Lots of LaMontagnes

Hi friends. It's me, JJ.

I have a secret to tell you.

I'm pregnant.

Again.

I KNOW.

Listen, over the years I've had my fair share of snarky comments about if we understand how to use contraception, and I've always tried to laugh them off because fair enough, 12 kids is a ridiculous number of kids, and also yes we do.

Except maybe we don't?

I've always tried to be very honest on this blog. Henry was an unplanned pregnancy. Michael was also an unplanned pregnancy. Kaitlyn was planned. And then we said, y'know what, let's try once more. We'll probably have a girl and that'll give us a nice square four, with two girls and two boys. And things have just snowballed from there.

But we were in NO WAY trying to have another baby.

And I can hear you scream typing at me from across the internet: How could this possibly happen? You are an educated woman in 21st century America! And you are correct! But since I'm still breastfeeding Hazel, I haven't been able to get back on birth control pills. And after the horrible ordeal that occurred with my IUD after Michael, I've never felt comfortable getting another one inserted. But no biggie, Will and I are adults, we can handle using condoms.

Insert epic face palm.

For the record, I feel most of the blame for this pregnancy falls on how great Will's ass looks in his dress uniform. If you might recall, several weeks back we attended a retirement celebration for one of Will's old captains. My mom stayed with the kids for the night, we got to book a hotel room and dress up like real life human beings for night and… accidentally made a baby apparently.

Anyway. Yeah. Pregnant again. With number 13.

Don't tell my children. I know they'll find out eventually, but I just need to gather my strength before we get to have that super awesome, super fun conversation.

We were halfway through dinner and I just wanted my children to be quiet. I'd been fighting a splitting headache all day, and their excited chatter was not helping. At the other end of the table, Will had one of the twins on either side of him, trying to get some of their dinner in their stomachs instead of on the floor.

"What if when you died, instead of putting you in the ground they shot you in to outer space!" Johnathon yelled, his fork swinging through the air.

"Hey, let's not talk about dying at the dinner table," I called, wiping Hazel's bottom lip. While she was still breastfeeding most of the time, we were trying to introduce more and more solid foods into her diet.

"Who was the oldest person ever?" Sophia asked.

"I don't know, sweetheart," Will answered.

"I want to be the first person to be a hundred and five!" Eva yelled.

"Someone's already been a hundred and five," Henry replied, spooning more rice onto his plate.

"Well then I'll be a hundred and six!"

"Someone's been a hundred and six."

"Then I'll be a hundred and seven! I'll be a hundred and seven, and Vi will be a hundred and seven minus one day so she dies first."

"Everyone stop it! Stop talking about death!" I yelled. Will flashed me a covert thumbs up from the other end of the table, asking if I was okay. I nodded, letting out a deep breath. "Max, can you eat some more of your carrots please?"

He shook his head, his mouth puckered in a frown. "I want nuggets!"

"No, we're not having chicken nuggets. Have three more bites."

"No!" Suddenly his food was upended on the floor.

"Max! No sir!" He screwed up his face and let out an ear-piercing wail. A few chairs down, Violet clapped her hands over her ears, quickly becoming frazzled by his screams. Next to Will, Oliver let out a mad cackle and swiped his own plate off the table.

I buried my head in my hands for a moment, feeling very overwhelmed. "Stop it, everyone stop it! What has gotten into you all today?"

"What's the matter Mom, feeling outnumbered?" Michael cracked from the middle of the table.

"That's enough, Mike, leave her be," Will replied quietly.

"Can everyone please just eat their dinner? We still need to start baths. And stop yelling!" I turned my attention back to Max. "There's no need to be so loud!"

"We can't help it!" Sophia pushed up onto her knees, throwing her arms wide. "We're just naturally LOUD!"

"Yeah, if you wanted a quiet dinner you should have had less kids," quipped Kait.

"Well I'll keep that in mind next time I decide to have thirteen of you," I deadpanned back.

