Chapter XXII
"When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be." ~ Lao Tzu
'Murphy is always late and never changes habits.', Emily thought, surprised that her mind could so easily flip back the same mode of ten years ago. She was going on and on in her head the identity of Lauren Reynolds, who she was, what her history was, how she would act and what she would say. Normally, agents needed days to fully adjust to their new personality. They didn't, only if they were called Gloria Paterson or chameleon and both meant the same. Emily wasn't, so back in the days she had spent a couple of weeks. Now she didn't need to. Only once she was around with a name other than Emily Prentiss and, worrying or not, she could slip into that role rather naturally.
Emily looked at her watch. She was waiting for Gregory Murphy to appear in a bar in one of the most expensive sites of New York. It wasn't a bar really. It was more like 'a house for other services' in disguise and a luxurious one. Gregory Murphy had a reputation of being a regular customer in many similar places. That one was his choice when he was in New York. He came almost every late night, around between one and two o'clock at night, when the bar started to get less busy, to pick the next girl for the night, or actually the morning. It was two thirty. He hadn't arrived yet and Emily was getting uncomfortable as less and less women were around. At least her foreigner attire kept away any flirting men. Only one had come close and she had played it like she didn't speak any English so he left. She took a gulp from her drink. She was having an orange juice. For job reasons she had avoided alcohol, but at the same time that slight smell of drinks in the place was making her stomach feel weird. But she didn't analyse it, as Murphy finally appeared through the door and went towards the bar stool.
Time had treated him well, she noticed. He had a fat face. It kept the skin streched. His hair was the same brown colour, apparently he was dying it. His body and posture was the same, short with a big beer belly. He had come alone and Emily was sure there was no guards or anyone outside. He didn't come to these places with company. That's why they had picked that bar as the best place to meet the 'ghost'. She stood up and approached him, as he ordered his drink, his usual one.
"Still ordering a 'volvo' (Irish term for vodka with coke), Greg?", she spoke leaning on the bar.
He turned towards the source of the voice and his eyes grow bigger. But suddenly he started laughing uncontrollably. Murphy used to have these weird reactions. Too much alcohol and other things had messed with his head. How some men like him could stay in respectable positions, be involved with criminals and at the same evade the law was always a mystery to Emily.
"Am I that drunk?", he spoke in his thick Irish accent in between the laughs.
"If you don't see me double, you are not.", she smiled in that confident and at the same time innocent way Lauren used to smile.
"I hope you didn't come to blackmail me again, Lauren.", he continued laughing.
Oh yeah, that was a part of the story that Emily hadn't told the others because they would have flipped. Yes, Murphy used to facilitate stuff for Doyle but the 'co-operation' hadn't started so voluntarily. Even Clyde wasn't aware of that like he wasn't aware of some other things as well. Some things were better to be kept unknown for no other reason than the appearances. 'Appearances, really?', a small voice in her head said, 'Focus and compartmentalise', she replied to herself.
"That wasn't my idea, Greg.", she answered to the man.
"Oh yeah. Doyle was the too pushy one. And he had his ways to put you up to stuff.", he winked, "Lauren, Lauren! I knew it! Je l'ai connu! How do you say it in French? You, you wouldn't have died in a simple car accident.", he pointed at her, his finger going up and down, "Car accidents are for common people."
"You think?"
"Oh yeah. Me, I would rather die while with a beautiful lady in my bed.", he replied checking out the young waitress that brought him his drink, "But for you, I would have believed it, only if they had said you died in a shoot down, like your man, Ian. Sorry, I didn't cry over it, by the way."
Of course he wouldn't. Ian had a way of terrorising people to do what he wanted them to do and mainly people like Murphy that don't really have the guts for anything dangerous, but wanted the extra money for their luxurious life and their habits. But him knowing about Doyle's death was a surprise for Emily. How the hell did Murphy know that?
"I thought he was in prison.", she fished.
"Were you hiding in a cave? He escaped. But after nine months I got notified at the Embassy: Bang-bang and down. The word has it he found it from some lady and some angry FBI people."
