Hello all, this segment is a bit different from the rest. It's mainly humor to balance the mood of the first few installments but here's the thing.
Reviewer Lana? I can't believe you brought up the subject of children. I almost died but my friend, Vicky, messaged me to make sure I'd do what I had promised.
A long time ago, when Vicky and I were making up joke characters, she made up kids that Ty and Drakath could possibly have. She brainstormed, came up with names and personalities. I refined them and three kids came to be. It was meant to be a joke. It was supposed to be a dumb joke but Vicky got attached and made me promise to make up an installment focused on those three. I'd said I'd do it only if someone asked. She convinced me to do it if someone mentions it.
Now, thanks to Lana, here it is. I can't believe you asked. There's not so much interaction between Drakath and Ty/the OC character so if you're looking for that, skip this one over.
Unyielding Pride
"Hey, Ty? What do you think of…children?" Drakath asked from his desk, peering over at Ty to check on her reaction.
She was sitting on his cot again and had looked up from her book when Drakath had asked the damning question. Ty stared back at Drakath like his skeleton had crawled out of his mouth, having enough of acting as the framework for and incompetent sorry excuse for a human being.
Ty and Drakath held the stare for what felt like hours and the bandit prince felt like he was going to explode into chunky pudding smeared on the walls of his tent.
Then, spontaneously, both burst into laughter; Ty's being an uncontrolled giggle while Drakath played awkwardly along.
"Hahaha, children are the bane of my existence. I'd rather die from choking on a chicken cow's spine," Ty became serious again, slamming her book shut. "You agree, don't you?" She asked, her expression darker than a darkness elemental lost in a pitch black night with a black tarp thrown over its head.
"Haha, stupid kids. They can all go jump into the ocean and get eaten by whales…" Drakath forced another laugh. "I hate kids. I really do. Those high ugly voices and lopsided faces. I steal from orphanages; what do you think I think about kids?...But if they were mine…ours…Then maybe they wouldn't be so bad."
"What was that?"
"Nothing…Just thinking about things." Drakath laughed again, quickly jotting down the beginning of what he hoped would be a convincing argument. How should he start? You could boost your ego with kids? That sounded like a good start. Well, it sounded like a good start to him.
What would it be like having kids anyway?
In a far far far away distant alternate universe way down the timeline from our own, through a series of impossible and strange events, three lives came to be.
"Tyler? How are you feeling today?"
"Fifty kinds of disappointed in my father," The young man looked up from his notebook with tired and dry blue eyes. He was around the age when his mother was when she had first set foot on the strange yet clichéd world of Lore and met his useless doormat of a father. It was such a shame that Tyler looked so much like him. "If my mood does get better, I'm still not going back. Didn't I ask you to tell father that I got ran over by a chicken cow and died, Uncle Ash?"
"Tyler, please," The older man sighed, rubbing his forehead. "You've been living on my couch for the past two weeks. Please go home. There are thousands of couches that you can be sleeping on back at your place. It's huge. Your dad can't search through all of them."
"But it's so nice on your couch. It even has a little indent shaped like my butt now." The boy yawned, brushing his fingers through his messy black hair. No matter what he did to it, whether it was dunking his head in a bucket of hair gel or setting the damn thing on fire, the floppy black spikes would bounce back and Aunt Alison would go "Oh you poor dear, you resemble your father. Want a drink? A heavy one? Several heavy ones?"
"And don't use the word…dad," Tyler shuddered, like the word was a slimy slug oozing out of his mouth. Gross. "It's too familiar. Look, ever since what happened to mom…"
"Don't you start!" Ash sighed, bopping Tyler on his head and making the teenager wince. "Your mom is at home making fun of your da…father for worrying so much. In fact, she's telling you to take your time and when you come back, bring a dead body for show and tell. Stop laughing, that isn't funny!"
"Sorry," Tyler chuckled into his palm to hide the sound, rolling on to his stomach on the couch. "But I don't want to go back just yet. Let me finish my draft first and then I'll think about it." Tyler flipped through his notebook, scanning each page with a careful eye.
"I don't see you writing," Ash crossed his arms and frowned at the boy. "What's even in that?"
