By the time Severus had gathered his courage to re-enter his rooms, he would come in to find Hermione sitting in the window that overlooked the grounds. His brow and jaw were tense as he let the door close a bit heavier behind him than normal, hoping to announce his presence. It didn't so much as garner a turn of her head and thus he moved cautiously closer.

A slow breath left his nose when he came to see her clearly, her head lightly pressed into the cool pane, her eyes closed, arms wrapped around herself no doubt to try and keep off the winter chill that was coming through the glass. It seemed as though the time he had spent pacing his office had given her time to fall into an obviously exhausted rest.

With all the intents of putting her back to bed his hands slipped behind her shoulders, though just as he'd made it halfway, she jumped awake like a rabbit in chase with a fox, "It's just me."

Hermione's eyes were wide but unseeing for a few seconds, her hand that had been ready to grapple falling heavily onto the arm that had taken her back, "Sorry...I was...just thinking..."

Severus carefully pulled his limbs back to his person, taking a seat on the ledge beside her. It wasn't a wide fit but it was comfortable enough, "About?"

"Many things..." Hermione nodded and shifted just a bit to make more room for him, her hands coming around her shins to play with the seam of the dressing gown.

"Such as?"

"Why did you save me?" Hermione leveled her eyes with his, though he'd had his head bowed her question raised it, "There were others...I know...Why me?"

Severus' lips pursed tightly for a long moment, weighing the heaviness of her question. A question he had asked himself repeatedly in the first weeks. A question he had pushed away in time, now coming to the surface to haunt him, "You...you were the only one left...alive..." Honesty was said to be the best policy, even though it wasn't the fairytale answer she was possibly hoping for, it was the only one he could in good conscience give her.

"The others?"

"I buried them..." Severus' breath expanded his chest and his head turned away, "I didn't even know it was you...not at first..."

"Why...why did you keep me?"

"The Dark Lord had found out that you had been taken by the rogue snatchers..." He was sure they'd had this conversation already, yet for some reason, it felt all new, all over again.

"Wormtail...Peter Pettigrew..."

"The man with the metal hand." Severus' jaw twitched with the memory of that man defiling her in his own house, "I led the man to his death...I convinced the Dark Lord that...you were dead...this you know..." Severus glanced at her through the corner of his eyes, "Why do you ask me again?"

"I just wondered...if I ever really had a choice in all of this..." Hermione ran her hands down over her shins, "A choice...the choice we're always meant to have..."

Severus could feel his heart being slowly twisted in a vice, as though she was telling him goodbye. Blaming him for all he'd done to save her life. That every good he'd done for her had in the end, pushed her away from him, "You are not a prisoner here. You are free to leave at any time." Severus made to stand but a strong hand on his arm stopped him from completely coming to his feet.

"I never claimed to be a prisoner," Her hold on him didn't waver, "I just...I don't want to do this alone...I thought I could handle it...but...I..." Hermione slowly released his shirt-sleeve letting him come fully to loom over her, "I can't."

The admission of inability was something Severus knew had rarely passed the woman's lips. He could tell by the tightness in her throat when she spoke as if those words had never previously been included in her vocabulary. His brow furrowed deeply as he tried to understand just what she was asking of him. Had he not given her everything he possibly could?

"You've killed...I...I need you to...teach me...teach me how to...not hate myself so..." Hermione's face pinched, "To make the day rise again..."

"I am hardly the man to give you counsel." Severus shook his head slightly, that had been why he'd gone to fetch Minerva.

"You are exactly the man to give me counsel." Hermione uncurled her legs, turning towards him, "You're the only person who understands the messed up web that we walk...the dangerous choices we have to make...just to ensure that someone else takes another breath..." Hermione came to her feet, closing the space between them, "You're the only one who has a reason..."

A reason, yes he did have a reason. A reason for fighting in this war and the last. But what had possibly possessed him to take such an interest in the health of someone so much his junior?

"A reason..."

