn't move her from my arms. How could I let her go?

"This place is gonna blow!" Sam said.

I finally turned to him, he held Eleanor in his arms, against his chest. He was right. The room was shaking, white light was pouring in the windows. Lucifer was rising, and we would be screwed if we waited around for him.

I stood up, slowly, holding Ava bridal style against me. Her head hung over my arm. Her blood was still warm against my forearm. My chest squeezed. She was really gone.

"Come on." Sam said, pushing me out. He kept one hand on my daughter and one on my arm, leading us out of the church and into the fucking storm.

We fastened Nel into her car seat, and I held Ava against me in the backseat. "You drive." I told him, tossing him my keys.

"Dean..."

"I don't want to talk about it right now, Sammy." I murmured, pushing her curls out of her face. I ran my fingers over her eyelids shutting them, seeing her eyes for the last time. There was no more life in them. I watched them fade away right in front of me.

If there was ever a time to say goodbye, now was it. It was over. I ran my thumb across her chilled bottom lip. She could have been sleeping this time. I took her hand in mine, running my fingers over her wedding ring. Mom's wedding ring. I knew I should keep it, but it felt so fucking wrong taking it off of her finger.

Nel whimpered in her car seat. "Hey." I said, resting my palm on her baby belly. "I know." I whispered, my heart aching.

Lacey fed her demon blood. Ava was dead in my arms. Sammy started the apocalypse. I didn't even know how I was going to keep going, let alone where to start with this fucking mess I was left. I twisted my fingers in her curls. "I'm so sorry, Ave." I whispered. I was fucking broken.

Rain pounded on the roof of the Impala, a large blast of light erupted behind us.

"Shit, do you think that's...?"

"Satan." I said sharply. "Yeah. Yeah I do."

—

Eleanor was asleep in her carrier at my feet. Ava's body was wrapped in fabric. She was faceless, but it didn't matter. She wasn't in there anymore. Her wedding ring felt heavy in my pocket.

Sam and I sprinkled salt over her. Maybe what's dead should stay dead. It was a lesson that was impossible for me to learn, no matter how much I tried.

"Should we say something?" Sam asked, gently.

There was a thousand things I wanted to say to her, but she wouldn't ever get to hear it. I pulled out a piece of paper, a goodbye letter. I walked it to her and rested it on her chest, where her hands were crossed. "Bye, Ave." I pulled out my zippo lighter and I flipped it, igniting the flame. A hunters funeral. It's what she would've wanted. No. I thought. She would want to be alive.

Her body lit up fast. My face was hot from the flames licking up toward the sky. I turned and caught a tear as it rolled down Sammy's cheek. He loved her too. Maybe we both lost a piece of ourselves that night. A part we probably wouldn't ever be able to get back.

"Let's go." I said, picking up Nel's carrier. I turned away from her, biting back my urge to just fucking lose it. I didn't have time to mourn. I had a daughter who needed me, and I had a fucking world to save.

Dear Ava,

I guess I know how it feels now. How you felt when you had to watch me be ripped apart in front of you. I think we just keep taking turns. We are running in circles, Ave.

Being with you is indescribable. It was more than I could ever want. It was more than I'd ever let myself want, but I did. I wanted you. I wanted this life. I used to watch you sleep, ya know? In the motel, before we ever were in love. I'd wake up early when I was on those goddamn pull out couches and I'd see you there, curled up, and hugging your pillow like you did. Your curls spilling out all over your pillow. You're the most beautiful woman I'd ever met. I knew then that I could watch you sleep forever. I wanted to.

Now, I ask myself every day if you'd have been safe if I hadn't walked into that bar. If I hadn't let myself want you.

But then again, if I hadn't then we wouldn't have Eleanor. She's sleeping next to me when I write this. She's just so effortless. I want to give her everything I never had. Stability, and a home. But there's something I can never give her, Ave, and that's you. How can I raise her without you? How will I know what to do? How can I deal with this demon blood situation with her? How can I be my best self without you?

I was never able to say it, before you. Not to my Dad, or Sammy. Not to any other woman I'd met. But you, Ava Winchester... I love you. I love you more than I love pie, or beer. More than I want to fight monsters. I love you more than my fucking car. I love you, and I wish I'd said it a thousand times over. I wish I didn't lose so much time with you being an idiot. I wish I'd met you when we were kids, back when things were simpler. Back before I was who I am now. Before I was broken.

