Delta: Hi, I'm Delta!

Zero: This ought to be good.

Delta: And this is Jackass! (hops on top of Grunt and pokes him in the butt with a taser) YEEHAAWWWW!

Grunt: OW! DELTA!

Zero: Wow he actually did it…

Disclaimer: Zero612 does not own Mass Effect or Halo. Both videogame franchises belong to their respective companies.

Delta: Sonuvabitch! (flies across the screen, quickly followed by Grunt's charge)

Zero: (sighs) I'll get Chakwas.

Change of Direction

"Let's see here, compile a packet of schematics for Alliance to use to upgrade ships and defenses, check. Give Chakwas that bottle of brandy I owed her, check. Research more on the creature known as the Thresher maw, check. Hehe, imagine my surprise, they grow to the size of a Mako in just 5 years. Explains how he's the size of a puppy already. Right Jr?" The dirt in the aquarium shifts slightly. "Develop EVA frame. Silver's on that, should be ready before the Collectors hit. Modify rocket drones into basic Sentinel prototype, check." I pat the reconstructed drones, now a single oval shaped drone with three legs that close over its face, housing a thermal beam and all powered by a plasma battery core. "Hehe, this'll be useful. Soon as I get to our neighborhood intergalactic post office. Or I'll just have Tali send it. much easier." I deactivate the interface on my omni-tool housing the checklist as I stand up, walking over to the weapons bench that currently houses my 3 guns, my hybrid rifle I have now decided to name "The Cobra" rifle, my plasma repeater and my M-5 Phalanx.

They were all laid out for one reason earlier, which is also the reason I admire them now. They were all painted to fit my black and red color scheme. The blue on the phalanx was replaced with black while the white was changed to a dark red. The Cobra's sides were al black with red around the barrel, front grip and thermal clip ejector. The Plasma repeaters globule carapace was actually a mix of black and dark blue while a crimson paint was used for the center area, where the plasma bolts were spun and launched. The firing mechanism was also toyed with so the bolts themselves were even changed to be the same hue of crimson as well.

"I am so, gooood." Thank you sudden influx of information. You hurt like a bitch, but have proven yourself all too useful in this world. I smile to myself while walking out of the armory to head down and get some food from Gardner.

"Hey Gard I-…." I must have taken something by accident because I cannot believe my eyes.

"Delta! There you are! Last stop we got a guy give all these to us, said it was reserved for you. Don't know if someone likes you, hates you or hates us for thinking to give ya so much sugar…" Gardner says, glancing suspiciously out of the corner of his eye at the 2 crates beside his kitchen, labeled "Donut's for Delta".

Shepard steps out of the elevator with Liara beside her, fingers massaging her forehead in annoyance. "Gardner, please tell me that whatever you called me down here for is NOT Delta related."

"Uh, well commander…" Gardner looks over to the crates, 1 is unopened but the other has an oddly Delta shaped growth on its side which clutches it tightly while also taking out a donut from its contents at random intervals.

"Who got him these?!" Shepard demands.

"I don't know, it was anonymous when they gave it to us." Gardner replies.

"Tim came through! He wasn't lying, oh joyous day!" I say, before eating another delicious pumpkin spice donut. I love how they eliminate seasonal availability when money's involved. I didn't think he'd actually consult the list I sent him. I kind of expected it to be all chocolate, then I could keep calling him a dirty backstabbing bastard. Now he's just a dirty bastard. Ooh, glazed cruller!

"How many has he eaten?"

"I think about 20 by now."

"I've missed you lovely heated dough rings of delicious sugaryness!"

"Take the second crate and make it available to the crew. He's restricted to the one he opened already now." Shepard says before walking off.

I stop mid bite and turn to look at her. "What?"

"You heard me Delta, better eat your stash sparingly. You're forbidden to take any from the other crate."

"But-"

"No Buts."

I pick up the crate and carry it to the elevator, muttering "fine" while I ride back up to the armory. Once the crate is deposited there and a couple last donuts are liberated for snacking I then decide to actually consider how many I've eaten. Which goes up to about 2 dozen now…

"Oh boy…" I say before crashing down onto my cot.

"From what I heard he ate over 20 of those things. I don't think he'll be up for maybe another 10 minutes or so." I hear a deep voice say. Likely Jacob.

"It's been an hour now." That sounds like Kasumi.

