I drew something last night that made me wanna write this (maybe I'll post it as the cover?), so I did. I did both the drawing and the fic last night, and both were led by exhaustion and emotion for Pidge. Thank you to my amazing Voltron beta (and also Harry Potter, but she is my only Voltron beta, and I'd die without her) Elizabeth for helping me fix those silly mistakes I had.

.

This is the first time I've ever written Pidge!

.

Italics are basically a recap of Season 4 - Episode 2 Reunion. If you aren't familiar with that episode (it's the one where Pidge searches for Matt on her own and ends up finding him), then this fic might not be as easy to read? So yeah. Italics are set in the past, and follow the events of Reunion, and the normal font is the fic's present, sometime later in the war.

.

Also... who else sobbed during that episode? I've watched it three times now, and I've cried ugly tears all three times.

.

Can you tell I'm still tired? My AN probably isn't making any sense XD

.

Word Count (excluding AN): 961

Warnings: Character death, grief, and maybe depression

Disclaimer: I own nothing you recognize

Her Heart Knows the Truth

Pidge was laughing.

She was crying too.

She didn't want to be doing either.

…

She had never given up hope. They had been declared dead, but Katie—no, she was Pidge now—refused to accept it. How could she accept it? Her heart had always said that they were alive.

And her heart was correct.

Or, at least, her heart had the possibility of being correct. She didn't know for sure yet. Shiro was alive, but Matt and her father might not be.

She didn't entertain the thought that the Galra had killed them.

She pushed forward because they had to be alive. They just… had to be.

…

She had been fooled before. She had been completely and utterly fooled, so why should this time be any different?

"It's not true," she whispered to herself… to Hunk and the other paladins… to her lion… to no one at all.

…

When she had first seen the video of Matt being jumped from the Galran prison by freedom fighters, she could hardly contain herself. She was just so full of nervous energy. Excitement and fear were her constant companions, and she searched.

She searched and searched, anxiously checking every database she could, running as many signals as she could without endangering the other paladins, but she kept turning up with nothing.

Nothing but that single video that proved her brother was still alive.

Nothing but that single video that proved that her heart was not wrong.

…

It was just a video, and a poorly taken one at that.

It was just a video, and everyone was trusting it. Everyone took it as fact.

It was just a video showing a brutal Galra invasion, and Pidge would prove it wrong.

"Allura, send me to Nema Nade, Quadrant Seven. I'm getting my brother back."

…

When she got information on Matt's potential whereabouts, she didn't hesitate. She packed her lion and left in search of him, despite Shiro's concerns about her going alone.

She didn't need help.

She needed her brother, and she was determined to find him.

So she searched and searched, conversing with shady weapons dealers and attempting to save rebel fighters from extensive amounts of Galra forces.

And now she was kneeling beside a dying Te-osh, a brave warrior and one of Matt's last contacts. She could barely breathe.

This wasn't what she asked for at all.

…

"Pidge," Hunk said softly over the comm system. His was the only line that could come through, not because she allowed it but because he was the only one that knew her coding enough to hack it.

She really did not want to be talking to anyone.

Pidge heard Hunk sigh, a heavy and sorrow filled sigh that made Pidge want to scream. Why was he sighing like that? Hunk's sigh said that he believed it to be true.

It wasn't true at all.

"Leave me alone, Hunk," she managed.

Thankfully, the line went dead.

…

Te-osh had given Pidge a transponder, which would aid her in finding Matt by locking on to the location of Matt's transponder. It was simple technology, and Pidge loved it.

After all, she knew better than to rely too much on computers; sometimes the simple way is the best way.

Things were starting to look up.

And then Pidge's hopes dropped drastically.

She was being led to a graveyard.

…

As soon as she landed on Nema Nade, the planet's people and structures clearly recovering from an intense battle, she was met with looks of pity.

She hated it.

When one of the citizens approached her, she didn't hold her anger or anxiety back. "Take me to him," she demanded, knowing that everyone who saw her knew exactly who she was here for.

…

In honor of the 127,098 brave warriors that stood against tyranny.

The quest for freedom is won through sacrifice.

Pidge couldn't breathe.

She couldn't think.

All she could do was run past the monument, begging—pleading and screaming—for it to not be true.

She ran through the headstones. She fell. She screamed.

She pleaded with every ounce in her body that she'd find Matt. And she did.

Well, she found his gravestone.

Her heart refused to accept it, just as it had all of those times before, and through her tears she saw something… something incredible.

Matt's birth date listed on the tombstone was wrong—purposefully wrong.

It wasn't a birthdate at all. It was encrypted coordinates. Matt was alive.

…

She hadn't cried when she was led through the battlefield. There was no need to cry. She was so sure that brother was alive, and she refused to act as if he wasn't.

But now as she saw him lying among the deceased, body pale and as lifeless as those surrounding him, and she couldn't keep it in any longer.

He looked small in death, smaller than he had ever looked to Pidge before. Thankfully, his eyes were closed and his body had been mostly covered by a plain black blanket. Pidge suspected the blanket covered the wound that had brought his end; she didn't want to find out if she was right.

He looked small in death, and Pidge felt like throwing up. Her brother should not look small, no matter the circumstances.

Before she could stop it, the laugh bubbled out of her chest, catching in her throat on its way past her lips. And it kept growing, and growing, until she was leaning over Matt's body, shoulders shaking and stomach aching.

That's when the tears started. She gripped his arms, her shoulders shaking more violently than before, begging him to come back to her.

But she knew in her heart that he was gone and wouldn't be coming back.