AN – Thank you all for the great reviews and the messages! It took me longer to update this than I meant, because life (lol). I'm going to shoot for updating this and "Here with Me" once a week. Just a clarification for those of you who may be reading both:
Beginning with this chapter, we are jumping to just after the season finale. However, these two stories (while both set in the same time period) won't intersect with one another as far as I can tell. I'll start working on the update to HWM once I get this one posted.
Maria's breath caught in her chest as Michael entered the bar. It was an early Sunday morning and she had expected to be alone for a while here. Still, she hadn't seen much of Michael since their talk in this same place a week prior, so she was glad that he had come to pay her a visit.
"You mean, you know how to get up before noon?" she teased, grinning wryly as Michael made his way over to her. He had a certain energy about him this morning – he was almost electric. She didn't think she had ever seen him look so… light.
"Actually," he began, flashing one of his trademark smirks at her, "I didn't bother going to bed last night."
"Oh?"
"Yeah," he said, passing her by and heading to the small stage area to grab the guitar left behind by the house band that had been playing here the night before. "Last night, it feels like the whole world changed. I feel… free. Like a weight has been lifted off of me for the first time in… hell, maybe ever."
"And just what brought about this 'free' feeling?" she asked, settling him with a pointed gaze, "And have you… figured out your thing with Alex yet?"
"About that," Michael sighed, and Maria rolled her eyes, returning to her work. Seeing that he'd been dismissed, Michael started again, "He actually came to my house last night so that we could 'talk it out' or whatever, but there was this thing going on with Max and Isobel and I just couldn't do the emotional turmoil thing with him right then."
Maria watched him from the corner of her eye, but did not respond, letting him continue. "So I told him I would talk to him about it when I got home today. And I will – talk to him today. I just… needed to hold onto this feeling for a few extra minutes. So I came here instead."
"I'm not a substitute for you, Guerin. You can't just show up here and – "
"Shhh – Maria, I know. God, I know. I just – look, I don't know what today will bring, and I just wanted to feel good for a while longer. And you make me feel good. So, I came to see you. Is that so bad?"
"I guess not," Maria responded softly. "But, no more kissing – definitely no more sex – until you get your shit straightened out. You need to talk to him – today."
"Yes ma'am" Michael replied, giving her a mini salute and turning his attention back to the guitar. She smiled to herself as he began plucking a familiar favorite, and when she turned to tell him that she loved the song, she noticed for the first time that his hand was… healed. She was immediately disconcerted, but thought it better not to ask… at least, not today.
Michael left the bar a short time later, blowing Maria a kiss before making his way – slowly – home. When he arrived on the lot, he saw Alex sitting in one of the old metal lawn chairs out in front of the trailer. It was clear from the tired and restless look on his face that he had been waiting for Michael literally all night, and causing him to feel just a little guilt at avoiding him longer.
"Morning soldier," Michael said as he approached, walking past Alex and to the door of his trailer. "Would you like to come in for some coffee, or are you just ready to split me open now?"
"I'm not here to split you open, Michael," Alex responded, standing and following him into the home. "I just need to tell you some things – tell you how I feel."
"Any time feelings are brought up between me and you, I'm always split open, Alex." Not knowing what to say to that, Alex simply held his gaze for a moment before the alien shrugged. "Okay, we can do this – but can I at least have some coffee first?"
The men then proceeded to have coffee, and then dove deep into a conversation about their pasts – both together and apart – and where they were at the present.
"You know that I love you, Guerin – I have always loved you. And I don't even understand why. I thought time and space would make that feeling disappear, but it hasn't faded in the slightest. Every time I see you, I'm 17 again. And I know that you still love me – so why do we keep having to make this so hard on ourselves? Why can't we just… be together?"
"It isn't that simple anymore, Alex," Michael responded, tears beginning to water in his eyes. He looked over at the raven-haired man across the table from him and he wanted nothing more than to reach out and pull him closer.
"Dammit, why not?!" Alex huffed, becoming frustrated all over again. "We always come back to this – it's always 'not that simple'. Well, so what? Why can't we just be together and figure the other shit out as it comes?"
"Because you left me and I fell in love with someone else, too, okay?! There – are you happy now? Does it make you feel better that I said it?" Michael didn't notice how Alex became stock still at his words, continuing, "Yes, Alex, I love you. I'm in love with you – I've been in love with you so long that I don't remember how it felt to feel any other way. But you – you hurt me. And I thought you were never coming back – and then when you did, everything just… we STILL couldn't make it work and I just thought, why bother, you know?"
"And I didn't mean for this to happen – I never intended to let anyone else get close enough to me for me to care about them after you… left. But Maria, God, she's just so – I don't know how to explain-"
"Wait. Wait. You think you're in love… with my best friend… Maria?" Michael could barely meet Alex's eyes as horror and pain overtook his expression. "Goddammit Guerin – anyone but her. I could have hated anyone else, could have plotted to steal you away from them or… something. But… you and Maria?"
"Look, don't be mad at her," Michael said quietly, his shoulders slumping with sudden exhaustion. "She didn't know about our history, and we only actually hooked up one time. As soon as she found out she sent me away – she wants to talk to you about it, but said you and I need to 'get out shit together' first."
"That sounds about like Maria," Alex said, shaking his head incredulously, trying hard to wrap his brain around what he'd just heard. "Wait, does she know about the… alien thing?"
"No!" Michael started. "Shit, I can barely get her to talk to me now – she would completely freak if I told her 'So, not only am I in love with you and your best friend, but I'm also an alien from another planet with the power to move things with my mind.' – I think I'll spare her that particular weirdness until we get this part figured out."
"Okay," Alex raked his hand through his hair, thoroughly lost as to what to do at this point. How could he balance this – the man he loved with all his heart, and the woman who was the best friend he had ever had? What did he want? What did she want? And did either of them still want him in their lives?
"Look, Michael, I get it if you feel like our ship has sailed. I love you, but I also want you to have something like happiness in your life. If Maria makes you happy, then…" he trailed off at the pained expression on Michael's face – he'd never seen the other man so vulnerable. This is what he meant by "split open," huh?
"That's just it – I don't know how this works. I don't think I can be happy without you." Alex felt an inkling of relief as he heard those words from Michael – at least, until he continued, "and I don't know if I can be happy without her, either. It's like I need you, and I need her, and I don't understand any of this and I'm afraid… I'm afraid I'm going to wind up just like I've always been – alone."
Alex stood from his seat and moved closer to Michael, embracing him in a hug and pulling him into his chest. "You're never going to have to feel alone, Michael. We will figure this part out. I don't know how, but, we'll figure it out."