"Yeah, I don't think he'll wake anytime soon."

"No spicing it up! I'm still here dammit…" I say groggily, one eye poking open to provide half a glare. Jacob just doubles over in laughter and Kasumi joins him. I glare at the two and leave, wiping off the drool from the corner of my mouth and heading into the elevator with scrunched eyes. "Shepard, make sure Jacob and Kasumi stay off my bed please." I say before the elevator doors close and I go down to the cargo bay level.

Shepard blinks and looks up from her computer, turning to look at the elevator doors then to the ones leading into the Armory "…Not dealing with that. Kelly."

"Wha-?"

"Do it."

What the hell…

"He is seventy years old and still goes on suicide missions for relaxation. He's fucked with Aria…twice in one night, and she asked for more. He doesn't have pick up lines, he has pick up looks. He won an arm wrestle match with an elcor. 3 times. If he were to give you directions, you'd never get lost; and arrive at least 5 minutes early. He is Zaeed Massani, the most interesting man in the Galaxy." At this point Zaeed shows up in a seat surrounded by several Asari of ranging hues, all positioned under the sign of a certain hotel. "I don't always stay in Illium long, but when I do, I stay at Azure. Stay lethal my friends."

"pffft, hahahahahaaaa! I cant-I can't….HAHAHA!" I laugh, rolling on the ground behind Zaeed who just mutters and shakes his head with his usual usage of unnecessary swears.

"Like that kid? Cuz it's the only copy left. We scrapped the whole thing and erased the footage. I'm about to scrap this one too."

I pop up and stare at him wide-eyed with a smile "Can I have it?!"

"Why do you want it?" Zaeed asks, leaning forward and looking at me with a critical eye.

"Because this is awesome! I'm going to show Shepard, then the crew, then I'm putting this on Galatube! In that order!" I say.

"Is that right? Tell you what kid, I'll give you the video file. I don't care about Shepard or the crew, but put it up on Galatube, and I get to beat the shit out of ya."

"Just the first time, or everytime you see it?"

"Every time."

"Make it only the first and you got a deal, but you have to catch me, and you can only do the beating within 1 week of viewing it online."

"…Alright, you got a deal, fuckwit." Zaeed taps his omni tool and the video file transfers to me. I laugh and get up, leaving the room while rubbing my hands together. "You're in for a hell of a beating, you know that?"

"You underestimate my power." I chuckle before turning around and walking towards the elevator "Pleasure doing business with you Zaeed."

"I understand your position Shepard. There's a research station we have set up near you, just about a small star cluster away. A slight detour but it wont change much. I'll message ahead, tell them to give you one of their Kodiaks. Just be sure to return it."

"Thanks." Shepard says with a slight sigh.

"See you later, Shepard." Tim nods before pressing a button and ending the call.

Shepard steps out of the holo-projection center and looks over at Miranda. "You're in charge of getting the shuttle. I'll go tell Joker and Liara about the detour."

"Do you think she'll be upset over it?"

"She doesn't have a choice, we don't have as much time as I'd like so I need to make use of what we do have. Also, go get Delta and tell him to meet me on the CIC in a few minutes please."

"Will do Commander." Miranda nods then heads off to the elevator, stopping by EDI. "EDI, where was Delta last seen?"

"With mercenary Massani in the port cargo hold. He has left through the ventilation so I do not know where he is or headed now." Was EDI's response. Just then the elevator opened, revealing Silver in his geth trooper platform, dragging behind him an unconscious Delta by the leg with his arms splayed out behind him as he was pulled across the floor.

"Officer Lawson. EDI." Silver says with a nod towards the two, not pausing as he drags his human companion behind him over and through the armory doors. Miranda recovers as the door closes, hurrying to and through it to question Silver. She stops, noting Kasumi standing to one side and looking somewhat flustered while Jacob was switching between looking at Delta and glaring at Silver. "What happened?"

"Delta was stacking crates in the cargo deck on edges, trying to make a new "Leaning Tower" when he misjudged the balance of one near the center. When sufficient weight was placed on top it tumbled and crashed down on top of him."

Jacob sighs while Miranda rubs her forehead some. "Are there any notable injuries?" she asks.

"None aside from a bruise on his head. Our scans show no signs of concussion."

"How long until he wakes up?"