"Please..." Hermione rested her forehead against his chest, "You must have a reason..." She closed her eyes tight, she could almost hear the sound of his mind turning in the silence that fell between them.

Severus could see the smiling face that had so haunted his dreams, reminding him of all he had done wrong with his life. All the pain that he so justly deserved. All the anger that built up over his inability to change who he was. How he'd lost his chance to become something better. How he'd let his circumstances dictate his actions instead of being responsible for his own soul.

"I do..." His lips pressed against the crown of her head, it felt freeing to say aloud.

A small smile curled Hermione's lips. As much as she wanted to know what his reason was, it was comforting to know that he had one. The thought of senselessly killing, for no other reason than the fact that one could, an impossible thought to carry. A small nod pulled his lips from the crown on her head and she raised her chin to look into his eyes, "Promise me something? Promise me...that one day...you'll tell me your reason?"

Severus swallowed thickly, Minerva's words coming back into his mind. He wasn't sure he would have the strength to bare such a deep scar. At the same time, he hadn't expected anything that had come to pass since bringing her back to the castle. All of it was well outside of the realm of his predictions. "I will..."

Hermione smiled softly, so beautifully to his words, the darkness that had come to shadow her eyes lifting away ever so slowly. She held his gaze for a long moment, feeling the energy between them shifting once more. No more child and master, but as equals.

oOOo

Hermione sat in Severus' chair, the headmaster's chair. Her eyes turned straight into the portrait that Dumbledore now took residence in. A frame sitting just beside the hearth on the floor, yet to be put back up on the wall. Her fingers ran slowly over the arms of the ancient wood. Her jaw tense, her eyes narrowed.

She wore what she had the day she had been sent out, unwashed. The soot from the cave and the blood that blackened the end of her sleeve all in full few of the man who had been silently regarding her just as she had been regarding him. An hour now they've sat merely staring at the other.

"I will no longer be following your orders." Hermione's words were sharp and cold, her voice absolute, "And neither will Severus."

"That is a bold statement you make, Miss Granger." Albus was cautious.

"You have used him long enough." Hermione knew that if Snape had been anywhere around at that moment, he would have argued with her about seeing reason but to her, it was time enough she started to repay him.

"There are things beyond your understanding at play here-"

"Then enlighten me." Hermione licked her bottom lip, her head tilting just a fraction as she crossed her ankles, "How much blood should I wash my hands in for you?"

"I never asked you to kill anyone-"

"No, you just made sure that I was capable before sending me out into the wastes where the possibility of running into someone unkind was highly probable. Knowing full well that Professor Snape had been dutifully following my requests for power like a beaten lap dog."

"We have all made choices that we regret."

"Do you know what I regret?" Hermione slowly leaned forward, making sure her dark eyes looked straight into his own, "Ever believing in a man like you."

Albus could say nothing more in his defense. His face turned sad as he came to his feet inside the portrait, "We are all entitled to our opinions, Miss Granger..."

Hermione sneered turning her head away, her eyes turning out to look out over the office. Sat in such a seat of power, a power secretly wielded while she innocently walked the very halls that sat below her now. How could she have ever barred the moniker of brightest witch of her age and having missed what was now so clearly in front of her?

"Those were very brave words, Miss."

Hermione's eyes turned up to one of the former headmaster's portraits the name plaque too tarnished to read from where she sat, "It had to be said..."

"Aye, it did." the woman in the portrait gave her a kind smile, "I just hope you're ready to carry the weight that comes with them."

"I've carried much worse." Hermione pulled her eyes away from the painting, turning them straight ahead as the handle on the door at the far end of the room turned. The person she had been expecting was surely not the one who had entered. Bright pale blond hair, instead of black came through the doorway and she found a rod going straight down her spine. She knew she couldn't be seen, especially not by Draco bloody Malfoy.

