Chore and Peace

Lincoln is dumping all the trash around the house into a trash bag.

Lincoln: [to the viewers] It's Chore Day at the Loud House, and taking out the is my job. And in a family as big as mine, chores can be pretty intense. But we get through 'em because we all do our fair share.

Leni enters the bathroom, plucks a hair out of the sink, and places it on Lincoln's garbage pile.

Leni: Chores all done! [slams the door making the trash splatter all over Lincoln]

Lincoln: Well, except maybe for Leni.

Anastasia appears with a bucket full of dusts and other junks.

Anastasia: Here you go, Uncle. [dumps the trash in Lincoln's garbage pile]

Lincoln: Uhh, thanks. [notices Jerry holding something] What is that?

Anastasia: Oh, this little bag? That's his droppings. Anyway, here you go. [tosses the bag in trash bag] Well, my work here is done.

Lincoln: What?! Already?

Anastasia: Yep. I cleaned the attic, washed the walls, clean the toilet, and fix the bed in the attic. Now if you need me, i will be downstairs watching cartoons. [walks downstairs]

A few minutes later, Lincoln unplugs the vacuum cleaner.

Luna: Dude, what gives?

Lincoln: Alright, everyone! Listen up! It has come to my attention that I've gotten a raw deal in this house!

Leni: You mean your white hair? It's nice. It makes you look like Pop-Pop.

Lincoln: I'm not talking about our grandfather! I'm talking about my chore! It's way harder than all of yours, and it's not fair!

Lori: Please. Our chores are just as hard as yours, if not harder.

Lincoln: Oh, really? Look at Lisa! What does she even do?

Lisa: [on the line] Uh, hold on, Janice. [puts Janice on hold] I do the bills, Lincoln. [goes back on her call] Now, listen, i want that charge removed, Janice. I don't think anyone in this house bought a car in Saskatchewan.

Anastasia: I have to agree with Aunty Lori, Uncle. Do you know what time i have to wake up to do my chores? At 8:00 or 9:00 in the morning! And all i do is clean up the attic, the toilet, the wall, etc etc! It's not easy to do all that, you know!

Lincoln: Well, if you all think your chores are so hard, I'm sure one of you won't mind trading with me.

Lori: No way, Lincoln. There's a very delicate balance in this house, and if we all start trading chores, it will literally open up a can of worms.

Lana: What's so bad about that? Worms rule!

Lincoln: [deterred] Okay then...

Lincoln starts holding up a sign with a "No Symbol" over a trash can, indicated he's on strike from his chore.

Lincoln: [charting] One, two, three, four! I won't do your stupid chore!

Lori: What the heck are you doing?

Lincoln: I'm on strike until someone agrees to trade chores with me. [chanting] Five, six, seven, eight! Garbage Day will have to wait!

Lana: What am i supposed to do with all this poop? [holds up several sacks]

Lincoln: [charting more] Nine, ten, eleven, twelve! Take that poop out by yourself!

Lori and Anastasia: Ugh! Will you stop talking in chants? [they said simultaneously]

Lincoln: [refusing to stop] Thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen! [stops] Uh... [tries to think of a rhyme for sixteen as Logan and his parents watch]

Logan: This is what i go through on a everyday basis.

Lynn Sr: Think we should intervene, honey?

Rita: No, not yet. I wanna see what he rhymes with sixteen. Also, maybe we should let the kids handle this themselves. They might learn something.

Logan: I have to agree with Mom on this. If i do anything about it, then they will never learn.

Lynn Sr: In that case, it's time for ol' Jigsaw Loud to get back in the puzzle game!

Rita: [chuckles as Logan groan] Didn't we agree to never use that name again?

Lola is practicing her posture with books on her head.

Lola: And that's why I deserve to be the next Cute N' Mean's Beauty Queen. [slips on a banana peel]

Lincoln: [chanting] What do i want? Someone else's chore! When do i want it? Now! What do i want? Someone else's chore! When do i want it? [gets pegged by peel] Ow!