"Not long." Silver says, bending down to reach under the bed. Looking around he makes sure that Delta's xbox and holo screen projector along with other appliances are a decent distance before pulling out a small bucket with ice and water and dumping it on the boy.

"GAH! Cold cold cold cold cold!" I jerk awake, shivering and hunching to the side. "Dammit Silver, I didn't think you'd ever actually use that procedure!"

Slight crackles of mirth come from Silver's 'mouth'. "We acknowledged it as an effective one." Silver says, going to turn up the heater in the room.

"Now I gotta change my sheets…"

"You have more important matters than that to attend to right now." Miranda says, looking down at me and I blink in surprise. Huh, didn't notice her. "The Commander wants to speak with you over in the CIC. She says it's important."

Huh, must be something to do with the Shadow broker. "Alright, I'll just change and go talk to her then." Miranda responds with an "okay" then walks off with Jacob and Kasumi. "Wonder what the Commander wants to talk about."

"We suspect it has to do with the Station we are traveling to now."

"Station?"

"Correct. Joker-Pilot has just altered the course of the Normandy as per Shepard-Commander's orders."

I look outside the window in the armory. "Where are we headed?"

"A Cerberus station."

"Why?"

"Pickup for a shuttle."

"Why?"

"I do not know that."

"Crap, now I actually have to go and talk to Shepard…" I say, walking out of the armory. I look at Shepard's usual station and raise an eyebrow at her absence. Kelly pokes me and points up, signaling Shepard's in her private cabin up above.

"Ah, thanks."

"Please knock on the door."

"Not if I can do something funnier." I jump up onto the railing in front of Shepard's commander pedestal thing, grabbing onto the vent above and hauling myself up. I head up and through the ducts, moving silently and creeping further and further along. I stop when I reach a small duct too small for me to move through and take a peek, seeing Shepard feeding her fish. I move around, looking for a vent I can use and sighing in dismay when none are found. Seems I can't sneak into Shepards room using this method. Ah well, I gotta show some limits after all. I move back to the room outside Shepards, blinking as I see Liara standing out by the door and somewhat nervous while holding a plaque with dog tags on them. I smirk to myself and open a vent above her, sliding myself down quickly but quietly and smiling at her upside down "Hey Liara!"

Shepard's ears perk as she hears a loud thud outside of her room. Blinking in question and opening the door she takes one look before sighing in exasperation. Liara stood before her with a look that hinted annoyance and anger while her biotic corona began to fade from around her body. Delta, however, was upside down at the other end of the room and crumpled into himself, likely nursing whatever headache the impact gave him. "Come on you two. I need to talk to you." Liara stepped through the door after Shepard and Delta followed while both his hands cradled his head.

I groan, rubbing my head with both hands "God, why does it hurt so much!"

"My main target was your head so the biotic energies were focused there." Liara responds, glancing at me in annoyance.

"Listen up you two." Shepard says, standing in front of us with her arms folded, "I called you here to tell you something. It's not going to cause a big change in plans but it will waylay us for about a day more than the trip was originally going to take."

"What, why?" Liara asks.

"Because we don't have all the time in the galaxy I need to make use of what we do have. I can't see this side trip helping us much in the long run against the Collectors right now so I'm going to have to multitask. As such, we're making a short side trip to a Cerberus research station to borrow their Kodiak shuttle. Delta, once we have that shuttle I want you to take Jacob and Zaeed and help them put their demons to rest so they can focus on the mission."

Oh yay, I get to command Loyalty missions! "Understood Shep!"

"Don't do anything to screw up please. I'm serious Delta, I want these missions done and I don't want you screwing them up just for a petty joke."

"You doubt my ability Shepard." I smirk. "I can pull off a great joke while still getting the job done. I thought you'd know that by now."

"Sometimes I question your sanity…"

I have a conciousness that spans across three dimensions, 2 of which I thought existed solely to video games I enjoyed playing, I have a sudden large amount of technological information that people who have studied science for their whole life cant even touch and I'm murdering people while not feeling emotional strain from it even with my reasoning which seems naïve by my own standards. I question it too. "You're not the only one." That last parts the most worrisome and yet I rarely think of it…I wonder if it has to do with that Spartan Delta I see in my blackouts.

