There's many good books on this time.

0o0o0o

Feliciano had gone to bed and stayed awake for hours, the muscle magazine pages swimming before his eyes, all tangled up with Ludwig's blue eyes. He wondered what had happened with Alfred and Arthur. The look Ludwig had given him right before they began was stuck in his head.

He slid out of bed and scribbled down a note to tape to his window, hoping it would calm his thoughts.

Ludwig I'm going to ask Antonio if he can drive us downtown tomorrow

Feliciano held his breath as he opened his window and threw a pencil, and it sounded too loud in the darkness. He waited, but the light didn't turn on.

He shut the window and went back to bed.

0o0o0o

'We're going to church,' was the first thing Roma said when Feliciano came downstairs.

'I was going to go downtown today!' Feliciano said. He'd checked, and Ludwig hadn't written back yet, but if he'd seen, Feliciano didn't want to cancel now. He'd been waiting for answers for days.

'You can go tomorrow.' Roma clucked his tongue as he looked Feliciano over. 'You're not wearing that. Go put on some better clothes.'

'Antonio is driving me,' Feliciano persisted. Across the table, Lovino looked up. There was a crease in his forehead and colour in his cheeks.

Feliciano's grandfather looked at Lovino sharply. 'Antonio can wait,' he said quietly. 'Take the cap off before we go, Feliciano. Go upstairs and change.'

Ludwig had written back when Feliciano looked outside.

I can't go, Vati says we're going to church.

Me too, Feliciano wrote. He lingered, and eventually Ludwig pulled open his blinds and opened the window.

'I have to go to church, too,' Feliciano said, hopping up on the ledge. Ludwig nodded. He was dressed differently as well, and without his black jacket, he looked upright and stiffer.

'It's not very fun,' he said. 'The pastor…' Something conflicted flickered over his face. 'Vati says he's traditional. He says he's right.'

'Well, if he tells people not to swear, that's okay,' Feliciano said, sliding down onto the roof. 'See? It holds me.'

Ludwig tried to hide a smile behind an admonishment, but the odd conflict vanished from his eyes for a second. 'I'm always telling you to be careful and you never listen. That's going to break one day.' His smile disappeared. 'No, it's not swearing. He talks a lot about marriage.'

'I don't want to get married,' Feliciano said. 'Do you?'

Ludwig opened his mouth wordlessly, brow furrowing. 'No,' he finally said. 'Gilbert...maybe that's what he's arguing about, that he wants to get married to the person.'

'A wedding would be really exciting! Do you think he'll have cake? I can bake some. Oh, but he's kind of young for a wedding.' Feliciano laughed embarrassedly. 'He just has to wait a few years, then. Do you want to sit next to me during church? We can talk since we don't need to know about marriage.'

'Just make sure our grandfathers don't hear us,' Ludwig said. Feliciano looked up and smiled at him.

'Feliciano!' Lovino called from downstairs. 'We're going!'

'I have to go!' Feliciano scrambled back inside the window. 'I'll see you there, Ludwig!'

'See you.' Feliciano caught the hint of his smile again before he turned to leave as well.

0o0o0o

Lovino kept tugging at his collar as they went in.

'Stop that,' his grandfather whispered, slapping his hand. 'Feliciano, what are you looking for?'

'Ludwig,' he whispered back. 'He's over there, can we sit beside them?'

'As long as you're quiet.' His grandfather ushered them along, and Aldrich fixed them all with his piercing gaze as they sat. Feliciano tried not to meet his eyes, and found Ludwig instead.

'Hey,' he mouthed, waving, unable to help smiling. Ludwig gave him a real smile and started to mouth hello back before the preacher stepped up and he jerked back and stared forward. Beside him, Gilbert was idly examining his nails, rustling the pew, and his grandfather was sitting stiffly beside him. Lovino suddenly slouched and Nonno frowned.

'Sit up,' he urged. Lovino didn't. His face was flushed deep red.

Feliciano looked towards the front as well, and saw Antonio off to the side of the pastor, head bent towards someone like he was still talking to them.

'Lovino,' he whispered, nodding towards the front. 'Look, it's Antonio-'

'I know,' he hissed through his teeth, and Feliciano recoiled in fear from the bitter tone of his voice. Lovino sunk further down in the pew. 'I know, just shut up.'

'Brothers and sisters,' the pastor began. 'I call you here today in worship to address a problem. Simply put, people are believing that to be homosexual is okay. They believe that they can still inherit God's kingdom while engaging in physical intimacy with the same sex.'

Feliciano's head felt fuzzy.

'It is clearly stated that a man shall not lie with another man, and yet some in this church have turned away.' His eyes swept the crowd, and Feliciano found himself shrinking in his seat, hoping desperately the man wouldn't see him-

His mind kept going back to that muscle magazine. He wondered if the pastor knew the books were hidden in the basement, and he felt like giggling, ridiculously. His heart was pounding and his stomach felt twisted, but not in the good way it had been when Ludwig looked at him. This felt sick.

'I have said it before.' His voice was so calm that Feliciano could almost believe him. 'We are man and woman, and to assume it can be another way is a distortion. It is a corruption. It is a dysfunction of the way God made it.' He swept a hand towards the congregation, and Feliciano flinched. 'We can understand, brothers and sisters, why it happens. Man sins. But we must turn away-we must turn others away-because God made us make and female. A marriage is a man and a woman.'

Lovino was digging his nails into his palms so hard his knuckles were going white.

'Homosexuality is wrong. Acting on homosexuality is wrong. Healing and not acting on the sinful urges is right, and God will accept you into heaven.'

