Undivided

Chapter Three

JJ arrived home that morning to find Will and the boys off to work and daycare. As she stood in the empty house she tried to picture it without Will. She tried to imagine just herself and the boys and felt her heart begin to sink. She wondered what she would do when a case broke at the last minute, what if one of the boys was sick. How would she and Will work out custody? There were so many things to think about. She made a quick decision, took a deep breath, and called Emily.

"Hey JJ what's up? Looking for something to do with your day off?" She asked answering the phone.

'No, Em, I need to ask for some time off, some personal leave." She explained.

"Of course, JJ is everything all right? Are the boys OK?" Emily asked with concern.

"The boys are fine but no everything isn't all right, Will has asked me for a divorce." She answered wondering how many more times she would have to say those words.

"What JJ? Are you sure? Wait, does he have someone else?" Emily ever the big sister questioned.

"No, he's not seeing anyone, it's not that. I can't really explain it all right now but I will try to when I have things a little more figured out myself." She said knowing Emily would be the first one to know about anything involving her and Spence for a variety of reasons. "Right now I just need a couple of weeks to spend getting the boys through this."

"Of course take all the time you need and you know that I'm here whenever you are ready to talk. I love you." Emily told her.

"Love you too Em, thank you." She replied hanging up the phone.

Will was out on a case late that night so JJ helped Henry with his homework, fixed dinner and got the boys to bed. She wondered if this is what her new normal would feel like once Will moved out. Then she thought about what would happen when they boys were gone to his new house and she was home without them, she pushed the thought as far from her mind as she could.

Eventually she decided to go to bed not knowing when Will would be home or how they were supposed to act around each other when he got home. She could not help feel a little guilty for spending the night at Spence's the night before and even more for sharing a bed with him even though nothing had happened. Tonight though as she laid in her and Will's bed she felt immense sense of longing for the arms that had held her the previous night. She thought about calling Spence but decided against it she needed to give her attention to her family right now and whatever future she or Spence might have didn't need to be confused in the emotions with ending her marriage.

Over the next two weeks there were lots of difficult conversations and decisions that had to be made. The hardest part of course was telling the boys. They took them together to visit Will's new house that was less than a mile away they even shopped together for new items for the boy's rooms in the new house. Finally the Saturday came for Will to move out, JJ took the boys out for the day to the park and then for pizza. When they got home the house seemed so quiet and empty, they all piled into her bed and the boys fell asleep watching a movie. After the boys were asleep she slipped from her bed and walked through the house. It was such an odd sight, all of Will's things gone but his presence was still there. There were pictures of them as a family on the mantel yet she had removed their wedding picture. She heard her phone buzz from the counter and was surprised to see Spence's name. They had talked very little over the last two weeks.

"Hey." She answered with a mix of emotion.

"I was just checking to see how today went for you and the boys." He told her.

She let out a sigh as she settled herself on the couch, "It was hard but we made it through." She told him honestly. "When are you coming back from Quantico?"

"I came home this morning." He told her, "I'll be back with the BAU on Monday, What about you? When are you going back?"

"Monday also, I don't really feel ready, but I imagine it is like when the boys were born and I didn't feel ready then either." She explained, "The boys will spend two nights a week at Will's house and Olivia (their nanny) has agreed to be on call for both of us."

"How are you doing JJ?" He asked.

She sighed again, "Honestly, I don't know. I'm sad, I'm disappointed in myself, I feel like I have let my boys and Will down. Then…"She hesitated.

"Then what?" He pressed.

"Then in the middle of all those other emotions I think about you, and I miss you, then I feel even guiltier." She confessed.

"I miss you too, and I understand the guilt that's one reason I've tried to keep my distance." He told her.

"I know, but I could really use my best friend." She said a mix of emotions in her voice.

"Do you want me to come over tomorrow?" He asked.

"No, I think I need one more day with the boys. I'll see you at work on Monday." She answered.

"All right, I'll see you Monday, call me if you need me." He told her before hanging up.

She went back upstairs scooting the boys over to give her some space in the bed letting his words roll over and over in her head. For so long she had tried to not need or want Spencer Reid that she didn't honestly know how to move forward in this new life where it was all right to do those things.

The next few weeks life slowly began to slip into a new normal. It was strange because one part of her life was completely unchanged. They all had learned long ago how to block out the personal when on a case and right now that was a gift. She had worried there would be an awkwardness between she and Spence while they worked but again it was like nothing had changed. She often wondered if their relationship moved forward if that would change. So far though neither of them had made any steps in that direction. Until one Friday about a month after Will had moved out. They were walking out of the BAU and alone in the parking garage by JJ's car when Reid spoke.

"So they boys are with Will this weekend right?" He asked her.

"Yeah, until Sunday night." She said and there was no missing the sadness in her voice.

Reid nodded then suddenly became nervous, "Well this weekend is the last weekend of the Cherry Blossom Festival, we could go if you want."

JJ looked up and smiled at him, "Spence are you asking me out on our first date?" She teased.

"Well technically it will be our second date, but I don't think in fourteen years I have gotten any better at this." He laughed uncomfortably.

She smiled at him, "That's all right and yes, I would love to go to the festival with you."

"All right then, I'll pick you up around ten." He told her still feeling nervous.

"See you in the morning Spence." She told him with a smile before getting into her car.