Anastasia went to the kitchen, dragging a heavy garbage bag.

Anastasia: Man, is it just me or am i getting weaker? [sees Lincoln] Uncle Lincoln, can you take out this bag for me?

Lincoln: [walk pass Anastasia] One, two, three, four! I'll pick up your some trash no more! [Anastasia growls angrily at him as she continue dragging the bag outside]

Chuck is helping Luna with her amps as she rocks on.

Luna: So, what's ya think, Chunk?

Chuck: It stinks.

Luna: Way harsh, dude.

Chuck: Not the song, your room. Chunk's gotta blow. [leaves]

Lincoln: [chanting] Think it through, don't be rash, trade with me, or live with trash! Think it through, don't be rash, trade with me, or live with- [Luna gets annoyed and tosses her drumsticks at him and shields himself with his sign] Ha! Missed me!

Luna tosses the rest of her drum kit at him and gets him this time; Leni is getting ready to take a shower but finds the tub filled with garbage.

Leni: Ew!

Lincoln: [faking sympathy] Aw...got a problem?

Leni: Oh, not with you, Pop-Pop.

Lincoln puts on a hairnet to hide his white hair until further notice.

The girls are all having a meeting to discuss Lincoln's behavior.

Lola: Princesses cannot live in this filth!

Lana: It's disgusting, and i know disgusting.

Anastasia: Tell me about it! I have to drag the garbage bag i had outside and throw it in the garbage bin and it fell on me! Which is why i got several things in my hair.

Lucy: Gross.

Lori: This can't go on. We have to do something.

Lincoln overhears this and believes one of them is finally going to agree to trade chores with him.

Lincoln: [chanting] Hey, hey. Ho, ho. Tomorrow i get a brand new Cho...re. Good thing they're giving in. 'Cause I'm all out of rhymes.

The next morning, Lincoln wakes up and finds out that he has no clean laundry.

Lincoln: Lori, where's all my clean laundry?

Lori: Hm...laundry, laundry...oh! I didn't do it.

Lincoln: And why not?

Lori holds up a sign with a "No Symbol" over a washing machine, meaning only one thing.

Lincoln: Ha! You're going on strike?

The other girls hold up signs as well.

Lana: We're all going on strike until you agree to end yours!

Lori: That means no laundry, no clean dishes, no vacuuming...

Lisa: ...and no doing the bills. [on her call] Janice, cut the power and the water. We're going off the grid.

Lincoln: Well, good luck! 'Cause I'm not backing down!

Girls: NEITHER ARE WE!

Lori: [chanting] One, two, three, four! I won't wash your clothes no more!

Luna: CHORES! HUH! WHAT ARE THEY GOOD FOR?!

Sisters: ABABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!! SAY IT AGAIN!!!

Anastasia: NO! None of that! Shame on you!

Lynn Sr: Now should we intervene?

Rita: Oh, no. Let's give the kids a little more time to resolve this on their own.

Lynn Sr: Sweet! Who's up for round two? Jiggy Loud's about to do a pizzy up in this bizzy!

Rita: Uh-uh.

Logan: Yeah. Can you not do that?

THE NEXT DAY

Charles licks Lincoln awake and he gets up to find that all his clothes stink, so he applies a garbage bag to wear, where he comes across Lynn kicking something around.

Lincoln: Ew. What is that?

Lynn: Bunch of hair from the sink drain. Makes a great footbag.

Lincoln: [goes to check on Lori] Hey, Lori, now that Lisa stopped back the bills, it must be pretty hard having no cell service.

Lori: Who needs cell service? I found a new way to text Bobby. [holds up Walt in her hands and gives him a message as her text] Fly away, my faithful messenger!

Walt takes off and smacks into the window, to which Lincoln laughs.

