Chapter Seven

Sixteen Years and One Love Later

Dean

Time stopped. I swear to God everything just stopped. My breath in my throat. Blood in my veins. The air was thick and everything just fucking stopped.

Her lips were open slightly to let out a shaking breath. Her blue eyes were wide, in shock, and trailing my face through dark eyelashes. She wore her police academy sweatshirt, and her hair hung at her shoulder like the last night I saw her. Fuck she looked exactly the same. Her face was young. I was speechless.

I was still poisoned by the djinn. Had to be.

She leaned over me and whispered my name again, running her thumb over the wrinkles around my eyes. "Dean."

"This isn't real." I didn't know why else to say.

"Dad." El said cautiously, but I ignored her. I could peel my eyes away from Ava. She poofed in here out of thin air. How far did this djinn rabbit hole go?

"Get off me." I said suddenly. I looked around, my eyes darting rapidly. Where was I? When did we get back to the bunker? "Get the fuck off of me!" I wailed, putting hands on either side of her to gently push her away.

It didn't take long for her to scramble off of me and back up cautiously. "Okay motherfucker. You got me. I'm ready to talk." I shouted angrily, my fists clenching.

My brother and Cas stared at me with tight jaws. Like I was going insane. They were in my head. It was all in my head. "Come on!" I screamed, grabbing the back of a chair. I raised it above my head and threw it as hard as I could. It clattered and broke against the wall of the bunker. El let out a scream, and I watched Claire pull her against her chest. El buried her face in Claire's shoulder, her hand opening, and the white pearl bounced onto the floor, settling at her feet.

"Dean." Cas murmured, in front of me. I turned to him and he pressed two fingers to my forehead. "I'm sorry."

—

I was still drunk with sleep, but I could feel a tickle on my nose. "Daddy."

I sniffled a bit, feeling her finger run along the bridge of my nose. She knew I was grumpy when I woke up, so she always approached cautiously. She had since she was little. "Eleanor?" I groaned, my eyes fluttering open.

"Dad, I'm so sorry." Her voice broke. She was crouching by the bed so she could be face to face with me. "I messed up."

"What are you talking about?" I rubbed my eyes, sitting up slowly. I wasn't sure when I fell asleep, but it was heavy on my eyelids.

"I was holding the pearl..." She got up to sit next to me, and I put my legs over the edge of the bed. "I was waiting to give it to you, and I don't know... I couldn't stop thinking about all that you've lost, all that we've lost... I kept picturing the way you looked at her in your dream. I didn't mean to... I should've wished for Micheal, but I didn't even know I was wishing..." She was rambling. Her eyes were red, as they threatened to spill over with tears.

"Hey, slow down." I said, pushing her hair behind her ear. I was still so tired.

"I didn't mean to bring her back." Her voice broke.

I stared at her and everything came back to me in a rush. Ava. "You.. you did it?"

"I'm so sorry." Ella cried harder, burying her face in her hands.

The pearl. The mother fucking magic pearl brought her back. It brought her back just as she was sixteen years ago when I lost her. I grabbed her face in my hands. "Eleanor Mary Winchester, don't you ever apologize for that. Don't ever apologize for that." I repeated.

She nodded in her tears, looking unbelievably relieved. "You aren't mad?"

"No. Honey, I'm not mad. Of course I wanted Micheal gone, but Ava... your mom, it's more than I could've ever dreamed for."

"Me too." She whispered, selfishly.

I pulled my daughter into my arms. She was so grown up, but in that moment she seemed so small. I could see her like she was five years old again, cuddled into my chest. I kissed her hair, breathing her in before I whispered. "Where is she?"

She looked up at me, and I saw her mouth moving, but I didn't hear her. Before I knew it I was running.

I stood in front of the room Sam and Cas laid her down in, and suddenly I couldn't move. I wasn't the man she left behind sixteen years ago. I was old, jaded, I had a fucking Arc Angel in my melon. I wasn't exactly husband material anymore. I was a mess, at best. How could I go in there and tell her hi, we pulled you from Heaven for this. Surprise! I wasn't sure it'd go over well. I wasn't sure if she even wanted to be back. I just wasn't sure.

I took a deep breath, and let it out. More than anything, though, I wanted to see her. I pulled the door open slowly. She was asleep on the bed, looking peaceful. My heart squeezed at the sight of her.

Part of me wondered if this wasn't real. If I was still poisoned, but my head was clear for the first time in a long ass time. I was focused. She was here.

I walked to her and pulled up a chair next to her bed. She could've been a Disney princess sleeping, awaiting Prince Charming. I wondered if I should kiss her, but I worried that it'd scare her, and that was the last thing I wanted to do.

Ava groaned a bit in her sleep, and I watched her eyes move behind her lids. I watched her breath hitch in her throat, as she slowly opened her eyes. They looked unfocused and filled with sleep. She was so much more beautiful than I ever remembered her. My old man brain was pulling from pictures, but her face was so much more in person.

"Hey." I said cautiously.

She blinked a few times and sat up slowly. Her hand went to her back and she pulled it in front of her, and looked at her palm, then me. "Hey back." She swallowed and looked around slowly. "Where.. where are we?"

She squinted, and I suddenly realized how this must look. The concrete room looked like a fucking prison. Despite Ella living here, we didn't exactly have a women's touch. "It's a bunker. We live here."

"We... we live here? We have a house, Dean, and this isn't it."

My heart squeezed. "I haven't lived in that house in a long time, Ave."

"I can't be here anymore, Sam." I said, bouncing a screaming Eleanor in my arms.

