Me: And here's the next chapter. Comprising of the grand reveal of Delta's mission level usage of his brand new flight pack.

Delta: Which is the shiiiiiiiiiit. It's like having a miniature Banshee strapped to my back and put under my control!

Me: We also get to find out what the hell is that device he built after stealing Miranda's control chip. Speaking of Miranda, hotsexylady, do the disclaimer please!

Miranda: (a tick mark appears on her forehead and she lifts her hand, using Slam on Zero)

Disclaimer: Zero612 does not own Mass Effect or Halo. The story ideas are the result of his own creativity and time along with the laws of cause and effect. Murphy's law would be put into effect if Shepard only didn't activate it so damn much. It has a cooldown period afterall, it's a hardworked law. And always remember, Gravity loves you and doesn't ever want to let you go.

Delta: Overly attached Gravity. Can we make a meme out of that?

Miranda: I don't care. (walks off. Well, struts off somewhat unconsciously)

Delta: Hothothot hot hot hothothot. (is hit by a small warp) OW!

Changing Insanity

The shuttle lands and opens, I'm thrown out and the rest of the group quickly gets out, faces wrinkled in disgust.

"Dammit Delta, what the hell did you eat?" Shepard says.

"Nothing. It's the heat that's making it stink more." I respond defensively. I get easily embarrassed about my loud farts, shut up...

"Possibly also the dead varren in the corner." Tali says, her voice easily showing how unaffected she is by the smell. Lucky she got the best air filters.

"Goddammit, is everything trying to choke me with its smells?"

"I might choke you with my hands Human. We normally don't let your kind here but the chief has demanded we allow you to enter. Go see him." Says a Krogan who looks at us angrily. He then turns to Grunt. "And give your whelp the Rite soon."

"The Rite? What is that?" Shepard asks the Krogan.

"Go speak to our clanleader." He replies before stalking off. Shepard frowns at his back then leads us off the landing platform and through a tunnel. The tunnel ends in a wide, open area reminiscent of the places I've seen in my Fallout game. The roof was the husk of a large, wide building that had its floors and debris cleared with holes to allow sunlight in and their big Tomkah trucks nestled in the mechanics workshop by the traveling tunnels. On the lower main floor I see the main group of Krogans moving around between the available things, some at the shops, others at the Varren pits, a few guys shooting the pyjaks with their guns and some are milling around near where I assume the clan leader sits.

"Wow."

"It's more Krogan than I've ever seen all in the same place."

"This…This is Tuchanka? My homeworld?"

"This is the worst case of Lizard-man sausagefest I have ever seen…" Weird looks again. "Oh come on, I know you're all thinking 'where are the females'!" I say, turning to them. Shepard walks by towards where the Clan leader seems to sit and argue with some Krogan. That Krogan getting in a fit is Gatatog Uvenk… and he only fights with Shepard's friend.

"Stop. You cannot speak to the Clanleader untilhe is doen with his meeting." A Krogan guard says as we try to approach the throne of rubble.

"Let me through. I need to speak with him now, its urgent."

Uvenk prattles on about tradition and his stupid crap while our buddy watches boredly. He then catches sight of Shepard and I smirk when he straightens immediately.

"Shepard!"

"Sounds like he's called. Excuse me." Shepard pushes past the guard and is followed by the squad. I'm last to go by and give the guy a wide smile after depolarizing my visor with a quick middle finger. He growls and glares at my back as if trying to burn through my armor.

"Shepard. You're looking good for being dead. Should've known the Void couldn't hold you."

"It's nice to see you again too Wrex. How have you been?"

"Good, good. I've used our success on Virmire to rally the krogan together under a single banner. We need to stop being divided and unite. Only then can we combat this genophage and rise again." Wrex said.

Shepard and Wrex carry on talking from this point and I turn to see Grunt staring around the place. I step over to him and pat him on the shoulder.

"Check it out bud. You're home."

"Home? This is my home? It's little more than once great piles of dirt and rocks. How is this the land of my ancestors? The Battlemasters whose blood mine is distilled from!"

"They blew it up. Fireworks were big amongst your people." I look at Grunt and he looks back a little irritatedly. I just smile and he frowns. "Don't hurt me."

"Why not? You're hardier than you look."

"Because Wrex and Shepard just called for you." Grunt turned around and saw that Wrex and Shepard were both looking at him. He stepped forward and Wrex bent down and began sniffing him.

"He doesn't wear deoderant so you might wanna… or just go ahead, whatever works for you." I say. Shepard glares at me and I take it as a clue to shut up. I sigh and move off, heading down toward the main floor.

