Hiccup pulled away several heartbeats later. He knew Toothless and Stormfly would soon intervene and they had promised the dragons they would not break their trust or endanger their status as chaperones. It did not mean Hiccup did not feel the resistance. He wanted to continue kissing Astrid. He wanted to gather her closer. Hold her closer. He knew he could not. Not right then. They had more to talk about and a meal to attended.
He was grateful they had convinced Sharpshot and Sneaky to spend the day with Iggy and Buttercup. Hiccup still needed to acknowledge Iggy and Buttercup's actions when the Speedstingers attacked. The two Terrors had went far beyond duty to ensure the nest dragons knew of the attack and the Fireworms knew of the humans in the cove that needed warmth.
Sharpshot and Sneaky would find out what the two Terrors desired the most and Hiccup would fulfill that request. He owed it to them. Sharpshot and Sneaky would also get a moment to spend together and to enjoy the company of other Terrors.
This all meant that neither were on the sea stack to pull their insert-wing plan. Hiccup would vastly prefer kissing Astrid's lips than dragon hide. Astrid's lips tasted better.
"Astrid, look at me, please," he said curling his finger under her chin and lifting it.
He did take pride in the fact her eyes were closed and her lips were plump. He once feared he would never learn to kiss a woman as she deserved to be kissed. It seemed he had learned well, not that he minded the practice.
Astrid opened her eyes. Hiccup smiled and placed his forehead against hers. The metal rivets on her kansen made the move uncomfortable but Hiccup would endure that. Impressions in his skin from those rivets was a small price to pay in order to be like this with her. Something he had dreamed about often before the war ended.
"You held all this in for this long," he began in a whisper. "Please don't do that again. Come to me. Talk to me. Anything you need to say, I'll listen. Even if it takes all night to get it out. I'll listen. Anytime."
Astrid pulled back, frowning. "Hiccup, you have too much you have to do to promise that."
"When I met Toothless, when I befriended him, he became the world to me. After the war ended, he had to make room for someone else. You. You mean everything to me, Astrid. I'm not going to make the same mistake my dad did. I'm not going to neglect my family or my friends for that tribe or the nest. I will not put them before you, before Toothless, before any who end being in the flock we form."
"Hiccup, you'll be chief. You are the alpha. You'll have to put them before any of us. You'll have meetings, duties-"
Hiccup kissed her, silencing her words in his throat. He pulled back.
"We will have meetings. We will have duties. I meant what I told the queen, Astrid. You are my equal in all things. When Dad steps down or, the gods forbid, dies, you will stand with me as Chieftess of Berk not as the chief's wife. When we are ready and Gothi performs our marriage rites, you will be queen of the nest at my side. We will face leading everything together. Toothless and Stormfly and all in our flock will be with us. We will lead the tribe and the nest as one, Astrid. All of us."
He reached up and cupped her cheek. His hand slide along her face, curling around the back of her neck. He gave a gentle tug. She leaned forward. He placed his forehead against hers once more.
"You once asked me to let you know what was in my mind. I promised to try to let you in. I hope I have kept that promise. Shh, no, please listen. Astrid, I want that with you. I want to know what you believe. I want to know what you think. I want to know what you hope for. What you dream about. Everything that you want to know about me I want to know about you. Will you let me in?"
"Yes," Astrid whispered. "I'm sorry-"
Hiccup kissed her again. He pulled back.
"No, no more apologies. Not right now. The alpha has forgiven you."
Astrid snorted. "That didn't take long to go to your head."
Hiccup chuckled. "I'm serious, Astrid. I forgive you."
Astrid took a deep breath. "The queen told me a story about her and the king and something bad she had done. Something she could not go back and change. She said the king forgave her but she had to learn to forgive herself. I know you forgive me, Hiccup. I fear I can't forgive myself."
"I know that's something you'll have to do for yourself. I'm still learning to forgive myself. But I'll be here for you if you need me."
"Forgive yourself? Why?"
"I shot down Toothless. I caused his tailfin to be ripped off. I did that because I wanted to impress my tribe. I know the pain I felt when I would wake up during that month, Astrid. If what he felt was even half of that, it was too much. And I caused it. I also disobeyed my father more times than I care to count. That did cause him grief."
He placed a finger over her lips when Astrid opened her mouth to speak.