"You knew Ian. He had so many women, someone would get back to him.", she commented, wishing that for whatever rumour around she wasn't the 'lady' responsible for Doyle's death in any way and even if supposedly dead.
"Ah! I always say never trust a woman with a gun. But I think I can exclude the present company. Even though, you take it pretty casually, Lauren.", he remarked in an investigative way.
It was one of those few times that Emily suspected that Gregory Murphy wasn't as superficial, chatty and unwise as he looked like and that was the reason he wasn't behind bars. But he had given a good explanation of how he knew what he knew. Ian Doyle was an Irish citizen at the very end. No, he couldn't know anything more in any other way.
"What can I do?", she said in an indifferent tone.
"I don't know. Ian had that way to crawl under your skin. The guys call me romantic when I say these things but I'm pretty sure that you two were pretty much into each other."
'Feelings, one of the biggest variable factors in an undercover operation, even not mentioned in the textbooks, never mess with them.', Emily remembered Clyde saying that to her once.
"I would agree that you are romantic, Greg.", Emily laughed instead, "Let's not say naïve. Well, Ian is out of the picture.", she titled a bit towards him.
Murphy briefly stared at her chest and Emily's stomach turned for a whole different reason than the smell of alcohol.
Men in favour of her and under influence were the greatest and easiest source of information; Emily didn't need to have been a spy to know it. 'Be careful with those. Sometimes they remember what they said.', Gloria had once commented to her. That one wasn't that intoxicated, anyway, and Emily could start pushing to the direction she wanted.
"Greg, I know our first meeting wasn't that good but we can start over.", she raised an eyebrow suggestively, "I still have more than one guns."
"You know what? That's why I liked you, Lauren. Always talking business. And you are civilised. All these macho guys were always too much for me."
'And that's why you got with a private firm.', Emily thought, 'So better start singing because I am not going to get any closer to you, otherwise I'm actually going to vomit.'
"I agree. Ian's arrest brought a lot of problems. Laying low costs. I want tidier things this time, legalised and quiet, like the private sector.", she winked.
"Just because it's you, I think that you can help someone. And they are pretty much into the stuff your are looking for. You scratch their backs, they scratch yours and you get where you want to. If you're lucky, she's here.", Murphy replied and turned to the waitress passing him by, "Could you get us to the VIP area, hun?"
'She'?, Emily wandered. But that was easy, Emily noticed, too easy. Too easy things were another variable factor. Were they just easy or were they a trap?
"In an undercover operation, Agent Hotchner, the variable factors are far too many. The agent needs to flip strategies in a split of second. Paterson knows how these people think. She evaluates and is flexible. Plus she can pull tricks out of her hat too fast. She is a natural and natural talents cannot be led or categorised.", Easter concluded, once he had explained simply that Gloria never used to get much of a guidance during the operations and she didn't use similar ways of infiltration, either.
"And last time were the drugs her judgement, as well?", Hotch asked normally, even if he was sure that the British agent hadn't lied to him when she had told him that they were just an effort to keep her cover, but his professionalism had taken over.
Frankly, he was glad that Rossi wasn't going to be in front of the conversation about to follow. It could only stress him more. Actually, that was another problem on top all. Hotch had counted on his friend, when Emily decided to go under. David always used to keep his calm under difficult conditions. Hotch had believed that if he, himself, made a poor judgement due to his involvement with Emily, Rossi would be able to talk some sense to him. But now, this safety net was gone.
Clyde got a bit surprised with how Hotch knew that part regarding the drugs. Emily yes but him?
"My questions are to be straightforward. We have two agents undercover and none of them were supposed to be there, while the whole case can get out of control too fast. So I would really appreciate quick and straightforward answers.", the Unit Chief pressed.
"She adjusted to the circumstances she was put. She didn't slip.", 'As it concerns the case, because as it concerns herself…' he carried on in his head, "Those circumstances weren't her choice.", he said in lower tone, 'No, they were mine. That was me focusing on a bigger target and not on an agent at the brink of breaking…'
Was there guilt in the British man's voice? Did that man actually had feelings? Oh yeah, he did but very deep down judging from the last time Hotch was in the same position of questioning him. Regrets were fit to him though after what 'his' choices had almost caused, though.
