One of the Boys
Lola is having a tea party on the driveway. Lincoln is looking at food in the refrigerator.
Lincoln: Okay, let's see what we got. [he begins rummages through fridge] Kale...tofu...quin-o-ah?
Clyde: I think it's called quinoa.
Lincoln tastes the quinoa and immediately spits it up.
Lincoln: I'd call it quin-blah! All this rabbit food can only mean one thing: Lori's on another health food kick.
Clyde sighs and thinks about Lori wearing a bikini and walking on the beach.
Clyde: No wonder her skin glows like a Caribbean sunset...
Lincoln: Are you picturing her on the beach again?!
Clyde: Uh, no! [pops his thought bubble and grins sheepishly]
Lincoln finds a jar of peanut butter in the back of the fridge.
Lincoln: Ooh, peanut butter! Now we're talkin'! [he scoops up the peanut butter with his fingers and messily eats it]
Lola enters the kitchen to put her tea party cups away and notices Lincoln eating the peanut butter.
Lola: Ewww, Lincoln! Have a little class! [she exits the kitchen, disgusted]
Luan enters the kitchen with her dummy Mr.Coconuts performing a ventriloquist act.
Luan: [speaking as Mr.Coconuts] That's all for sports, and now the weather.
Lincoln belches as she's talking.
Luan: [still speaking as Mr.Coconuts] It's cloudy with a chance of... [she speaks as herself now] You're disgusting.
Luan exits the room.
Lincoln: [sighs] My whole life is like this.
Clyde: What are you talking about, Lincoln?! You got it made: one guy surrounded by one older brother, ten awesome sisters, and one crazy but fun niece!
Lincoln: Oh, Clyde. Sweet, innocent Clyde.
Several flashbacks of his sisters and Anastasia causing him dismay.
The scene begins with all the girls waiting in line for the bathroom. The line movea slowly as Lincoln gets more and more impatient. It is now Lincoln's turn to use the bathroom.
Lincoln: Finally! [he enters the bathroom but quicky runs out] Gah! Forgot my loofah!
Lincoln returns to the bathroom only to see another long line has already formed since he left.
Lincoln: Dang it!!
The second flashback begins. It starts with Lincoln walking down the stairs.
Lincoln: [calling out] Mom! I'm off to see Ronnie Anne!
The girls ambush him after hearing he's going to see Ronnie Anne.
Girls: You're meeting Ronnie Anne?!
They all crowd him and talk over each other, telling him what he should do before meeting her.
Lana: In that shirt?!
Lynn: Ho ho! You call that posture?!
Leni: And what about your hair?!
Anastasia: And what about your nails?!
Lori: Are you wearing clean underwear?
The third flashback plays; the kids are having a family meeting in Lori and Leni's room.
Lori: Okay people, I'm accepting ideas on how we should spend the day.
Lincoln: [raising his hand] Ooh, ooh!! We could go to Dairyland!!
Girls: [all make a buzzer noise and give him a thumbs down]
Lincoln: Okay...How 'bout Gus' Games and Grub!
His sisters do the same thing as before and make a buzzer noise and give him a thumbs down.
Lincoln: How about-
The girls do the exact same thing a third time before he could suggest somewhere else.
Lori: I know some person we'd all like!
The scene then cuts to all the girls having a good time at the mall while Lincoln sits on a bench - alone and angry.
The fourth and final flashback begins, in this one, Lincoln is sitting on his bed, playing a handheld video game.
Lincoln: Ow, ow, ow!! Thumb cramp!!!
The girls all barge into his room.
Girls: Awwww, poor Linky!!
Lori: Oh, here's Bun-Bun! [she offers him his stuffed rabbit]
Leni: [holding Lily] Let Lily kiss your boo-boo better!
Anastasia: Want me to go get my Dad to heal you?!
Lola and Lana: [unrolling bandages] Gauzel Stat!
Lisa: [runs into the room with an AED] Clear!!
She shocks Lincoln as the camera pans out of his room and his scream can be heard.
The scene returns where Clyde and Lincoln are together in the kitchen.
Clyde: Hm, i see your point. But you got Logan though. So i don't see what you are complaining about.
