Fine is a 4 Letter Word
Chapter 8
Present.
Kate's eyes fluttered open, the banging in her head was insufferable, she opened one eye and realised that the banging was made worse by someone banging on her door. She heard a female voice called out.
"Brooke?"
She paused for a minute and frowned, Brooke? She rubbed her hands over her face trying to focus. The voice kept calling out for Brooke and after a few seconds she realised that it was Jade. She jumped out of bed and raced to the door, as she flung open the door all the blood rushed from her head, she steadied herself against the door frame as Jade poked her head in.
"Hey, I was just checking that you were okay, you were out of control last night..."
She peered further into the room looking for a companion, Kate moved her body and tried to block her view. She playfully hit Kate on the arm and pushed past her scouring the room looking for any sighs of a man, her eyes lit up as she spotted a pair of men's shoes on the floor and glanced back at Kate with a mischievous grin. Jade looked back over to the bedroom door and then back at Kate, they raced for the door at the same time, Jade got there just before her and caught a glimpse of the hansom naked man on her bed just before Kate managed to slam the door shut. Jade's eyes widened and she let out a shriek of exhilaration, Kate covered her mouth with her hand.
"Shhh!"
Jade ripped Kate's hand away from her mouth unable to contain her astonishment.
"Umm, I will not! Yum! What's his name?"
Kate cringed and focused on the floor.
"I don't know..."
Jade let out a laugh and playfully pushed aside and opened the bedroom door to take another look at the man in her bed, she nodded with approval.
"You go girl! So, we on again tonight?"
"Ah, I dunno, I mean this was fun but..."
Jade shrugged and headed for the door.
"Your loss, but hey, maybe you want to stay in tonight with your toy boy..."
She gave her a wink and left, Kate stood there dumbfounded at her own actions. She was startled as the strong pair of hands wrapped around her waist, he leaned in and whispered in her ear.
"You coming back to bed?"
She turned and smiled as she admired his chiseled body.
"Yeah, just give me a sec..."
She watched him walk back to the bedroom and contemplated her options, this was definitely not her but she felt good, she was in control, something she hadn't felt for a while. She walked over to the coffee table and picked up the bottle of vodka and took a large swing, swinging the bottle in her hand she walked back into the bedroom and shut the door.
The gorgeous specimen of a man was sitting up in the bed, a sheet covering him from the waist down. Kate stood at the door absorbing the scene in front of her, she swallowed hard not quite believing what she had done in the past 24 hours. She took another swig from the bottle causing the man to look up and frown slightly.
"Bit early isn't it?"
Kate glanced at the clock, it was 11am. She smiled and walked over to him, she straddled him and kissed him, tugging at his lip ever so slightly.
"It's 5pm somewhere."
She lifted the bottle and poured vodka over his chest and seductively ran her tongue down his chest licking it off, she glanced up at him and raised and eyebrow and smirked.
"Happy hour?"
His hand reached out caressing her face bringing it up to meet his, he kissed her passionately and covered them with the sheet.
It was late afternoon when Kate awoke, she groaned as rolled onto her side. The sheet crunched as she spread out her arm feeling for her 'toy boy', she opened one eye and spotted a note.
"Brooke,
I had a great time, couldn't bear to wake you. Sorry to leave you like this, work drama. Call me when you're in town next.
0412769135
Jake xo"
She sat up and scoffed as scrunched up the paper and flung it off the bed and rolled back over. What was she doing? This was supposed to be a relaxing couple of days before she headed back out to sea not some crazy, alcohol fulled, sex weekend. This was not her, but she hoped that it would curb some strange desire to not be the person she currently was, not to have have the struggles and pain that she had.
The next morning Kate drove back to Cairns, she sighed as she pulled into her driveway and turned off the car engine. Coming back to her normal life felt so depressing, she resisted the urge to pull straight back out and drive back to her fantasy life.
Her phone beeped as she was unloading her luggage from the car, she dumped it next to the couch and fished her phone from her pocket. It was a message from Dr. Cowan's office confirming her appointment for that afternoon, she rolled her eyes and threw her phone on to the couch. She was about to walk away but it beeped again, she hesitated before picking it up. She slowly leaned down and picked it up, it was a message from Maxine.
"Come see me after your appointment..."
She cringed realising that Maxine knew about her appointments, she thought she had done enough to get everyone off her back, she knew that she just needed to convince Dr. Cowan that she was a new woman. She took a deep breath in and dialled Dr. Cowan's office.
Walking into the office she put on her usual smile, Dr. Cowan greeted her and ushered her into the room. Kate started to panic, she hadn't really thought about what she was going to say.
"So Kate, how have you been?"
"Ah, fine…"
Dr. Cowan looked up from her note pad, Kate knew that that word was technically bad words to use, she cleared her throat.
"Ah, I mean, great, really good! I had a little break, it was umm, relaxing. It made me realise that I need to do it more, perhaps make some friends outside the navy so that my life isn't consumed by work, there's more to life right?"
Dr. Cowan looked up and smiled at Kate's revelation.
"That's great Kate, I feel like you've come long way since we started.
"Thanks to you…"
"Okay, so work..."