"Are you trying to assess Paterson's mental state, Agent Hotchner? Because that would be a straightforward question.", Clyde finished more intensely.
"I'm trying to figure out the reason she jumped into the situation like that.", Hotch kept his business, usual tone, "Her mental state is a part of this."
"All I can say for sure is that Paterson will never jeopardise a case or put anyone at risk. She went down there for Emily, to have her back, no other reason. Any other motive would endanger Emily. There is no point in this discussion."
"You are not answering.", Hotch pressed, good motives couldn't keep a troubled agent of not becoming a problem.
"For your knowledge, agents like her can't be psychologically evaluated properly because they can give all the right answers pretty convincingly. Add the fact that she is withdrawn by character on top. I am not going to say to you that she is fine. I left her with Emily for a reason and judging from what is happening it hasn't worked fully. But…"
"What was the reason?"
"You don't need to know. There is no good."
"No good for who, Easter? Yourself? Because yourself is the only reason you keep information. The last time we were in a situation like this I had a team member in danger and I spent vital time trying to persuade you to help, because you didn't want your deal with the Koreans to surface.", he raised his voice authoritatively; finally Easter, his opinions and his habit of wasting his time had unnerved him, "You pushed an agent out of the limits; you ignored her warnings, leaving her in a life-threatening situation and almost getting her killed. I need to know the condition she is left."
"Just for the record, I didn't push Paterson. I didn't know she was passing the limits till late. And I didn't ignore her. I considered that at least we could have a few more vital days. We had everything but extracting her could have spooked some people. My judgement was wrong, I admit it. But I never meant to get her killed!", Clyde cut him off more intensely.
He was shocked. Hotch knew everything. Apparently that case in London had revealed more than the expected and that guy had achieved to earn the trust from all his ex-teammates, finally.
His reaction was no news to Hotch, though. Of course a guy with his ego didn't like to be accused.
"Emily is down there, as well. I need to know if Paterson is an advantage or another variable factor.", the Unit Chief carried on ignoring him.
Easter hang his head. It was time to admit his faults, he knew it.
"I shouldn't have tried to push those days. But she shouldn't be high and where that man attacked her, as well. She had no reason. I have concerns that it wasn't an accident.", Easter said quickly.
That was what he had tried to tell to Rossi but they were cut off by the hit. That was what he was angry with himself for, since Gloria's escape with Hathaway was known, and that was also why he was blaming himself for the last two years.
"So do you think that she provoked it?", it was Hotch's turn to be taken aback.
"Ria sometimes endangers herself to the limits. But she was wandering around while suspecting she was the next target of a serial killer. The drugs in her system were too high. In any way she wasn't in position to fight and she knew it. You are aware this has surpassed the limits of simple recklessness."
Hotch was dumbfound. They were both profilers. He was very much aware of the picture the other guy was trying to paint: self-destructive behaviour that may have even evolved to suicidal tendencies. He knew Gloria had risky behaviours. He had his suspicions at the end of the London case that she was holding on nothing. But her actually having already acted like that was too much. Even if she had gotten better, everything that was going on could send her spiralling down and when someone had gotten over the edge once, they could very easily get twice. Gloria hadn't provoked the killer in order to catch him. She was on drugs and not in position to fight back. In case she had provoked it, she had done it in order to… That was finally the bad feeling that he was getting from that woman. How could he ever think that was a possibility while the agent was let to act normally without a single red flag?
"And you left an agent in such a state without any support or notice?!"
He was enraged. He was already angry with Easter since Emily's case and since he learnt how he had treated his agent undercover. But that was absolutely irresponsible. Look how they had ended up in a situation that couldn't be worse! Emily was down there while she had vowed never to do it again and she was down there with a suicidal behaving agent that there was no way to pull back anymore.
"Scrutinising and evaluations would have only destroyed Ria completely! She wasn't allowed in the field anymore, anyway. I left her with Emily and Emily could help her.", Clyde protested, "And she still had a job to go to. I couldn't make her pay for one questionable act, while she was down there alone, without a purpose and on drugs and she didn't even jeopardise the mission."