"This is your house, Dean. I thought we agreed to let Nel live a normal life."

"Listen to me, Sammy." I snapped. I hadn't slept more than an hour since Ava died, and it wasn't just because I was taking care of a baby without a mom. "I can't be here anymore. Not without her. This is her house I made for her... it's not mine without her."

"A long time..." Then it was like she was seeing me for the first time in the low light from the bedside lamp. "Dean what happened? I was in that church... and then I woke up in a strange place in the dark."

I couldn't say it. I couldn't tell her that I lost her. Not again.

"What aren't you saying?" She asked, her eyes searching my face. She reached forward and touched my cheek. "You look different..."

"Older." I said, finally.

"Yeah." She said, running her thumb over the wrinkles around my eyes.

Suddenly I felt the weight of my age. Of every age line. Of the scars on my body from Purgatory, and the Mark of Cain. All the sacrifices. All the scars she couldn't see. I wasn't the same Dean Winchester that she remembered, but somehow, looking at her, I felt like him again. I felt like no time had passed.

"How much older are you?"

I closed my eyes, avoiding her gaze. "Sixteen years. It's been sixteen years since I lost you, Ave."

I opened my eyes, and was met with her blue ones welling over with tears. Her bottom lip was trembling. "How?"

"Lacey... she... she fucking stabbed you." I ran my hands over my face. "I couldn't... I couldn't save you... I'm so sorry. By the time I got to you you were almost gone."

"What about Nel? Is she.. oh god.. please tell me she isn't.."

"Hey, no. She... Nel is great." I smiled weakly, taking her hands. "She's perfect."

A wave of relief washed over her face, but beyond her eyes I could still see her trying to piece together what I was telling her. "She's almost seventeen, and she's going to graduate early. She's smart... just like her mom." She met my eyes and tears bled down her cheeks.

Fuck it. I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her to me. She melted into my arms, and I tangled my fingers in her hair. "I've got you." I whispered into her hair as she let it all out. I felt my own body racked with sobs right along with her.

We were holding each other up, like we always had. She'd always been my rock, there was no denying that. She held me up at my worst, and gave me a whole new life. I just hoped the new one I was about to give her would be one worth having. She pulled back and looked at me with bloodshot eyes. They looked so blue, almost turquoise since she'd been crying. "Sixteen years... god." She exhaled and then her grip tightened on my arms. "How did you bring me back? How am I here? Dean, what did you do?"

My eyes landed on hers. I couldn't tell her about Micheal, not yet. "It was Nel. She had this magical pearl that could grant your inner desire. Guess instead of Taylor Swift tickets, she wanted her mom back. Who knew? Teenagers are so unpredictable." I shrugged, trying to act like it wasn't a huge deal.

"Just like that? No consequences? She pulled me out of.."

"Where exactly were you, Ave?"

"I don't know." She said quietly. "I'm telling you, I was in your arms in that church and then I was here."

I shook my head. "I don't know if there are consequences, but fuck, if I'm being honest, I don't really care. All I've wanted since I lost you was this.. I couldn't say it out loud. I couldn't want it, but I did."

"So you didn't... you didn't remarry?"

I didn't mean to laugh, but it came out of my mouth before I could stop it. "Fuck no. Didn't even date. You're it for me, Ave. always have been."

Ava let out a shaky breath. "That makes me sad."

"What does?"

"That you've been alone all this time. That Nel hasn't had a mother..."

"Listen, Sweetheart, Nel is enough for me. She was enough work, and there was no one who could've replaced you. No one, but I did have Cas and Sam. We were a parenting team."

"Cas? The angel?"

"A lot has changed." I admitted. "Cas is family. He's my best friend."

She touched her head like it was spinning.

"Hey, you good? Is this too much? I can slow down..."

"It's a lot." She admitted, meeting my eyes. "You look so... so sad, Dean. Your eyes." She stared to cry again touching the bags under my eyes. "Christ, I thought you didn't sleep before..."

I placed my hand over hers and I leaned into her touch. "I'm not good at sleepin alone."

"I feel like I missed so much... like I missed a lifetime."

"We get a second chance, Ave." I said quietly. "I don't want to dismiss what you're feeling... I know how I felt coming back from Hell and seeing what I missed, and fuck that was just four months."

"I guess I'm just... I'm in shock. It feels like no time has passed, but then I see you..."

My heart sinks, and I let her go. This wasn't what she signed up for. I'm a forty three year old man looking at a woman who isn't even thirty. When she left she had a baby, and a man her own age, and now she had a teenager she didn't get to raise, and a fucking grandpa who lives like a bachelor with two other dudes and Satans kid. It wasn't exactly what I promised her when we got married. I needed to stop assuming that she wanted this. That she wanted me. "I know... I'm not what you left behind. I'm old." I smiled weakly. "Can't keep up as well as I used to. Sure as Hell crankier than I used to be." I laughed. "Due for a few grays, I'm sure."

"Hey." She grabbed my hand. "Look at me."

I turned my eyes to her, anticipating the inevitable.

"You're so fucking beautiful. You have always been beautiful, Dean Winchester. God, if I would've known you would age this well... I don't think I would've believed it. John was always handsome, so I knew my chances were good, but you. Wow, you take my fucking breath away. I'm not even being dramatic, either, I'm actually downplaying it." She smiled widely. This big, beautiful, light up my world kind of smile. "I don't care that you're older. The only thing I care about is that I didn't get to grow old with you. I can't imagine all you had to go through alone, and I'll never be able to forgive myself for missing it all."