Happy Friday everyone!
I think I'm so desperate to give this story the ending it deserves that I'm over thinking it. I literally stared at my computer screen for nearly 45 minutes last night willing the words/ideas to come to me! I think I have finally come to a conclusion (there' still a couple more chapters after this) so I hope you enjoy, and if you don't, I do have an alternate ending in mind but I have no idea how to write it lol.
Anyway, I know I say it a lot, but I do mean it every time! I'd like to recognise all the people who have left me a review, I'm nearly up to 100 for this story and its crazy, so thank you guys, soooo much! And to all the guests who I can't reply to, please join lol. There are also a couple of people who I can't reply to as your settings don't allow a PM.
Okay, on with it...
Fine is a 4 Letter Word.
Chapter 16.
Dutchy paced the waiting area of the hospital, Mike and Maxine entered and quickened their pace as they saw his troubled expression. Mike grabbed his arm causing him to jump.
"Dutchy! What happened?"
He ran his hand though his hair trying to think, he wasn't really sure himself.
"I'm not sure, she called out to me and I ran into her room and she collapsed in my arms…"
They turned around as they head someone clear their throat, Dr Fitzgerald smiled and opened his folder.
"Ah, are you guys are here for Kate McGregor?"
They all nodded, eager to hear her condition.
"She's fine, well, physically, she had a panic attack. Has she been under any stress lately?"
They exchanged a worried glance, Dr Fitzgerald was confused by the strange looks but continued.
"Well, I'm not sure that she's been coping with whatever has been going on, my suggestion would be that she see someone."
They all nodded, no one wanted to explain, because they couldn't, they didn't know why she was feeling the way she was.
"Ah, you can see her if you want, she's in 11…"
Maxine nodded towards Dutchy.
"You go, I'm just gonna have a word with Dr Fitzgerald."
Dutchy slowly approached Kate's room, not sure of the reception he was going to receive, he knocked on the door frame and entered.
"Hey…"
Kate turned away from him and covered herself with the blanket, he ignored her signal to leave and sat down next to the bed.
"Kate, I thought we were getting somewhere today…"
She didn't respond, he let out a huff and tried again.
"I, umm spoke to Dr Cowan today, she wants to know if you'll consider seeing her again."
She still didn't respond, he reached out and held her hand and squeezed it a little.
"I don't know how to help you, Kate, please, help me, help you…"
Dr Fitzgerald knocked on the door interrupting them.
"Ah, do you mind if I have a word to Ms McGregor?''
Dutchy gave him a nod and left the room, he approached Mike and Maxine who were standing down the hallway.
"How'd you go?"
"I don't know what to do, she was beginning to talk to me last night and this morning, she saw Jim's family today and she was talking to them but now, it's like she's just taken 3 steps back. She's been so hot and cold, she's either crying in my arms or yelling at me."
Maxine's phone rang, she glanced at the caller ID.
"Sorry, it's NAVCOM…"
She answered the phone and walked off, Dutchy and Mike sat on the chairs outside of Kate's room.
"I just don't get it, Mike, like, I know she's stubborn, but I would have never imagined that she'd fall this far…"
Mike nodded in agreement.
"I know, I don't understand either…"
They stood up and peered though the window into Kate's room, they watched at Dr Fitzgerald stood at the end of her bed. They couldn't make out what he was saying, but they watched as Kate just sat there with a blank look on her face. They moved away as he saw Dr Fitzgerald approach the door.
"Ah, I think it's best to let her rest, perhaps you can come back tomorrow?"
They both nodded, Maxine approached with a stern look on her face.
"Dutchy, did you try to skip the red tape and get Kate in to see Madeline?"
Dutchy hesitated wondering whether to lie, he thought better of it, there was enough drama.
"Ah, yes and no, my mate works for the DCS, she wanted to see her, I told her it wasn't a good idea but, look, Ma'am, I was just trying to help…"
"Right, well that was NAVCOM, someone has accused you of trying to use your position in the Navy to get Kate special treatment…"
Dutchy didn't know what to say, he didn't want Kate to get into more trouble.
"No, I just, hang on, who's accusing me?"
"Madeline's lawyer…"
Dutchy rolled his eyes.