"Poems, drawings, stories," Tyler shrugged, rolling on his back and resting his head on the arm of the couch. "Maybe a few war strategies. An assassination plans. A bunch of stuff," Tyler held the book up over his nose. "My sister isn't the only one who can make those up. It's just that mine are slightly…kinder? Kinder should be the right word for it."
Right as she was being mentioned, Tyler's younger sister edged her way down the stairs. She took her time with each gingery step but near the middle, almost lost her footing and cried out.
"Dravira!" Ash rushed to the hall and up the stairs to help the quivery young girl. She was almost as tall as her elder brother now though her willowy body's health was almost always poor.
"But, Uncle Ash," The girl coughed, reaching for her uncle's shoulder. "That isn't my name. How could you forget my name? I was named after you. I'm Ashe." The girl rasped as Ash led her down the stairs to the couch.
"Ashe, did you have a nice nap?" Her brother asked her, concerned. Ash gently sat her down on the cushion next to Tyler and the boy laid a gentle hand over his sister's. "How does your chest feel? Are you still coughing? Does it ache anywhere?"
Ashe laid her hand on her chest, slowly breathed in through her nose and blew the breath out through pursed lips.
"Only a little bit of each," She smiled shyly at her brother as she smoothed out her white nightgown. "I took my medicine so it should be okay for a little while. Where did Dravira go? I hope she isn't bored being cooped up because of the weather." Ashe coughed quietly into her shoulder before Tyler offered her his blue handkerchief.
"Thank you," Ashe dabbed cloth daintily on her thin lips as she looked out the window across from the couch. The heavy raindrops banged against the glass and that dampened Ashe's mood. "It's been raining so much, Dravira hates it. My dear sister can't play outside."
"You don't do so well when it's cold and wet either, inside or out," Tyler rubbed her back comfortingly. "Besides, she's having fun in the kitchen whipping something up. She's making something sweet, like you." Tyler playfully poked the tiny beauty mark under Ashe's lavender eye, making her giggle.
"Hey…" Ash began, regarding the siblings with confusion. "It's been a while since the other time you visited. When did you change your names? I thought you were Dravira." Ash said, glancing between the brother and sister.
"Ah..." Ashe nodded, tiny tears beginning to form on the corners of her eyes and an upset blush rose in her cheeks. Immediately, Ash knelt beside the girl and put a gentle hand on her bare knee.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to make you sad." Ash quickly apologized but the willowy girl shook her head.
"No, it's just…my father is so horrid. I don't…I can't have anything to do with him," Ashe cried into her hands, tears streaming down her pale cheeks as her long black hair fell over her shoulders. "I had to switch names with my sister. Father is a cruel monster with nothing but a black hole for a heart. The way he treats my mom is absolutely horrid. I can't stand it!"
Instantly, Ash's shoulders slumped and he had to suppress a tired groan.
"You mean the way he stuffs sweet buns into your mom's mouth when she's too lazy to get up is terrible?" Ash asked, raising a brow.
"It takes him ten minutes to get the sweet buns. He's just so slow and useless. How do you expect us to live with him?" Ashe continued to cry into her hands as Tyler comforted her.
"There there, it's alright," Tyler patted his sister's back as she sobbed. "Staying in that house is bad for your health. If you stick around my father for long enough, his uselessness might catch on to you and soon, you'll find yourself unable to open even the loosest of jar lids."
"Tyler had to carry me out. My mommy is stuck at home. Father never lets her go anywhere without him unless there's no choice." Ashe sniffled, desperately trying to wipe away her tears.
"I'm pretty sure it's the other way around. Your mom's scary when she's mad, she doesn't let anyone boss her around much less your da-father. He's the one clinging to her." Ash attempted to talk but the weeping girl ignored him.
"She's his prisoner. It's awful," Ash continued, rubbing her reddening eyelids. "We almost couldn't convince Dravira to come with us. She still loves father. I don't know why but she does. My poor dear sister, she's an angel. I have no idea why she'd-"
"Tyler! Ashe! Uncle Ash!" A short girl holding a tray of lemonade and cookies she made in the kitchen walked into the living room from the hall. She could have been a mini copy of her mother but her eyes were deep green like her beloved father's. "Look I made food for everyone to ea-"
"FOR THE LOVE OF FUCK! I'M TRYING TO FUCKING TALK!" Ashe swore, balling the soggy handkerchief and throwing it at her sister.