Silver turns on the radio and keeps track of what Shepard and the others are saying just so I know when to get back with them. In the meantime, I see some pyjaks that need shooting and a few Varren that look like winners.

Boom! "30" Boom "31" Boom "32" Boom "33" BOOM "35. How's that?" I ask the Krogan soldier manning the defense guns.

"Pretty good. Definitely lowered them enough to not try and steal from our food stores again for a short while at least."

"Sweet. Later" I walk away, heading over to the Varren pits and counting my money as my latest bet comes up. Come on, come on, Red flash, kill the other one! Woohoo! 2,500 credits are mine! Pay up bitches! "I believe I won that round Urek. Mind paying my money?"

"Dirty Human…" Urek, a brown and green krogan with a small sized hump says, taking the credit chit out and giving me the desired amount. I walk away humming happily until I hear something.

"Where's his krantt? Me and mine stand to deny him. Where are his?" Fucking Uvenk being a pain in the ass…

"There's myself, and the others beside me. There's another who will be here soon I bet."

"You? You stand for this tank-born whelp created from our greatest? A mockery to the Krogans?!" Grunt growls at this so I do the only thing that seems reasonable and logical. In my head.

"MIIIIIINEE!" I shout into the mike, running to the stairs and up it.

"Oh god…" Shepard says with an audible sigh.

"mine mine mine mine mine mine Mine Mine Mine MINE MINE MINE!" I chant this faster and louder while flying up the stairs, pausing and then readjusting to shoot straight, applying a large boost to my packs thruster fins to fly straight into Uvenk's head…well, head-first.

We both topple down to the ground though I fly into a wall as well and slump onto the ground with my head shaking wildly and vision blurry. "Haha, Krogan headbutt FTW! I'm seeing that purple elephant again…"

"There he is… in all his glory." Says Shepard.

"Hahaha, I like these humans! They understand our ways."

Uvenk gets up with the help of his two friends, shaking his head "You… You dare.."

"Yes I do, now go away before I taunt you a second tiiiimmeee! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!" I say in a slight daze. Shepard shakes her head as Uvenk glares and leaves. I lay on the ground and listen to the Shaman talk about the Rite and then Grunt's agreement. I get up when everyone starts piling out of the room and follow them to one of the tomkahs. We all pile in and I find it's actually kind of roomy. Though its built for Krogans so I guess humans would find this spacious. The ride's also a pretty long one, lasting about 15-20 minutes long and filled with bumps. Which, really sucked since I had a bit of a concussion.

"We're here." The Shaman grunts out. Thank goodness. I'm the first one up and out of the vehicle, standing in front of the tunnel that leads to the arena where we find the keystone. The Shaman and Shepard exchange a few words while walking up and I follow, thankfully mostly healed now. I'll have to sleep before I get back to work on any of my next projects.

"So Grunt, feel you're up for this?" I ask my krogan crewmate.

He looks back and snarls a bit "Are you suggesting I can't handle this little test?"

"No, but it just might be hard. It's good to be confident but don't let it cloud your judgement. Even the mightiest fall to little mistakes. I can't have you dying here man."

"Huh… Thank you then, Delta."

"No problem." You're a better meat shield than me.

A door opens and we see Tuchanka's surface once again. My helmet faceplate polarizes to shield me from the glare of the sun on the planets ravaged shell. I look at buildings that likely were once magnificent and sturdy, now merely the last remains of the corpse of a dead culture.

I chuckle, muttering "The Krogans are kind of like the Brutes. Nearly bombed themselves back to the stone age." Shepard and Grunt are looking at what seems to be a giant hammer capable of causing small scale earthquakes. The Keystone, which Shepard activates with the press of a tiny button.

"You have a big hammer that is likely to bring death to you, and to show this you just put a little red button at its base. No sense of drama."

"Why would you need drama to fight?" Grunt asks.

"You don't-"

"Then shut up about it."

"Still, someone's gotta have fun with this. I mean it's a fight, usually in a fight you get down and dirty and gritty and sometimes bloody. Maybe after that fight you want to immortalize your accomplishment with a weary, dramatic climb up a short set of stair steps to a single podium with that button in a darkened room, the sun shining through a small hole upon that podium like the holy light of Go-"

"Would you shut up, I'm trying to listen!" Shepard barks out. She turns and starts to walk to the platform where we'll be fighting, the voice of a krogan echoing out from the speakers around us while Varren suddenly jump the walls separating our area from the wasteland that is Tuchanka. They al roar and charge us, only to be dispatched quickly by focused shotgun blasts and automatic fire. A rather boring fight really, there were a lot of them but they were mostly just nuisance-OOF! WHAT THE HELL?!