"Except you only have twelve."

I looked at Henry. "What?"

"There's twelve of us. You said thirteen." I opened my mouth to reply but didn't know what to say. "Oh shit."

"Henry said a swear!" Jonathon screeched.

"Are you serious? You can't be… Seriously?!"

"That's enough, Henry." Will gave him a stern look.

"What? What's going on?" Ben asked.

"She's pregnant! She's having another stupid baby!" Henry spit. The table descended into chaos as he jumped from his chair and stomped upstairs. Half of the kids, mostly the younger ones, were excited, clapping their hands and squealing. The others, most notably Kaitlyn, were quick to pull faces and roll their eyes. I stood up and followed Henry upstairs.

I knocked on the door to the room he shared with Michael. "Henry?"

"Go away!" I steeled myself and pushed the door open anyways. He was sitting at the desk, his shoulders hunched. I sat on the end of his bed and looked at him.

"We're going to talk about this."

"What is there to talk about? You guys are having another baby, it's gonna be one more mouth to feed, one more person to buy clothing and shoes for, another person to cram into the van."

"Why are you so upset about this?"

He whipped around to face me. "I'm going to college in a few years! Have you thought about that? How are we going to afford for me to go to school when you and Dad just keep popping kids out?"

"Henry, we will help you pay for college. There are so many options for you-"

"Like what? Community college?"

"Maybe. Or a smaller public university. True, we can't afford to send you to Harvard, but you're going to get to go to college."

He gave a big huffy sigh. "Just… why? Why in God's name would you guys have another kid?"

It was my turn to sigh. "I… We weren't exactly trying. These things can happen despite everyone's best efforts for them not to."

"Well shouldn't your efforts be a little better by now?"

I gave him a small smile. "It's just never been our strong suit. After all, that's how we got you. And Michael. And Sophia. And-"

"I get it."

I patted the bed next to me. "Come here." He did as I asked. "I know this is a bit of a shock. Trust me, we felt the same way when we found out. But… this baby will be just as loved and cherished as the twelve we already have. But it won't take away any of the love we have for you."

He pulled a face. "I know that…"

"Are you sure?" I wrapped an arm around his shoulders. "You're my first born. You made me a mom. Nothing could possibly make me love you any less. Any of you."

"I'm sorry I threw a fit. I should have reacted better."

"It's okay. That's not how I meant to tell you guys, I meant to break the news gently."

We sat in silence for a few moments. "Where's the new baby going to sleep?"

"Oh god. I don't know, we'll cross that bridge when we get to it." I pressed a kiss to his cheek. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah."

"Are you gonna come down and finish your dinner?"

"I'm okay. I'm probably going to start on my homework."

"Okay." I gave him one last kiss and left the room, pulling the door shut behind me. I stood there for a moment, drinking in all the ways my life had changed since I found out I was pregnant with Henry all those years ago. My little baby had grown up and was getting closer to being a man every day.

The door to the little boys' room flew open and Ethan came barreling out, completely naked. I grabbed him as he ran passed. "What are you doing, silly boy? Where are your clothes?"

Will came out of their room, an equally naked Oliver in his arms. "Everything okay?"

I nodded. "It was just a shock. He'll come around." I passed Ethan to him then gave him a kiss. "You good?"

"I'm great." He looked down at the twins. "Alright monkey men! Time for a bath!" I smiled as I watched him carry them down the hall, then turned my attention to the to do list for the night.

"Max! Jonathon! It's time for a bath, meet me downstairs!"

Lots of LaMontagnes

Funny moment of the day:

'Jonathon: Mommy we need more condoms

Me: What?

Jonathon: Condoms!

Me: …..why do you need them?

Jonathon: For hot dogs!
Me: …Condiments?! Like ketchup and mustard?

Jonathon: Yeah!'

Whew. I mean, my six year old is definitely watching too much Food Network, but it's fine. Also… he's not wrong on the condom thing.