Her lips were so soft. Dietfried had kissed more than his fair share of women, but none of them made him feel like he'd swallowed a live bird, but this kiss left his stomach twirling. The moment felt so long, yet was so terribly short as he soaked in the feeling of closeness, the softness of her body despite her lingering athleticism from the war, and the warmth of her embrace. At last, yet too soon, he pulled back to check her reaction, she seemed frozen in place, back stiff, eyes wide, face an adorable shade of pink. She reached up to brush cold metal fingers against the warmth of her mouth where the taste of his lips still lingered, saying nothing. He stood, helping her to her feet as well, and turned to KJ, who gaped at him from the other side of the room.
"I need to… start funeral preparations," he said softly, turning back to Violet, hoping she would say something. Do something…. But she just stood there with her hand at her mouth. Feeling the least confident he'd ever been, he gave her a half-bow and left her there. KJ followed behind him, and even his face was a bit pink from having witnessed the scene.
Dietfried felt that he'd been a terrible fool. KJ seemed to pick up on his mood, and he cleared his throat. "Why does your back seem to hold itself as if you've been… defeated?," he asked Dietfried, observant as always. "I would've thought you'd be over the moon happy that she didn't slap you with those heavy-duty hands of hers."
Dietfried shook his head, closing his eyes for a moment as his brow furrowed. "KJ…. I'm such an idiot." There was a thick sorrow to his voice, and KJ was very alarmed. "That kiss…. I should've…." He gave a rough shake of his head as they pulled up at the telephone. "...Never mind. Forget it." He picked up the receiver and began dialing the necessary numbers for others to come and prepare his mother for burial.
He took great pains to ensure he was not alone with Violet for the next few days. He often felt her eyes following him as he gave orders to the house staff and directions for the upcoming funeral. The viewing came and went, his mother's will was read, and then the funeral day arrived. Her body was going to be placed right next to the grave they'd made for Gilbert. The ceremony was to be completed outdoors. It was past noon, but his stomach never rumbled, although he hadn't even eaten breakfast that morning. He'd hardly eaten at all the last few days.
The morning had gone by in a blur of sympathetic faces, condolences, meaningless chatter, and flowers that smelled like the death they represented. He was exhausted enough that he didn't dare simply stand during the funeral. He placed himself by the tree on the opposite side of the grave site, closer to Gilbert's memorial than to the freshly dug ground that would act as his mother's final resting place. He'd only just walked out there, but his breath was coming fast as if he'd been running. Maybe his lungs were having some difficulty with the wintry air, but it was a strange sensation for him.
As the ceremony began, Dietfried found himself chilled, although it wasn't terribly cold out. The priest said his blessings over the casket, and KJ came to stand beside him, but Dietfried hardly noticed, trapped in his determination to prevent his teeth from chattering. His chill had developed into full blown shivering, so much so that KJ stared at him with no small amount of worry in his unusually bright eyes. The workers began to pile dirt back into the grave after lowering in the casket. When the burial was complete, KJ asked Dietfried for a moment of his time. Dietfried followed him into the mansion, and KJ pulled him into the nearest room, closing the door behind him.
"Take off your shirt," KJ said, glaring with forceful demand in his expression. Startled, Dietfried didn't move. "What?," he asked, placing his hands protectively against the buttons of his shirt. "Why…?"
"Take. Off. Your. Shirt," KJ demanded again, grabbing a handful of the fabric. "If you don't I'm going to rip that cloth right off you," he swore just as Violet entered the room silently. "I need it off you. Right. Now." She startled, looking between the two men, feeling awkward at her invasion of their… moment?
"D… Don't say it like that! Someone is going to hear you and misinterpret…." Dietfried protested as he sat on a chair to the side, staring quizzically at his friend, but hesitantly unbuttoned his shirt as he requested, baring the bandages around his chest and stomach that covered the wounds from the shooting and ensuing surgeries. KJ leaned over, bending at his waist to allow his deft fingers began to slide around his chest, and Violet began to sweat a bit. Was she witnessing… a lover's moment? Had she mistaken KJ's identity as a friend? Her heart sped up, and she froze, staring like an animal caught in a predator's direct, hungry gaze. "Um… What are you doing, KJ?," Dietfried asked, sounding as befuddled as Violet's hazy thoughts.
The seriousness in KJ's voice had her attention twirling back, embarrassment shoved aside. "You've hardly eaten anything in days, claiming to not be hungry. You're shivering. Your body is hot. I could feel it when standing several feet from you." KJ looked up at Dietfried, then, examining his face. "You're pale, and obviously exhausted. You were barely able to stand outside. I thought for sure one of these had become infected, but… the incisions and bullet wounds all seem fine." He closed Dietfried's shirt, moving back to stand upright again, and crossed his arms thoughtfully. "Have you been coughing up anything?"