'And you didn't say anything to save your own ass, too', Aaron thought shaking his head, 'from having to face to the responsibilities of not noticing and pushing an unstable agent'. On a second thought, though, Easter was right to an extent. But he should have let someone know. No, Clyde Easter had to either let the whole world know or sit on a secret like that till it backfired!
Easter could see the disapproval and disgust written all over the other man's face. He could guess his accusations and to be honest, he didn't refuse them. He should have spoken earlier, much earlier. But that was his character: either go all the way or don't go down that road at all. His damn character and mentality…
Nine years ago, he was left with a woman that till then he barely knew and the stuff he thought about her wasn't the best. Till the tragedy made him change his opinions. And he tried to stand by her during the hardest time of her life, even if he was unable to do much. And they stuck together on the job. He kept her in the team. She never left. He put up with her and she put up with him. They fought, they disagreed, but finally the one tolerated the other for years. There was a reason, but he was a too detached personality to express it and she was too proud to admit it. The truth was that both were holding on, not on each other, but on a ghost. She needed a familiar face, someone close to 'him' and he had a promise to keep, a promise that he never understood till it was too late.
Gloria was always reckless, always aggressive, always distant and he was unable understand her. For his logical ways, that was just her. He couldn't see deeper. Clyde Easter was a profiler, he profiled criminals, but 'his people's skills did suck'. So she pushed and pushed the limits. He didn't pay attention. She reached the edge and he let her to be pushed over it, without realising it. However, he was warned. He was warned that the greatest danger to that woman was no other than herself.
Clyde didn't even bother twice about the shooter he had just gunned down. He ran to the fallen man, relieved to see that he was still conscious.
"Rich! Rich!", he said frantically, trying to put pressure in the wound, wondering how he could. The bulletproof was shredded, like that was possible. The gash was too wide, too deep…
"Tell…", he heard the man trying to speak between biased breaths, "Tell Ria that… is no one's fault… and… no-thing… nothing is her fault…"
"You'll tell her, Rich! Hang on!", he encouraged when he felt Richard's hand, covered in blood grabbing his lower arm.
"Pro…Promise me… you will… keep her safe…"
Shots were ringing around. It would be too much time till any medics were allowed in the building. Rich shouldn't be trying to talk, he had to keep his strength, he had to rest.
"I will, mate. I will. But don't talk like that.", he reassured him quickly.
"Pro…Protect Gloria from… from herself."
Like that the grip loosened and his hand dropped.
And Clyde hadn't kept his promise and someone hadn't rested…
Easter shook his head. That was another matter that he didn't want to go into.
"I couldn't make her pay while it was my fault, but she would have paid the biggest price. Agent Hotchner, she warned me about the killer and for the very first time she asked me to pull her out. She did. I didn't do it. She blames me and she is right. It was all my mistake. My biggest one was that I didn't pay enough attention to her before. And I have failed more than just my best agent.", he looked at the floor, ironically enough he had confessed his faults to the one man that disliked him the most.
Hotch was just completely disappointed. When she was asking him to pull her out, she didn't want to die, at least she was trying to keep her pieces together. Easter's ignorance was what had pushed her completely over the edge. Aaron was far too thankful that David hadn't heard any of all that, he would have literally choked the man.
"Believe me in this. Gloria has a purpose now. She is there for Emily and she is going to stay focused on it. Ria can be a lot of things but she would never provoke anything that would harm anyone else, never make a dangerous mistake.", the British guy looked back at him and Hotch had to admit that he agreed about the last part.
"Were you trying to compensate by recommending her to a new position?", Hotch spat, changing the subject to calm his nerves down, still he hadn't learnt everything that he wanted, "I am informed about the current political issues in your agency."
"From Emily? I'm afraid that Prentiss is only part of this story. That sudden attention on Paterson is what I don't like.", Easter returned to his usual tone.
Hotch frowned. Till five minutes ago, this guy was vowing on the agent's competences in spite of her issues.
"For Paterson to go higher that tranistion has to get finalised. Her former boss froze her transition out of the blue. I'm sure the only reason he did it was for her best interest. Trust me. That's why I never touched it. So I forced Gloria to stay low when the politics started and don't do anything that could open the way.", Clyde explained.