Lincoln: Yeah, i know. But here's the thing though, Clyde. Logan's never here most of the time so spending time with him is a rare thing. I tell you, Clyde, sometimes i wish i had ten other brothers and a nephew. [continues eating the peanut butter as he was before]
Lisa and Anastasia enters the kitchen and Lisa snatches the peanut butter away from him.
Lisa: And i wish you would not eat our communal peanut butter with your booger-picking finger!
Anastasia: Yeah, Uncle! You don't know if i wanted a peanut butter and sloppy joe jelly sandwich!
Lincoln: See what i mean?
Lisa: [in contemplation] Hmmm...
Anastasia: What's up, Aunty Lisa?
Lisa: I think i what I'm going to work on today.
Lisa left the kitchen after handing Anastasia the peanut butter who looked at Lisa in confusing.
That night, Lincoln is sound asleep when a shadow casts over him. He wakes up to find that it's Lisa. He yelps at her sudden presence and grabs the light chain, turning on the light.
Lisa: I've been pondering your wish from earlier.
Lincoln: My wish?
Lisa: Yes. I think i can help you out. [pulls out some kind of wristwatch] This wristwatch can transport you to an alternate dimension in which you'll have eleven brothers instead of one and a nephew.
Lincoln: [sarcastic] Riiiiiiight... [gets down from chain] Lisa, i think you're been playing with too many kiddie chemicals.
Lisa presses the button on the watch and a portal opens up.
Lincoln: [surprised] Holy moly! Awesome! [proceeds to enter it, but stops] Wait. Why are you doing this for me? And why didn't you ask Anastasia for her little device she uses to do the same thing?
Lisa: I need beta testers and Anastasia won't even let me borrow it if i asked. Now, are we doing this, or am i sending Lana to a dimension where she's a toad or sending Anastasia to a dimension where she's a goddess?
Lincoln: Oh, we're doing it!
Lisa: One word of caution: you only have 24 hours to return home. Otherwise, you'll be stuck there forever.
Lincoln: Got it! [grabs the watch and puts it on] Let's do this!
A timer starts ticking down from the 24 hour limit.
Lisa: Good luck. I gotta go break the bad news to Lana and Anastasia.
Lisa pushes Lincoln into the vortex as he screams.
Lincoln comes out on the portal and it closes. Everything looks the same.
Lincoln: Hmm...this doesn't look like a different dimension.
Logan comes down from the attic and sees Lincoln.
Logan: Oh, hey, little bro.
Lincoln: Hey, Logan. Where are you going?
Logan: To work. Someone else have to get money for the house. Hey, guys! I'm off to work! Please don't destroy the house when I'm done!
Loud Boys: OKAY!
Lincoln: Wait. That doesn't sound like the girls. What's going on here?
Just then, a male verversion of Lori comes out texting on his phone.
Loki: That is literally LOL! Hurry up, Loni! Time to go!
Loni, the male version of Leni, walks into the doorway.
Loni: Ooh! Whoa, Loki, who moved thethe doorway?
Enter a male version of Luna.
Luke: I'm ready, brah! [strums his guitar; in a British accent] Let's rock!
Enter a male version of Luan and a female version of Mr. Coconuts.
Lane: [speaking as his dummy] I wooden miss it! [speaking as himself now and giggling] Good one, Mrs. Coconuts!
The four boys head downstairs much to Lincoln's bewilderment. Enter a male version of Lynn.
Boy Lynn: [carrying a football] 62! Hut!
He is followed by a male version of Lucy.
Lars: Sigh. [closes door]
Enter a male version of Lana with a frog as a horn blares at him.
Leif: Quit horking, Lexx, or you'll get a frog down your pants!
Lexx, the male version of Lola, is driving what looks like Lola's car only stylized as a military jeep with an angry face painted on it.
Lexx: Touch me. and I'm telling! [honks] MOM!
The male twins start fighting. Enter a male version of Lisa.
Levi: Can you Cro-Magnons diminish the cacophony so our youngest sibling can suspend consciousness?
A male version of Lily cries.
Twins: Speak English, Levi!
Levi: Shut your pie-holes so Leon can nap!