"With all due respect, Ma'am, you know it's bullshit…"
Maxine let out a frustrated huff, she believed him but his record for following the rules wasn't great.
"Just be careful Dutchy, I think I've warned them off for now but don't go rogue on us, all right? It's the last thing anyone needs and by anyone I mean Kate."
Dutchy nodded and looked back into Kate's room.
"I doesn't matter anyway, he couldn't help. She submitted the application herself but they denied it."
Dutchy left the hospital, he wanted to help Kate, but he was stressed enough and he didn't want to say or do anything to make things worse. He stood outside the hospital, he had nowhere to go, he had been staying at Kate's but while she was mad at him he didn't feel it was appropriate to stay there if she wasn't there.
He knocked on 2Dads door, he answered it with a smile.
"Hey mate, what's up?"
Dutchy walked into his unit with a solemn look on his face, 2Dads frowned knowing something was wrong.
"Dutchy?"
He took a deep breath in trying to settle his mind.
"Kate's in the hospital…"
"What, is she okay?"
"She had a panic attack…"
They sat on the couch, Dutchy felt bad that he had come to him but he didn't know where else to go.
"Sorry, 2Dads, I just don't know what to do anymore…"
"It's okay, I'm probably the one that should be apologising to you, I kinda left you with her, I just didn't know what to do, I thought she might have listened to you."
"Yeah, well, that makes two of us…"
They sat there in silence for a moment, 2Dads pat him on the shoulder.
"Maybe we've just go to let her be? I don't like to suggest it because I see what she's done to herself but I don't think there's much else we can do…"
Dutchy sighed, 2Dads got up and headed to the kitchen and returned with 2 beers.
"At least she's safe in the hospital right?"
Dutchy nodded as he took a sip of the beer.
"Yeah, but I don't know how long she'll be in there for."
"Well, do the doctors know about what she's gone through? Maybe if you tell them, they'll keep her in longer, until we can figure out what else we can do."
"Yeah, maybe…"
The next morning 2Dads awoke to Dutchy making coffee in his kitchen. He walked into the kitchen yawning and rubbing his eyes.
"What are you doing up so early?"
"I'm going into the hospital…"
"But…"
"I can't give up on her, she didn't give up on me…"
"Dutchy, you're not giving up on her…"
"I'm not going to let her shut us out…"
Dutchy entered the hospital and walked past the nurse's station and gave the nurse a friendly smile and a nod. She jumped up from her seat and chased after him and called out.
"Excuse me, are you here to see Ms McGregor?"
Dutchy stopped and turned.
"Yeah, I'm Dylan…"
The nurse hesitated and broke eye contact.
"Ah, Ms McGregor is not accepting visitors right now…"
Dutchy frowned.
"What?"
"Ah, yeah, I can get her doctor if you like…"
He nodded and waited for the nurse's back to be turned and ran down the hall to Kate's room.
He tried the door handle, it was unlocked, he swung open the door and entered the room without hesitation, Kate was surprised to see him and turned her back towards him.
"Kate, don't shut us out, not now…"
She ignored him and pulled the covers over her head, Dr Fitzgerald ran into Kate's room.
"Ah, Dylan, I'm sorry you can't be here…"
He pulled on Dutchy's arm, he resisted a little and reached out and grabbed Kate's arm.
"Kate, please!"
Dr Fitzgerald pulled harder.
"Dylan, don't make me call security…"
Dutchy turned in Kate's direction, surely she wouldn't let him be kicked out. She didn't move, the blankets still covered her.
Dutchy sighed and walked out of the room, he stood outside with Dr Fitzgerald, constantly looking back through the window.
"You need to give her some space, Dylan…"
"Look, I know you're the doctor but I think that's the last thing she needs."
Dr Fitzgerald understood his concern and lowered his voice.
"Look, I have spoken to Commander White and Dr Cowan, they have updated me on her situation. She's safe here, she hasn't got access to drugs or alcohol and I think she might just need time to process some things…"
Dutchy was a little annoyed, she had already been left alone, and she had got worse, how was this going to help? Dr Fitzgerald could see Dutchy wasn't convinced of his advice.
"We're keeping her in for a couple of days, we're going to try and see if she'll see Dr Cowan tomorrow, she's in good hands."