"While you were trying to pass her to another agency."
"It was the safest for all of us. To be honest, with all the undercover agents, the best is to distance themselves from the agency they worked for at least some years. But Gloria stayed under for so long that that has become too difficult. That's why I intervened. You and your team know her and Chief Strauss has a reputation of being creative sometimes."
"You went to great lengths, Easter.", the FBI agent commented coldly.
When it came to politics, Clyde Easter was the best. When it came to humans, he had the problem. At the same time, though, Hotch was thinking about what times Strauss had actually been 'creative'. That State Department matter with JJ could have been considered 'creative', even if he didn't really know how it had worked out eventually.
"I should have dragged Ria out of the undercover jobs much earlier, in spite of her own wishes. That would have saved her from far too much."
Horch noticed again that guilty tone that he had newly heard from him and his tendency to use the woman's nickname every time he was getting more personal, but quickly he went into his 'analysing facts' mode.
"Her boss hid information by stopping her transition. I'm guessing her status provides double security to her files."
"He hid Paterson.", Clyde corrected him, "And he did it just one month before the end of Paradise Demons."
"The same time they are talking about New Paradise Demons they get interested in her.", Hotch remarked.
"I couldn't know if it is relevant but since the suspicion of an informer I'm pretty sure it is."
"But Paterson's specific job is known to your superiors."
"Yes. But not the exact operations and the roles she played. This is accessible to very few people on the planet. If her transition gets finalised, then this information will be available to more people."
"And she worked undercover for the Paradise Demons.", Hotch remembered Hathaway's vague words while in custody.
"Yes, for about a year back in 2001. They had tried to corner the organisation from the end here in the US that was the weakest. But the infiltration had to be extreme and they changed strategy. She portrayed a dirty FBI agent that would facilitate some of their business. That's all I know. This information is not even available to me. Given the situation, she jumped in the same identity now."
"While Paterson was down there, she came across something. If she knew what it is, then she would probably be in danger. And she still doesn't."
"And nobody suspects that she knows, either. If she was aware of anything, after what happened at the end, she would have reacted and reacted badly. She didn't and she disappeared in other jobs. Also, the alias she played in the op is hidden, so nobody knows that she is supposed to know."
"That clue didn't fit immediately and that's why her boss got into the process of the transition. It fit later and fits now, as well.", Hotch concluded.
"And it fit when Hathaway came into the picture.", Clyde continued the other man's thought, 'And Ria is down there with him offering herself in a silver plate.', he thought.
"The other question is why all these politics make Emily a target, too.", Hotch added.
"Emily is just in the middle of it. There is nothing about her. And to be honest the problems that she has with agency are logical."
Hotch looked at him with disbelief. He would never trust that man's judgement ever again.
"You said that Doyle was buying guns from Paradise Demons."
"Lauren Reynolds isn't mentioned on anything that had to do with the Paradise Demons. She was built around them and she had used Paterson's alias as a reference. But this is all."
"It's time to unhide everything about Paterson's operation around Paradise Demons. We have to find what your informer is looking for.", Hotch decided quickly.
"It's a long procedure. It can take time and even fall in the wrong hands in the process.", Clyde got confused.
"I didn't say that we will pull them the appropriate way, Easter."
The Unit Chief didn't like the fact at all that whoever was behind the politics had tried to mess at the same time with two agents that had been undercover in some way around the same thing. It was too much of a coincidence. The two women had something or someone in common. Both had come across the same clue. Aaron didn't know if that was for their advantage or not. The certain thing was that none of it was ever even close to a good idea.
Emily followed Murphy upstairs in the VIP area, hyper alert about her surroundings. She could never be sure about this man's 'friends'. The private part of the bar was even less busy than downstairs.
"And yes, you are lucky, Lauren. And I am not so sure that you need introductions.", Murphy spoke motioning to a woman sitting on a stool at the corner alone and they walked towards her.
