"Ma…ma wake up," Nicky's voice rang out, causing Red to jolt up from her bed.
She realized that she must've fallen asleep, and quickly straightened and looked at the concerned young woman in front of her.
"I'm sorry to wake you, I know you need your space and all, but I got some real fucking bad shit goin on and I don't know who else to turn to,"
Red put both hands on her back, pushing it forward attempting to crack it.
"What is it hmm? You and Lorna fighting? The guards starting shit again?"
"No, no none of that," Nicky turned around to face the door, checking to make sure no one was listening in on what she was about to say next.
"I fucked up,"
Red scoffed "I'm shocked,"
"Red this is serious. I was goin about my business, and I made a wrong turn. I may have seen some shit go down. I saw one of the guards dealing drugs to an inmate. Apparently, she's got a whole fucking ring going on and now she wants to make sure I'll stay quiet. So long fucking story short I'm fucking dead," Nicky said frantically.
"Relax. Are you sure they saw you?" she asked.
"I'm pretty sure Red. Do you think that I'd be this freaked out if I wasn't?"
"Just be smart. Don't tell anyone what you saw, keep your head down," Red suggested.
"What if she comes after me, or the guard comes after me?"
"They haven't made a move yet. Usually in situations like these they send a message. Just wait it out, maybe nothing will happen," She replied simply.
"Look I know you're a little out of it with the whole Healy thing going on, but I need help,"
"I gave you my advice, I'm not sure what else you want me to do," Red said, her face falling at the mere mention of his name.
"I want you to show a little concern…instead of mourning over that racist, homophobic asshole,"
"Hey! Watch your fucking mouth! You have no idea what you're talking about! No idea who he was," she yelled as a tear managed to slip down her cheek. She quickly wiped it away and stood her ground.
Nicky stood there stunned, taken aback by Red's outburst. She had seen this side of her very rarely, but never like this, never over anyone but the people she loved.
"I…I'm sorry, I'm sorry I didn't mean," Nicky stuttered.
"I didn't know you cared so much about him," she said softly.
Red stood there silently, composing herself and tucking her anger back inside. She wasn't really all that angry at Nicky, mostly at herself, and at Healy for abandoning her like this. That's what was really. He abandoned her, stomping out what little glimpse of light she had outside these bars.
"There's a lot of things you don't know. I'd prefer if they stayed that way," she replied calmly.
Before Nicky could respond a guard walked over having heard all the noise.
"What the fuck is all that yelling?...Inmate, you're not allowed in this bunk, get the hell out," the guard shouted.
"Alright…aright," Nicky said, her hands in the air feigning innocence.
She looked back at Red before leaving.
"I'll keep my head down and my mouth shut like you said," Nicky said with a nod.
Once Nicky had left, the thoughts came flooding back. The tears soon followed, and the only way to find release was to let her exhaustion call her back to peaceful slumber.
The next day she felt numb. Words went in one ear and out the other, food tasted even more bland than before, and the usually loud and bustling prison felt empty and rang with endless silence.
Some of her former daughters noticed the change in her behavior and asked her if she was alright. Her immediate response was that she was fine, and no further questions were asked nor answered. Only Nicky knew why, or at least parts of it.
This continued for a week until she heard that someone had gotten jumped outside the bathrooms this morning. She followed a group to the scene of the supposed crime. She pushed through a crowd of inmates to catch a glimpse of a large amount of curly hair being hauled off by guards.
"Nicky…"she whispered, bringing a hand up to cover her mouth as the shock set in.
She pushed through the crowd and ran towards the guard carrying her.
"Nicky!" she yelled.
Another guard stepped in front of her, blocking her view and keeping her from her daughter.
"Step the hell back inmate," he yelled.
"Is she…" Red couldn't even bring herself to say the word dead. She couldn't take another loss.
"She's gonna be fine. A guard got here right on time to stop her from getting hurt any worse. He pulled the shank right out of the other girls hand,"
"So she's…" she was still at a loss for words.
"Gonna be fine. Yes, now get back to where you're supposed to be inmate," he said sternly with more than a hint of annoyance.
"Thank you," she whispered and nodded.
"Whatever," the guard shot back, rolling his eyes.
Two days of agonizing worry and Nicky was finally out of the infirmary and back in general population.
As soon as she was in her line of sight, Red walked quickly over to her and hugged her fiercely, not caring who was looking, not caring that there were already two guards yelling at them to separate.
"You scared the shit out of me," Red said, pulling back and looking at Nicky's bruised face.
Her one eye was swollen shut, there was a large bruise on the side of her face which ran down her neck, and her lip was swollen and had a thick line of stale blood where it had obviously been split.
"Yeah, I scared me too," Nicky said.
"I'm so sorry. I didn't take the threat seriously, I should've listened… I should've done more,"
"Ma, this is not your fault, it never was,"
"But it's not over. They won't stop until I'm dead," Nicky continued, the fear growing in her eyes.
"Who is the leader?" Red asked.
"Ma don't,"
"I want a name," she demanded.
Nicky blew out a breath in frustration, knowing full well that Red wouldn't back down until she got what she wanted.
"Ruby. Her name is Ruby. But I don't want you saying anything, this is my mess and you shouldn't get involved,"
"I'm your mother. Regardless of what has happened over these past few months, that still remains. No one messes with my girls," Red said determined.
"Just please, don't make it any worse," Nicky pleaded.
"I won't," she said, hoping that it was the truth.