The next morning JJ was the one to feel nervous as she tried to settle on an outfit which she told herself was ridiculous because Spence had seen her in just about every state possible. It was a date however and the first thing she had really felt excited about in a really long time. It was the middle of April and the weather was beginning to warm so she decided on a dress and pair of sandals. She had just finished her hair and makeup when she heard the doorbell ring she opened it to find Spence standing there in khakis and a polo shirt holding with a bouquet of flowers.

"Spence, you didn't have to…" She started but he cut her off.

"You look beautiful." He breathed out still unsure that he was allowed to say the words he had thought so many times.

JJ felt herself blush, "Thank you, and thank you for the flowers. Come on in." She stepped aside and he came in and she began to look for a vase. Spence watched her as she moved about her kitchen. He had been in her house countless times but this felt entirely different. She finished arranging the flowers and smiled at him so many emotions swirling through her at that moment, so many questions about her life but for now she was thankful to have him there.

They spent the day strolling through the festival and the different exhibits Spence telling her about more and more about Japanese culture and history. Even after all of these years she never ceased to be amazed by everything that he knew. At some point as they were walking through the trees along the basin she felt him take her hand in his and she smiled up at him.

"This is all right?" He asked her still unsure.

"It's more than all right." She told him.

As the day went on the festival began to grow more crowded they made they found one of the out of the way stages where a local cover band was playing and sat on the grass to listen. JJ leaned back against Spence smiling when she felt him relax. They sat through several songs until she felt him begin to look around.

"What's up?" She asked him as he was standing up.

"Would you like to dance?" He asked and JJ was certain she had never seen him more nervous than in that moment.

"Yes" She answered him moving into his arms. It wasn't the first time they had danced, they had danced at her wedding, at Morgan's and several occasions throughout the years, but this time was different. Things that had for so long had been left unsaid were now spoken between them. JJ pushed the questions from her mind they would be there on another day for now she just allowed herself to feel the warmth of this new thing between them. She listened to the words of the song almost as if they had been written for them.

I gotta take a little time, a little time to think things over

I better read between the lines, in case I need it when I'm older

Now this mountain I must climb, feels like the world upon my shoulders

Through the clouds I see love shine, it keeps me warm as life grows colder

In my life there's been heartache and pain

I don't know if I can face it again

Can't stop now, I've traveled so far, to change this lonely life

I want to know what love is, I want you to show me

I want to feel what love is, I know you can show me

I'm gonna take a little time, a little time to look around me

I've got nowhere left to hide, it looks like love has finally found me

She felt Reid stop moving and raised her head off his chest and looked up at him meeting his eyes and trying to understand the look in them.

"I love you JJ." He said for the first time since that morning in his apartment, then he titled her chin up studying her face a little longer and JJ knew exactly what he was thinking. There with the sun setting among the cherry blossoms he was trying to get his nerve up to kiss her.

"It's all right Spence." She whispered.

"I know, I just want to remember everything about this moment." He told her.

"Spence you have an eidetic memory," She laughed, "Now would you please kiss me."

He slowly pressed his lips against hers taking in the softness and taste of her lips wondering how he would ever move on from this moment. Slowly letting her go as the song ended and she laid her head against his chest and he knew she could hear just how fast his heart was beating. The sun was setting and she lazily ran a finger down her arm and realized she was cold. "Come on let's go get some dinner." He said picking up his jacket and draping it over her shoulders smiling when she leaned into him and he wrapped an arm around her as they walked back to his car.

JJ suggested that they pick up dinner and take it back to her house. So they were settled on her couch eating Chinese food out of take-out containers. JJ was sitting with her feet tucked under her as she at her shrimp. Spence watched her thinking that today was the first time he had really seen her smile since all of this started.

"What?" She asked as she caught him watching her and not listening to what she had been saying.

"Sorry, I was just thinking that it's good to see you smile. I haven't seen that a lot lately." He told her honestly.

JJ nodded, "It's been a long few weeks, but today has been really nice. I hope we don't wait another fourteen years." She added with a laugh.

Spence paused for a minute before he answered her, "You know this is all new to me right. This whole dating thing, right? There is a significant chance I won't be very good at it."

JJ smiled, "Well if today is any indication you are doing all right."

"Yes, but I've never had this kind of relationship before JJ, not that I am completely sure what it is, I just don't want to mess it up, and I don't want to rush you." He explained.

JJ took both of his hands in hers, "Spence, nothing about our relationship is normal or traditional, neither of us have done this before. I am in the middle of a divorce with two boys to take care of so I can't rush into anything. We have fourteen years of history, know some of the deepest parts of each other, yet we just had our second date. At the same time I know that I love you and I want to see where this goes. We'll take it slow and you just keep being you because that is who I have loved all of these years." She assured him.

Spence took one of his hands and ran it through her hair, "I never thought we would get a chance to see what could be between us. We will go as slow as it needs to be until we figure out what this is. In the mean time I would really like to kiss you again." Before he could move JJ's lips were on his kissing him slowly and tenderly.

"I might need some more practice at that." Reid confessed as that sat on her couch with their foreheads pressed together after she pulled her lips back from his.

"We have plenty of time Spence, plenty of time." She laughed feeling like for the first time in a while things might be on the right track.

TBC