Dietfried shook his head, and KJ turned toward the door, then spotted her. "Oh, Violet."
She lifted her hands in a universal 'I'm unarmed' gesture. "Sorry for intruding," she said as deadpan as she could manage, although her voice shook ever so slightly.
KJ tilted his head to the side slightly. "What...? No, I'm glad you're here…." He uncrossed his arms and walked over to her so they could speak so softly that Dietfried couldn't overhear. He was sure KJ was asking her to help keep a watch over him and instructing her on what to notify him of if the symptoms were exacerbated. Dietfried allowed himself to not worry over it, and took his time re-positioning his shirt. As he buttoned his cuffs, the other two had completed their secret conversation and he was ready to go back and face the mass of people that would expect him to feed them now. The funeral felt less like a place for him to grieve and more like a business meeting, with expectant faces and uninteresting talks.
By the time the final guest had parted, Dietfried was barely attentive enough to be polite. Exhausted beyond measure, he dumped his frame into an arm chair with a groan, pinching the bridge of his nose and closing his eyes. "Finally…," he whispered to himself… just before the doorbell rang. Violet almost smiled at his obvious dread. The waitstaff had already gone for the night, leaving only the three of them to see to the guest. "I'll see who that is," she said, heading to the front door, and soon returned with Lieutenant Jefferies in tow. The Lieutenant was in his full dress-whites, hat in hand out of respect for the deceased Lady of the Bougainvillea house. His brown hair was so closely cropped to his head that Dietfried could see more scalp than hair. His eyes seemed so dark they were nearly black in the dim room, and when they locked on Dietfried's, they widened slightly.
"I wasn't expecting to find you with old war tools, Bougainvillea," he said in his deep rumbling voice, with a sliding glance at Violet that vibrated with his disapproval. "What happened to your hair, man? You didn't ever have it that short while working for me."
"Long story," Dietfried said, pinching the bridge of his nose again, weary. "And please, just go right back out my door if you've only come to insult my guests," he snapped. "If you'll put your prejudices away for a while, you're welcome to come in, sit down, and have some whiskey." Dietfried rose and fixed his old boss a glass of straight whiskey, no ice, just as his superior officer had always taken it. He offered the glass as an encouragement to behave. The Lieutenant snorted and took the glass, the movement almost begrudging. He wasn't happy about behaving, but he would. Dietfried nodded.
"Welcome, then. Thank you for coming to pay your respects, my old friend." Dietfried said, sitting once more in the arm chair. "I would've thought you were watching me less thoroughly now that I'm no longer a part of the Navy."
"Now, now, Dietfried. You, of all people, know that when you're out of the Navy, be you dead or alive, you're never out of the family. Please allow me to formally offer my condolences. Your mother was a great lady, and never could you find a better person to see into the very heart of another."
Dietfried nodded. "I'm rather surprised you say so, since her dislike of you kept you from spending ample time within my home," he half-teased.
Jefferies pretended to be injured by his prodding. He placed his hand on his chest, fingers splayed flat, and looked sharply away. "A fact that I still cannot fathom! What's not to like? I've got allll this." He made a general gesture down the length of his body, then shook his head. Then he sobered, and Dietfried's good humor instantly fled with the change in the Lieutenant.
"...But you did not just come to offer condolences, have you?," Dietfried demanded. "Something's happened, then?"
Jefferies nodded. "There have been insinuations that the illegal weapons trade, the violent attacks throughout town, and an extremist faction wanting to resurrect the old monarchy are all connected…. And there are whispers that your family line is the one they want as the new kingship, since you're one of the oldest blood lines of our country. I imagine you might be the target of some… interesting groups in the near future. I felt that you should be properly warned. Keep your eyes open." Dietfried nodded, and thanked him for the news, keeping his face carefully neutral. They talked and joked around a bit more, but it was not long before Jefferies departed, leaving Dietfried to ponder over the interesting information.
KJ checked Dietfried's temperature, and seemed horrified by the number. Then, like a fretting mother hen, KJ insisted that he take some medication and go straight to bed. When Dietfried was tucked into bed, KJ left, but Violet hovered for a bit longer. She sat at his bedside, thinking over the day. She cast a sideways glance at Dietfried, Gilbert's words in her mind.
Violet Evergarden. You won't be a tool, but someone worthy of that name.