"I did, Astrid. I could have done as I was told and not put more on him."
"That doesn't excuse what he, what we all put you through, Hiccup?"
"And wining the war doesn't excuse what I did to Toothless." Hiccup sighed. "We both have regrets, Astrid. We both have mistakes we have made. Toothless has forgiven me. He's told me that. He's shown me that. I have forgiven you. Now you and I must learn to forgive ourselves."
He stared at her but fire raced up his left leg and he hissed. He pulled away, reaching over to grip his leg.
"Hiccup! What's wrong?"
"Ghost pains," he said through clenched teeth. "All who lose a limb get them. Gobber warned me they'd get worse during the winter."
"Why haven't you told me about them? I told you that you didn't have to deal with your pain alone."
Hiccup chuckled. "Milady, I usually got them after a long day when I was in my room. You aren't supposed to be in there yet."
Astrid smacked his arm. "Not funny, Hiccup. Pull your pants leg up."
Hiccup stared at her. She frowned.
"Pull your pants leg up. I'm going to take it off and rub your leg."
"But-"
"I've seen the scars, Hiccup. Mom and I helped keep your wounds cleaned and bandaged while you recovered. Gothi's instructions said you had to be bathed every day to keep the risk of infection away."
Hiccup closed his eyes as relief and shame equally coursed through his body. Relief that Astrid would not be disgusted by the scars that battle caused. Shamed that she had seen the state he had been in during that sleep. He had braved asking Gobber not long after waking what had happened. Gobber had told him everything from the moment the tribe saw him fall off of Toothless to the day he woke up.
Hiccup knew what he looked like, Gobber not shy about describing every cut, ever laceration, ever bruise. He also knew what his leg looked like. Gobber again not shy about every detail. He also knew how little control he had over his body during that time, again thanks to Gobber. Knowing she had seen that. Knowing she had cleaned him up because of much of that. It was too much.
Hiccup's eyes snapped open. She had said he had to be bathed daily per Gothi's instructions. His gaze zeroed in on hers, even as fire still raced up his leg.
"No," she said, seeming to read his mind. "Mom would not let me help when they bathed that part of you. I had to clean your chest, your face, and your hair and help her rebandage the wounds there and your leg, but by the time I was allowed to help, you were in soft leggings Dervla made for you to sleep in."
Hiccup sighed again relieved but also slightly disappointed. Pain shot through his leg again, worse that before and drove all thought from his mind so he could not examine why he felt disappointed.
"Pull up your pants leg, Hiccup. Let me take your leg off."
Hiccup shifted the cloth up far enough. He watched through half-slit eyelids and clenched teeth as Astrid undid the straps keeping the wooden cup attached to his leg. She set the leg aside. Hiccup's eyes widen as Toothless curled his neck and gripped the leg in his mouth.
"You do know my leg isn't a chew toy, right?"
Toothless huffed and growled something in the Old Tongue that sound sarcastic. Hiccup winced as Toothless' real tailfin smacked the back of his head.
"Serves you right for thinking he'd act like a common dog," Astrid stated. "After Gobber finalized that leg, Toothless would hold it while we cleaned you so we didn't lose it."
"I didn't actually think he's chew on it," Hiccup protested. "I meant it as a joke."
His voice trailed off into a moan as Astrid began massaging what was left of his leg below his knee. His eyes closed and he leaned back against Toothless.
"That's nice," he whispered. "Thank you, Astrid. Thank you for being there that month. For helping to take care of me. Thank you for being here."
"Always. Thank you for being here. For helping me. For not judging me."
Hiccup opened his eyes and stared at her. "There will always be a Hiccup and Astrid, my love. Always."
Kirika: Very liberating. And not just for our intrepid duo either.
Guest: Hi, welcome and thank you for reading and reviewing. Hehe, Hiccstrid is kinda sprinkled all throughout the story, but yep, this one was a big one. Yep, Astrid's finally opening up to Hiccup and he can help her like she's been helping him.
Prince: /me giggles They are betrothed. Have been since before autumn ended. Was always gonna be a marriage as some point. ;) Hehe.
Dark: Hi, welcome and thank you for reading and reviewing. That gift will come later. It's not needed for the betrothal as Hiccup and Astrid are already betrothed so it'll have a different purpose. Much like everything in my take on HTTYD.