II

It's not like Rosa hated Gina or anything, she just couldn't stand the other girl at the moment. Rosa didn't even know why but the thought of Gina with her new little boyfriend made her heart clench and her stomach roll and the even weirder part was the twinge in her heart and flutter in her gut when anyone mentioned Gina. Rosa hated it, she had sworn off emotions in like eighth grade. But here Gina was making her feel something she didn't even want to try and decode.

It was stifling hot in Rosa's bedroom but the safety and comfort her duvet was providing was way more important than whether she sweat or not. She heard her mom and dad wake up after not sleeping a wink through the night and then heard the trill of alarms start to ring through the house. First Renata's then Elena's and Bianca's and then the sound of her mother's singing waking up Lucianna. Rosa didn't move from her bed. Not even to turn off her alarm or tell her mom she was skipping school. She felt like she might shrivel into dust if she moved too much. Renata grumbled about the never ending beeping coming from Rosa's desk but kissed Rosa's forehead and turned off the alarm before leaving the room.

Rosa inhaled deep breaths as the smells of breakfast wafted into her room but she didn't move. She felt like she would be sick if she ate. As she watched the clock on her desk flip to eight ten as her mom called out for her. Rosa squeezed her eyes shut, acting as if ignoring the sound would make it go away. Instead her mom barged into the room with her arms crossed.

"Get out of bed. You're going to be late," Julia demanded to Rosa.

The voice made Rosa's head spin and she felt her heart rate spike. "I'm not going to school today."

"Are you out of your mind?"

"Yes, mom, I'm going crazy and I feel like if I go to school it will get worse," Rosa said, trying her best not to let emotions creep into her voice.

Rosa watched her mother's face crumble and her hasty movements as she put her spoon down and kicked off her shoes as she sat down next to Rosa on her small bed.

"Ques paso, mija?" she asked softly, placing her hand just above Rosa's elbow.

Rosa rolled away and let a few stray tear drag down her cheeks. "Nothing," she said shakily, "I'm fine."

Rosa didn't fight her mom when she enveloped her in a too tight hug. It only escalated her emotions and before she could stop she was bawling like a baby. "Should I call Gina? Can Gina fix this?" Julia asked and Rosa could hear the desperation on her voice.

Rosa felt her heart race and her ears fill with white noise before she yelled that she would rather rot than see Gina. Then she's crying too hard to even catch her breath because she can't believe she just said something so harsh about Gina.

Julia doesn't say anything for the next ten minutes. She only rubs Rosa's back dn promises to check in on her lunch break.

Rosa creeps out of her room twice to pee while her mom is gone but never moves while anyone else is in the house. She feels too pathetic to be seen by anyone.

/\/\/\

Gina is in the kitchen when Rosa leaves her room (for real) for the first time in a week. She almost turn right back around to rebecome a recluse but she's so hungry she walks past Gina and grabs a banana and a cup of water off the counter.

She doesn't talk to Gina for four more days until she's sure her head is going to explode from ignoring her. "Is he good to you?" Rosa asks in her croaky voice.

"Treats me like a princess," Gina replies smoothly.

"Good, good, good," Rosa says, wiping her hands on her pants.

"I should find you a boyfriend. You're so bitter and lonely," Gina singsongs as she pulls gently on one of Rosa's curls and giggles as it bounces in response.

"I don't want a boyfriend," Rosa snaps and then covers her mouth wishing she could claw it off. I want you, Rosa wants to say but she doesn't because she could never bring herself to say that out loud. She doesn't even know if it's true or if it will last. All she knows is she doesn't want to date anyone.

She's dating Marcus and she hates it. He writes poetry and cries when characters die in her favorite movies. He doesn't like midnight drives to McDonalds or cold water swims. She hates him to some extent because he isn't Gina and he isn't funny or outgoing. He makes Rosa want to pull out her hair. One day she invites him to a cold water swim and he declines, saying he never has been and never will be into that. Rosa rolls her eyes and tells him she never has been and never will be into him.

At lunch Gina gives her a proud smirk and then launches into some story about cheer practice the previous night. Of course Gina is a cheerleader, all the pretty girls are.

Rld_gld

"Are you sure this is safe?" Gina whines to Rosa for the hundredth time in an hour. Rosa rolls her eyes for the hundredth time in that same hour.

"I'm still alive aren't I?" Rosa replies, rubbing her hands together and then up and down her legs.

"Debatable."

"I kinda hate you," Rosa drawled.

"I love you too," Gina said, tossing one of her arms around Rosa's shoulders and letting it rest there. Rosa tenses up and her heart feels like it's going to beat out of her chest; her only saving grace is that Gina doesn't notice.

"I wouldn't be doing this if it would put you in danger," Rosa says sincerely. She was about to add because I love you when the coordinator of the cold water swim presses the button on the airhorn signifying the start of the race. Rosa takes off and dives into the water, relishing in the cold prickle on her skin. As she comes up for air and begins to start paddling she hears Gina squeal and scream, she guesses because of the cold water.