Kate attention was immediately refocused.
"Yeah?"
"I believe Maxine wants to talk to you this afternoon?!"
A genuine smile came across Kate's face.
"You're clearing me?!"
Dr. Cowan tried not to give anything away.
"Just talk to your Commander."
She stood from her chair and shook Kate's hand.
"Just Remember Kate, this isn't a quick fix. You will need to continue these sessions."
"Yes, I promise!"
Kate almost skipped into NAVCOM and waited patiently outside of Maxine's office. She stood as she heard the door open.
"Kate, good to see you."
Kate gave her a slight nod and she entered her office, she sat at Maxine's desk Maxine sat down and smiled.
"So, I heard you had a little break..."
Kate cursed Mike for a second, was nothing sacred?
"Ah, yeah, it was good. Good to get away, have a breather..."
"That's good. Well, in the meantime I have spoken to Dr. Cowan and she is clearing you..."
Kate nearly leapt off her seat with joy.
"Kate, if there are any issues then you need to talk to me, and her. Got it?"
Kate nodded trying to contain her joy.
"Thank you Ma'am, you have no idea how much I feel this will help!"
"I know Kate, but you have to left me know if you have any issues!"
"I promise!"
"The Hammersley is sailing the day after tomorrow, I'm tasking you close for now, okay?"
"Thanks Ma'am…"
Kate walked out of NACOM and headed to the docks, she walked along the water breathing in the sea air. She walked over to the Hammersley and walked up the gangway, saluting Thor at the top. She was about to step on deck but her heart started race and her breathing became shallow, she closed her eyes and gripped the hand rails trying to control her breathing. Her concentration was interrupted by someone calling her name. She opened her eyes and put a smile on her face while turning to see who was calling out for her, it was 2Dads. He ran up the gangway and stood next to her.
"You're back?"
She nodded hoping he wasn't going to notice her distressed state, 2Dads thew his arms around her and gave her a squeeze, he stood back from her and smiled.
"Sorry, couldn't help it!"
He stepped on the to deck and pulled on her arm.
"C'mon, come get yourself reacquainted with the old girl…"
Kate resisted and shook her head.
"Ah, I already had a quick look around, I'd better go and get myself ready, Maxine says we sail the day after tomorrow?"
2Dads was puzzled, he wasn't sure why she was reluctant.
"Yeah, okay. Hey, celebratory drinks at the pub?"
"We'll see, I'm pretty tired after my little break. I'll talk to you later!"
Kate ran off before 2Dads could ask her any more questions.
2 Days later Kate stood on the deck of the Hammersley greeting her new crew, she shook their hands as they introduced themselves. Indy sheepishly walked up the gangway and saluted Kate.
"Ma'am, hi, I umm, I just wanted to say I'm sorry for..."
Kate put her hand up stopping her.
"It's okay, just pretend it didn't happen."
Indy smiled and nodded.
"Thanks, Ma'am and just for the record, I can't wait to serve with you!"
She put a hand on her shoulder.
"Call me Boss..."
She nodded enthusiastically.
"Yes, Boss!"
Everyone had boarded except for 2Dads, Kate paced up and down the deck waiting for him, she was frustrated he was late but also she had to giggle, it was just like old times. She stopped pacing for a moment realising where was standing, it was the spot where Jim at proposed. She couldn't control her body or emotions, she felt her legs start to give way, she leaned on the wall for support afraid someone would see her. 2Dads jogged along the docks and up the gangway, he assumed that Kate would be waiting for him, waiting to give him a lecture about tardiness but instead he found her crumpled against the wall clutching her chest. He ran to her side and attempted to help her up.
"Kate, I mean Boss, are you okay?"
2Dads waited for her to respond, but she just stood there with her eyes closed.
"Boss?"
Kate placed her hand on her chest willing her breathing to regulate.
"Just first day nerves..."
2Dads wanted to believe her but deep down he knew it was something more than nerves, but also knew that she needed this, that she needed a distraction. He made a mental note and smiled trying not to make a big deal of it.
"C'mon, let's show these newbie's how it's done!"
Kate stood on the bridge of the Hammersley trying to get it together, she slowly lowered herself into the Captain's chair.
"Okay, let do this… Captain has the ship."
2Dads stood proudly behind her and paced his hand on her shoulder.
"Captain has the ship…"
The Hammersley had been tasked to patrol the northern EEZ for FFV's, the day had been very quiet, not a FFV in sight.
Kate made her way on to the upper deck and leaned on the railing and took a deep breath in. 2Dads approached and leaned next to her.
"Good to be back out here?"
She nodded as she took in a whiff of the sea air.
"Yeah..."
2Dads glanced over at her wondering if he should ask the question that was busting to come out.
"Kate, what happened before we sailed?"
She looked around to see if they were alone.
"Nothing 2Dads, I'm fine. Like I said, it was just nerves, too much coffee and not enough food."
He squeezed her arm trying to encourage her.
"You know I'm here if you need to talk."
She gave him a nod and walked away, she walked down to the galley to get herself coffee, as she walked past the senior sailors mess she heard a crew member mention Jim's name. She stepped back out of their view to listen, she heard Brad, her XO continue the conversation.