Feliciano could hear his pulse in his ears. His mouth tasted sour and bitter. He fumbled for something, anything to ground himself, and found Ludwig staring at the ground.

'Ludwig,' he whispered, hoping the continuing sermon would block his words. 'Ludwig, I…'

Ludwig didn't look at him. He just shook his head minutely, his fingers digging into his pressed pants.

'Not now,' he mouthed.

Beside him, loud as a gunshot to Feliciano's ears, Gilbert yawned and tapped his fingers against the back of the pew in front of them. Feliciano looked up in shock. Gilbert raised an eyebrow at him, coppery red eyes gleaming with a feral intensity, and grinned.

'We've heard all this before,' he said into the sudden, echoing silence.

'Do you deny it?' the pastor asked. Gilbert cocked his head and didn't answer. His smile grew.

'To accept homosexuality denies you entry to the kingdom of heaven,' the preacher began.

'I didn't say I accepted it,' Gilbert said. 'I said I wanted to move on. What about the war? What does God say about the way Europe was divided?'

'Gilbert,' Ludwig warned, sitting up. He finally met Feliciano's eyes, and he saw the same terror there.

'We're going,' Gilbert's grandfather said, silencing the mutters. He gripped Gilbert's arm, hard enough that his grin wavered, and pulled him and Ludwig to his feet. Ludwig made desperate eye contact with Feliciano as he was led away.

The room was silent, full of stopped words and the dust floating in front of the stained glass windows. The preacher began again. Feliciano didn't hear a word. His heart was beating too loud to hear.

Feliciano barely noticed when the service ended. He numbly rose to his feet and wove between the people, searching for a hint of blue eyes, for Ludwig, who wasn't here.

He saw Antonio instead, and gratefully started toward him. Lovino grabbed his arm.

'Don't go talk to him,' he said through gritted teeth.

'But you're friends,' Feliciano said. 'And he's Gilbert's friend, too, maybe he can explain what happened.'

'Nothing happened.' Lovino dug his fingers deeper, and Feliciano yelped. He let go with a guilty expression, and Feliciano took the opportunity to run over to Antonio.

'Hello!' he said, and Antonio laughed in surprise and picked him up.

'Hello, Feliciano! Where's your cap?'

'Nonno made me leave it at home.' Feliciano giggled as Antonio set him down. 'I didn't know you were a preacher.'

'I'm not, just his assistant.'

At that moment, Lovino grabbed Feliciano's arm again, hard enough to hurt.

'I told you not to go running off,' he growled.

'No, you said not to-' Feliciano stopped at his look. Antonio laughed again, warm and open, and Feliciano had no doubts that Antonio had befriended his brother, because Lovino flushed red.

'Lovino! I didn't know you went to church!'

'I don't. Nonno does,' he muttered. 'Feliciano, we should go.'

'You can stay a while,' Antonio invited. Feliciano nodded.

'Can we? I want to talk about those pages you bookmarked with him. Oh! Antonio, can you drive me and Ludwig downtown? I want to talk to Francis. Do you know Francis? He seemed like he knew you.'

'I know Francis, so I certainly can.' Antonio ruffled his hair. 'I can't resist your little brother,' he confessed to Lovino, and he looked away.

'Nobody can.' He studied Feliciano for a second. 'Feliciano, go ask Nonno if you can go downtown.'

'I already did-'

'Go,' he said. He was staring at Antonio now. Feliciano left.

Feliciano's grandfather was talking jovially to a woman with flowing clothing, holding the hand of a boy around Feliciano's age with long, messy mahogany hair. He blinked sleepily as Feliciano ran up.

'Antonio says he can drive us, so do you think I can go?'

'Slow down.' His grandfather chuckled and bent down. 'Where is Antonio driving you and Lovino?'

'Not Lovino, Ludwig. Downtown. I want to talk to Francis.' Feliciano waited eagerly, and finally his grandfather sighed and shook his head, smiling.

'You can go, as long as you're back by one. Unless you're going to check on some girl you found last time, then take as long as you need!' He laughed and turned back to the woman. Feliciano nodded and managed a smile through the surge of the strange sick feeling and went to go find Antonio.

Feliciano found Antonio tucked behind the wings of the stage and slowed. He and Lovino seemed to be arguing. He paused behind the pulpit and listened.

'You don't have to avoid me, Lovino,' Antonio said. His voice was different, insistent and gentle, and he was leaning close to Lovino.

'No,' Lovino said, and lifted a hand like he wanted to push Antonio away. He sounded choked. His hand gripped Antonio's shoulder and twisted in the stray curls of his hair. 'Antonio, you don't understand.'

'I do. I promise. Lovino, what they say doesn't matter.'

'You tell me that after you stand up on that stage and support what that man preaches,' Lovino spat. Feliciano craned his head, but someone was blocking his view. 'You're a damn hypocrite. You have to decide between me or that scripture, Antonio.'

'I decided on you from the moment I saw you,' Antonio said, voice low and husky, and Feliciano saw a flash of their chests close together and leaned further, heart in his dry mouth-

He fell forward with a thud that seemed even louder than Gilbert's words. Lovino jerked away and whirled to face him, flushed angry red. Behind him, Antonio stepped away.

'Feliciano!' he said. 'You-you shouldn't-'

'Nonno says I can go,' Feliciano said. He had a feeling he shouldn't mention what he'd seen.

0o0o0o

I don't like all of the research that has to be done.

:: Art galleries with warped wooden slat floors