Thankfully for her, he only took a look around the office, a letter worried in his hands before he turned away to leave once more. Her eyes observed the curl in his shoulders, the darkness under his eyes, the way he had a small sway to his step. Hermione had barely taken a step away from the chair she'd been sitting in before he was gone. A curious curiosity, for sure.

Alone once more, Hermione slowly lowered herself back down into the chair. Her mind ever turning with what she had done and what she had yet to do.

oOo

Severus returned to the office by lunchtime to find his chair fully occupied and the woman who occupied it working away as if she'd taken ownership of the space. His brow rose slowly as he came near, his head tilting down to the papers that now covered his desk in organized disarray. "What's all this?"

"Papers."

"Clearly."

Hermione gave him a glaring glance, "I took them from the snatcher before I...left." Hermione had battled away most of the morning inside herself, even after her brief if hostile chat with Dumbledore. She hadn't seen hide nor hair of him since and had been exceptionally grateful for the change of view in her pensive.

"I see." Severus came around behind the desk, taking a casual glance over them before picking one up at random, "Have you broken the code?"

"Somewhat." Hermione licked her bottom lip pulling over one of the parchments she'd been taking notes on, "They've taken so many..."

"Not quite." Severus' brow ticked at the familiar order of the list, "Not all of these people have been snatched." He put the paper back down on the desk before turning away towards a small wall of cabinets.

Hermione tilted her head watching him obviously look for something, "How do you mean?"

"Did you notice the abbreviations around the names?"

"Of course, M.B. mudblood, P.B. Pure Blood, H.B. Half-blood. It's hardly cryptic." Hermione shifted slightly as he returned.

"Not that, this." Severus pointed to the other side of the page, the left margin, "S, T, D and B. I've seen these marks before." He set down the page he'd retrieved, "Safe, Taken, Dead, Berift. I would imagine that last one no longer stands for its intended abbreviation." He set down the list he had made for the Dark Lord well before the term had begun, the list of names of children who would not be returning to Hogwarts that year for some reason or another.

Hermione's brow furrowed as she pulled the paper closer, already recognizing the pattern in the names, "They're going after everyone who didn't come to Hogwarts..."

"Not everyone." Severus looked out over the mess of papers, "Not everyone is vulnerable or profitable."

"How was I profitable?" Hermione couldn't stop the edge in her tone.

"That isn't what I meant." Severus sneered at her turned words and pushed another bit of paper aside looking for the ledger that must have been there, "Some families will pay for protection against having to get their hands dirty. Others will pay to say they've disappeared. Then there are those who believe they have taken those who will never be found." Severus' smirk curled his lips as he found what he'd been looking for, " There. This a fake list, given to real snatchers to keep them off the scent of those who would be so easily missed."

Hermione took the paper, her eyes looking down the names for the Amelia's. She hadn't a last name but she didn't suspect many to be of the same title, "Here...this is the girl I saved... I'm sure..." Hermione pointed to the line, "S. Amelia, Bouchamp H.B. 15y, S.T.- H.G. 105g."

"Safe to take." Severus took a slow breath, "She probably doesn't have a high enough bounty on her at the ministry, or if she does, someone was willing to pay double."

"Willing to pay double." Hermione felt sick to her stomach, "They are people. She is a human being."

"You don't have to tell me." Severus let out a heavy breath through his nose, "They're not just taking girls." Severus pulled the rest of the papers into his hand, "They're taking anyone they can sell, regardless of what the buyers want them for."

"Do recognize any of the initials?" Hermione licked her lips coming to the edge of her seat.

"Possibly...the underworld has grown rather exponentially in the past few years..." Severus shuffled the papers, his brow lining with concern.

Hermione frowned softly, as admirable as the cause was, it didn't seem like something he would be capable of putting any true time into, "Have you heard anything more about Harry or Ron?"

"No." Severus set the papers down heavily on the desk, "Nothing."

Hermione winced at his tone and lowered her eyes, "I'm sorry."

"I don't understand you." Severus turned away trying to control his temper, "It infuriates me."