Lincoln, still bewildered, looks at the watch and realizes that it worked.
Lincoln: Holy moly!
???: Hello, Uncle Lincoln.
Lincoln: Ahh! [got startled by a male version of Anastasia] Anastasia?
Anastasius: Actually, it's Anastasius.
Lincoln: That's what i said. Anastasia.
Anastasius: [look at Lincoln exasperated] You're not from this dimension, are you?
Lincoln: Nope.
Anastasius: I see. That's explain a lot. Well, all i can tell you is, be careful with the other boys. You will regret it.
Lincoln: I doubt that.
Anastasius: Your loss.
Anastasius went downstairs to join his other uncles with Lincoln following him.
Levi: Will you be joining us, Lincoln?
Lincoln: [disgusted] Ugh. Where are we going? The mall?
All the boys scoff and laugh.
Boy Lynn: Yeah, right.
Loki: You're literally hilarious, Lincoln! We're going to Dairyland. It was your idea.
Lincoln: Sweet! My sisters would never all wanna go to Dairyland! Not even my niece!
Loni: [walks into the front doorway; confused] Sisters? Niece?
Lincoln: Uh...you know, the nuns. They hate amusement parks. [laughs nervously and follows the rest of his brothers to the van.
Anastasius: That poor idiot.
Anastasius follows Lincoln to the van as Loni shrugs and closes the door on his way out.
The van drives across Royal Woods while the boys sans Anastasius are cheering.
Loki: Yes! Dairyland was awesome!
Lane: Great idea, Lincoln.
Luke: Yeah, way to go, bro.
Brothers: You're the man, Lincoln!
Lincoln: [belches] Whoops. Sorry.
Boy Lynn: You should be sorry, 'cause that was weak! [makes a bigger belch]
Leif: Ha. That was nothing. Check this. [farts with armpit]
Loki: Oh, yeah? Well, nothing beats the real thing. [farts for real]
The boys sans Anastasius cheer Loki on and stop at Gus' Games and Grub.
Anastasius: I swear this whole van from the inside is going to be painted red if the next person does anything like that.
Lane: Oh, cheer up, little dude. We're just playing.
Anastasius: Whatever, "dude".
Loki: Anyway, chow time, boys.
Lincoln: Gus's Games and Grub? No way!
Rushes inside.
Five pizzas are put on their table.
Loki: Five pies for eleven guys!
Lane: I sure hope Mom and Dad gave us enough dough! [laughs] Get it?
Lincoln picks up a slice, but realizes what he's touching it with.
Leif: Are you kidding me? You use your finger for your booger picking? I use my thumb! [puts thumb in nostril]
The boys all tell Lincoln what they pick their boogers with, each with a different part of their hands...or their feet, which makes him happy. Later, they arrive home where this dimension's Rita, wearing Lynn Sr.'s clothes, and Logan taking out the trash with Leon.
Alt. Rita: There's my army. How was Dairyland?
Loki: [kisses his mom] It was awesome!
Boy Lynn: [kisses her] Hi, Mom!
Leif: [kisses her and belches] Bye, Mom!
The boys head inside while this dimension's Lynn Sr., wearing Rita's clothes, is getting out the second garbage can.
Alt. Lynn Sr.: Hey, boys!
Leif: PILE ON DAD!
Lynn Sr. screams and is pounced by Leif with his sons and grandson joining in on the fun.
Levi: We got you!
Lars: Say uncle.
Loni: I thought he was our dad.
Logan: What will it be, Dad? Say uncle, or suffer our wrath.
Alt. Lynn Sr.: [begging for mercy] UNCLE!
The boys cheer and run off except for Logan.
Alt. Lynn Sr.: [groaning in pain] Sometimes, i wonder what it wonder be like to have daughters and a niece.
Logan: I don't know about the daughters things, but i doubt Anastasius' personality will change if he was a girl.
Lincoln looks at how much time is left.
Lincoln: Only 12 more hours. I wish this didn't have to end. [inspired] Wait. Why does it have to? What if i didn't go back?
Anastasius: Then you'll be a much bigger idiot than Loni. And that's saying something.
