I'll Still be Loving You

by Castlefan6

Authors Note: Thisis my AU version SEQUEL to Dinner Date, Please read that before starting this. This story picks up without any time lapse and continues with Kate and Rick as they forge ahead as a Couple and concludes the story arc started when Rick left suddenly.

I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only

Chapter 11

Previously

"You're a stupid Son of a Bitch, you could have saved yourself this ass beating with a simple apology, but you had to be the macho man. Well those days are over, if you EVER say anything out of line, put your nose where it doesn't belong, or interfere with anyone of my family, this will look like child's play. Oh, by the way, half of that was for Demming since you two are asshole tight buddies, you can share if you wish."

The medics had him on the cart and ready to leave as Kate reached over to Kevin and snatched her winnings, "Thanks for your contribution Kevin, I think you are going to need to start a fund me page for you partner, doesn't look like he is going to able to work for a while."

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Castle's Car

In Route to Pick Up Cricket

The Following Tuesday

Today was the day that Kate had both looked forward to as well as dreaded, Cricket, AKA Katherine, AKA Wonder Woman would be arriving to spend the last 8 weeks with them, well actually Alexis at the Hampton's Beach House. The Summer Home was reserved for just her and Rick till all of the renovations were completed.

They had just left Doctor Burke's office, and a full session discussing the changes in Kate, how she had turned from her words, "Super Bitch" to someone that deserved all the love Rick could give. It had been stressful, but very needed, no matter how much love was present, the fear of the old Kate coming back was present, not only for Rick, but for Kate herself.

Doctor Burke had asked the probing question that opened the floodgates earlier when he said,

"Kate, please pardon the frankness, but as a trained professional I am still puzzled at the transformation from the Detective Beckett I met, and the Kate that sits here today. People change for various reasons; can you share any motivating factors in your transformation. Although it is very impressive, I, and I am sure Mr. Castle need to be sure that the real Kate Beckett is the one we see today. I know that's brutally honest, but it is crucial we know."

Kate hung her head for a minute, reassured by the pat on her hand, engulfed in Rick's huge hand. He seemed like he had to be touching her, holding hands, arm around her, any type of human touch, something that would have irked the hell out of her before. She longed for his touch now and felt empty when the hand or arm wasn't there.

"It's a fair question Doctor, and actually it ties into the second thing I wanted to tell Rick that he didn't know about me. The times when he went out of his way with kindness, my heart melted, yet my exterior replied in snarky, cruel remarks. I wasn't always the BITCH that he knew, and somehow loved anyway.

It started after my Mom's murder, increased with Dad's addiction. I got honest with myself when all I had was a memory of Rick. He was gone and I didn't know where, all I knew was it tore my heart to pieces, I knew I screwed up. I stayed in my apartment sorting all of the boxes of accumulated treasures over the years, old memories, mementos of days gone by. I came across the last Birthday Card my Mom had sent me, she always included a note of some kind and that year was a clipping from an article titled, Time Humbles You.

I read it again, just as I had when I received the card, but this time I could see much clearer the pitfalls Mom warned me about. Mom always wrote her interpretation, I guess it was her lawyer coming out, arguing with even a printed article. That year she must have had a feeling because the message was so accurate to how I lived my life. I copied her note and laminated it so I would never lose it." Kate has tears in her eyes, and fought to get through her explanation, strengthened by Rick's strong hand holding hers.

Time Humbles You

It humbles you in a fashion you'll never see coming, but it will just the same. It offers you the opportunity to stand at the top of the mountain, and then to run and hide to fade into the blur of everyone else. Time teaches you to live the type of life you once ran from, the opportunity to seek out the understanding of others, to know and learn what's in their hearts.

The most important thing Time Teaches You, is the ability to see, not just look, but to truly see what matters and is truly important to not only others, but yourself if you look hard enough. You'll recognize that the end is also a beginning of the next phase in your life or that of one you care about. You'll also learn the sad part that sometimes an end is just that, the end and nothing you can do will breathe new life into it.

My Darling Daughter, right now you think you have it all handled, and that time can't change you, but oh my sweet you are wrong, oh so wrong. There will be times when you think you have it all figured out, also times when you know you have no clue what to do next.

You are going to change your mind, your heart, your taste in clothes, men, politics, but most of all your understanding that Time Will Humble you. It will, and I can't begin to tell you how much heartache you will have, only that you will. When those days come, remember, Time Changes You, and this too shall pass.

When those hurtful times engulf you, threaten to choke the last breath out of your soul, look inward to see, is there something you have done that you now wish you hadn't. Oh, Katie it will happen, it does to us all, but be brave enough to recognize it, make it right, no matter how much time has passed, or how embarrassing it is. If you can't live with it, think how much the other party has to deal with the hurt, your hurt, the hurt your words or actions caused.