Violet leaned against the bed railing, peering over her shoulder at Dietfried. "Do… do you think I'm a woman worthy of my name?" Dietfried made a serious sound, and covered his eyes with an arm.
"Trying to take advantage of my drugged state, are you…? Tch…. Scared I wouldn't give you a direct answer fully sober?" He sighed. "I don't know about you being worthy of your name or not. I think a name is just a name. There is no power in it," he stated honestly, but he was unable to see Violet's disappointment from behind his arm. "What I can tell you that all of the people who come into contact with you are changed for the better. I believe with all of my being that you make the world take on a special shimmer that leaves all of us looking at the same world, which we'd thought of as dark and dingy yesterday, and wonder at how it now sparkles." He peeked out at her by making a slight adjustment of his arm.
She looked at him, tilting her head slightly to the side. "That is what I would expect a profession of love to sound like."
He shook his head. "Nope, that would be an incredibly cowardly and indirect method to utilize. A real man says these things outright. 'I'm in love with you Violet Evergarden. You dazzle my world and have thoroughly destroyed my every defense against you. You create a devotion in me that I have tried to shake for years and years, to no avail. I am ruined for other women, for they are pale in comparison to your light. I've fought so hard to keep my freedom, yet when I know you are sad, I want to be by your side. When you're happy, I want to be present to see your smile and give you reasons to smile with greater abundance. I want to see your blank neutrality to burn away under the weight of passion. I want to become one of the reasons you are overtaken by your passion.'…. That's what a love profession sounds like." Here, he paused to cover his eyes back up.
"...I don't expect an answer. I don't expect you to fall into my arms and change your entire life to accommodate my sudden hostile takeover. I don't expect you to do anything. You've listened to me, so now let's move forward. I know you're awaiting his return, just the same as I am. I didn't tell you in the hopes of gaining anything…."
Violet was silent a long moment, and when she spoke, there was a shake to her voice that Dietfried had never heard before. He moved his arm just enough to look at her again, starting to feel lethargic from the effects of the medication. "I've awaited Gilbert for four years…. Many seasons have passed without him. I did not fully understand love when he proclaimed it to me that day. I don't see what life would be like upon his return. If he walked through this door, right now, I would be happy to see him. I might even cry, knowing at long last that he was safe….
"But…. Four years without word?" She shook her head. "If he were alive all that time, but decided to let us believe he was dead… would be a cruelty I would rather not think of attributing to the Gilbert I love." Dietfried flinched at the current tense of that word: love. "As much as I've longed to see his face, I find… I find myself thinking more often of a future where he does not come into it… of accepting that he has removed himself from my path, for whatever reason."
She didn't touch him, but he felt the weight of her intentions when she stared at him again. "I have met many people since Gilbert vanished that have helped me find out what loving someone means. I understand it much better now than when I was a soldier, and so I've reanalyzed my past with this new perspective.
"Dietfried… You have been by my side in every state of being: both as a child soldier who didn't value life, and as I am now. We've fought side by side, watched over each other, and have taken many hits together. You never once asked me to change myself, but let me grow in my own way. You forced yourself to grow too, so that you could keep pace with who I became. I watched you be less selfish and more selfless. I've seen you struggle through your PTSD in a way that didn't harm others, and you've helped me get past barriers to my self growth too. We've grieved Gilbert together, even while holding out hope that he would come back to us.
"You forgave me of the slaughter of your men. You have been nothing but steadfast, yet not boastful of your kindnesses. You have been patient as I have moved past my hopes of being Gilbert's bride. You have protected me and my best interests, watched me as I grew, and supported me in your own way. If that is not truly love, then I do not know what could better define it." She put her hand to her chest, although she couldn't feel the flutter of her heartbeat with her metal fingers. "I still do not know if this feeling is truly love… but I want to find out. I do not know what true passion feels like, but I want to try to awaken it… together. I want you to show it to me through your own eyes, Dietfried. But… let's take it slow. I am new to all of this, and I don't want to drown before I learn to swim."
He couldn't believe she had just accepted him. The world was blurring around the edges as the medicine sucked him into a forced sleep, but he had enough energy to nod his agreement, then dazzle her world with a smile that spoke of carnal promises, total abandon, and joy. Then he was asleep, dragged forcibly down and away from Violet. She watched the relaxing of his features, his hand falling down to the bed, yet still stretched out, as if reaching for her. She placed a gentle kiss to his forehead, then departed.
Some part of her wondered if she would regret her words. The other part was awash in a Cheshire cat's smile, for it had gotten the cream it so rightly deserved.