I guess there's no sense in dwelling. You won't get to read this anyway, so I don't know why I'm shouting into the void. There's no changing any of this. It's over. You're dead, and if it weren't for Eleanor, I'd be dead right next to you. I hope you know that, sweetheart. There's no me without you. I'll do what I can. I'll try my best to do right by you with the husk of myself that I'm walking around in.

I love you, Ave, and I will love you until the last breath in my body. I'll see you on the other side if they let me in.

-Dean

Sam

Present

"Sam? Can we talk?" Eleanor asked, poking her head into my bedroom.

I was leaning over my desk, pouring into lore, trying to find a way out for Dean with no avail. He was getting anxious, and was insisting pretty intensely that it was almost time to drop him in the ocean.

"Sure, Kid." I said, stretching. "I could use a break anyway."

"I just... I had a question."

"Hit me."

She walked into the room and sat on the edge of my bed, pulling her feet under her. "It's kind of... you can't tell Dad. I know what that sounds like, and you're all so close but... but I just need you right now."

I watched her eyes, her nervous expression. She was the perfect combination of Dean and Ava. She had learned mannerisms from Dean, but there were some things about her that was all Ava. It was effortless. "You can tell me anything, El. You know that."

"I may have heard about your... whole psychic thing."

I raised my eyebrows. "Really? From who?"

"I don't want to rat anyone out."

"Sure."

I sighed. It wasn't exactly something I wanted to rehash, but Dean's words echoed in my head. "It's like we had the same dream last night. Like she was tapped into my head."

It had already started. "What's going on, El?"

"I just... I've been having dreams, too. They seem so real. I just don't understand it. I don't want to be a freak, Uncle Sam."

"You're not a freak, kid." I sighed. "Listen to me. I had visions. I could see things before they happened, and everyone thought I had a dark side."

"Like what people think about Jack?"

"Exactly. We make our own destiny, El. We choose if we are going to be good. I'm not saying we have the same thing, but if you are having visions you aren't a freak and you aren't bad. Okay? You're just.. goin through something."

"I want to believe you, Sam. Were you ever able to do anything else other than just see things before they happened?"

I stared at my niece. She was always so old for her age, but I still remembered the day she was born. The day she laid in her mothers arms, and I wrapped mine around both of them tightly. I would've protected them from anything, but I fucked that up. I could at least tell her the truth now. "No. Just the visions." I'm full of shit.

Eleanor sighed, looking down at her lap. "Crap."

"What's wrong?"

"I was hoping... well, Micheal is in Dad's head, right?" She asked desperately. "If I'm tapping into his dreams what if I could get in there... and..."

"And what?" I asked, leaning into her, gripping the edge of the chair. "What could you do to an Arc Angel?"

"I don't know, Sam. I really don't. I'm just so helpless here, and then this start's up..."

I sighed, standing. I lowered myself next to my niece and pulled her into my arms like I did when she was little. "You're just like your mom, you know that?"

"How do you mean?"

"She was always trying to help. No matter what it took."

"Sounds like Dad."

I smiled a bit, kissing the top of her head. "They were pretty similar."

"Think that's why they were soul mates? Dad always says they were."

I closed my eyes. I didn't think about her much, not anymore, but sometimes when I'm asleep I can still feel her rested against my side. I can still see her cuddled next to me on the couch watching How I Met Your Mother. I can still feel her in my arms on the beach that first day. That first case that changed everything. "Yeah. I think that's why."

She turned and looked up at me. "Did you ever find out why you were having visions, Sam?"

"Me? Oh.. I don't know, kid. I guess I just grew out of them, because I don't have them anymore."

She frowned. "That isn't what I asked."

I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose. "It was something that happened when I was a baby."

"You're being pretty shady, Sam. What's going on with me? You know more than what you're saying. I can tell."

"You should..."

"Talk to Dad. Yeah, I know, but I'm not talking to him. Am I? I'm talking to you." Her turquoise eyes almost seemed to glow as she stared into my soul. She was getting upset, flexing her hands at her side.

I can't tell her about the demon blood. Dean will never forgive me.

"What about demon blood, Uncle Sam?" She asked, crossing her arms.