Dutchy knew there was no point in arguing, he gave Dr Fitzgerald a nod and walked out of the hospital. He headed to NAVCOM to find Mike and Maxine.
He knocked on Maxine's door and entered, Maxine was sitting at her desk and Mike was on the other side, she looked up from her computer and smiled.
"Dutchy, hey…"
Maxine could tell from the uneasy look on his face that something was bothering him.
"Everything okay?"
Dutchy sat down next to Mike and sighed.
"So we're supposed to just wait?"
Maxine closed the lid of her computer and gave him a reassuring smile.
"She's in good hands, Dutchy. I think it's the safest place for her at the moment…"
Mike gave him a friendly pat on the shoulder.
"You did everything you could Dutchy, and Maxine's right mate, the doctors have been informed about what's been going on, and hey, at least she'd agreed to stay, maybe she realised she needs help."
Dutchy nodded, it still didn't make him feel much better but there was nothing he could do while she was in hospital. He made his way back to 2Dads unit, he walked in the door and plonked himself on the couch.
2Dads turned and saw the frustrated look on his face.
"No luck?"
"She's refusing to see anyone now, I'm going back tomorrow."
2Dads admired his loyalty, but he risked pushing her away altogether.
"What about Jim's family? You said she talked to them?"
"I don't want to burden them, they have enough to deal with…"
"Well, they should at least know that she's in hospital…"
"I guess, I'll see if Maxine still has their number, in the meantime, you wanna head down to the pub?"
2Dads let out a laugh.
"Thought you'd never ask…"
They walked into the pub and found themselves a table, Dutchy glanced around the pub looking for any other crew members when he spotted a familiar face. He excused himself and approached her table with caution.
"Sal?"
Sally looked up and smiled.
"Dylan! How are you? Please, sit, feels like I haven't seen you in ages."
It surprised him that she was so upbeat, he wanted to ask for advice on how she was coping so he could try to help Kate but he knew that asking outright was insensitive.
"I'm good, how are you?"
He cringed, it was a reflex question, but a stupid one.
"Sorry, that was…"
She smiled politely and patted his hand trying to make him feel less awkward, she could see he was out of sorts.
"No, it's okay…"
"I umm, I thought that I would have seen you at the hearing today…"
Sally took a sip of her wine and sheepishly glanced over to him.
"I umm, I didn't go, I couldn't. I sat in my car like a…"
Dutchy reached out and put a hand on hers.
"Sorry, Sal, I shouldn't have brought it up, you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to?"
"No, it's fine, talking about it helps…"
He let out an ironic laugh, if only Kate felt the same.
"So, you know heard about the sentence?"
"Yeah, Maxine called me after…"
"I umm, so I heard that you moved back to Perth?"
She glanced over to Chloe who was playing in the kids' area.
"It's easier with her, my family are all there…"
"Fair enough…"
There was a pause in the conversation, Dutchy cleared his throat trying to strike up the courage to ask the question he was dying to ask.
"Umm, can I ask you something?"
"Yeah, what is it?"
His eyes darted around the room, not knowing how to ask his question.
"It might sound strange, and if it's too personal…"
She gave him a friendly nudge trying to lighten the mood.
"Dutchy, spit it out…"
"Do you blame Kate for what happened?"
The question stunned Sally, it was such a strange thing to say, she took a moment to process it.
"Ah, I don't understand…"
Dutchy picked up the napkin from the table and started to rip the edges trying to find the right words.
"Look, I don't want to make it all about her, I know you have felt an incredible loss too, but she's not coping. I don't know if you were aware, but Jim and her…"
She nodded.
"Yeah, Chris had told me about them…"
"She's actually in hospital right now, she had a panic attack after the hearing…"
"Is she okay?"
"Ah, physically yes, but otherwise, not really. She blames herself for Jim's death, I haven't mentioned Swain in fear that if I bring him up, it'll send her right back to where she was. But no one can get through to her…"
Dutchy suddenly felt like a jerk, Sally had lost her husband, she shouldn't be worried about someone else right now.