A Varren had snuck up and jumped me while I was distracted, knocking me onto the floor and my Locust to the side. It snarls and snaps at me, scratching at my faceplate while my head is instinctively tucked to my chest, denying it a chance to bite at my neck which it constantly tries to reach. Smart little bastard.

"Time to put you down Spot" I say with a grunt, activating one plasma blade and stabbing into its shoulder. It roars and rears up a bit in pain which I take advantage of by headbutting it then driving my other blade into its head. I shove it off of me as it dies and grab my Locust before standing again to see everyone standing and watching me.

"No help?"

"You were fine." Says Grunt.

"It was kind of funny to watch actually. You were muttering and cursing into your mike." Tali puts in as well. Mordin and Shepard just look disinterested and Shepard goes over to the keystone to call up our next test. I keep quiet, not really having anything to say and because I don't want Shepard to hit me if she misses the next monologue. I merely whistle to myself while the Keystone rises up to slam down again and send out a big shaking pulse along the ground. I look around; not really seeing anything until a large bug-dragon thing flies in front of us and lands on the ground, roaring before lifting off and flying out of sight. Then more bug things come from where it landed, known as Klixen. They looked like big, thin beetle-ant hybrids with antennae shaped like the horns of a bull. They were a deep blood red color, lightened by the sun of Tuchanka with beady yellow eyes. They seemed to always make a hissing noise as well, slowly crawling up to us on their four claw legs and breathing fire when anyone got too close. After someone managed to make a killing blow the dad klixen would start to swell up and fall then explode.

These guys were much more of a nuisance to deal with. And so messy.

"Maybe we can recruit our next teammate with this situation. Join Shepard and you get to kill people all over the goddamn galaxy. Even on the shitty Tuchankan wasteland. Ow! OW!" I got knocked by Grunt into a Klixen, which then blew up from my body crushing its head in and blasted me back behind the group with its explosion, my shields now beeping in warning.

"Grunt!" Shepard says angrily, still shooting the klixen that try to flood us. He merely does as his namesake and continues to shoot the bugs.

I groan, getting up slowly as my shields start to recharge. Even with my armor on the fuckers a ton heavier than me, with most of that being more muscle. A quick shot from my Viper puts down a Klixen at range while two of the bug-dragon things come and drop more. I'm hoping this is the last wave of these guys. I use the rest of the clip to take out a few while everyone else switches to assault rifles or smgs to take down as many as they can, concentrating fire with Shepard. They fall relatively quickly but 2 still managed to get in close range so Grunt and Tali take out their shotguns and try to shoot them while avoiding the fire they spew out. Once the last two are dead, blown up and the Harvesters are nowhere to be seen everyone takes a second to breathe out in relief. Grunt seems excited for what will come next.

"You know, I kinda feel sorry for those guys. It must really hurt them, having to barf out fire all the time in an attempt to survive."

"Are you really getting guilty over a giant bug instead of the numerous people we killed?" Shepard says, walking over to the keystone to activate it once more.

"No, but if I was my argument would be that they were insects, incapable of knowing just exactly what they were doing and only able to understand the thoughts of the hivemind. The people we've killed on the other hand definitely were aware they had been doing something wrong, whether they chose to acknowledge it or not." We stumble as this slam of the keystone turns out to be a lot stronger and more pronounced than its last two, thoroughly rocking the earth below us.

"I think that one hit China."

"We're not even on Earth anymore Delta."

"That's how strong it was!" I respond. Shepard stares at me. "You know you'd miss me after a while. Why's the ground still shaking?" I ask, looking at my feet and feeling the trembles of the earth. Everyone looks down too, slowly lifting their eyes to the front of the platform as the trembles get stronger and start to converge on that point. The trembles suddenly stop and we all glance at each other, still watching the space warily. A tense few seconds pass and no one has relaxed.

"Well that was anti-climac-" A huge Thresher Maw bursts out of the ground, sending dirt and debris flying up into the air and crashing down around the keystone, roaring its giant armored head out while its tongue lolls out like that of a serpent's. I'm knocked down almost immediately by a large stone that looked like part of a building. "Oh sonuvabitch!"

Shepard yells out and everyone scatters as the Thresher spews its acid at us, myself shielded by the debris and saved from the initial assault. I shove the rock off and roll to the side to avoid a second shot then scramble behind a large stone pillar beside Tali. "Sometimes I really hate how Shepard triggers Murphy's law so often…"

Tali's voice is colored with slight disbelief and amusement "Sometimes?"