Emily looked at her and she was sure that was another blast from the past. That blonde, tall woman with broad body, short hair and manly characteristics in her early fifties was known to Emily. She had met her when she started building Lauren Reynolds' identity and history. She was Samantha 'Sam' Brooder. Nobody ever traced what exactly that woman was doing. All that was ever known was that she once worked for the American Army before she was dishonourably discharged after diagnosed with psychopathic tendencies and she may had some terrorist links that were never proven. Emily knew one more thing: that woman never took any bullshit.
"Gregory, you know better to leave me alone when I'm here.", she said sternly in a hoarse voice, before the Irish diplomat had any chance to talk to her, without even turning towards them.
Really? Murphy didn't like macho men and started working with macho women? And Emily once thought that he may be clever.
"I know, you and your moods. But I just had an interesting meeting that might interest you as well.", Murphy replied in his casual, chatty tone.
She finally turned to them. She looked Emily up and down. Her icy, blue eyes looked a bit surprised but then they darkened again.
"Someone that played dead after the latest person they fucked ended up in prison is not someone I want to know.", she spat back rudely.
"Nice to see you, too. Sam.", Emily spoke.
"I think I made myself clear. Believe me, girl. I don't give a damn shit about your hardware anymore. I got better. You should have heard. The whole world knows by now."
Emily's instincts were telling her that the woman was talking about some specific type of hardware, no other than the guns of the people they were trying to find, MQ-300's. She had just hit a goldmine.
"I could have helped you know.", Emily replied confidently but dismissively.
"You told her about that?", Sam turned to Murphy angrily.
"No, no details... But you are stuck and she is good, too good, Sam.", the man replied trying to show that he wasn't scared.
"Stuck also? De toute facon (Anyway). If you think that you can't trust me because of Ian's 'malchance' (bad luck in French), I'm not going to insist."
Women like Brooder didn't like persisting. But if you showed that you didn't need them, then they could get intrigued.
"What can you do?"
Emily smiled. The trick worked.
"If I don't know the problem, I can't give you details.", Emily replied, "But I know my ways. Trust him.", Emily said with a hint.
"Now you told me something.", Sam said laughing ironically, "Anyway sit down. Let's see what you can do. And you, get the hell out of here.", she turned to Murphy and he left, "Remember, Lauren. If I end up with a problem like Doyle, you are gonna be dead, you and anyone related to you, for real this time."
Emily took seat not appearing bothered about the woman's threat. Honestly, it wasn't the first time she heard something similar.
"So what problem can you have, Sam? Murphy told me you are in the private sector. It is said to be quite secure. I was surprised.", she started.
"And that's where you want to get and you paid him a visit.", Sam assumed.
"I always had a feeling that we will have an understanding. So I help you, you help me the deal is on."
"Are you stopping here?", Hathaway commented coldly, once the woman beside him pulled the car to a stop in a remote, wooden area outside Washington.
"Do you want our discussion in a public place, James? What are you? Afraid that I'll kill you or rape you?", she said ironically, "Don't worry. If that was the purpose, I would have let them figure out how some 'accidents' can happen under an FBI roof. As for the other, most men come to me 'very' willingly.", she left the car locked, opened the window and lit a cigarette.
"You are a real piece of work.", he raised an eyebrow.
Gloria knew that in his head he was characterising as arrogant. That was good. First of all, they were establishing some common ground. Secondly, he was thinking that other arrogant people – apart from him, of course – make mistakes.
"Glad that we are getting to know each other.", she replied in the same tone, "So, as I told you, you were going according to the plan but the plan has just changed."
Of course, Hathaway had appeared to mislead them or whatever was in the agenda. That was part of a bigger plan, a plan from the very person that she was trying to find. She was playing it like she knew them, like she knew everything. The truth was she had no idea and she had to be extremely careful.
"Hold on a moment. Let's say I haven't really understood quite well why I'm getting to know you.", he turned at his seat towards her more.
He had just started a game of intimidation. Any sign of feeling threatened would have given her away. By any means, though, she wasn't scared. She was armed and he wasn't. And at the end of the day, what was there to be scared for anyway?
"I came with you because there's actually a change of plans, or I had to save my ass, if these agents realised my game and you got desperate and you offered me the chance. See? I know you are working for them.", he carried on.