I head out as Liara and Shepard start talking, heading down the elevator and thinking. So I have the merc and the armorer's loyalties to secure. Shouldn't be too hard, just gotta make sure Zaeed doesn't blow up the refinery on Zorya and Jacob gets to see his dad. Well, me Jacob and Zaeed are enough firepower in ourselves for handling the primal crewmen and defense mechs that guard Jacob's dad, guess that leaves the rest of the group I assemble to be needed for personnel safety and fire. If I can stop the fire from starting in the first place, even better. Yes, that seems like a better way but how…Hm, stealth would be needed, most certainly. Perhaps I should just bring Kasumi and Silver. "Silver, how good are you at sniper positioning?"

"We are very capable of sniping enemy targets."

"Good to know." I walk into the armory, looking around and sighing as I slip into a vent duct. First stop is Zaeed because the merc is less likely to be in a situation Id rather not disrupt. I drop down from the vent, my lower body still inside it as my upper hangs and turns to see Jack and Zaeed talking, both stopping and looking at my sudden entry. "Zaeed get ready. You're coming with me on the shuttle Shepard's picking up and Zorya is one of our stops."

"About bloody time we got to doing that. I can't wait to get that bastard Vido back for all he's done to me."

"Yeah great, just don't blow up the damn place when we get there, got it?" I say, eyes narrowed a bit at him.

"No promises."

"Ohohohoho no." I drop down, flipping in midair to stand in front of Zaeed who remains sitting. "One thing we're getting straight here Zaeed. We are not causing wanton, easily avoidable destruction and innocent casualties for you to fulfill your bloodlust for Vido. I will try and get him to you for revenge but if you endanger anyone our priority will be to make sure they're safe before going back to Vido."

"I've waited 20 years for my revenge kid. I ain't about to lose it because of you."

I lean into his face slowly "I don't give a damn how long you've been waiting Zaeed. The agreement is you don't endanger someone, I get you Vido. Plain and simple Zaeed. Hold up your part, I'll hold up mine." I step back and turn, walking out of the door and shaking my head. "Senile old codger…"

I start thinking about how to go about securing Vido without endangering the facility. It'll be annoying if Zaeed does let his rage get the best of him but if he can hold it in just long enough I should be able to get Vido. That balcony appearance is my only chance though, so I just have to make sure Zaeed doesn't shoot him first before I can get to him. All goes well I can drag him over the edge and leave him to Zaeed's tender mercies. All goes to hell, hoping it doesn't since Shepard isn't here to provoke Murphy, we fight through the refinery to Vido, only having to deal with mercs, no fires. Yeah, and then maybe I'll grow boobs and become the greatest stripper in Omega. Disturbing thought.

I step out of the elevator onto the crew decks, looking around quickly and spotting Gardner. I grab a quick space BLT sandwich and walk over to Kasumi's room, knocking on the door. I wait a minute, chewing on my sandwich before Jacob opens the door, straightening his clothes hurriedly. "yeah?"

"We're doing a couple side missions while Shepard helps Liara. We're approaching a Cerberus station and borrowing their Kodiak to use for transport in a few hours so enjoy this, you're both on the team. It's me leading, you two and Zaeed. Later" I wave, walking off as Jacob nods and closes the door. Man now that I think of it it'd be fun to have Vido run to his gunship just before Silver's colossus drops on top of it and wrecks it like an orbital bombardment shot. Oh well, this is a good sandwich though. I enjoy it for a while longer, during the ride up and walk into my room before lying on my bed and closing my eyes.

"Ah, its so peaceful…I'll just think back on all that I've done. In my time here," A minute passes. "Man, I've caused so much hell."

"You've been voted master of the 4th circle."

I turn to look at Silver "Your sarcasm is the most evolved of you humor functions…"

"We've adapted our programs mostly to mimic and deal with your personality functions."

"Muahaha, I've molded my own Geth unit!" I chuckle as Silver's facelight dims to the point of its main orb of light being pronounced as it rolls around the circle of his face. "Don't you roll your eye at me." Silver chuckles.

Man I'm going to miss having my bed to lay in while we go to handle these missions…

Zero: Another chapter out! Aw yeah!

Delta: Owww, my everything hurts…

Zero: And you owe me $30 too. Grunt threw you off after 2 minutes.

Delta: I thought I could hold on for 5 at least…

Zero: Don't care, $30 (takes a 50 out of Delta's wallet.)

Delta: That's not 30!

Zero: Like you can do shit about it now. Peace ya'll! Next update coming soon!