"Oh my god, Sal I'm sorry, I shouldn't…"
"It's fine Dutchy, I think it's perspective. I mean, of course I would give anything for Chris to still be with us, and I wished none of this ever happened. I have lived my life in fear he wold never come home but he loved his job and I wasn't going to take that away from him. But I get through it by believing that he, that they saved a lot of lives, they were heroes. Kate's situation is a lot different, she was there, she was on that boat. We weren't super close, I mean, I barley saw Chris, so it was hard to make connections with the crew and I'm not saying she is anyway to blame for this but, I do see why she may feel that way."
"Okay, so how would you deal with it?"
She shrugged and sighed, she wanted to help him, he looked so desperate for an answer, but she didn't have one for him.
"I'm sorry, Dutchy, I honestly don't know. Do you want me to talk to her?"
"Oh, no Sal, that's not why I was here. I guess you're the only other person who could confirm for me, that it wasn't her fault. I mean, I know it's not her fault but maybe I've been listening to her for too long and I just needed some reassurance. I just don't know what else to tell her."
"It takes time Dutchy, I spent weeks being mad with Chris for staying on the boat, I was mad at my dead husband, how stupid is that?"
"But that's understandable…"
"See, perspective and people are irrational in grief Dutchy, just be there for her. I'm sure you already have been but she'll talk, eventually. Look, I've gotta get Chloe to bed, but I'm around for another day or so, I'm here to talk if you need."
"Thanks for being my sound board, it' probably the last thing you need."
"It's fine Dutchy, I'm happy to help."
The next day Dutchy sat outside of Kate room, he wanted to be there in case she wanted to talk, he had spoken to Penny the previous night, she was concerned but she didn't want to bombard Kate if she didn't wasn't to see any of them but she asked Dutchy to keep her updated.
He sat there with his head in his hands, he jumped as he heard a female voice.
"You're just as stubborn as her!"
He lifted his head as Deb sat down next to him.
"Mrs Roth?"
She waved her hand dismissing his formalities.
"Dylan, don't be silly, it's Deb…"
"Okay, Deb, what are you doing here? She's not allowing visitors at the moment…"
She raised an eyebrow and smirked.
"Well, what are you doing here?"
He felt a little awkward, he didn't want to give her the wrong idea about their relationship.
"Ah, I just want her to know she's not alone in this…"
She patted him on the knee and peered into her room.
"Ah, Penny told me what was happening…"
"Do you have any suggestions?"
"You're a good friend Dylan, but maybe that's the problem…"
"Huh?"
She gave him a wink and got up and barged her way into Kate's room, it startled her and sat up in bed trying to compose herself.
"Deb…"
Deb placed her hands on her hips and raised an eyebrow.
"Kate, what are you doing hun?"
Kate frowned, she wasn't sure what she meant, Deb saw the confused expression on her face and sat down beside her.
"I've been talking to Penny, she's worried, and poor Dylan has been sitting out there all day…"
Kate broke eye contact, she didn't need another concerned person in her life.
"I had a panic attack, they're just keeping me in for observation."
"Right, and why did you have this panic attack?"
Kate's eyes were firmly fixed on the bedsheet in front of her.
"I don't know…"
Deb tapped her on the forearm.
"Yes, you do!"
She rummaged around in her bag and pulled out a pile of paper.
"Look, I'm not going to tell you how to feel, you feel whatever you need to feel, but I know this isn't the person who my son fell in love with. I'm not trying to make you feel bad, I'm trying to get you to see the person that you really are…"
Kate sat there not able to look at her, she sighed.
"And who is that?"
Deb placed the pieces of paper in Kate's lap.
"Jim wrote to me while he was out on missions, and all throughout the time you were dating."
Deb laughed as she pulled more pieces of paper out of her bag.
"I'm not good with technology, I made him hand write actual letters…"
She gave her arm a squeeze and rose from her chair.
"Be the person who you my son believed you were, the person I know you are…"
She gave her a kiss on the forehead and left the room. Dutchy look ups as he heard the door open.
"She kick you out?"
She shook her head and sat beside him.
"No, but I just want to be here, just in case…"
End of Chapter 16.
Please let me know what you thought! Xx
A note to Guest UK; I added the Sally scene after your review, so thanks for your feedback. I was going to have Swain mentioned earlier but I found it too hard to have Kate blame herself for 2 peoples deaths, you were right, it was too hard to weave that in as well.