Dravira ducked and the handkerchief bounced off the wall behind her, promptly dissolving a hole into it.
Meanwhile, all the furniture in the living room that wasn't the couch launched into the ceiling and started to melt.
"Oops," Ashe blushed, lowering the furniture back into their places as she mended the holes with her a wave of her slender fingers. "Sorry, I got a little carried away." She apologized, clasping her hands together as she sniffled.
"What happens when you get really carried away?" Ash asked.
"The eyes go first." Ashe replied easily, leaning on her brother for support.
"Oh, your hair's all messy. Let me braid it," Tyler went to work tying up his sister's hair into her favourite waterfall braid. "Sorry about this. We get testy when we talk about father."
"Uh, should I come back later?" Dravira poked her head into the room and Ash and Tyler quickly beckon her in. Nodding happily, Dravira hopped in while she balanced the heavy tray expertly. "I put strawberries in so now it looks like there's blood floating around in the lemonade. You love that." Dravira grinned at her sister before chomping down on one of the cookies and offering another to Ashe.
With a small smile and a blush, Ashe accepted the cookie and began to nibble.
"Um, so Ashe…I mean Dravira?" Ash turned to the youngest sibling as she hopped up on the couch next to her sister. "So why did you come here with your brother and sister? You like staying with your father right?"
"I like it here, Uncle Ash. I like it here lots," Dravira smiled widely, kicking her small legs contently. "But I love daddy. He's dumb sometimes but he's still daddy and mommy loves him lots." At that, Tyler rolled his eyes and Ashe dipped her head glumly.
"My dad's a loser
Someone please be my new dad.
Anyone will do."
"Tyler, what a wonderful haiku." Ashe complimented, gently shuttering her eyes.
"But all joking aside, you know my father don't you? You know why I don't like having any mirrors in the house, right?" Tyler frowned, shame crossing his features as he reached for a glass of lemonade. It was a look that hardly ever graced his father's features, no matter what he did.
"If my father could make slavery popular again, he would," Ashe murmured, slowly nipping at her cookie as Tyler finished braiding her hair. "Father is an awful human being. The scum scrapped off the underside of the barrel. He feeds off the despair of others. And he has such an ugly name too."
"Better than grandpa," Dravira giggled. "Dinkelheim, pfffffttt. Sometimes Aunt Alison transforms into grandpa and cuts off her head to throw it on daddy's lap. Sometimes, he even cries. Daddy's so funny."
Ash had no love for the siblings' father but he couldn't help but cringe in sympathy for the man.
"Father's hurt a lot of people and he'll keep hurting people. Being associated with a man like that for the rest of my life sounds like a nightmare I haven't woke up from yet." Tyler said as he threw a knife right over Ash's head, the blade grazing the tips of his short hair. Gasping at the whiz of air, Ash fell backwards on to the hard floor.
"What was that for? Where did you even pull that out from?" Ash sat up, rubbing his head as he checked on the wall. A silver throwing knife was embedded in the wall, the tip pinning a tiny and barely visible fruit fly down.
"I always have knives on me somewhere. It helps to be prepared," Tyler shrugged just as the knife exploded. Ash's anguished scream was almost as loud as the explosion but the siblings just shrugged both off. "Before you ask, it helps to make extra sure there'd be no chance of survival. Mom told me that if I don't, it'll bite me later."
"Why would you need to know that?" Ash demanded, hyperventilating from the surprise of the explosion.
"For things. Certain things." Tyler said, plain and simply as he twirled another knife in his deft fingers.
"Look, Tyler you can't just-Wait a minute. Where'd he go?" Ash rubbed his eyes when he noticed that the spot on the couch where Tyler used to be was empty. "I was looking right at him. Where'd he go?"
"He does that to practice. Probably went to go to the toilet," Dravira said through a mouthful of cookie. "You blinked didn't you, Uncle Ash?"
