I'm trying to get the characters to realize.

0o0o0o

The introductions continued, but people were starting to move, and Feliciano was practically buzzing with excitement. This place had an energy that made him feel like he could live forever just on the way people here looked at each other, unabashed and proud. He wanted to look at Ludwig like that all the time, but Francis' warning was constantly hovering at the edge of his feelings, and it was safer to look at Ludwig like they were only friends. The kind of way Feliciano loved looking at him was only for when they were alone.

But here, in the dark press of bright bodies and bright lights, Feliciano took a deep breath, pushed off all his worries, and smiled. Ludwig smiled back, and Feliciano's heart was beating so fast he thought he might faint.

'Let's go talk to the guy who knows Gilbert,' he said, pulling Ludwig to his feet. 'He can tell us-tell us things. Maybe he knows what happens at the music hall, or-'

'Or why Gilbert keeps fighting.'

'That too,' Feliciano agreed.

The boy with the cross pin looked up when they came closer, and when he saw Ludwig, surprise flashed across his face before he schooled it back to neutrality. Feliciano had seen the way people looked at Ludwig-first Feliks, then Toris-and he surreptitiously stepped closer to him. The boy's eyebrows raised in surprise, or acknowledgement. Feliciano inclined his head, just barely, thinking he understood.

The boy elbowed his friend to make him turn. His friend had wild, gelled hair and blue eyes. Feliciano couldn't help thinking that the shade was closer to the sky before evening, rather than midday. He, at least, had no suspicions over Ludwig looking like Gilbert. If he did, he didn't show them.

'Hey!' He grabbed both their free hands and shook enthusiastically. 'I saw Feliks bring you in, he's got good judgement. Usually. My name's Mathias.'

'I'm Feliciano.'

'I'm…' He glanced over, and Feliciano squeezed his hand. 'Ludwig.'

Now was the moment the realization crossed Mathias' face. 'Hold on-'

'My name is Lukas,' the boy with the cross pin interrupted. Mathias sat back, studying them both.

'So, you want to know about the fight?' Mathias said slowly, cautiously, like he was continuing a previous conversation. Feliciano nodded.

'I won't tell you what it was like. I wasn't there, obviously. Nobody who was in it got out unscathed, if you listen to what they're saying, and so I won't spread rumours.' He snorted. Ludwig stiffened next to him, but kept quiet. 'The problem is that Gilbert can't keep out of a fight. He hears someone, and he jumps in without thinking that he could get hurt. We all did, once-even Lukas did-but we grew out of it. He hasn't. It'll take a pretty good knock to get Gilbert out. I'm afraid of how big.'

'So Ant-so people are right that we...that it's better to keep your head down?' Ludwig asked.

'In the long run, yeah. Especially if you plan on staying here. Gilbert's got the whole city with a grudge against him. Lucky he's moving back to Europe, or so he says.'

'Can people do that? Leave their family?' Ludwig challenged. Mathias stared him down, chewing on his lip. His eyes were shadowed.

'Sometimes you have to,' he said. 'If you can, I mean. Gilbert's the anomaly. He always is. He's the one who keeps fighting, he's the one going back to Europe, he's the one who runs away and comes back. But...I think I understand that now, at least. Coming back.'

They're all quiet for a moment. Feliciano saw between the colourful flashes of light, Mathias' thumb rubbing the back of Lukas' hand, and the way their bodies seemed to gravitate towards each other. He is suddenly aware of the way he leans towards Ludwig, but even in this charged and free space, the fluttering in his stomach is both terrifying and amazing at once and he stopped. Ludwig jerked as well, like he was leaning too, and the fluttering almost knocked Feliciano off his feet.

'What are some things you like to do here?' Feliciano asked at a stab at conversation, tearing his eyes away.

'He drinks, I smoke,' Lukas said. 'He also talks to everyone here, which is what you should do. Particularly the guy over there, with the curls, if he's not...busy. He can explain what you want to know.' His eyes flicked over them both and softened slightly. 'Good luck.'

They leave. Feliciano was almost glad they did because he was so unsure and raw and confused, but in a good way, about all his feelings, and Mathias and Lukas looked like they knew what and who they were, especially to each other, and that-that is where Feliciano's feelings are most tangled up. Who he is to Ludwig, or who he wants to be to him.

'Hey, Ludwig,' he said.

'Yes?' Oh, and the way Ludwig always looked at him, and the way he looks, too, with his blue eyes questioning and piercing and trusting. He's beautiful.

'We're…' Feliciano dimly noticed they'd slowed in the middle of the crush of bodies, and that music was booming through the air, and that both his hands were twined with Ludwig's and that they were close. He had to look up, and those blue eyes took his breath away. 'We're friends, right?'

'Of course!' Ludwig looked surprised he even asked. 'We promised. Always.'