"Most times its actually pretty damn fun if you have the right tools. Like this for example." I say while pulling something out of my hardcase. It looks like the hilt of a sword with a circular guard and thick pyramidal drill bit looking head. With a press of a button the drill bit spreads open, each face of the pyramid separating from each other until the device starts to look like an open Hookshot from LoZ with yellow glowing nodes at the tip of each piece. I activate my flight pack while Tali looks at it in confusion and curiosity then zoom up into the sky and flip around once or twice to attract the attention of the Thresher.

"Hey, mutant worm, you dropped a rock on me. That shit hurt." The Thresher just heaves as a large glob of acid and mucus spit shoots at me. I do a tight barrel roll while flying forward to evade it, some errant acid spittle grazing and burning at my shields for a second. Once close the Thresher closes its mouth and tries to slam me with its head but I dodge it narrowly as it moved faster than I anticipated. Still, I wasn't about to be outdone by some mutant, fatass, nightcrawler. So, I flew up and behind, staying out of sight as often as I could while taunting it and making it turn its back on the rest of the team who began spraying it with rounds from their weapons but were doing little gradual damage against its armored back. As soon as I saw the chance I took it, getting out of sight and flying directly above its head and activating my cloak to be invisible for the last split second I needed to drop. I land on it, just behind the thick flanging crest on the Thresher maw's head that covers a surprisingly soft looking piece of flesh that seems to separate the head from the body. Hm, guess it was better to have this unarmored for more mobility for its head since the crest was enough to protect this small section. It'd be very difficult to get a shot in, especially if you didn't know what you were aiming at as well.

But open flesh means exposed nerve endings so!

I take out my open hookshot-ish device and jam it into the exposed skin, the drill bit part tearing through easily and flanging out more to secure it's position like an oversized tick that won't fall off even though its bloated to the size of a freakin grape. I jump off as the Thresher roars in pain and then fly over to the platform, standing atop one of the pillars at the front while I activate my tac-pad and run the program written so recently.

"Simon says sit."

The Thresher Maw stops roaring and just whimpers while curling up in what seems like a rest position. I roar in triumph and jump back over to it, sitting on the front of it's crest this time with my hands up in a victory 'V' formation. Everyone else is just staring at me.

"HAHA! I have tamed a goddamn Thresher Maw! Run Collectors run, because when we get to your base you are getting a faceful of fucking Thresher acid spit! Choke on that you overgrown, cockroach, shit-for-brains, kidnapping fucktards! Choke on it!" I continue to laugh maniacally as the Thresher's mouth continues to gape, drool and acid dripping to the floor occasionally, the acid making a caustic hiss and steam rise with each drop.

"Delta suggest rapid movement." Mordin yells out.

"HAHAHA-huh? Why, OH MY GOD!" I yell, pausing in my maniacal, power corrupted laughter to jump and fly as far away from my perch/new steed/mega minion as Shepard, quite calmly and collectedly, blasts a carefully aimed ball of mini-nuclear death straight into the Thresher Maw's gullet from her M920 Cain. The Thresher's head explodes in a shower of scorched and seared shell armor with most of its guts and blood vaporized. Ironic that the shell grown over years of development and nurture ensured its death by containing what it attempted to keep out. The Thresher's shell was so good at bouncing off things that would damage it, it was very effective at containing the blast inside the Thresher's body where all its soft tissue was subjected to the pure, undiluted and unmitigated wrath of Shepard's attack.

"Buh…I….Muh….Wuh, wuh, wuh, whyyyy" I stutter, close to tears. Shepard just does an about face and walks towards where a shuttle flies in and heads to land. I merely gape at the blown, seared and scattered remains of what was to be my strongest organic ally and weapon who oddly smells like a summer BBQ when killed and seared.

Tali comes up beside me "You know, she probably would've let you keep it if you didn't sound so insane."

I don't respond for a little while before sighing and dropping my head "No she wouldn't…"

"Yeah, there's no way in hell she would've." Tali agrees. I just sigh again and start walking towards Shepard, Grunt, and Mordin who are talking to Uvenk. "You seem to have some kind of extreme preference for things that are extremely dangerous. You have your own AI, a hijacked Geth colossus and now you tried to control a Thresher Maw."

"Not tried. I did. Shepard just blew him up before I did more. Along with the control module itself."

"Look on the bright side. Your flight pack is working admirably well."

