I'll Still be Loving You

by Castlefan6

Authors Note: Thisis my AU version SEQUEL to Dinner Date, Please read that before starting this. This story picks up without any time lapse and continues with Kate and Rick as they forge ahead as a Couple and concludes the story arc started when Rick left suddenly.

I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only

Chapter 3

Previously

"OK? What's the code for Alexis house?" she asked with her heart racing.

Rick smiled, "It's your badge number, so we can't use that"

"But Rick, you had that house reworked when you were, well we weren't, I mean" she gasped, thinking Gina must really have hated her with that code. She looked at him with surprise, realizing once again just how long this man had really loved her, stupid Kate.

"Yeah, I know, but I needed something I would never forget, and I promise you, there's nothing I will ever forget about you. Speaking of badges, what's the situation with work, I mean I'm thrilled you're with me, and will be going to England, but how did you pull it off?"

Next Morning

In Route to Hamptons

Rick is quiet, as they begin the trip, the first for the couple, strange as it seemed, they had never gone anywhere together where Rick drove, and Kate was the passenger.

"Rick, is everything OK Babe? I didn't upset you with talk of the 007 book did I Hun. You're just so quiet, this morning," Kate said with a sad look on her face,

"No, NO, nothing like that, I guess I was just reliving all the moments I had dreamed about this, about being with you anywhere alone and as a couple. It's just, I guess I have to pinch myself to keep from thinking it's a dream and I'll wake up to my old miserable life" he tried to smile but it wasn't the one that Kate knew was just for her, and when he was happy.

"Rick, there's a rest stop 3 miles ahead do you mind if we stop for a few minutes, I'm sorry,"

"Sure Kate, we'll stop, how rude, I should have asked, I'm sorry Babe." He said with the smile again, but it confirmed it to Kate, something was wrong.

Once they had pulled into the Rest Area, Rick got out to stretch, fully expecting Kate to make a trip to the Ladies Room, instead she opened the back and retrieved a black leather journal, and flipped through some pages, till she placed a book mark at the desired page.

"Rick let's sit over here under the tree just for a little bit, I mean if you don't mind. We have all day to get to the Hamptons and I want to show you something, OK?" she almost had tears in her eyes.

"Sure Babe, whatever you want", as her hand took his and led him to a big Oak tree.

"Rick, I know you heard about the disciplinary action, and me having to see a shrink, but what I haven't told you, is that I still see Doctor Burke, it helps to talk to him."

"What? You're still seeing him, I mean That's fantastic Kate, especially if he's helping you." The shocked look on Rick's face matched the change in pitch in his voice, going an octave higher than normal.

"Well, you know me better than anyone, especially how private I am and how I don't share information or feelings to those I should, well that's been a focus area we've been working on. Dr. Burke had me start a journal, each time I had a feeling, grief, loneliness, anger, or whatever, he wanted me to record it in the journal and what the trigger that caused the feeling if I knew. It was horrifying at first, but after a few weeks I really got into it.

I want to share with you something, Rick, I want you to read how I felt, why, and then please, please Babe tell me if I hurt you or what is bothering you this morning, I'm sorry but just like you, I know you too well."

Rick smiles, a little embarrassed but not denying Kate's feelings. She quietly turned to the page dated June 26th, and quietly handed him the journal. He looked a little hesitant, "Go ahead Babe, really it's OK, I'm right here."

Rick began to read, hardly believing what the words on the paper were almost shouting at him.

"Dear Journal, today is the 30th day since I saw Rick, his smile, felt his gentle touch as he handed me the morning coffee, the one I hardly ever said Thank You for, and hearing his sweet voice utter, "Good Morning Detective," God, if he only knew how much I looked forward to that time each day.

I completed the mandatory sessions with Dr. Burke, but somehow, he makes me feel better, so I am going to keep seeing him. I can only imagine what Rick would say to that. I'm sure he would support me, just like he always has, I mean did.

Well, I saw the pictures of him and Gina, and no matter how much I want to pretend, It's real Rick's gone and not coming back. I think I finally broke his heart, God if he only knew it was to make him want me, not hurt him. I'm just a cop what the hell would he see in me, I mean well, anyway he's going back to Gina. Who would blame him, God what a fool I am, was, hell still am.

Why did I listen to that damn oldies station today, the song is stuck in my head, almost like the words I wanted, well wished I had the courage to tell Rick, but no I had to pull a grade school trick to make him jealous, what a fool, I got what I deserved.

Well Dr. Burke said to write what we would say if the person were in front of us, and not to worry about courage, speak from the heart. Well here goes, God I am acting like a High School student, damn that song Truly Madly Deeply, Damn that group that sang it, Savage Garden, but it's exactly what I want to tell him, he's my hope, my dream, my everything. I wanted in my heart a new beginning, with him, because he is my reason for living, and I would go anywhere with him, anywhere, Please come back Rick, Please.

I'll be your dream, I'll be your wish, I'll be your fantasy.
I'll be your hope, I'll be your love, be everything that you need.
I love you more with every breath, truly madly deeply do
I will be strong, I will be faithful 'cause I'm counting on a new beginning.
A reason for living. A deeper meaning.