"Why does he need to do that?"
"To hide from father…among other things." Ashe said, accepting a glass of lemonade from her younger sister.
"I know your father's a real piece of work but he's still your father," Ash said, crossing his legs as he dusted flakes of the wall out of his hair. "I mean, the first time I met him, he was trying to rob me and your aunt and then ran away because he was scared. Of your aunt of course, not me. The first time I heard his name, it was when my parents were talking about what a tyrant your grandfather was and how his son was shaping up to be even worse. Mind you, that was before he was nine."
"You aren't making a good argument for father," Ashe said, furrowing her brow. "Even as a child, he was a brute. I bet he drowned kittens for fun," Ashe shuddered, imagining a demonic little boy stuffing mewling kittens into a sac and dipping them into a bucket repeatedly. "M-monster!"
"Ashe, you're just making things up in your head now, aren't you?" Ash said but he couldn't completely rule the idea out. "Your mom…loves this guy for a reason. I mean, she isn't such a star model either-"
"THE FUCK ARE YOU SAYING ABOUT MY MOM?" Ashe stood, her voice booming throughout the house. It made the crack in the wall left by Tyler's exploding knife grow and spread across the ceiling until a whole chuck dislodged itself.
The chuck fell towards the sisters and their uncle, stopping just above Ashe's head.
"Whoops, be careful Ashe. Besides, uncle didn't mean it that way." Dravira chastised her sister as she stood on the back of the couch, holding up the chunk of ceiling with the tips of her fingers. A cookie was pinched between her teeth and it teetered dangerously like the chunk of the ceiling.
"Did I miss something?" Tyler asked, suddenly appearing back on the couch. He glanced up at the fallen chunk with brief curiosity before looking back down at his uncle. "You should do your laundry soon. The towels smell funny."
"M-my house!" Ash stuttered, holding the sides of his head in despair.
"Oh no, I'm so sorry," Ashe starting to tear up, converting the ceiling chunk into sparking dust before materializing another to patch up the hole in the ceiling. "I got a little carried away again."
"Why didn't you do that when you threw the furniture around?" Tyler asked, pouring himself a glass of lemonade.
"I got carried away but that doesn't mean I can't practice," Ashe replied, mending the ceiling without lifting a finger. "Humans are a bit more complicated though. But the colors they make are pretty."
"You know what? I'm close to wishing you were more like your father," Ash tsked, brushing the sparkles out of his hair. "I'm sorry to say this but your mother isn't such a star model either considering some incidents."
"Guys, I don't swear often but your father is a true power hungry bastard," Ash said and the siblings nodded in agreement. Even little Dravira nodded, fully acknowledging that her beloved daddy was honest to goodness scum. "But you know what else he is? A three star narcissist. It comes with the bastard territory."
"I still don't understand how this is supposed to get us to go home." Tyler frowned, imagining his father asking for a threesome with his mom and a full length mirror. Not that mom would say no. She'd find it funny but still…
"He loves everything about himself so that means that he loves you three even more. You and your mom are all a part of him," Ash continued even when all three of the siblings were staring at him like he just told them their father was a saint. "It's kinda hard to explain but I think since you guys are his kids, he adores you above everything else. He hates to see you sad and he freaks when you go missing. I've gotten maybe fifty thousand letters simultaneously threatening me and begging me to bring you back. All terrible, awful, disgusting, cruel, evil things aside, your father's still human-"
"I dunno, is he human?" Tyler turned to his sister.
"It got confusing after the third timeline and fifth reset." Ashe whispered back.
"He's still human and he'd do anything to make you happy," Ash went on, disregarding the pair's comments. But then again, Ash always felt like he was being watched somehow…"Anyways, if you're worried about him being himself, I'm sure he'd make an effort to hold it back. Your mom-"
"Poor mom, she's-"
"No. No no. No no no, NO!" Ash raised his hands in front of his chest, shaking his head vehemently. "Stop saying that. Your mom is happy with your father. More than happy. Let's face it, if your father was mean to your mom or any of you, she'd kick his ass into the sun. Heck, your father would kick his own ass after all that's happened."