'Always,' Feliciano agreed. His strange urge to do something that would make the small distance between them even less from the morning flashed through him again. 'About Gilbert-I think, no, I know he's trying. To be better. And I know you're trying, too, and that his ideas of how to protect you might be wrong about what to protect you from or how, and that you don't like that, and that sometimes he doesn't listen, but I know you're trying and you're amazing for that and for everything else and Ludwig, I…'

Feliciano is a mess right now. Everything is bright and incredible with sound except here, where there is not enough air but he was floating and faraway except he's also very sharply here, where their chests are almost pressed together and he didn't know what he's saying anymore, but he really just wanted to-

Feliciano wanted to kiss him.

He wanted to kiss him more than he wanted to keep breathing the too-thin air. The realization shuddered through him down to his bones and filled him with its rightness, making the entire world look right, making him understand what had been missing from all his feelings, and he very nearly leaned in right then.

'Sei bello,' he said shakily instead of kissing him, and Ludwig smiled.

'Du bist wunderschön, Feliciano.'

Feliciano let go of one of his hands and tugged him towards the man with curls before he could go ahead and lean in. He regretted doing it, but he had to.

A lot of people were tall, and it was hard to see, but when they finally saw the man, Feliciano stopped, hot, irrational fear flooding him. It was Antonio, and even though Antonio was good, and Lovino really liked him, he would recognize them.

Ludwig gave him a worried look. Feliciano tried to think of anything like a plan, and the quiet strength of Ludwig's hand was not helping his thoughts from wandering to what it would feel like to-

'It's okay, Feliciano, Antonio won't be strange about us being here,' Ludwig said, thankfully mistaking why Feliciano was so red.

'Still, I don't know if he should know we're here. This is-is kind of a secret, isn't it?'

'I have that feeling.' Ludwig glanced around. 'But it's not a bad secret. It's not anything to be ashamed of. Right?'

'Right.' With that in mind, Feliciano stepped forward. Antonio was dancing with someone, smiling and laughing delightedly, eyes shining and only for his partner. Feliciano smiled to see him so happy, until he looked at who had their arms hooked behind the taller man's neck and was whispering something in his ear.

It was his brother.

'Lovino?' Feliciano said before he could stop himself.

Ludwig yanked them back, pulling them out of sight, but Lovino's head snapped around. He locked eyes with Feliciano. What dropped into his stomach at the look Lovino gave him was not so simple as fear. It was dread.

Hidden between the shifting mass of people, Feliciano watched his brother step away, his flush spreading down his neck, dig a bill out of his skinny jeans, and stuff it into Antonio's hand.

'Can you grab drinks?' he asked. Antonio looked surprised, but left. Lovino whirled and stalked after them. Yelping in terror, Feliciano tried to run, but Lovino grabbed his shirt and pulled them both into the relative cool and dark near the tables.

'What the hell are you doing here?' he demanded.

'I-I was just-Feliks brought us!' Feliciano stammered. Lovino's eyes raked over Ludwig, and the hot rage in his eyes flared.

'No. He shouldn't have. You shouldn't be here-' A muscle in his jaw was jumping. 'You don't understand what you're doing here. Both of you have no idea. Do you know how mad Nonno will be if he knows you're here? Together?'

'Why are you here, then?' Feliciano asked, trying to steady his voice even though he felt like crumpling with terror. 'Why does it matter we're here together?'

'It doesn't matter about me, I'm your older brother! I'm allowed to go places I want and do whatever I damn well want no matter what Nonno thinks! You aren't supposed to be here, you're not supposed to be-' Lovino cut himself off again, breathing heavily. 'You being here, especially with him-' He jerked his head at Ludwig, '-is stupid and irresponsible and wrong.'

'It's not wrong!'

'Shut up!' Lovino snarled, his movements jerky and sharp with rage as he stalked back to his seat. 'You're leaving, Feliciano. Both of you. Right now. And you won't tell Nonno about any of this.'

'You're here because of Antonio, aren't you!' Feliciano shouted back, so furious over the way Lovino had looked at Ludwig he didn't care about the consequences for once.

'I told you to never say that again!' Lovino screamed, rounding on him. Feliciano's bravery evaporated, and his thoughts were frozen gibberish, pleas and explanations silent on his tongue. 'You don't understand, you don't have any idea what you're doing!'

'Lovi, please-' Feliciano backed away.

'Don't call me that!' Lovino had backed them against the counter, and guilt settled over his face as he stepped away.

For a second, nobody spoke.

'You won't tell Nonno about this,' Lovino said roughly. Feliciano shook his head, feeling numb and cold.

'Good.' Lovino looked like he wanted to apologize, but the words wouldn't form and he closed his mouth. 'Go find Feliks. Get out.'

He turned away, and the last Feliciano saw was his brother's guilt turning to anguish.

0o0o0o

'I don't really want to go home,' Ludwig whispered as Toris drove them back. Feliciano held back all his responses that they didn't have to go home and that they could be everything because he was still running high off the energy of the night.

