Disclaimer: I don't own Bowser or the Super Mario franchise; those belong to Nintendo.
This meeting is boring.
I'm being forced to sit through several hours of political chit-chat with Kamek and my other advisors about what would be better for the Koopa Kingdom, and no matter how many times I suggest installing another Mecha-Bowser to stop King K. Rool and Mario from invading, they won't listen. The only idea of theirs that was of any real use was invading and annexing the politically unstable state of Isle Delfino. Koopa workers have got to have an off day sometimes.
But not me, the great and mighty Bowser, of course.
Whilst little Koopa children are playing outside in the snow at Koopsmas, I'm sitting here imagining the table as a pillow.
I'm so bored I'll tell my entire life story to anyone who will listen.
You will? Thank goodness.
The first event of my life I remember was me as a newborn on my mother, whose name I struggle to remember, and punching my brothers, Creon Albastru Koopa, Morton Koopa Sr., and Wart.
That, however, pales in significance to the next big event of my life.
One day, when I was just a tiny little Koopa of one year old, I was lying in my four-poster bed, when suddenly, I heard the rattling ring of raging cannonballs shatter my eardrums.
A fleet of pirate ships had pulled up at Koopa Dock, a group of the tribe I loathed on board. The tribe's name is burned into my head for eternity. The Kremlings.
Clearly, they were seeking land to conquer, and assumed that the Koopa Kingdom would be easy to triumph over.
Right on the centre ship, stood on top of the tallest tower, was King K. Rool, a grin on his smug face, evident with glee at his ambush.
K. Rool was a child prodigy, much like my own genius. Forced to fend for himself after losing his parents and becoming king, he had grown up into a malicious being of hatred, insanity, and evil. My parents were jumpstarted and sent in the army, consisting of hordes of Koopatrols and enhanced Paratroopas. All of them fell to the flurry of cannon fire. Stormed at with shot and shell, the army were forced to retreat.
Then, K. Rool aimed at me.
Both of my parents stood in the way just in time to protect me, but, unfortunately, at the cost of their life. This had no concern for K. Rool, who relished my screams like a hungry serpent.
When I looked round, I witnessed a truly malignant sight; Creon had been injured permanently. That was it. This reptilian monster couldn't get away with that! It was time for him to pay!
I scooped Wart and Creon into my arms (I had always been the strongest of my brothers) and dragged them into the castle, sheer rage and adrenaline refusing exhaustion. Then, I ran out, and while K. Rool was still laughing, I clambered onto his ship and punched him in the jaw.
He barely even faltered. Instead, he just smirked.
'Very well.' he began. 'You've earned your right to live. With all the losses you've experienced, child, it would be crueller to let you live.'
He pressed a button, pelting me off the Gangplank Galleon, and sailed away.
Forget Mario. K. Rool is my real enemy.
'…and we must raise the taxes in order to pay for the new airship required to invade the Mushroom Kingdom.' finished Kamek. At last.
'Sounds great.' I mumbled, having not listened.
'You don't sound too sure, brother.' murmured my brother Creon.
'No, I'm fine.' I replied.
I looked over at Creon, at his swollen blue shell, at his bandaged arms, at his misshapen jaw. This was my beloved brother.
I've already started telling you my life story. I might as well continue.
My siblings and I had already reached adulthood while Mario and his group of so-called friends were still 10 (we Koopas mature quicker than humans). Morton and his wife, Lorelei, were expecting seven children already (Koopas also have multiple children). Life couldn't have been better, with Kamek as our guardian, a more built-up army, and the love of my siblings. However, all this was soon to change.
Wart, my youngest sibling, had succumbed to the green-eyed monster known as jealousy. As Creon was the eldest child, Morton was the second eldest, and I was the second-youngest, Wart had a long wait for the throne. And…he couldn't deal with the wait, I suppose. As hard as it is, I see why he did what he did.
Wart had built up a secret army of Frog Pirates and Shy Guys and deployed them on us when we were sleeping. It was the attack of King K. Rool all over again.
Creon simply couldn't handle the power of Wart's army, and…I can't face it.
Bowser…you've started now.
Creon had one eye missing after the assault and judging from the Koopa scratch marks on the eye, Wart himself must have physically delivered the blow. My brother also had a missing leg, which looked to have been torn off his body by yours truly. I think the only reason Wart didn't outright assassinate Creon was to satisfy his sadism.
All this unbridled violence was simply a cover, however, as Wart's laughter and two sickening screams betrayed his true intentions; he was murdering Morton and his wife, who was already experiencing labour. All I remember Wart saying was,
'Stay still, my pretty. This will be nice, slow, and painful, just how I like it.'
He slashed her throat apart as slow as he could, giggling all the while, and Morton was soon stabbed in the heart. I had been too late. I still feel guilty to this day.
How could my own brother have betrayed me? In the heat of the moment, I yelled,
'If you like frogs so much, why don't you be one!'
Using my limited magical skill, fuelled by sheer fury, I transformed Wart into a frog. He merely screamed in fury and left to conquer the Dream Kingdom.
What about my destined nephews and niece? They had been saved just in time, and the oldest, I named Morton in his father's honour.
Creon later called me over for a private conversation.
'Bowser. This conversation will mean a lot to you.' he whispered; his mind clouded with agony. 'I've never fancied being King. Too much power and fame for me. And with my disabilities, who would accept me? With all the recent trauma that has happened, that was the last straw. So, Bowser Koopa, would you be willing to be King for me?'
I knew I had to do this, for my brother. It was a big ask, but I'd always imagined being King, and just then, I wondered if Wart always did too. Would I end up like Wart? I enjoyed the spotlight, and my brother was asking me, so…
'I'll do my best.' I replied.
'Thank you, brother.' Creon's face shined with tears. 'This means a lot to me. Do your brother proud.'
'Don't worry. I will.' I replied.