I can't promise you everything will always be all right, you're far too old to believe in the happily ever after endings. I can promise you that Time Will Humble you, it's up to you to accept it, right the wrongs and live your life regardless of the cost. If you allow it, Time will help your wounds to heal, but it will also let love bloom like the flowers in the spring. My wish for you my daughter, grow the flowers, not regrets,

Love Always

Mom

There is silence for a few minutes to allow Kate to regain her composure, Rick never knew just how sentimental Kate really was.

"Doctor Burke finally broke the long silence, "So Kate, this beautiful letter from your Mom you said you rediscovered it while you were unaware where Rick was or what he was doing."

"Yes, Rick had left, well I had driven him away through my actions, I was so lonely that I cleaned my apartment every night, then went to the storage shed where Dad had placed boxes of Mom's possessions, we just couldn't dispose of them. That's where I found my box of memories, including this letter.

It made me realize just how disappointed Mom would be of me, how ashamed she would have been by my hurtful actions. I was a coward, I loved Rick and instead of telling him, I played stupid games and almost lost him forever." Kate looks directly at Rick and whispered through her tears, "I love you Richard Castle, I Always Will"

Rick had tears in his eyes and was caught off guard when Doctor Burke asked,

"Rick, what does this mean to you, does it change your feelings in anyway."

Rick cleared his voice, and said "Yes, Yes it does Doctor. I knew that Kate was close to her Mom, but this letter written to her, let me know just how close they were. I know she was hurting, disappointed and angry when I met her, I thought it was just her competitive nature that pissed her off.

I understand now that her, and I'm sorry Babe, just using your words, her "Bitch" period was her defense mechanism to keep from getting hurt anymore. I finally understand how deep that hurt must be, not only for her but for her Dad as well.

It never was as easy as others who told her to suck it up, or get over it, nor would it ever be. Kate suffered the loss of her best friend, her Mom, and for all practicality her Dad as well.

She was nineteen years old, and if anyone deserved a "Bitch" period it was her. I don't know if I could have been anywhere near as strong as she was and is. I loved her at her worst, I love her even more now that I understand what hurt her so badly that she employed the tough exterior defense mechanism."

When he finished speaking Kate had buried her face in his chest, her tears flowing without stop. Rick gently comforted her, whispering sweet and low and gently rubbing her back for the longest time.

"Well our time is over for today, but once again, thank you both for some significant progress, it takes courage to dig up the hurt as you did today Kate. I know Rick is proud of you, and so am I. Same time next week" Dr. Burke said, and they were out the door.

Rick had been very quiet as they walked to his car, but had Kate firmly in his arm, wrapped tightly around her waist. Kate's tears had slowed and almost stopped, when she finally looked up at him, pulled his hand, and then kissed him, right in the middle of the sidewalk.

She had lost all of her aversions to PDA, and whispered, "You'll never know just how much what you said meant to me, I know now you understand. I am sorry Rick, and I know I'll always be, but I don't want to live in the past, I want to go forward, as your fiancé, then as your wife for the rest of my life."

She looked at him through her tears, and then she saw it in his eyes, the sparkle, her sparkle, as his smile returned, the one she knew he saved just for her.

"Kate, my only regret was I couldn't crack through that tough shell earlier to keep you from hurting so much, I ran, just like a coward rather than face you, so it's my fault you hurt so much." He sadly replied

"Rick, that's the last time I want to hear those words come out of your mouth, YOU did nothing wrong, it was me, PLEASE Babe, if we are going to get through therapy, I need to own my transgressions, you can't shoulder the blame for everything, and everyone you love."

They had reached the car and were headed towards the airport to pickup Cricket. They still had a few hours before the plane was to arrive, so Rick surprised her, pulling into a Rest Stop, just to make out like a couple of teenagers would do.

The spontaneity of his action took her by surprise, then she thought, only Rick, only this man, so full of love would make sure she knew he was hers before they picked Cricket up. As she thought, there wasn't a time she could remember when he hadn't put her feelings first, she had to start doing the same for him.

As she looked upward, she breathed a quick Thank You prayer to her Mom, knowing she would be very pleased, not only with her, but with her love. Rick Castle was Johanna's favorite author and she was probably telling everyone in earshot in the great beyond how her daughter is now his fiancé.

Just as Rick stole his last kiss before putting the car back in gear, she thought she heard those haunting words,

"I Told You So" her Mom's favorite saying.

Rick looked over at her, smiled, put his hand on her leg,

"She's proud of you Kate, wherever she is, She's proud. You always get that glow when you're thinking of your Mom, and it makes me happy now that you have more good thoughts than bad, I love you so very much."

Kate took his hand, smiled and locked eyes with him, "I love you Rick, and She would have loved you too, God she would have been over the moon with you as her Son-in-Law. Thank You Babe,"

One simple word reply was all it took, "Always Babe, Always"

A/N Few readers asked about how Kate transpired from the Bitch to the sweet woman she is, I presented what I thought COULD have happened, just my take on it. Also, Norman wanted to know the backstory of Espo's possessive behavior of Kate, once again, my take of what COULD have happened. Enjoy, Thanks