"Well, that is a good thing…" I look up and raise my Locust while Tali pulls up her Scimitar and we both shoot in unison a Krogan who tries to flank Grunt and Shepard while they charge Uvenk and his main group of goons. I take out my Viper and assist from range while Tali moves closer to help with her shotgun and pistol. It's a lot faster taking down Uvenk and his krantt than fighting those klixen. Damn klixen. Damn Krogan. Damn dead Thresher maw not having the sense of mind that I stole control of for not thinking to close its mouth. Damn me for not making it close it's damn mouth! Wait, no, damn something besides myself, I don't want to be damned. Damned thoughts, stop damning things.

The fight's over and we head to the hole in the ground that the Shaman climbs out of. He looks over at the dead Thresher maw then looks at us and back to it before exclaiming something in joy. I don't know what it was, because I was too busy reading an inscription on the wall by the keystone saying "Lots of very small text put something interesting here or whatever" though it was upside down. Being the grammar nazi I am, I used my plasma dagger edge to place a comma between "text" and "put". After that I wrote "Delta came, he saw, he kicked ass. Vote Udina for the Asshole of Humanity award," below it. That seems like an interesting thing. Alright, lets move on now, the smell of BBQ/dead cooked Thresher Maw is making me hungry. I follow the others down the stairs and into the tomkah while two others behind us roll up and a bunch of Krogans climb out, running up the hole with grappling hooks.

The ride back is long and quiet which became somewhat odd since everyone stared at me at some point or another. Or so Silver says, I fell asleep halfway through the first minute of sitting down and he kept locking certain parts of the armor to keep me up straight so I wouldn't get any cramps or cricks in my neck and such. I didn't even know I was tired but I should have guessed since the Thresher smell made me so hungry; whenever I get hungry I get sleepy and when I get sleepy I get hungry. It's a vicious, evil cycle that I cannot break. Though Wrex's booming voice was a good alarm clock.

"Shepard! It's good to see you survived. I didn't really expect anything else but killing a Thresher Maw? Magnificent!"

"You have completed the Rite. You can now be given full clan status as Grunt, do you wish to join Clan Urdnot?" Asks the Shaman standing next to Wrex. Grunt steps away from the two to the edge of the little chief platform and stares out at the camp. One can only imagine what's going through his head, probably a bunch of things about how this camp is shit, the planet's shit, some of these krogans have shitfor brains and oh god I think I stepped in Varren shit.

"Shit!"

"Shut up Delta."

Grunt turns back and only lets out an irritated snort before looking directly at Wrex "I will."

The Shaman nods "Then from now on you are Urdnot Grunt. You have full clan status and will be allowed to own property, enlist under a battlemaster and receive breeding requests." Grunt and the others give their equivalent of a smile then Shepard and Wrex begin talking about idle things, a comment on how Uvenk will not be missed is slipped in and the Mordin intervenes with worry about Maelon.

Congrats Grunt, you can now fight and die or be pimped out to whatever female krogan gets horny for the night. It's kind of a shame though how this genophage thing has all the krogans separated. Judging from the one conversation I heard between those two Krogan beside the shop the whole gun/battle/death fascination of their culture tends to not interfere with all the fatherly ties and stuff. Which is weird because looking at Wrex and Wreav I think that in Krogan culture its sacred and loving between father and son but if you're brothers the usual exchange for morning greetings seems to go like "Go fuck yourself you tiny pistol'd twat" and "Choke on it pebble-humped bastard". I can only imagine what krogan version of "The Brady Bunch" would be like. I'd say the film crew would be dead in a day.

"Alright, we'd better get on with rescuing Maelon. Come on you guys, lets go." Shepard says, heading off the platform and to the tomkahs to hitch a ride to the next place for us to rescue Mordin's assistant. Ooh joy, more killing and fighting… as if the last job didn't have enough. Aw well I'll just spend the ride doing something more productive, like writing up the schematics for the things Humanity's going to need to fight the Reapers when they come. Or that toy I have planned for when we go to the Collector base. Or watching the playthrough of ME3 my other self is doing.

Or I could check out the video feed Tim has from the bugs planted in the women's bathroom.

…

Oh my lord.

Me: and there's the newest chapter!

Delta: THRESHY! HE WAS SOO YOOUUUNNGG! (bawls his eyes out in the corner)

Me: Delta's still rather broken up about it. Maybe finding Maelon and doing some other shenanigans. If not there's always my usual problem. (holds up and gazes lovingly at a mallet) Anyway, we'll see you guys again shortly with another update. Until then, PEACE!

Delta: THRESHYYYY!

Me: I'm about to get some for myself... (walks towards Delta with his mallet raised threateningly)