Chapter 13: Decisions

With a heavy heart, I climbed the many staircases to my room. The ball was in Tom's court. My mind was made up the minute I knew, but Tom still had to make his decision. I found myself pondering what I'd do if he wanted to kill me to ensure his eternity. I mean he murdered for his immortality before, I know he'd do whatever it took to take power and live forever. It was a concerning thought.

And Dumbledore still clearly didn't believe what I'd said about the Portkey being a mistake rather than a trap. The rest of the meeting was going on about being on our guard. 'Constant vigilance'. Dumbledore had spun it off as being an attempt on my life which went wrong. They'd found the real Alastor Moody while I was missing, so they thought it was the imposter who messed with the Portkey. It was because he failed to confuse the original destination that I ended up alone in a graveyard and not in Voldemort's grip. Or so they were under the impression.

Tom was laying on my bed, eyes closed and breathing steady. I briefly questioned if he was in my mind, but it didn't feel that way. I could usually feel this tingly warmth in my mind when he was with me. Chocolate eyes slid open and found me watching him curiously. He shifted to make room, enough for me to need to cuddle in next to him. It had been too long seen I'd been with him physically. We were always talking via letter, and he'd been in my mind once, but I prefer the real feeling of being in his arms. The true warmth.

"You said something before you left, which I didn't get to argue over because of your interrupting godfather." He scowled, "what do you mean by 'I don't have faith in you'?"

My cheeks tinted pink as I had to explain my immaturity earlier. That I know he was trying to comfort me so I didn't kill from pressure, but it sounded like he didn't believe I could do it. I was doing it for him but he didn't believe I could do it for him. His scowl softened, but he scolded me to understand hat it was meant to take the pressure off, because he didn't want me following his very command from pressured fear. He wanted my obedience because I love him and want to please him. The thought made me giggle.

"That sounds like a BDSM proposal if I ever heard one," I smirked. He looked confused. "You know, the whole kinky bondage, dominant/submissive, 'spank me master' thing."

He laughed. I loved the sound of his laugh, it's been a while since I'd heard it. He ensured me he'd be looking into this 'BDSM thing' for a later date. I asked why it was for later and not now. He insisted I was still young, 14 years old was no age to be thinking of sex. He wanted me to focus on my studies.

"So, you want to be my tutor rather than my boyfriend?"

He scoffed. "I insist on being more than that. Though it's a benefit to have me as a tutor, I need more of a claim on you than that. No one else can touch you, or kiss you, or anything. I need your everything to be mine, I'm a greedy individual. I demand your body with your heart, and your soul if you make a Horcrux. I need to ensure that my love and affection is safe with you. I've never felt heartbreak, but I don't think it'll be good for anyone around me."

I understood that. He's never allowed himself to feel anything, and these emotions can be used against him to cause harm. He's naturally prejudiced to feelings of love and devotion, so I shouldn't be surprised he'd feel this way. But it was so much to ask of someone, to their everything to you, though I could do it. Through our connection, I could feel his urgency, though I wasn't entirely sure what it was for. He already had my heart, I would never give my body to another, and when I make a Horcrux he'll have my soul. I promised him he'd always have all of me if I always had all of him.

"So, what was the meeting about my little spy?"

"Staying on guard because they think the Portkey was a failure rather than a mistake. And Dumbledore recited some prophecy about us."

Tom sat up, insisting he hears what the full prophecy was. He told me about how Snape was supposed to listen in and tell him, but he only got the first part about my parents and my birthday. I listed off the rest, worrying about his reaction to end. He felt my tension but didn't understand why. He asked, but I couldn't bring myself to say it. It would bother him and Sirius could hear if he gets really angry.

He pushed me down by the shoulders, eyes glaring into mine intensely. And there he was, a warmth spreading through my mind. Searching. He brought out my thoughts from ascending the stairs, questioning whether he'd kill me to live and whether I'd let him. The heat got painfully intense, a burning fire. A hand flew to my throat and squeezed enough to make my eyes bulge slightly.

"Is that what you really think? You think that little of my love that I would kill you for something I already have?"

His voice was fierce, his eyes tinted by red. His teeth were bared in a harsh sneer. And I was terrified. It was like the first time I saw him, in the forbidden forest with unicorn blood dripping from his chin. I wasn't afraid he'd kill me, though he could easily tighten the hand on my neck. I was just afraid he'd hurt me. The kind of pain I knew a man like him could do was nothing compared to the pain he himself could inflict on me.

I apologised as best as I could pass the tightness of my throat. Wetness trailed down my cheek before I realised I was crying. He reached a hand for my face. I flinch away, eye squeezed shut so I wouldn't see the impact. I suspected a rough touch that left a pain behind, but his fingers merely brushed the tear away delicately. He took his hand from my neck and the bed moved as he did. When I opened my eyes he was sat on the end of my bed, facing away from me.

"I apologise for frightening you. It seems I need to control my temper better before I see you again." He spoke, turning in the direction of the door. "I should take my leave before further harm can be done."

"Please don't leave," I rasped, not realising how sore my throat had become. "I'm fine, it's just easy to forget how dangerous you can be, and it shook me up little."

"I want you to forget I can be dangerous because I shouldn't be to you."

"What about staying the night, you said you would?" I reminded, but he deflected with the old 'this is what's best for you' excuse.

Leaping from my bed, I marched towards him and forced him around. Then I slammed him against the door and glared. I recalled a conversation we'd had about how I dislike other people dictating my life, and telling me what's best for me. He wasn't my dad or my guardian of any kind, so he had no excuse for thinking he owned me.

"Here I thought I had your everything, meaning I do own you."

I laughed. "You know what I mean. I'm a person, I have free will, I should be allowed to fucking use it. I'll always be in danger, if not from you then from people that will hurt me to get to you. But I'm making this choice for myself. So please, stay with me tonight."

He conceded, though he looked deep in thought. My questioning look spoke wonders, and he frowned over how right I seemed to be about the danger. I order him to protect me then and he smiled. His arms wrapped around my middle, his body pressed to my back. He swore to always protect me, no matter what lengths he had to go.

There was a creek from just outside the door. I went over to open it and Sirius was fidgeting as he tried to creep away. He turned to smile guiltily, and that brightened when he turned to Tom. He nodded at him, and Tom mirrored the gesture confidently. Sirius warned dinner would be ready in five or so minutes. I nodded.

I asked Tom, "I can bring the food up here, if you're not comfortable going down with all those people?"

"I wouldn't worry too much," Sirius deflected. "It's just the Weasley's, Hermione, Remus and me. Then again, there's been tension with Ron, so you don't have to."

Tom assured me he wanted to meet the twin Weasleys that I liked. We agreed to go down in a moment. He pulled me back into my room, quickly explaining that he had a different interpretation to the prophecy.

"Obviously the first bit you know, but I think I marked you as my equal by giving you part of my soul. I think we can only die by killing each other, nobody else involved. But we've survived at the same time, so we can both live. Get it?"

I nodded. It made sense and was preferable to how Dumbledore wanted to portray it. He moved me towards the stairs as he closed my door, and I led the way to what I hoped would be a really fun evening.