Lincoln screams and falls to the ground after getting startled by Anastasius.
Anastasius: If i were you, I'll go back to the dimension that i came from.
Lincoln: Well you're not me. Now, if you excuse me, i got some bro bonding to do. [runs upstairs where his brothers are playing Hockey in the hallway]
Anastasius: That poor idiot.
That night, Logan and Anastasius are getting ready for bed when Logan notices something is bothering his son.
Logan: Is something wrong, Son? You look bothered.
Anastasius: Hey, Dad. Did you know that Uncle Lincoln is from a different dimension?
Logan: [surprised] Seriously?! Wait. How do you know?
Anastasius: It's because of that watch he had on his arm. And the fact he called me Anastasia instead of Anastasius. Do i look like a girl?
Logan: A little. [Anastasius gives him a annoying look] Just kidding. I still can't believe that he is from a different dimension. Do you think he will go back to his dimension?
Anastasius: If he doesn't get his watch back in time, he wouldn't.
Logan: I see. Well, we will see if he does go back tomorrow.
Anastasius: Hopefully. [yawns] Night, Dad.
Logan: Night, Son.
Logan and Anastasius went to sleep, while Lincoln is having a hard time doing so.
The next morning, Anastasius wakes up to find that Logan is gone.
Anastasius: Looks like Dad is gone to work. Figures. I wonder how Lincoln's doing. [hears Lincoln screaming in the background] Not that good i guessing. Stupid fool. Might as well go see what's going on down there.
Anastasius went down the attic and sees his uncles surrounding Lincoln.
Lane: How's it goin', Stinkoln?
Lincoln then trips over and hurts his thumb.
Lincoln: Ow!
Loni: Aw, you're fine. Shake it off.
Leon crawls up to Lincoln.
Lincoln: Leon? You wanna kiss my boo-boo and make it better? [Leon bites Lincoln's thumb] OW!
Loki: Kiss your boo-boo?
As the boys continue to laugh, Lincoln sees Anastasius shaking his head at him. Lincoln then sucks his thumb since no will kiss it to make it feel better.
Lincoln is topless.
Lincoln: Does nobody do laundry?
Boy Lynn: [picking his nose with his big toe] Oh, yeah! Got a winner!
The twins are wearing Lincoln's shirts.
Lincoln: Uh, why are you guys wearing my shirts?
Leif: Duh, 'cause ours were dirty.
Lincoln: Well, now i don't have any clean ones, and I'm supposed to hang out with Ronnie Anne!
Loki: [condescendingly] Ooh, the prince needs a clean shirt when he sees his princess!
Brothers: Ooooooooooh! [laugh]
Lincoln: [visibly blushing] Cut it out, guys!
Lane: You know, if you wear pants higher, you won't need a SHIRT! [pulls Lincoln's upward on the word "shirt", giving him an inverse wedgie and laughs]
Lincoln: [sarcastically] Thanks a lot. [pulls pants down] Now i need clean underwear, too.
Lane: I'm just playin', bro. [ruffles Lincoln's hair]
Lincoln: Ah, come on! I just combed my hair.
Brothers: [taunting] OOOOOOOHHH!!!
Leif: PILE ON ROMEO!
Lincoln screams as his brothers minus Leon pile on top of him.
Loki: Guys, Dutch oven, Loud House style!
They all fart on Lincoln.
Luke: Say uncle!
Lincoln: Uncle!
They all get off Lincoln and cheer proudly for their Dutch oven. Lincoln, however, is not pleased.
Anastasius: What did i tell you? You will regret it. Should've went back to your dimension when you had the chance. [leaves]
Lincoln: [to the viewers] Remember what i said about staying here forever? Yeah. That's not happening. [sees that he only has 5 minutes before it's too late] Phew. I still have five minutes to get back. [checks the wastebasket he through the watch in but can't find it] Where is it?
Lexx: Whoa! Check out this sweet watch! [holds the dimensional wristwatch]
Lincoln: Hey, that's mine!
Lexx: Finders, keepers, loser! [runs off with it]
Lincoln: No! I need that! [chases after Lexx and falls down the stairs]
Lexx tosses it to Luke.