I want to stand with you on a mountain.
I want to bathe with you in the sea.
I want to lay like this forever.
Until the sky falls down on me

And when the stars are shining brightly in the velvet sky,
I'll make a wish send it to heaven then make you want to cry
The tears of joy for all the pleasure and the certainty.
That we're surrounded by the comfort and protection of
The highest power, in lonely hours, the tears devour you

I want to stand with you on a mountain,
I want to bathe with you in the sea.
I want to lay like this forever,
Until the sky falls down on me

Now I'm crying, damn him anyway, why didn't he see I loved him, never mind, I know why, because I hurt him. I don't know if I will ever see him again, but if I do, I'll tell him, I'm Sorry, so very sorry and that I love him and have for over a year. Maybe, just maybe the universe will hear this, well that's something Rick would say, but I'm praying for anything now.

I'll stop now, mainly because if I keep writing, the ink will be smudged from some of the million tears I've cried since he left. If I could turn back time, how many times have I heard others say the same thing, but now I know exactly how they felt, Till Next Time Journal, - Kate Out

Kate had moved behind Rick and straddled his body with her legs as she gently wrapped her arms around his waist while he read. She knew the moment he finished, a deep sigh and then he cleared his throat. She gave him a few minutes, then turned his head and kissed him slowly and deeply.

"Babe, I thought my life was over, I never want to guess what's wrong, we both did that far too much before, please?"

"You're right Kate, I'm sorry I should have just told you the truth. I'm not sure where my career is going after this book, or if I even want to still write.

I got a great deal of gratification helping the cause for human trafficking, I saw your eye gleam with excitement as you spoke of your work with the Domestic Abuse victims. Although not identical, they are close and, well, how much money do I need to make before I say that's enough, time for us.

It's just overwhelming to know there is finally us, one I never thought possible a few short months ago. One year ago, I was so depressed, I left everything I loved here to go abroad. I was reliving that move, I had fooled myself into believing that I was running to an opportunity, in reality, I was running away from a heartbreak.

No matter how many accolades, how loud the applause is, it always comes back to the same thing, I took the coward's way out. Just as I did at Edgewick Academy, I've done it my entire life, I should have stayed and had this discussion with you a year ago Kate, it would have saved heartbreak for us both."

Kate pulls his head to her breast, comforting him as he is overcome with guilt for not telling her he loved her, but moved to England instead.

"Rick, Babe, look at me, there's blame enough for everyone, but not you, I'm not letting you think for one moment that you were the coward, it was me. One thing I've learned through working with domestic abuse victims is that sometimes the abuse isn't physical, and looking back, oh Sweetie, it was I who abused you. All you ever did was love me, or try like hell to do so, even when I didn't deserve it.

They hold each other for a good half hour, just whispering soft I love you, and reassuring each other that the past is behind them. They have come through what would have wrecked many relationships, and now on the second day, have just bared their souls to each other in such a loving manner. Finally, they are back on the road, and Rick seems to have lost the despair that he tried so hard to hide.

"Kate, Thank You, you'll never know just how much this has meant to me. I want to be the man you are proud to be with, and perhaps soon, call your husband, but I need to be sure I am OK. Do you think your doctor would see us as a couple? I mean if you want to, we, eh I*"

"Rick you would go to counseling with me. Seriously? Babe, I'm sure he would, and do you know what you just did?"

"Something good I hope, but tell me please" Rick smiled, and there it was the one he saved just for her.

"You just proved to me, that no matter how big a mess I think I am, I'm your mess and you love me anyway. I've never been accepted like that anywhere, and it just makes me fall in love with you all over. I don't care if you never write again, if you're happy, and I'm with you doing whatever you do, so get that out of your mind. I love Rick, not Rick the writer, just Rick, my soulmate, and don't you forget it."

"I love you Katherine Beckett, and by the way, Alexis's beach house is coming up on your right, ours is the third one down"

"Rick, you said beach house, not Estates, these are like 14 room mansions, My God, and you just bought another one?"

"Yeah, and ohh There's Alexis's house if you want to visit it, to get ideas of what you DON'T want to do, I understand"

"You Goof, you know that makes no sense, don't you?" She laughed, she knew he was doing his best to make her comfortable, given the history. She thought, I'm going to surprise him, it wasn't his fault he got back with Gina, it was mine.

They pulled into a gated driveway, as Rick said, a good city block down the street on the same side as the original beach house. "Well?" What do you think," he asked with those blue eyes sparkling like a little boy on Christmas.

"I think someone loves me, more than I ever thought I could be loved", as she pulled him into a sweet passionate kiss,

"Our first kiss at OUR Beach house, Love you Babe." He smiled and kissed her again short and sweetly.

"Have you given any thought to the code, it can be any number combination from 5 to 12 numbers?"

"Rick, I know this is selfish, but could we use my parents anniversary, I know Mom would love it here," she replied as a tear slipped from her eye.

Rick programs the number into the control box and the gate swung open,

"Hey, it works, June 4, 1977 was a great day Love, I'll never forget it now" as he kissed her,

Kate's view had been obstructed partially from the gate, but she gasped as Rick pulled up in front of a three-car garage. The estate also contained two outbuildings, used for, well whatever Vini the Scar used them for.

Rick went to leave the car, to be pulled back by Kate who instigated a make out session that would have put a high school er to shame.

"Not that I'm complaining, but what was that for Babe?" he whispered between kisses,

"You make me happy, so very happy and I just wanted to show you, one little way just how much I do truly love you Rick, I love you and I will Always."

Tears pool in his eyes, as he leans back with his forehead still pressed against hers, "I love you too Katherine Beckett, and I will Always, now you want to see your new house? The bedrooms work, I had all new furniture, linen, and furnishings installed. We can change anything you don't li*"

"Take me inside to our bed by the ocean, NOW"