'Gilbert needs you,' he said. Ludwig looked away in the way he had where he didn't believe him. Feliciano touched his hand. 'He needs you. I promise.'

'I'm talking to him more,' Ludwig said in a rush. 'I'm not sure he needs me, but I told you he's staying for me.'

'I have to let you off here,' Toris interrupted from the front. Feliciano jerked away. Toris shook his head, his eyes faintly sad.

'I don't know how to feel that you both already know what kinds of people…'

'Use the words?' Feliciano asked. Toris nodded.

'Yes. Now, I need to let you off here. Ludwig, your brother and I…'

'I know,' Ludwig said.

They both lingered outside for a long time.

'How angry are they going to be?' Feliciano asked. 'I didn't tell Nonno anything, he's probably worried sick. I told Lovino I was going to an art thing, but Lovino was there, too, and so he didn't tell him and now Nonno's going to be so mad.' He suddenly realized Ludwig was quiet. 'Ludwig?'

'With any luck, they'll be too busy arguing to notice me,' he said with the hint of a sad smile. Feliciano felt terrible.

'I'm sorry, I didn't think-'

'It's not your fault!' Ludwig looked surprised. 'Feliciano, you don't need to apologize for them. Really.'

Feliciano couldn't explain his helpless rage at the arguments and himself for forgetting that Ludwig's situation was different. He just nodded, tears building up in his throat.

'You can talk to me any time, okay?'

'I know.'

0o0o0o

Nonno was sitting at the table when Feliciano came in. Feliciano felt even worse.

'Where were you?' Nonno asked plainly.

'Downtown,' Feliciano mumbled, shame making his limbs heavy. He sat when gestured. 'At a...a party.'

'Why?'

The tangle of emotion that had been building up over Lovino and the meeting and Ludwig burst out of him and Feliciano was confessing through tears that he hadn't thought because it sounded brave and new and he couldn't resist and he was sorry until he was spent, hiccuping, sore and raw, tears making the world blur. Nonno was bent over him, gently rubbing his back.

'There, there. It's fine, Feli. I would be a hypocrite to say that I never had my share of youthful adventures.'

Feliciano still hadn't told him everything, and the real weight of the words and Ludwig were still heavy, but he felt better. 'Really?'

'You wouldn't believe the things I got up to.' His grandfather chuckled, even though it turned into a slight cough. 'Liquor, women, and adventure, that's the meaning of life!'

The rest of their talk, Feliciano wiped at his face and breathed deeply and promised he'd tell next time, before he went to his room, feeling much better than he had before. Nonno stayed in the kitchen, waiting for Lovino.

Feliciano wrote a note. His handwriting was sloppy and perhaps tearstained because he was shaking with emotion and relief, but it was at least honest.

Hey Ludwig

My talk went pretty well and if you want to talk I'm here

Then, he took up his paints and tried to capture the way Ludwig had looked in the lights, but he was so drained and exhausted that he almost drifted off a few times. When Feliciano heard the door, he jerked upright, wiped a smudge of green off his cheek, and ran for the stairs to listen to Lovino.

Nonno's tone was completely different.

'You were out again.'

'I'm older now, it's not like in Venice. I know what I'm doing.'

'You don't.' Nonno sounded frustrated. 'It doesn't work out, Lovi.'

'Don't call me that.'

'Lovino, this kind of...it never works out. Believe me.'

'What would you know?'

'A lot more than you.' The sound of a chair scraping back. 'I know you tell Feliciano he doesn't understand, but you don't, either. You don't know what-what this is like.'

'I do!' Lovino hissed, and lowered his voice. 'I do.'

'Do you?' Nonno challenged. 'Tell me that you're completely confident you are...like that. Tell everyone.'

'No!' Lovino cringed and lowered his voice again. 'No. I'm not ready.'

'Exactly!' Nonno pushed back his chair with a loud clatter, and everyone winced.

'It's a personal matter if I want to do anything! It's not your decision!'

'It's wrong!' Nonno nearly shouted. 'It becomes my decision when you're unprepared and don't know why it's wrong! This is a mistake!'

'Don't you dare call him a mistake!' Lovino roared, sending his chair clattering back as well. 'A mistake is you moving us to America! The only good thing that's come out of this is-is him!'

'Him?' Nonno asked dangerously. Lovino was silent. 'You-you are like that? You have someone?'

'You don't get to control these things,' Lovino said, voice shaking. 'You don't get to decide what will or won't work. We aren't a mistake.'

'He is a mistake. You're making a mistake,' Nonno said quietly. Lovino turned and stormed away. Feliciano ran back to his bed and stayed still, heart pounding, as Lovino slammed his door and threw things against it, over and over, and heard his crying.

0o0o0o

However, there are a lot of problems for them.

:: The grainy quality of old films