Loni: [laughing] Keep away with Uncle Lincoln's watch!
Luke: Oops! [tosses it to Loni]
Lincoln: You guys, this is serious! [sees this dimension of his Dad and gets an idea] PILE ON DAD!
Their dad runs away screaming and the boys run off to pile on him. Lincoln manages to grab his watch as they charge off.
Anastasius: Okay, you got you stupid little watch back. Now leave this dimension and never return!
Lincoln: Thanks for the help. I promise i will never forget your warnings.
Anastasius: [irritated and fed up] Dude, leave before i make things even worse.
Lincoln: Okay, okay! Jeez.
Alt. Lynn Sr.: UNCLE UNCLE UNCLE!
There are only a few seconds left.
Lincoln: Phew. Just in time.
Boy Lynn: Hey, Stinkoln, i almost forgot something. [pantses Lincoln and runs off laughing]
Lincoln sighs, activates the portal, and jumps in screaming.
Lincoln makes it through the portal and ends up backback in his linen closet room. But...
Lincoln?: My room! [sees a familiar friend] Bun-Bun! [grabs Bun-Bun and cuddles him] It worked!
The lights turn on and reveals his brothers (minus Logan) and Anastasius are still here.
Loki: Are you okay? Did you have a nightmare?
Lincoln?: AAAHH! It didn't work!
Luke: You want some water?
Lexx: How about warm milk?
Boy Lynn: Do you want some water?
Lincoln?: Wait. Why are they being nice to me?
Enter a female version of Logan.
Girl Logan: [yarns] What's going on?
Lincoln?: Why is Logan a girl?
Anastasius: I think Aunty Linka is having a nightmare.
Lincoln?: [confused] Aunty? Linka?
Lincoln looks around to see that his room is now very girly, there's a photo of him and a female version of Clyde, and he finds in his mirror that he is no longer Lincoln Loud. He is now Linka Loud.
Linka: I'M IN THE WRONG DIMENSION!
Linka screams in horror and then it immediately changes back to Lincoln. It turns out Lincoln was having a nightmare. His room is the same as it was and he's still Lincoln Loud.
Lincoln: Oh, thanks goodness. It was all just a nightmare.
His siblings and Anastasia barge in having been alarmed of his scream.
Logan: [concerned] You okay, bro? We heard you scream!
Lori: Here's Bun-Bun, Linky.
The others comfort him after his fright.
Leni: Lily will kiss it and make it all better.
Lincoln: Thanks, guys. You're the best.
Lily kisses her brother.
Lincoln: It's good to be home. I'll never complain about having sisters (or nieces) again.
As they embrace for a tender moment, the girls realize what he just said.
Lola: Wait. What?
Lincoln: I meam, you know, the nuns.
Leni notices and picks up a wristwatch.
Leni: Lincoln, is this yours? It fell on the floor.
Lincoln screams, tosses it on the floor, and stomps it into pieces.
Lori: [livid] That was literally mine! You are so gonna pay!
Lincoln: [fearing] Please don't stick my head down the toilet!
Lori: What? I meant with money.
Lincoln: Oh, of course. That's more than fair.
Lola: [scoffs] Breaking Lori's watch? You sir, have no class!
Anastasia: The shame, Uncle. The shame.
The girls all go to sleep, leaving Logan to talk to his little brother.
Logan: You know what. The more i think about it, the more that i am glad to have sisters instead of more brothers. They will be a handful for me.
Lincoln: Tell me about it...
Logan: Well, I'm off to sleep. Night, bro. [goes back to bed]
Lincoln: [to the viewers] Excluding Logan and Anastasia, I'm so glad my sisters are nothing like my brothers.
Lynn comes back in.
Lynn: Hey, Lincoln, i almost forgot something. [pantses him and runs off laughing]
Lincoln: [annoyed] Except for Lynn.
Author note: I know that some of you might be upset with me doing "One of the Boys" because Lincoln already got a brother. But hear me out, there's two reasons why i did that. One: If you been noticing that Logan doesn't spend time with Lincoln that much because he been working a lot. And Two: It's because of the continuation that I'm making for this chapter. So yeah, that's why.