Lori: What? Phones crash all the time. [opens the window and lets Walt fly]

[Lisa and Lily's room]

Lincoln: Pretty messy in here. Must be pretty hard to get any work done.

Lisa: On the contrary. The garbage and my chemicals have fused, creating a scientific breakthrough. I call him Homo Trashilius. Or Trashy for short.

A living breathing creature made out of trash roars at Lincoln, scaring him off.

Lynn Sr: Okay, now should we intervene?

Rita: I still think the kids can solve this themselves. Besides the house has...looked worse.

Logan notices Lily crawling around in trash with a chip bag on her head.

Logan: Come here, you. We can't have you crawling through this. [picks her up]

Lynn Sr: Round three with Jiggy P?

Rita turns it down.

Logan: Dude, please stop.

That night, Anastasia is moving all the trash away from her side of the bed.

Anastasia: Grrrr! I beginning to think this is a bad idea. What do you think, Jerry? [Jerry agrees] I glad you are think so too. [sighs] I hope this will all be over with tomorrow. [went to sleep]

THE NEXT DAY

Jerry woke up Anastasia to show her something.

Anastasia: [tired] What is it, Jerry?

Jerry leads Anastasia down the attic to the top hallway and show her the hallway in a much bigger and smelly mess.

Anastasia: Oh...my...dear Lord. This is really getting out of hand pretty fast now. This needs to end. [went downstairs to see Lincoln and a reporter by the door] Uhh, why are they doing here?

Reporter: We are here to do a behind the scenes with Miss Lola Loud.

Lola comes down in her ensemble now covered in trash.

Lola: [singing] Here she is! The next Cute N' Mean! [poses and farts as Anastasia sinker]

Reporter: Ew! More like Miss Gross N' Gnarly! Interview over!

The crew leaves.

Lola: NO! [growls at Lincoln] You...THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!!! [starts chasing Lincoln]

Lori and Anastasia is watching and laugh at Lincoln's torture; just then, Clyde enterenters, happy to see her.

Clyde: Lori!

Lori shrinks in horror to see that Walt sent her text to Clyde instead of Bobby.

Clyde: Walt brought me your text. Usually, i bleed profusely from my nose, turn into a robot, and eventually faint when I'm around you, but this has given the confidence to say...I LOVE YOU, TOO!

Lori: WHAT?!

Clyde: Don't worry. I already broke the news to Bobby. He took it pretty hard, but a really nice cheerleader is consoling him. [puckers his lips hoping for a kiss only for Anastasia to slam the door on his face]

Anastasia: Creep-o.

Lincoln: Phew! Finally lost Lola.

Lori: [enraged] YOU!!! [chases Lincoln who runs away in panic and is unable to lose her]

Trashy has grown quite a bit and grabs the two of them.

Anastasia: Whoa! WHAT THE HECK IS THAT?!

Lisa: TRASHY! BAD! [realizes she's still on her call] No, no, not Janice.

Lincoln: Lisa! What have you been feeding him?

Lisa: His name is Trashy. What do you think, genius?

Trashy roars voraciously and Lily starts crying off in the distance.

Trashy: Baby?

Lori: Great, Lincoln. You made Lily cry.

The kids and Trashy check Lily's crib.

Lincoln: There, there. It's okay, Lily. [pulls out the covers only to find that the raccoon is in Lily's crib instead of Lily]

Lana: [catches it] I'm more than just poop patrol.

Lana tosses the raccoon at the window which was closed; the raccoon gets frustrated and opens it up and leaves.

Anastasia: We really need to keep wild animals from entering the house.

Lincoln: Guys, if the raccoon was in the crib...then where's Lily?

The girls and Trashy gasp and everyone starts searching for her

Kids: LILY!

Lincoln: She's in here somewhere!

Lucy: We'll never find her in this mess.

Anastasia: Well, there is one way we can find her and that if we all put an end to this strike nonsense and stop acting like lazy bums, we can clean this whole mess up and find Lily!

