Chapter 17: Pointless Argument

I worked with Remus throughout the day, mostly he wanted me to work on runes because I understood none of it. A phone call after lunch from Tom brightened my mood. He requested permission to join us for dinner, making it sound very respectful and formal, but I laughed it off and insisted he come by for dinner. I was cooking, and the Weasleys would be nowhere to be seen. I kicked Remus and Sirius out as well. I wanted to surprise him with an empty house and a romantic dinner. There was going to be love in everything I did for him tonight. The fight would start picking up, I wouldn't see him as often. He needed to know how much I loved him.

He came over to a candlelit dinner table, and I'd dressed in the nicest robes I had. His eyes were glued to me as I moved around the table, holding onto him with a sweet smile. He complimented my effort, and the crazy look in my eye from a memory he'd seen in Snape's mind. The Potions professor was a little scared of me now he understood how far I'd go for someone I loved. I desperately loved him, hopelessly even. I promised him he had me, and he swore to me he was also mine. It was empowering to hear him say something like that when we weren't being physical. I didn't need to own his body if it was promised to me. I guess he felt something like that too.

The day after, Neville started his training with Snape. They had ministry permission, Snape was a professor and Neville was an under-progressing student, so they saw it in his best interest. They set up a room in Neville's home with a protective barrier that numbed the trace on his magic and let them work together for 8 hours a day. Then he had homework. I'd never been to summer school but it sounded like it sucked. And with all the extra work, I hadn't been able to see him as often as I wanted to. A week had passed before I had the opportunity to see him again, before he had a free minute for anything other than Snape. We met at Diagon Alley in the tea shop again.

"It's different with us now, he's more mentor less teacher, I'm more comfortable around him. Yesterday, we spent an hour talking about each other, you know, like our lives and that. He's really kinda interesting."

I was happy it was going well. There was a time when Neville would quake at the thought of being in front of Snape, but now he was thinking they were like friends. At least it meant they were being nice to each other. I wouldn't have to torment him for being a dickhead again. I complained that I hadn't seen Tom all week, but Neville admitted he'd seen him a couple of days ago. Tom had asked if Neville would be distressed by him bringing Bellatrix out of Azkaban, she was a strong duelist and loyal follower.

"I wasn't bothered. If it was okay with you, I didn't care."

It hardly bothered me. There was no reason for me to care, and if she was so strong and loyal then she could protect him. It was comforting to have her out, and Neville didn't seem angry about her. I asked him to open up about how he truly felt about the situation. He didn't want her saying anything about his parents, he warned Tom and been given permission that if she says something then he's going to curse the fuck out of her, but other than that they'd be fine. Nothing wrong with that. I thought he was being much more level-headed than I could ever be in that situation.

At one point Draco walked in. Must be his favourite tea shop too. He came to sit with us to wait for the line to shorten. He ordered us to let him complain, which was classically pompous and totally him. He whined about his aunt, who had arrived to live with them only yesterday and was driving him crazy. Neville took a moment when he was breathing to explain his aunt was Bellatrix. Draco rolled his eyes as he verbally relived hearing her complain about not carrying the Dark Lord's baby. He looked confused by my widened eyes before chuckling that Tom hadn't told me the whole truth about her, if he'd even consulted me.

"Back in the first war, like before the shit with your parents, he was worried about having an heir. Heirs mean legacy, someone to continue his work and advance the family history. Bellatrix was going to be the mother. My mother said she was pregnant when he went after your parents, and she lost the child in Azkaban being a moron about the Longbottoms. No offence."

"None taken," Neville frowned, eyeing me in concern.

I felt weirdly cold. It was obvious there was nothing between them right now, I trusted Tom's love for me enough to be aware of that. But the more it sunk in, the more I dwelled on it. If nothing was going on, why hadn't he said anything to me? And he'd told me he'd never been with someone before, and had respect for his body, so how could she be pregnant. He'd have had to have lied. And that's what made silent tears slide down my frozen face, it was the fact he might have lied to me again. Manipulated me to keep me on his side, and that was no way to have a relationship. It slowly broke my heart, and I blocked off any passage between my mind and Tom's. I didn't want him near me, not until I'd calmed or rationalised what was happening.

Draco fled soon after, but Neville insisted he stay the night out of concern for me. I actually wear fully pyjamas to cover myself and crawled into bed with him for comfort. He brushed my hair as I sobbed, a gentle and fatherly action, and I managed to control myself quicker. I blocked off my dream that night, so even if he wanted to see me he couldn't. Not liked he'd tried in the week since I'd seen him, so I wouldn't be letting him now.

Neville wasn't beside me when my eyes fluttered open the next morning. The bed was cold and I felt a shiver down my spine, like I was being watched. I sat up and saw Tom in the chair by my desk. His face was hard but showed no emotion. I looked over just as impassively. He questioned why he'd found a trainee death eater in bed with his lover, but I shot back asking why Tom's mistress was living with the Malfoys. That confused him. I made a point of being honest with him, going through what Neville and Draco had said to me about him going behind my back, and how he'd made me feel.

"Because it's important in a relationship to be honest with each other. Saves you hurting people you claim to love."

"I do love you. Use the word 'claim' as though you don't believe me and we'll compare how harsh I can be to those I don't love." He glared. "As for Bellatrix, she is a chess piece on the board, a player in my war. If I'm honest, I forgot she was meant to carry my child, I cared very little and impregnated her magically rather than physically. I didn't lie or manipulate you, I have never given my body to someone as I intend to for us when I marry you. If I had remembered, I would have recognised it was important and told you before releasing her. I didn't intend to hurt you, my love. But you also hurt me."

"Oh, what is it you're going to accuse me of so we're even?"

"You shut me off. I was away from you and I suddenly couldn't feel you, I assumed you were talking privately but I was concerned. I tried to enter your dream and found I couldn't. Then I come here and your not dead or harmed like I feared but wrapped in another man's arms. If he wasn't awake to describe what you were doing I'd have killed him for even thinking he could touch you."

I hadn't realised what it had meant to close him off from feeling me. I thought it wouldn't be a big deal, just distance. Or maybe he can't trust distance, if I'm in trouble then he'd want to know immediately. It was a different way of thinking. I proposed he'd forgive me for worrying him and getting Neville to comfort me, and I'd forgive him for losing memory in his old age. He was born in 1926, it was easy to forgive. He didn't smile at my attitude when he accepted my apology and walked to the door. I slumped back down. It was one of the first times I was miserable around Tom since we got together, the Narcissa confusion aside. A cold hand pulling my wrist from in front of my face worried me. He smiled down at me. He promised rules for our relationship, which I wasn't surprised by. He had rules for everything, he liked to control and order, everything the way he wanted it. Even me.

"I love you as you are my Harry, but I must always know you are safe. To lose you-" he shivered.

"You'll never lose me. I am yours as you are mine. I except rules to keep me safe, but know that I don't want to change so there shouldn't be many. Not if you don't want to beat me all the time."

He simply chuckled and shook his head. He kissed me gently on the forehead, resting beside me in bed and complaining he was tired. I asked him what he'd been scheming and accomplishing to make him so tired. He began the story of worming his way into the ministry, using young Marvolo Slytherin to secure support politically and above board, and the death eaters to cut down things in his way. Well, at least he was doing things almost the right way. And it may get done quicker, to fight from the inside and outside. I praised his intelligence and lightly kissed his forehead and let him sleep cuddled into me, falling back into slumber from just having him close, making me feel warm and safe and relaxed.