"He's done that by accident before," Dravira laughed brightly. "I don't know how, but he has."
"I guess you have a point," Tyler conceded, lowering his head in thought. The rain had stopped for a while now and they could all hear children running out into the sun to play. "Father's never done anything wrong by us besides existing. I can't really blame it on him that I can't meet Aunt Robina…Actually, I can. That was a bad example."
"Auntie Robina gets war flashbacks when she looks at me." Dravira added, raising her hand.
"Stupid kids," Ashe glowered, leering out the clear window. "Go jump into the ocean and get eaten by whales."
"Please guys. Don't torture you father anymore," Ash begged. "He does love you."
"I suppose we shouldn't be cruel, even to a brute like father," Tyler sighed, embarrassed at his behavior. "Maybe if we talked it out more, we could understand him better."
"Tyler, he's been trying to do that for the last sixteen years," Ash said bluntly. "He has your drawings and poems framed all over the walls. There's literally no room on them for anymore but he keeps trying. Ashe, you're sick here because I don't have the right medicine for you. You're perfectly healthy at home despite how difficult it is to keep you that way because your parents work tirelessly to make you smile. And Dravira, the last person who stepped on your foot…Your father had him hung upside down from a cliff over a sea of sharks and gave him a knife to see if how long it would take to make him cut the rope himself."
"Daddy and I ate popcorn and watched. It was fun." Dravira beamed as Ash's face went pale.
"He had it coming, that bastard," Ashe nodded solemnly. "Anyone who so much as plucks a hair from the top of my little angel will be burned in the fires of hell."
"Haha…you see? Your father does love you. If his behavior bothers you so much, talk to him. He'll listen." Ash urged, trying to ignore how nervous he was becoming.
"Or…we could use that love to get close to him and rip his heart out." Ashe suggested and Tyler's eyes lit up.
"We'll end his cruelty forever!" Tyler exclaimed, taking his sister's hands in his. "Let's kill dad."
"Kill dad." Ashe repeated, joyful tears in her eyes.
"Guys, wait," Ash said as the pair rose from the couch and headed for the door. "No. Don't do it!"
"Thank you so much, Uncle Ash," The middle daughter waved to him as she and Tyler stepped out the door hand in hand. "You've cleared our worries."
"See you soon, Uncle!" Tyler waved before he closed the door.
Ash was glued to the floor, still in shock of what had just happened. Did he just help convince Tyler and Ashe to commit patricide?
"Why aren't you going to stop them?" He said, turning to Dravira as she finished the cookies. "Don't you like your dad?"
"If daddy can't defend himself against his own kids, he's not my daddy anymore," Dravira said as she rubbed her satisfied belly. "Mommy'll do something anyways. Or she'll laugh. I'd laugh. Daddy might cry again."
"I guess…Ty'll calm your brother and sister down and if she doesn't…" Ash trailed off, looking to the door. "Eh, not such a huge loss."
Author's Note: And there we have it.
I left the time and setting vague to make sure I wouldn't violate the canon of DF or DE. In DE, you will probably never see these characters with all that's happened so rest easy. Also, Ash will eventually find out and it will be a scene to behold.
Tyler was the first one that Vicky made and she said that he's the true good son. He has a strange side hobby but overall, he's a swell dude to hang out with. He likes his mom better than his dad obviously. She decided to name him Tyler to match Ty's name because she thinks that Drakath would name him that as a "loving gesture." I'm not sure if that's what would happen but Vicky got attached to it and Tyler would have changed his name anyway. He's easy to talk to, empathetic, and artsy.
Ashe was the second child who swapped her name with the third because that's how much she likes her dad. 0. Vicky had a lot of fun making her up and so did I. She's more like her dad than she thinks. She's the most vengeful and cruel of the bunch but outmatches her father in her cunning.
Dravira's the third kid who actually loves her parents equally. She didn't get much attention here since she likes her dad but out of the bunch, she's the most physically strong and has a thirst for violence. Despite that, she's a lot more level headed than the others and tends to be a mediator.
They also happened to fit into the rogue, mage, and warrior classes respectively.
There's really nothing more to say besides I hope you enjoyed it.
Review if you like and have a good one today!