Gloria smiled to the side. That was expected. Hathaway was around the explosion in the parking lot and she was in that very parking lot. And she was with David and that was even better for what was about to follow.
"Not 'working for' them. 'Around' them. That's the right word. And yeah they were onto your trick and that's why the plan changed. They are not so much in the dark and I know that in more ways than one. What can I say? 'Internal' information is always better.", she winked with meaning.
Hathaway didn't answer immediately. She could tell he was balancing what she was saying to him, actually not what but how she was speaking, her tone, her minor reflections. They were both masters of deception, they knew these details. Their life depended on them. But she was sure she was playing her part perfectly.
"Does that descent agent even imagine who he is sleeping with?", he said with disgust suddenly.
'The truth is that when he did sleep with me, he couldn't imagine. Now that he does know, he can't imagine sleeping with me. And he shouldn't anyway, because nothing good comes with me.', Gloria's mind hissed and that thought of hers hurt, it hurt deeply. But her undercover mode alarmed her to stay completely neutral. Hathaway had watched her the closeness between her and David, maybe he had even seen the way she was leaning to him, and he was testing her reactions once again. But remaining arrogant and cold was the hardest thing she had to do till that moment.
Hotch was going to the conference room to find Garcia. If someone could pull those files out discretely was her. He passed from Rossi's office. He had to tell David something from what Easter had revealed. The Unit Chief was familiar with the British spy's state of mind, even if he didn't want to admit it. And back then Emily had taught him something. Probably, Dave was the only one that could still help.
He noticed him inside the room, sitting on the chair in front of his desk, staring down at a badge that, given its case, didn't look like an FBI badge. Hotch could tell safely whose it was. Apparently he didn't need to tell his friend anything. He was already guessing half of it.
"Dave?", he said quietly standing by the door.
He didn't get a reply and he went near him. Hotch admired and respected that man. They had come through a lot. He was his best friend. Seeing him heartbroken was a rare and painful sight.
Gloria was staring at them through the photo on the badge. On the left side of the case, there was a pink post-it with six hand-written words: 'Thank you and I am sorry.'
"She left it here. She didn't leave it with Erin. She left it here.", David whispered.
After his discussion with Strauss, after what he had come to realise eventually, Rossi had gone to his office to pick up the notes about Blackmore. He was tidying the old notebook when he noticed the light brown, leather case on the sofa. Gloria hadn't even left her badge on his desk. She had left it on the sofa they almost had sex. When he opened it and saw the note, as much as he wanted to believe that sorry was just for the incident, he knew it wasn't. All the details the profiler in him had noticed had clicked at once: the nightmares, her detachment of her personal environment, the question if her own good mattered, her walking into that situation while aware that she wasn't in condition, aware that it could be a death trap. All had matched with that badge and that note…
"For the first time in my life, I don't want to trust any profile, Aaron. Please tell me that it is not what it looks like."
Hotch could hear unshed tears in his friend's voice and he squeezed his shoulder in support. Even if he agreed with Clyde that the spy went under for Emily and yes, Emily was in no extra danger, he knew that the British woman could go to extremes. She could kill herself in the process and she was prepared for that. Hotch was knew very well what that move of leaving her badge with David meant. He couldn't lie to Rossi. He couldn't tell him that it wasn't what it looked like. But he could suggest that thing that Emily once taught him, after he had walked into a hostage situation unprepared and unprotected, not caring if it could go down badly, when his family was taken away to hide from the Reaper.
"He doesn't have anyone.", he said referring to the Unsub the had caught hours ago.
"He has Toby. He is not alone.", she replied, looking at him knowing that he wasn't really talking about the UnSub.
He made some mistakes on the job after that, but he never risked himself to that point again. David was his 'Toby'. Emily was his 'Toby'. And he hanged on to them. That was how he stayed alive and sane.
"When we get the opportunity, you are going to talk to her.", Hotch started and David finally looked up, "She needs to know, David. She needs to know that she is not alone."
"I've told her so many times…", and he hadn't convinced her and he hadn't seen that she was falling harder and deeper than he had ever thought.
"She doesn't let herself believe it. Make her believe it this time, Dave. You all say that she is like me. Then she needs to be shaken to get it.", Hotch smiled sadly.