"I just hope she's okay, it must be pretty hard to come back after all of that, little own be on the same ship..."
She let out a small huff, she hated the sympathy but at least they weren't judging her. She heard another voice interrupt.
"Yeah, but wasn't this her fault, I mean she left him out there..."
Her heart stopped, the old Kate would have stormed in there and given him a serve but the words were lost on her, she ran to her cabin and slammed the door.
She lay on her rack, tears streaming from her face, she knew that it was just stupid talk, the important people knew the truth. She bolted upright as she heard an announcement over the PA.
"CO to the bridge..."
She wiped the tears from her cheeks and checked herself in the mirror, damn it, it was obvious that she had been crying. She splashed some water on her face and took a few deep breaths in.
She made her way up to the bridge trying to act composed.
"What is it?"
2Dads lifted the lid on a white box and revealed a navy ship shaped cake with 'Welcome Home" written on it.
Kate looked around at her new crew and forced a smile, she appreciated the gesture but she definitely didn't feel like she was 'home'.
The rest of the day was uneventful, Kate spent most of the day in her cabin trying to distract herself with paperwork. Her return didn't feel like she thought it would, she thought that is would make her feel centered, 'normal'. She was hoping that she could just get back to work and everything would feel like it used to, thus proving the counsellor wrong, that she could handle it without help. But she felt nothing, apart from the incident that she had on deck.
They arrived back at port on schedule, she was the last to depart from the boat. 2Dads had waited around of her on the docks.
"So, how'd it feel?"
She forced a smile.
"Yeah, good...
"Just good?"
"Yeah, I don't know how I expected it to feel. But it's not the same, not without everyone..."
"Yeah, but you'll get used to the new guys, they're great once you get to know them..."
She gave him a weary nod.
"Well, it's been a long day...I'll see you later..."
"You don't wanna come to the pub for a drink?"
She shook her head.
"Maybe another time..."
Kate arrived home and dumped her bag on the floor, he had been itching for a drink all day, she opened the cupboard and rummaged around, she didn't have anything to drink, she let out a huff and picked up her keys.
She cruised the aisles of the local liquor store, she picked up a couple of bottles of vodka and headed to the check out. She was exhausted and didn't realise that Mike was standing in front of her.
"Kate?"
"Oh, Mike, hi..."
Mike glanced at her arm full of vodka, Kate laughed nervously.
"I'm umm having a couple of the crew around for a couple of drinks..."
"Oh that's good, so you had a good day out there?"
She nodded.
"Yeah, just like old times hey..."
There was an awkward pause
"Well, have a good night..."
Kate sat on the couch with a large glass filled with ice, she poured the vodka nearly filling the glass to the brim. She lifted the glass and closed her eyes.
"To coming home…"
Tears trickled down her cheeks as she sculled the glass, she slammed it back on the table and filled it again. She took a sip and curled herself in the fetal position on the couch and started to sob.
Kate awoke to the sound of her phone ringing, she barely opened her eyes and reached out to the coffee table.
"Kate McGregor..."
"Kate, it's Mike, sorry to do this but you've been crash sailed..."
"Okay..."
She hung up the phone opened her eyes and attempted to stand, she stumbled and fell back on to the couch. She slouched over her knees and put her head in her hands, this was all she needed. She glanced at the empty bottle of vodka on her coffee table and shook her head.
Coffee in hand Kate boarded the Hammersley and headed straight to her cabin. A few minutes later 2Dads knock on her door, there was no answer. He opened the door slightly and poked his head in.
"Boss?"
He heard strange noises coming from her bathroom, he hesitated before stepping into her cabin and called out again.
"Boss?"
No response, he cautiously stepped into her cabin and tapped on the bathroom door and stepped back as he heard the toilet flush, Kate exited the bathroom looking pale and sweaty.
"Ah Boss, are you okay?"
Kate wiped her face with a towel and sat back on her rack.
"Ah, I think I ate some dodgy chicken last night..."
2Dads would have believed her if it wasn't for the smell of alcohol seeping from her pores, he, more than anyone else, knew what a hangover looked like and smelt like. He didn't want to make it awkward by calling her out in a lie, so he played along.
"Ma'am, should you be sailing if you're not well? Do you want me to call Commander White?"
Kate waved her hand in the air dismissing his comment.
"No, I'll be fine, can you just get the X to take her out, I'll go see the Swain and get some fluids into me and I'll be fine..."
"Okay, ah, I'll get him for you.."
"Nah, it's okay I'm just going to freshen up first..."
2Dads nodded and headed for the door, Kate called out after him.
"2Dads..."
He turned and his eyes met hers, all he could see was a mix of fear and embarrassment. She broke eye contact and cleared her throat.
"I, umm, I, appreciate your help..."
He gave her a slight nod and left. He stood in the corridor trying to get Kate's desperate expression out of his head, he knew that ignoring her issues wasn't really helping but he couldn't be the one responsible for having her taken off the ship. He decided that he would keep a close eye on her and hope that eventually she would settle back into routine and things would be back to normal.
End of Chapter 8.
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