Rosa wins second place because she got distracted by Gina twice. She and Gina sit on towels in the sand while the wind whips around their hair and they laugh about the experience. They're both shivering but of course Gina suggest ice cream and Rosa can't say no to her. They get back to Rosa's house later than Julia approves of and she expresses it very vocally but eventually makes the girls hot cocoa and sends them to bed. Rosa decides she doesn't mind losing if she loses with Gina on her side.

Rld_gld

Gina is helping Renata, Elena and Bianca with homework while somehow managing to hold Lucianna and do her own homework at the same time. Rosa is smiling as she hums along to the radio playing the kitchen while she cooks for Gina and her sisters. She watches him out of the corner of her eye and can't help but smiling wider when she sees Gina with the little kids. But her smile instantly deflates every time because she knows she shouldn't be thinking about Gina having kids...more specifically having kids with Gina. It's messed up. Gina will probably marry Milton even though he's creepy and shouldn't be allowed anywhere near Gina.

"Girls go wash your hands," Rosa calls as she snaps herself from her inner thought and grabs some plates from the cabinet.

"Only Mama makes us do that," Bianca whined, turning to look at Rosa.

Rosa glared back at the large puppy dog eyes and repeated her request.

"That's no fun," Elena said but stood up and headed to the bathroom.

When all the kids had eventually left the kitchen Gina sashayed over to Rosa and hugged her tightly.

"Milton cheated on me, Roro," Gina whispered into Rosa's hair.

"He's an ass, Gina. You deserve better than that," Rosa whispered back. I can treat you better, Rosa wanted to say but it was another thing she bit back.

"Rosie said a bad word!" Bianca squealed.

"Ohh! Pay the jar!" Elena called, walking back into the room.

"Fine, fine, you guys caught me," Rosa said, reluctantly letting go of Gina and pulling a quarter out of her back pocket and tossing it into the glass jar full of coins on the counter.

Later, after Rosa's parents had gotten home from their date night and Rosa's younger sisters were tucked into bed Rosa and Gina were sitting on the flat roof above the garage that Rosa's window led out onto.

"I'm really sorry about Milton, Gina," Rosa said and she played with Gina's fingers, which were laced in her own.

"He told me he was the only one who would love me. That that's how he showed me he loved me. That I was the only one he would ever love," Gina said in a dull monotone that made Rosa crackle with anger and with sympathy.

"You don't deserve that, Gina. You deserve to be treated that the damn queen you are," Rosa said, fighting back her own tears.

"You keep saying that but you didn't notice."

Rosa mentally kicked herself. "I'm so sorry, Gina. I just always assumed it was okay when you said it was. I'm sorry for not digging deeper. I'm so, so sorry, Gina," Rosa said, her voice full of emotion. She wrapped her arms around Gina's thin, shaking shoulders and nestled into the crook of Gina's neck against her copper hair.

"I guess I forgive you," Gina said, quietly. "You know what screw this, of course I forgive you because I can't stay mad at you and you're right, as much as I hate to admit, you're right and I don't know why I ever told you. I think I just hoped if no one knew it would go away."

"I'm so sorry, Gina," Rosa said again. She secretly hoped that saying that enough times the quilt and anger gnawing away at her would ease.

"Why do you even care so much? He showed me the truth, I'm not all that I think I am," Gina whispered.

"Well he was wrong. You're everything you think you are and more. And I love you for that. I love you, Gina," Rosa finally admitted, not moving from the embrace they were still in.

Rosa thought she had blown it, the two and a half years of carefully crafted friendships and carefully crafted lies to herself, when Gina pulled back and moved away slightly.

"Don't play with me like that," Gina says, her voice dangerously low.

"Play with you like what?" Rosa asked.

"I'm not in the mood for your little jokes and pranks right now," Gina said in the same scary tone.

"I'm not joking around," Rosa said, confusion clouding her head and thought process.

Rosa looks at Gina while Gina just sits, staring and unblinking. Gina has a momentary lapse in judgement - maybe it's the exhaustion, the overwhelming tenderness of this moment, or the crush she's been harboring for the last two and a half years - and she leans forward and seals her lips to Rosa's. She reaches her hand up to cup Rosa's cheek and she feels Rosa return the kiss.

Rosa doesn't even know what just happened. She saw Gina barely moving and then surge forward to kiss her. Not that Rosa is complaining, she's wanted to do that again since that party they almost hooked up at when they were sixteen. The party that seemingly changed their lives. Again, not that she's complaining. Kissing Gina makes her fingertips tingle and her chest feel like a firework just exploded inside her.

"I think I love you too, Rosa," Gina says, "I think I have for a long time."

Rosa is so happy she could cry. Instead, she leans forward and kisses Gina again.