"How are you holding on?", he asked the younger man letting a breath.
"I informally proposed to Emily before she left.", Hotch revealed.
"You did the right thing, Aaron.", Rossi smiled to the side.
Hotch had done the right. It was him that had screwed up.
"You have your own worries and now you have a love-struck old man on top.", he said standing up.
He gathered himself. Still nothing was lost and if one thing David Rossi knew was to fight. And if Gloria needed to be shaken to get he was there for her, he was more than willing to shake her.
"You finally admit the first. As for the old part, you are not, Dave.", Hotch smiled more fully.
Rossi shook his head, patting the other man's back. He closed the badge and he put it in the inside pocket of his suit jacket, just above his heart.
"No man does really have the mind to think who are you, when they are distracted. If you know what I mean.", Gloria replied back to Hathaway.
She had managed not to have the slightest reaction. She had managed to shut everything else off. There was always something liberating about having nothing, about having abandoned everything behind or about having lost everything. There is nothing to expect and nothing to fear. She could be whoever she had to be. She could do whatever she had to. And there were a rush and a thrill in that. Till one day she hated what she could be, while there were all those that she couldn't be...
"You still haven't asked the right question, James: what the change of plans was.", she changed the subject, throwing the cigarette out of the window.
She had to keep her mind out of the dark. This was still a fight for life, maybe not for hers, but for two others.
"I wouldn't be so foolish to believe that the plan was to help me escape."
"You said it. We are disposable. Do you think that anybody would risk you singing when those agents corner you? 'Accidents' do happen, you know."
"So what? You decided to save me?", the man asked with disbelief.
"I was the one with the order to kill you.", she raised an eyebrow.
"And why didn't you, 'Maria'?"
Maria Loyds. That was the alias that Gloria had used back in that operation for Paradise Demons, a dirty FBI agent that had vanished and had no back up story for eleven years, though. Anyone trying to get proof for whatever she may say would discover that there was no base. Butthat was the game really. Maria Loyds was no other than another agent of Hathaway's kind working for whoever he was.
Gloria was sure that whatever was the secret, it was around that alias. Richard hadn't pulled her out because of that secret. The reasons were different. But it was her alias that he so urgently hid by stopping her transition. She hadn't told Hathaway any last name. But still, if he knew, he could guess and most importantly, he could open his mouth. Or she was just giving herself up…
"Why should I? To end up like you in some time? We are disposable, my friend. But sometimes they think we are stupid, too."
"You spin a nice yarn, lady. But that doesn't mean that I believe you.", he said in low tone.
With a quick movement he tried to grab the gun that he had wrongly assumed that was on her right hip. Men in that job thought that their female colleagues were getting somewhere only by sleeping around and they didn't use good, old tricks. There was a bulge on her right hip but there was no gun. Given the fact she was the one driving and that could have left the gun exposed and mainly because she couldn't trust her right side to react quickly enough, Gloria had kept it on her left, in her pocket, a much smaller one but enough to do its job. She could use a gun easily with both hands, since she was twenty.
She shoved him violently back on his seat using her full weight. He pushed back but she was half on top of him in no time. He was a big man and she was short, during a fight in a small, confined space like a car she had the advantage. However, if they kept struggling, she wasn't so sure that she could keep up. She managed to hit him with her knee between his legs, he got distracted and she quickly pressed her gun on his neck.
"Do you want me to carry on with the order to convince you?", Gloria suggested dangerously and he could clearly see that she meant it.
"I hope nothing. I fear nothing. I am free." ~ Nikos Kazantzakis
I am writing longer and longer chapters, I know, but with this one, honestly, I didn't know where to stop. I hope I didn't confuse you too much. I think though that I finally found my way around this a bit messy case. In the next chapter I'll write a summary of the criminal case itself so we all know (including me…!) where we are.
And I should admit it…I LOVE the drama…! Anyway!
Finally Clyde's mysterious ways are uncovered. Emily is tricking her way in, while Gloria is not that polite…!
Spoiler: Emily just met the key person and no, Gloria hasn't turned homicidal!
Don't forget to let me know what you think!