Lincoln: She's right! We have to clean up! [holds up sign] I declare this strike officially over! [breaks it and gets a splinter] Ow! Who's with me?

Girls: WE ARE! [the girls sans Anastasia break their signs]

Lisa: [calls Janice] Janice, how soon can we get back on the grid? 24 hours? What if i throw in a muffin basket?

Janice obilges and puts them back on the grid; the kids continue to search for Lily in their junkyard of a house. Anastasia went up to the attic to clean it out to see if Lily is up there.

Anastasia: Come on, Jerry! I need you help with this! [notices Jerry giving her a look] What? Oh, come on! If i can go just about everywhere in this house when i was a baby, she could do the same too. Now stop standing there and help me look for my Aunty! [Jerry rolls his eyes and help her]

Meanwhile, Lincoln checks the basement to see if Lily is there.

Lincoln: Hang on, Lily! I'm coming! [dives into a laundry pile stacked up high but starts to drown] So...much...underwear!

Lori: [saves him] Yeah, and that's just Dad's and Logan's. Now get outta my way, little bro. I've got a system. [starts washing and folding until she had gotten every single pair only to meet up with Clyde in the hamper]

Clyde: Hey, sugar lips. Should our couple name be "Clori" or "Llyde"?

Lori: Bobby and i are back together.

This breaking news causes Clyde to lose his confidence and do what he usually does when he sees Lori.

Clyde: [gets a nosebleed; starts acting like a robot] ABORT. ABORT. [faints]

Everyone is doing their best to clean the house and find Lily, but to no avail on the latter.

Lana: Poop patrol is done, but no Lily!

Lola: Beds are made, no Lily!

Anastasia: Attic is clean, but me or Jerry didn't see Lily up there!

Trashy: [checks under the sofa] No baby!

Lola: Maybe she's under all this trash!

Lincoln: Step aside! [gets out a trash bag] Taking out the trash...is my job.

Lincoln eyes Trashy who gulps and takes all the trash out.

Lori: Well, we've all done our chores, and there's still no Lily.

Lincoln: [guilty] This is all my fault! For the rest of my life... [hears a familiar giggling] ...I'll be haunted by the sound of her adorable giggling!

Rita: Lincoln, what are you crying about?

Lincoln: Mom, i confess! We lost- [surprised]... Lily? Have you guys had her this whole time?

Logan: Of course they did. You didn't think they'd leave her in that mess, did you?

Anastasia: Whew, i am so glad she wasn't in that mess. Wait, i just realize something. Dad, where were you at when this all happen? [the kids grew suspicion by why Logan wasn't around]

Logan: It's a long story. Besides, if i stopped you guys during y'all little strike, you guys will never learn anything.

Lynn Sr: Logan's right. And we're all proud of you guys for working this out. Now, who wants to make a puzzle with J to the Iggy?

Kids: Who?

Later on, Lincoln, while wearing his clothes again walks outside with his sign.

Lincoln: [to the viewers] When it comes to chores, nobody in the Loud House has it easy. The truth is, we all do our fair share. [feeds his strike sign to Trashy]

Mr. Grouse: Hey, Loud! Don't bother! There's no trash pickup this week! TheThe garbage workers are striking for more money!

Lincoln: Wait! They get paid to take out the trash?!

The kids are now back on strike demanding an allowance for their chores.

Kids: [chanting] ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR! GIVE US CASH OR NO MORE CHORES!

Logan: Well, this just happen. I'm surprise you not joining them, Anastasia.

Anastasia: After the madness we went through, i don't want to be part of this. Besides, i can make money a different way anyway.

Rita: Any ideas, J Pizzy?

Lynn Sr: Now this is a puzzle. [giddy] Can you call me that again?

Rita: J Pizzy.

Lynn Sr: YES!

Logan: Oh no, Mom, not you too.

Author note: Just want to point this out, everytime i hear the girls make a "War" reference, i die a little inside and i don't know why.