"I don't mean to..." Hermione licked her lips turning her head away from his stiff back, "Professor...I just...I need purpose...I need a reason."

Severus let the anger release through his breath, "A reason? I thought you already had one."

"Revenge is not a reason. I understand that now..." Hermione came to her feet cautiously, putting the chair between them, "I...spent a bit of thinking this morning..."

"And?"

"I...I want you...to be my reason."

"Me?" Severus scoffed at her idiocy, turning on his heel, a look on his face as though she'd grown two heads.

"Yes." Hermione raised her head but could not meet his eyes, "I want you."

Before Severus could even begin to stop his tongue his words left his lips with venom, "A man slated to die is no reason."

Hermione's body jerked as he turned out of the office towards their chambers, "Oh no you don't." Hermione's hiss followed him into the room, her hand slamming the door behind them, the action caused him to turn and she was in his personal space well before he could stop her, "Explain yourself. What do you know?"

Severus took a step back to put a respectable distance between them, "I know that this war is my last. That is all I shall tell you." He made to turn away again when her hand grabbed hold of his coat turning him with surprising force.

"No. I deserve answers." Her eyes burned into his, the fight he had worked so hard to reignite inside her turned towards him.

"I owe you nothing." Severus pulled his coat from her grip with a sharp snap of his shoulder. As soon as the words left his mouth, however, he could see how deeply a blow his words had struck.

"No...You don't...I owe you..." Hermione found herself no longer in the fighting mood. The small lift in her spirits that the papers had provided losing its hold over her darker thoughts. She moved past him towards the window, her eyes turning out over the grounds.

Severus sneered at her back, why were women so insufferable? "Are you done playing this game of hot and cold and would you just tell me what you want from me woman? Have I not given you everything a man could possibly give another?"

"Yes. You have." Hermione could see his desperation in the reflection of the glass, the pain of confusion around his eyes, "You have given me everything. You have been brave beyond measure on my account...There is nothing more I should ask from you."

Those were not the words of a foolish school girl, no they were the words of a woman much more complicated than he could ever imagine. Severus found himself once more at a loss, as much as he didn't wish to seek counsel, he found himself without his own mind to be of aid, "Why is my death so important to you?"

Hermione pursed her lips before turning slowly to meet his gaze, "Why is your death so unimportant to you?"

"There are some crimes in this world that can not be washed away with warm water."

Hermione's hand twitched before curling tight at her side, her eyes following him as he continued his retreat towards the fireplace. She had verbally and physically trapped him. A dangerous thing for sure. What was curious to her, is why she felt no fear in doing so. Her steps were slow and cautious yet firm. Her eyes watching the emotions play across his face as he looked into the fire. It was like he wanted to tell her but he couldn't find the strength to do so. How powerful must something be to stop a man as strong as he?

It was just as she knelt beside his leg did she suddenly understand. There was only one thing she could possibly think of that would soften the heart of a man so angry at the world as he, "What was her name?"

Severus' jaw twitched in an attempt to keep it shut but ultimately he failed, "Lily."

Hermione's eyes widened a fraction, she knew the name, of course, considering her circle of friends how could she not? She knew that Harry's mother had given her life to save him yet what couldn't connect was how Severus blamed himself for her death. It was the Dark Lord who had cast the spell, not him, yet he sat there as if he had done the deed himself.

"Show me?" Her hand rested lightly over the bone of his knee, she didn't know that the position unnerved him so, to her, it was meant to be of comfort.

Severus' jaw was near to breaking point when Minerva's words came once more through his mind. It was the only card he had left, the only thing that he hadn't sacrificed of himself for her. His hand lowered down and hers came into it without question. A small pull rose her from the floor to that he never wished to see her and his head raised to follow her.

Hermione moved between his knees without question, lowering her body over to bring their eyes level. Her lashes fluttered when his hands rose to take her temples. The world around her turning into beautiful summer fields the likes of which she hadn't felt in what felt like years.